Pause

Hi everyone! Today's birthday party was a success, and I have a happy little girl asleep up in her room with a giant enormous stuffed dog that's bigger than she is! (Thanks, Uncle Brian & Justin!)

Pictures soon--tomorrow is the official Big Day, and I'm going to take a bloggy break to enjoy my cold my family while they're in town. We're going to visit the new Coke Museum (not to be confused with the New Coke Museum, which is a lot of hype but not so tasty). And bake a birthday cake for Uncle Tim, Morgan's Birthday Buddy (because his birthday is the day after hers).

I'm feeling not-so-great still, but I think my Vitamin D supplementation is really helping. I actually am wondering if that's why I never got sick this winter, even though Morgan and Sean both had colds--Morgan especially. Also, I'm Mom, and Moms are just not allowed to get sick! Hopefully, I'll feel well enough tomorrow to visit the World of Coca-Cola and bask in the glowing joy of Coke and all its great benefits to humanity. (That's how I remember the old Coke Museum. Really--you'd have thought Coke invented brain surgery or rocket science or something.)

So, TA for now, and hopefully I'll be back to update you soon! And in case you can't tell by my ramblings, the whiskey-honey-lemon-juice concoction I whipped up to soothe my sore throat works Just. Fine. :o)

Wow. Four years ago I had a baby girl. Birthdays are special for the Birthday Kid, of course--but they are special in another sense for Mom.

In Which I Complain

So, Brendan is at the airport picking up his aunt, who has journeyed from St. Paul, Minnesota to attend Morgan's birthday party tomorrow. He put the older kids to bed before he left (I was getting Sean to sleep). Or so I thought!

The instant the man left the house, Morgan began: "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy." Etc.

Sean was nearly asleep, so I couldn't put him down to go to her. I heard Ryan go into Morgan's room: "Dad's gone. He's going to pick up Aunt Terry."

See? See how he can be kind and soothing to his sister? (I'm noting this for my own future self.)

Well, then she REALLY started to freak, because Daddy Vibes in the house are apparently necessary for her to go to sleep. Ryan, ever helpful, came running downstairs to inform me of his sister's distress, oblivious to the fact that I have functional hearing.

I gently placed Sean on the couch, put Ryan in charge of him ("If he sits up, then gently pick him up and place him on the floor.") and hurried to Morgan's room to shush comfort her.

Too late. She was freaking and insane, so I told her, thinking that there was an off-chance that Sean was still asleep, that if she could quiet down a bit, we'd go downstairs and wait for Daddy on the couch.

We came downstairs just as Ryan was trying to get Sean off of the ottoman and onto the floor. Unfortunately for Sean, he was upside down.

They had me outnumbered and vulnerable--I'm sick! I began feeling crappy first thing this morning and it's been getting worse all day. Managed to make the birthday cake, but I've done nothing else!

So, 20 minutes after Brendan left, I was downstairs with three wide awake children. As of this writing, Ryan is still awake. Which should make him extra-cranky for the birthday party tomorrow, don't you think?

Bedtime FAIL.

Oh well--it's still a big exciting weekend. My baby girl is turning 4! If I can just somehow muddle through the party, I'll collapse tomorrow afternoon. I plan to selfishly take advantage of all of the people who help out with the kids. They won't get to see so much of me, but oh, how I'll rest!

And here's a picture of our house during Edison Hour:


Yes, the kids helped us with this little project, too. :o)

50,000

Sometime over the night, this here blog officially reached 50,000 visitors! Oh lucky 50,000th visitor, if I knew who you were and had some extra money, I'd give you a lovely parting gift! Instead, I will give all of my readers a song that Brendan made up:

(To the tune of O Danny Boy):

O Seanie boy, the wipes, the wipes are calling
From cheek to cheek and 'round your backside
The poops are gone but you're still sad and crying
'Tis you, 'tis you must poop and I must wipe.

You're welcome very much. We're nothing if not A.) Irish and B.) Silly around here!

Also--don't forget to stop by this week's Objectivist Round Up at Erosophia, another first-time host! I love that so many new hosts are willing and able to host the round up, because it's a great way to get to know some fine Objectivist bloggers.

