Sunday, March 22, 2009

Funny Round Up

It's been a while since I've posted some Good and Funny. The People have been their usual hysterical selves lately, which is Good, so here's a taste of the Funny:

The Booze Store

Last week, we all went on an educational family field trip to Total Wine, aka, "The Booze Store." (Just so you know that I'm corrupting educating my kids in other ways, too.)

Total Wine is a utopia of wine and other booze, and has my favorite wine ever--Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc--on sale for a fabulous $12.97 a bottle. You should go right now (unless you live in Georgia), only save me some KCSB.

The instant we walked through the door, Ryan began with "Wow! This is a huge BOOZE store! I've never seen such a big BOOZE store! Hey Mom, they have your favorite BOOZE here! Let's get some of Mom's favorite BOOZE! Amazing . . . let's see if they have any more BOOZE! Look! There are BOOZE PEOPLEGUYS bringing more BOOZE into the BOOZE store!"

He could not have been louder or more conspicuous. I was so proud that he recognized my favorite booze. And I wish I had a dollar for each time he said BOOZE!

Pooping in Public

Last night, when cruising through Super Target, Morgan shouted "I need to poop!" and I thought it was amusing.

Little did I know that she'd continue once we were in the restroom: "Hey Mom! Is that a lot of poop? There was one little piece and then a BIG DROP! I can sure poop a lot!"

Uh huh. People laugh at us wherever we go.

Up All Night

Last night I didn't get much sleep because Sean's got some kind of cough thing going on. It's either a cold, teeth, or an ear infection. Or possibly emphysema (he's been cutting back on the smokes, but still....). This is how it went, me trying to get him to settle down:

Cough cough cough . . . rock rock rock (in the recliner) . . . cough cough cough . . . thump thump thump (me thumping his back) . . . cough cough cough cough cough cough . . . rock thump . . . cough cough . . . rock rock rock . . . cough . . . his body begins to relax . . . thump rock thump rock . . . cough . . . he's settling down . . . cough . . . rock thump . . . limbs are limp, breathing slow and regular . . . little cough . . . rock rock thump thump . . . my mind starts to wander off in search of its friend Mr. Sleep . . . rock rock . . . thump . . . baby is all the way asleep . . . my mind finds Mr. Sleep and invites him to a Sleep Party . . . rock rock . . . thump thump . . . rock rock . . .

COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!! [That's the punch line. See how it's funny when it's not happening to you? Or even if it's happening to you?]

A jolt of adrenaline chases Mr. Sleep away and I'm buzzing for about 3 minutes. Then it starts all over again. And again. And again. Good thing he's cute.

That was maybe not necessarily funny, but I like retelling not-so-fun things in a funny way, so I'm including it in this Round Up.

He's a Kid; That's His Job

Remember the movie Uncle Buck? Little Macauley Culkin and all of his questions? (Here's the clip if you, sigh, are too young to have seen this movie.)

Ryan has been channeling that kid lately. I mean, more than usual. For example, yesterday, I made an exaggerated statement (can't remember just what I said).

Ryan: Do you mean it's really (something impossible because I exaggerated)?
Me: No. Not really, I was exaggerating.

Ryan: What's exaggerating?
Me: Making a comparison between two things by saying something is really impossible. [We were passing by a train.] Like see that train? I could say "That train is a million miles long." as a way to say "Boy, that train sure is long." But it's not really a million miles long, is it?

Ryan: Uh huh. What's a comparison?
Me: Oh, when you describe something using something else.

Ryan: But why are some of the freight cars empty?
Me: Well, they must be going somewhere to get loaded up with new freight cars.

Ryan: Uh huh. But why are there so many empty ones?
Me: I don't know. Guess they have lots of freight to pick up.

What kind of freight?
Me: I don't know.

Ryan: Why do some have two stacked on top?

He just kept going, all the way to the store. And Brendan didn't help me. Not once.

Random Thoughts

Morgan: How do you know if you forgot?

Me: Do you mean: would you remember something if you forgot it? (or similar confused question)

Morgan, in mysterious tone: No. How do you KNOW . . . if you forgot it! You wouldn't, would you?

Me: . . . .

Morgan, with the confidence that comes from a mystery solved: No you wouldn't. Because you forgot.

She's turning 4 next week!

Ryan, with a snort:
Bad guys would be really stupid if they destroyed the whole planet Earth because where would they build their Bad Guy cities?

That's all for now! I really should write more of these down, because this is but a taste of what life is like with talking children.


C. August said...

Ahh yes. The things that come out of their mouths.

"Look! A fireplace! Made of toast!"

This was uttered at the breakfast table as A. arranged half eaten pieces of the thick-cut french toast I carefully made for everyone this morning. At least she liked it. And it did look like a fire pit.

Jennifer B said...

Mmm..I have days and conversations like those too. I am glad it isn't just me..! (sometimes I almost question my sanity)

Qaro said...

I was just wondering, what is up with all the million mile long trains full of empty freight cars I see lately?

Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

I love it! How would I know if I forgot, since, after all, I forgot!!

Oh, those days are so wonderful. Enjoy them now. They grow so darn fast!

Mrs. C said...

Oh, my goodness. I'm not the only one with strange kids LOL!

Rachel said...

When I was little, such outbursts would have been summarily hushed. Well, perhaps not those in the restroom, but the last thing my parents wanted was to be conspicuous.

I've noticed that, according to the evidence in your blog, your children seem to be rather more outspoken than other children that I have the privilege of observing.

The character you've portrayed in Ryan by just this single example of the Great Booze Store Visit of '09 is one devoid of shame. He seems so involved in exploring his world and sharing his explorations.

I can't tell you how much I admire this, Jenn. If he were to escape the ravages of what passes for modern youth nowadays with only this one aspect of his character intact, he'd be better off than most of the adults I know.

And I'm confident (and a little envious) that he'll take much more than that to his adulthood!

brendan said...

"And Brendan didn't help me. Not once."

That's not true! I submit that laughing at you is *totally* helping.

Rational Jenn said...

A fireplace made of toast. I'll have to remember that one!

Yes, I'm glad I write this stuff down on the blog, because they do say really funny things and ask amazing questions. And they are kinda strange (but in a good way!)!

And Rachel, thank you most especially for the compliment. Ryan and Morgan are rarely hesitant to announce just what's on their minds--and that's a good thing! When I was a kid, we were certainly hushed up too much, and it made me shy about stating my mind. Would be nice if my People don't ever feel that way!

Elisheva--Ryan's Question of the Day the other day was "What if we're Bad Guys who THINK we're Good Guys?" It was quite an interesting discussion that followed....the things they wonder about are fascinating!