Thursday, December 06, 2007

I'm Sooooo Tired . . .

. . . I haven't slept a wink. And yes, my mind is on the blink.

Not really, but that's how I feel. Last night was either day 4 or day 5 (or possibly day infinity) of Morgan not sleeping through the night. It finally hit me what her deal is: nightmares.

When she wakes up, it's not pretty. But I've honestly thought maybe she was in pain about her broken bone or well, I don't know. She'll wake up screaming and talking gibberish and sometimes climbing off the bed and insisting on seeing Brendan, who is often up quite late working downstairs. And she doesn't really know what dreams are, so the question "did you have a bad dream?" is practically meaningless. It occurred to me late last night that this is the same age Ryan was when his nightmares began.

Ryan's nightmares. Wow. They were so frequent and so severe that we actually talked to the doctor about them. For months, we all woke up at about 6am to terrorized shrieks, usually after a night with at least one other bout of insanity. Doc said it was on the edge, but within normal dream parameters.

I've always been a very intense dreamer, too. I have a memory of a nightmare from when I was about 4. Frankenstein chased me around my preschool and I woke up in a cold sweat. For years, the sight of Frankenstein would give me chills. One night, I dreamed pink. I can't explain it any other way--everything was pink, and everything was pink. I think that's my favorite dream of all time.

Last night I dreamed Norah Jones's "Don't Know Why." Dreamed the whole song, if that makes any kind of sense, complete with me explaining--to Ryan, I think--the meaning of the song and I even came up with a new interpretation while I was dreaming and said to myself, "Wow....I hope I remember this when I wake up." And I did. And I also dreamed about a camping trip we took with my aunt and uncle when I was about 6. Vivid details from the real trip (rainstorm in the middle of the night and we had decided to sleep under the stars--whoops) and strange things like my aunt dating a guy who looked like Weird Al Yankovic's and Sacha Baron Cohen's ugly lovechild.

I also remember most of my dreams. :o)

Ryan's nightmares--we got through it. If there is One Big Life Lesson to be found in being a parent, it is that you will get through it, whatever the 'it' of the moment may happen to be--potty training, illness, collar bones, etc. So I know we will get through Morgan's nightmare thing. I think it will be a bit easier on all of us, since she is generally much less intense about such things than Ryan was (is). So maybe it won't be every night. Still--think I should start going to bed a bit earlier!

And so I will take my own advice and go to bed. I'll close with a little more from John Lennon:

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

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