Now I must go because we have a busy busy Fun Friend Friday + Cleaning/Preparing like a Maniac ahead!

Super LinkFest!

I've been sitting on some fun links, and now it's time to share because I'm nice like that!

Math Links

The kids have been really interested in math games lately. Morgan especially loves computer and video games, and taught herself to read using Starfall.com. In searching around for a Starfall-like math website, I found Fun Brain! There's much on this site that we haven't explored yet, but Morgan is really enjoying the "Playground" and a few other games.

Another math website that I haven't introduced to them (her) yet is Cool Math 4 Kids. Looks interesting, but the words "cool" and "4" instead of "for" are off-putting--to me. I'm sure they won't care. I'll let you know how it goes over.

Both kids enjoy (yes!) filling out math worksheets. I've been buying math workbooks from the dollar store for Morgan to complete; it's a great activity that keeps her occupied while we're waiting at Ryan's taekwondo class. Here's a website called Super Kids that will let you generate worksheets for printing--even cheaper than dollar store workbooks! (I'm pretty sure I found this website through an online friend, but I can't remember which one! If it was you, let me know and I'll update this post with some linky-love for you.)

One more: AAA Math looks like an interesting site that has lots of lesson plans by topic and grade level. We're focused on Place Value around here and I'll be checking this one out very soon. I like the way the topics break down so you can focus on the thing that people are bugging you incessantly about currently interests everyone.


Objectivist Blogs

Here are a couple new (to me!) Objectivist bloggers I've been following. I might not have mentioned them to you, so here they are: Ramen & Rand, John & Ansley, and The Nearby Pen. (Yes, one day I will update my sidebar, I promise.) In the meantime, check them out!


Twitter

Yes, Twitter. Oh it's very fun and the iPhone makes it easy for me to be nosy anywhere I happen to be! Anyway, for you Buffy fans--Xander Harris is now on Twitter! I hope he's actually funny...I've been disappointed in Darth Vader. TeleprompterOne is kind of amusing though. Oh hey! Willow and Evil Willow are on Twitter, too! Oh--and Buffy! And Anya! I'll stop now.


Edison Hour

This Saturday is the "Earth Hour" where everyone is supposed to Take One for the Earth, which as I noted last year, doesn't really care all that much, what with it lacking a consciousness and all.

We'll be going out to a party that evening at a friend's house, but we'll be sure to leave every single light blazing brightly while we're gone. The kids will be so confused--normally I tell them to turn off extra lights! There are many awesome posts about Edison Hour (named by University of Michigan Objectivists), including this op-ed "The Real Meaning of Earth Hour," so don't miss them.


Tea Party

The next Atlanta Tax Day Tea Party has a website! (Oh look! Here's a related site where you can meet other Tea Partiers. Neat!)

The next event will be on April 15 from 6pm to 8pm at the Georgia State Capitol. This is a big coordinated effort all across the country. I really, really hope we can be there--but it will mean that we'd have to miss Ryan's taekwondo class that evening, as well as shuffle our schedule quite a bit. I suspect that he won't mind missing TKD too much (as long as there isn't a test that night or something), because he had so much fun at the last protest! :o) And yes, we'll let them help us carry signs if they want to. Maybe it won't rain this time!

Are you going to your local Tea Party?


Bye for now--gotta go get some cleaning up done. We've got family coming into town to celebrate Morgan's 4th birthday! Can you believe she's going to be 4? Sigh....

Discipline Without Punishment

I've been writing about our experience with and applications of Positive Discipline methods for a while now. I'm aware that there may be some new readers who have found this blog (hi!) and so I wanted to do a quick review of what PD entails, how it fits well with my principles as an Objectivist, and to revisit the most controversial aspect of this parenting method: no arbitrary punishments and rewards.

(If you would like to read more about PD, check out my list of resources in this post.)

One of the reasons I like using the PD approach is that it reminds me to treat the children as if they are young human beings--because they are in fact, young human beings. A carrot-and-stick approach may be necessary with lower animals (and I'm not entirely sure if I think that's always so), but young humans, while not fully rational, are not the same as animals. They need guidance, sure. But their nature as humans demands that we treat them differently from other animals.


The Ambassador

I once read an analogy on a discipline discussion group that is a really wonderful way to describe the positive discipline approach. (If you happen to know the origin, please let me know so I can credit it properly.)

