Monday, November 16, 2009

Funny Conversation of the Day

The kids and I always have the most interesting conversations in the car. Here's a taste of our conversation on the way to Taekwondo, as faithfully as I can render it. I even wrote down notes about this conversation right after it ended, so I could make sure to capture the nuance. :o)


Ryan, out of the blue: I've made up my mind--I'm never going to get married!

Me: Why not?

R: I'm just not that kind of a guy.

Me: Oh. [chuckles inwardly]

Morgan:
Well you HAVE to get married so you can have kids.

R: Well I don't want them either. I've got other things I want to do.

Me: That's cool. You don't have to get married and have a family to be happy. You can be happy without those things, and everyone has to decide for themselves what will make them happiest. [Leaving out the fact that you technically don't need to be married to actually produce children, partly because it was hard to get a word in.]

Morgan: Well I'M going to get married. I have a plan.

Me: What's that?

M, giggling, turned to Ryan and said:
I'm going to marry Dad and then that way I'll present you as your STEPMOTHER! [She actually said it like that: "present you."]

R: No no no Morgan. That'll never work, you know why?

M: No. Why?

R, gesturing with superiority: Um, what about her, you know, MOM? Dad can't be married to both of you at the same time. You're only allowed to be married to one person at a time.

M:
Oh.

R:
Besides, Morgan, Dad would go crazy. What if Mom says "Brendan, I need your help on the computer NOW!" but then you're like, "I need help, too!" And then Dad is all "I'm going crazy, too many people need help on the computer, aaaaggghh!" [Evidently a husband's main job is to help the wife on the computer. Don't judge--it works for us! :o) ]

Me: So Ryan, why do you say you're not the kind of guy who would want to get married?

R: Well, I know lots of beautiful girls, but I'd be so embarrassed to ask them to marry me.

Me: [?!?!?!?!?]

R: Also, what if the Mom's sick and there are kids to take care of? What would I do? It's too much for me to handle!

Me: Mom? You mean me?

R, flustering:
No . . . I mean . . . the girl, you know, the WIFE. What if she gets sick and I have to take care of the kids? No WAY.

Me: Ah, I see. [I am SO GOOD at not laughing, btw. Years of practice.]

R: Also, I'd be WAY too embarrassed to be in the wedding. Everyone looking at you and stuff.

Me: Well, I understand why you might feel like that. You don't have to have a big wedding ceremony you know, like our friends, and Nonnie.

Morgan, who had obviously been thinking about the fact that she can't marry Dad: Well, I'M going to get married. I'm going to get married to a GIRL! [Heh. Dad's always going to be her number one man, I guess!]

Ryan, with more superiority: Um, you can't marry a GIRL, Morgan. You can't get any babies that way!

M: Why not?

R: Well you need sperm to make a baby! And two girls canNOT make sperm. Where are you going to get the SPERM, Morgan?

M: Well, K and K are married and THEY'RE both girls and THEY have children! [K and K are our two babysitters, who are roommates, both of whom have boyfriends and neither of whom has children. But evidently Morgan has decided that they're married to each other! I'm not quite sure if they'll see the humor in that or not. I think they would.]

Me: Well, no. They're roommates, honey. They share an apartment, but they're not married and they don't have kids. But you know, two girls can make a baby if they borrow some sperm. [OMG! Why did I say that?!?!?!?!?]

R:
What in the world? How does THAT happen?!?!?!?

Aaaaand then we arrived at Taekwondo! I'm certain that there will be many follow up conversations. If they're entertaining at all, I'll let you know. Stay tuned!

15 comments:

Hanah said...

This made me laugh so hard I almost fell off my chair. Thanks for posting!

rachel... said...

Love it! And I'm chuckling OUTWARDLY because I'm horrible at not laughing!

My kids have occasionally had similar conversations about who's marrying whom and two girls marrying eachother. I just quickly change the subject because I'm so not ready to discuss borrowing sperm!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap that was funny, Jenn. I wonder if we said these things when we were kids. I mean, wow.

Oh this is your brother-in-law in Miami btw.

Linda Cordair said...

ROFLMAO - so, if you "borrow sperm" do you have to give it back when you are done with it,? ( might want to be ready for that one. :) That's a whole different kind of "People Guy" book.

Roberto Brian Sarrionandia said...

I'm ready to catch a train for my interview with Disney World and I can't stop laughing at this!

Thanks for posting!

Kelly Elmore said...

That was just AWESOME! It's so funny that you immediately went the sperm route. You could have saved yourself much misery by mentioning adoption instead! :)

But rock on, little lesbian Morgan. Her dad will be so pleased.

Rational Jenn said...

I love having these conversations with them. And they happen very frequently!

I think the reason I went "sperm" vs "adoption" is Ryan's fault. I very much blame him. He's the one shouting SPERM all over the place. I was parking the car and all distracted and trying really hard not to bust out laughing all over the place. My brain just short-circuited. Obviously.

And then I was laughing at myself, how funny that was. And you should have seen the expression on Ryan's face!

Good times.

Rational Jenn said...

I love having these conversations with them. And they happen very frequently!

I think the reason I went "sperm" vs "adoption" is Ryan's fault. I very much blame him. He's the one shouting SPERM all over the place. I was parking the car and all distracted and trying really hard not to bust out laughing all over the place. My brain just short-circuited. Obviously.

And then I was laughing at myself, how funny that was. And you should have seen the expression on Ryan's face!

Good times.

Amanda said...

WOW!! You have got some creative and smart kids! What a conversation. I can see this in a magazine somewhere...you should submit it! :)

Blessings-
Amanda

Cogito said...

"R: Well, I know lots of beautiful girls, but I'd be so embarrassed to ask them to marry me."

Any thoughts on who he's talking about here? 7 seems a ripe age for a little puppy love :^)

lorrwill said...

Easily one of THE funniest things I have ever read. Out of the mouth of babes...

Kevin McAllister said...

"I'm going crazy, too many people need help on the computer, aaaaggghh!"

This essentially describes my career.


Nice conversation. My oldest recently decided, "I am going to marry Pop-pop, if he doesn't die first!" Very little talk of sperm borrowing however.

Bill Brown said...

My kids were watching a nature show about baby animals and the program kept showing babies being born. My oldest daughter (6) was disgusted because she thought they were coming out of the animals anuses. I remarked that there was another hole and she immediately seized upon that for another line of inquiry. Thankfully, it was already time for bed and she rapidly forgot to continue the query.

(She is not yet aware of the dual purpose of her privates. She's not quite ready to find out how babies get in mommy's tummies.)

Tenure said...

This is one of my favourite posts EVER! I was laughing throughout. :D

Ryan sounds so much like Calvin from 'Calvin and Hobbes'!

Tenure said...

"R: Well, I know lots of beautiful girls, but I'd be so embarrassed to ask them to marry me.

Me: [?!?!?!?!?]"

My favourite bit.