Imagine that you are a government official (no, really--it's a good analogy. Stay with me.) and your job is to introduce a foreign ambassador to our country. The Ambassador is brand new here. He has no knowledge of our language or customs, but he sure is excited to be here, and is eager to do things just right. As he tries to get along with "the natives," he's going to make some mistakes. LOTS of mistakes. Your job is to show him the way to do things around here. The Ambassador likes you a lot and has readily accepted your authority in the matter of All Things This Country. What is the best way to help him understand how to behave?

Imagine a dinner party where the Ambassador reaches across the table and grabs food off of someone else's plate. That's how they do it in his country, but not here. Should you smack his hand away and scold him for being rude? Should you scream at him? Should you talk condescendingly to him? Should you force him to apologize to the other guests for his behavior?

Or should you say "In our country, we only eat off of our own plates. If we'd like more food, we can say 'Please pass the carrots.' and someone will pass us the bowl."?

Imagine he doesn't know how dangerous a moving car can be. (They only ride horses in his country.) The Ambassador walks heedlessly into traffic. You grab his arm and stop him just in time. Do you now smack him? Scream at him for being so foolish?

Or do you say in probably a loud, obviously stressed out tone of voice "Don't walk into the road! Those moving cars could hurt you!"

Imagine that he lies to you about something important. Do you make him sit in his hotel room and think about what he did? Do you make him wash the windows of the embassy (a chore he hates) as punishment?

Or do you explain to him that truthfulness and trust is extremely important, that your relationship depends on it, that tricking someone by lying to them is a good way to damage a relationship and make yourself miserable? That because your trust is damaged, you'll be doing an extra careful job of making sure that what he says is true, so that you can continue to help him out?

And if I had belittled or smacked the Ambassador, what would his impressions of our country be? He might feel inadequate or stupid for not somehow automatically knowing what the rules were. He might view the our country as a place that doesn't make sense, and maybe a place that he can't ever understand.

What might he think of me? He might worry that I didn't really like him. He might learn to fear me instead of look to me for guidance and protection and answers about the way things are. He might become scared to try anything new (since my reactions were negative and unpredictable to him), afraid of making a mistake and facing my anger or a punishment or physical pain.

If I treat the Ambassador in a kind way, answering his questions, correcting his behavior, helping him make sense of things that are incomprehensible to him, he will begin to understand the customs, act in accordance with them, and he will look to me as a resource--someone who can help him out.


No Punishment? Really?

When I first started reading about PD, I couldn't get over the whole "no punishing" thing. I kept looking for loopholes--because I simply couldn't see how a child who isn't punished for his wrong actions would learn the right way to behave. How he wouldn't just act like a crazy hooligan all the time. How his parents would keep him under control.

And then I realized--discipline shouldn't be about keeping kids "under control." It should be about helping them understand rational (not arbitrary) boundaries and how to control themselves. In time, as the child matures, he will understand not only what the boundaries are, but why they are necesssary, and have the self-discipline required to abide by those boundaries. He will understand how to correct his mistakes. He will want to do the right thing because it is right--not because he'll be punished for doing the wrong thing, or rewarded with a prize for doing the right thing.

I should define what I mean when I say "punishment." I'm talking about an arbitrary, adult-imposed sanction upon a child for a specific transgression. If you run out into the street, I'll smack your bottom. If you scream at me, I'll make you sit in the Time Out Chair. If you throw a toy, I'll smack your hand. If you hit me, I'll hit you. If you break something precious of mine, I'll send you to your room. If you speak rudely to me, I'll withhold love, affection, or television privileges. If you lie to me, I'll ground you. In other words, punishment is something negative I'll do TO you in order to let you know you did something wrong (or something I don't like).

All of these parental actions are designed to get the message across that the child's action is unacceptable. Because those behaviors are unacceptable (accidents excepting). And of course kids ought to learn those things. And they CAN learn them if they are not punished for making mistakes or bad decisions.

Does this mean that there's an "anything goes" policy at my house? No! The kids take responsibility for their mistakes and bad decisions--but the consequences they face are reality-driven, not mommy-driven.

Children need rational, non-arbitrary boundaries based in reality, because like The Ambassador above, they are new here and don't automatically know the right way to act. If such limits are set and consistently enforced, then there is actually no need for an additional parent-imposed punishment. The child bangs up against the limit, the rule is enforced, end of story. In a way, handling limits in this manner sets the parent free (to a certain degree) from being the Bad Guy or JJ&E (Judge, Jury & Executioner). Mom is there to help the child respect the limits which are grounded in reality. The child can rant and rage against Mr. Reality (and my kids often do this), but Mr. Reality has a way of being constant and immovable, doesn't he?

Non-arbitrary limits include: Cleaning up a spill you made. A parent quickly grabbing you before you run into the street. Being held firmly by a parent until you can stop your arms from hitting. Being asked to choose between taking your screaming voices outside or quieting down a bit. Getting strapped into your carseat against your will, or being taken from a store or restaurant because you are flipping out and disturbing others.

Punishments do discourage unwanted actions. Rewards (the positive flip-side of punishment) do encourage desirable actions. But both are ways of controlling the child as opposed to helping the child learn to control himself in a rational way. In fact, punishments and rewards encourage second-handedness, I think, because the child learns to look to others for an indication of whether he has done right or wrong. He learns to expect consequences (positive or negative) to come from others--not reality. And he doesn't learn why right and wrong actions are right and wrong--only that others say so.


Examples!

Some limits need no Mom-intervention whatsoever. Walking on gravel in your bare feet is a reality-based experience that needs no adult comment. Not wearing a coat or sweater outside when it's 38 degrees--again, No Mommy Necessary (except to bring a backup jacket). The negative consequence to those actions are "punishment" enough, yes?

The vast majority of the limits my husband and I set for our kids are rooted in Ethics, of course. And the principle we use is that of individual rights (although we don't often use that term when explaining our reasoning, since that's a bit too abstract for them just yet).

When the child's actions infringe upon the rights of another, we put a stop to the action. There is no additional consequence--because all I want to do is stop the violation of someone else's rights. I always explain why the behavior must stop (in terms they can understand), but the most important thing is that the rights violation ceases. The kids will--and have--figure out that what they were doing is unacceptable and as they mature, they will be able to stop themselves from doing it, and they will eventually be able to truly understand WHY the behavior is unacceptable. (Ryan has been flirting on the edge of this true understanding for a while now, but at nearly 7, he's not all the way there. I'll let you know when he gets there--I still expect it to be a while.)

So--hitting. Hitting hurts and is not respectful of other people's bodies. You must stop. If you can't stop your arm, then I will help you, asking you to stop hitting, or by moving you away from the victim, or even occasionally by holding your arm still.

Screaming at me rudely. Well, I really dislike that, and screaming at me makes me not want to help you out. I'm much more willing to help you open the milk if you ask me in a kind way. If you scream, then I'll probably won't help you.

Bossing your friends. Your friends won't want to play with you if they are bossed incessantly. Guess what? I'm happy to report that Ryan is changing his behavior and is treating his friend more kindly.

Coloring on my walls (or writing ASS on it!). My walls belong to me and I like them sans colorful words. (Also, I like them poop-free. Yes.) So you must erase it and if you need to write things, please find some paper.

Trashing your room rock-star-style. The things in your room belong to you, yes, but I wash your clothes and you need to keep them neat and tidy in your dresser drawer. So you'll need to clean them up. Also, we vacuum every other week, so you'll need to clean up the floor, too. And you'll need to get this cleaned up now, so I don't think we'll have time to read your story tonight. Oh, your friends helped you make this mess? Well, then you'll need to ask them to stop making a mess next time, since this is your room. If they won't stop, come and ask me for help. Also, I think you and your friends shouldn't be alone in your room for a while.

In any of the above examples, I can't see how adding a punishment on to what happened would have done anything more toward having the kids understand the limits and why.


Rational Discipline

The best thing about positive discipline techniques is that they are very compatible with my principles. When I am guiding my children through a situation, I am focused on reality; I'm thinking about ideas that are important to me; I'm treating my children as individuals; I'm making sure they treat me and others as individuals with rights; I'm protecting them from catastrophic harm; I'm staying out of the way of them experiencing the consequences of their actions; I'm ensuring that they are thinking about things for themselves instead of accepting an argument from authority (me).

PD tools reinforce the virtues which I try to exercise on a daily basis for my own happiness. When I slip back into JJ&E mode (and I do), I'm not a happy mommy. I don't like thinking up punishments and enforcing them; I'd rather enforce the rational rule. I don't like implicitly asking my kids to do something merely because I want them to do it; I like them understanding that it's important to do something because it's right to do it (even if they don't like it in the moment).

In the words of Aristotle: we are what we repeatedly do; excellence is not an act, but a habit. With rational, reality-based limits, kids will get experience making good and bad choices, and lots of practice in how to navigate the local customs. I think they'll enter adulthood with experience and skills in their own toolboxes to help them be happy, productive adults.

I realize that some of my readers may have disagreements about these ideas. Feel free to comment (pros and cons!).

FamBlog Update

Hey everyone! Mr. Sean's official 9 month pictures are up over at the FamBlog!

Funny Round Up

It's been a while since I've posted some Good and Funny. The People have been their usual hysterical selves lately, which is Good, so here's a taste of the Funny:


The Booze Store

Last week, we all went on an educational family field trip to Total Wine, aka, "The Booze Store." (Just so you know that I'm corrupting educating my kids in other ways, too.)

Total Wine is a utopia of wine and other booze, and has my favorite wine ever--Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc--on sale for a fabulous $12.97 a bottle. You should go right now (unless you live in Georgia), only save me some KCSB.

The instant we walked through the door, Ryan began with "Wow! This is a huge BOOZE store! I've never seen such a big BOOZE store! Hey Mom, they have your favorite BOOZE here! Let's get some of Mom's favorite BOOZE! Amazing . . . let's see if they have any more BOOZE! Look! There are BOOZE PEOPLEGUYS bringing more BOOZE into the BOOZE store!"

He could not have been louder or more conspicuous. I was so proud that he recognized my favorite booze. And I wish I had a dollar for each time he said BOOZE!


Pooping in Public

Last night, when cruising through Super Target, Morgan shouted "I need to poop!" and I thought it was amusing.

Little did I know that she'd continue once we were in the restroom: "Hey Mom! Is that a lot of poop? There was one little piece and then a BIG DROP! I can sure poop a lot!"

Uh huh. People laugh at us wherever we go.


Up All Night

Last night I didn't get much sleep because Sean's got some kind of cough thing going on. It's either a cold, teeth, or an ear infection. Or possibly emphysema (he's been cutting back on the smokes, but still....). This is how it went, me trying to get him to settle down:

Cough cough cough . . . rock rock rock (in the recliner) . . . cough cough cough . . . thump thump thump (me thumping his back) . . . cough cough cough cough cough cough . . . rock thump . . . cough cough . . . rock rock rock . . . cough . . . his body begins to relax . . . thump rock thump rock . . . cough . . . he's settling down . . . cough . . . rock thump . . . limbs are limp, breathing slow and regular . . . little cough . . . rock rock thump thump . . . my mind starts to wander off in search of its friend Mr. Sleep . . . rock rock . . . thump . . . baby is all the way asleep . . . my mind finds Mr. Sleep and invites him to a Sleep Party . . . rock rock . . . thump thump . . . rock rock . . .

COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!! [That's the punch line. See how it's funny when it's not happening to you? Or even if it's happening to you?]

A jolt of adrenaline chases Mr. Sleep away and I'm buzzing for about 3 minutes. Then it starts all over again. And again. And again. Good thing he's cute.

That was maybe not necessarily funny, but I like retelling not-so-fun things in a funny way, so I'm including it in this Round Up.


He's a Kid; That's His Job

Remember the movie Uncle Buck? Little Macauley Culkin and all of his questions? (Here's the clip if you, sigh, are too young to have seen this movie.)

Ryan has been channeling that kid lately. I mean, more than usual. For example, yesterday, I made an exaggerated statement (can't remember just what I said).

Ryan: Do you mean it's really (something impossible because I exaggerated)?
Me: No. Not really, I was exaggerating.

Ryan: What's exaggerating?
Me: Making a comparison between two things by saying something is really impossible. [We were passing by a train.] Like see that train? I could say "That train is a million miles long." as a way to say "Boy, that train sure is long." But it's not really a million miles long, is it?

Ryan: Uh huh. What's a comparison?
Me: Oh, when you describe something using something else.

Ryan: But why are some of the freight cars empty?
Me: Well, they must be going somewhere to get loaded up with new freight cars.

Ryan: Uh huh. But why are there so many empty ones?
Me: I don't know. Guess they have lots of freight to pick up.

Ryan: What kind of freight?
Me: I don't know.

Ryan: Why do some have two stacked on top?

He just kept going, all the way to the store. And Brendan didn't help me. Not once.


Random Thoughts

Morgan: How do you know if you forgot?

Me: Do you mean: would you remember something if you forgot it? (or similar confused question)

Morgan, in mysterious tone: No. How do you KNOW . . . if you forgot it! You wouldn't, would you?

Me: . . . .

Morgan, with the confidence that comes from a mystery solved: No you wouldn't. Because you forgot.

She's turning 4 next week!




Ryan, with a snort: Bad guys would be really stupid if they destroyed the whole planet Earth because where would they build their Bad Guy cities?

That's all for now! I really should write more of these down, because this is but a taste of what life is like with talking children.

How Many Mes?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 342 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Lots of me! I actually met another Jennifer Casey face-to-face shortly after I was married and it was a very strange experience.

Although there would be fewer of me if I had kept my maiden name:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 10 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

1.4 million Jennifers in the USA. Most of them right about my age, I'm guessing. This is why I got used to just not responding to my name when hearing someone shout it out--probably not me.

Hmmm....Brendan is much more unique--only 7 of him. There are 123 other Ryans, 73 other Seans, and only 15 Morgans. How interesting (to the likes of me!).

Via John and Ansley

Random Stuff

It's been a while since I've done a brain dump onto the old blog, so here I go:

The town right next to the one I live in has recently established a daytime curfew for all school-aged kids! Yup. From the AJC.com article (free registration required, emphasis added):

Kennesaw wants children in school, not on the streets.

Children 17 and younger cannot hang out in public places between 8:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. on school days, according to a new city ordinance.

. . . Home schooled children also are exempted from the curfew.

Well I should certainly hope home schooled kids are exempt, but do you know what this tells me? That if we go to Kennesaw in the daytime, as we often do, since that's where Brendan's office, the grocery store, the park, and our favorite lunch place are located, we'll need to bring our papers. As Cobb County and Kennesaw try to crack down on truancy, we'll probably need to carry our positive proof that we're law-abiding conscientious parents with us. Oh I just don't know what I might say if I'm ever asked, "Papers, please!"


If you haven't seen this awesome op-ed in the Wall Street Journal by Dr. Yaron Brook of the Ayn Rand Institute, then hie thee hither and read it! And if you haven't been paying attention, Atlas Shrugged is climbing the Amazon.com charts, and with good reason. Unfortunately, Washington politicians these days are behaving like they read the book but completely missed the point about which characters are the villains and which are the heroes.


Let's see, what else? Oh, ACK! I have family coming into town in about a week! Miss Morgan will turn 4 and will be honored with the presence of many of my in-laws. I'm sure you're looking forward to catching the pictures of the festivities on the FamBlog.

In preparation for our family, and springtime, and in order for me not to lose my sanity, we rented a small dumpster over the weekend. We really got rid of so much and are well on our way to turning our basement into usable space! Big Fat WOOHOO.

Now all I have to do before our guests arrive is get the carpets cleaned, have the Bug Pest Peopleguys come for a visit, go through Ryan's and Morgan's clothes to get rid of the stuff that's too small or too wintery, and that should about get me there. Morgan has also requested that we paint the walls of her bedroom "pink with purple polka dots" and somehow I'm going to attempt that before people get here. Although I suspect that's going to be a bit much--maybe we'll have a painting party for Morgan's birthday.

That's all for now--gotta go get ready for our Date Night! We're going to be celebrating St. Paddy's Day belatedly with some friends and Sean.

And Another Carnival For You

Well, we've just been all kinds of busy today, out and about in the Georgia springtime sunshine. So I'll catch up on the latest Objectivist Round Up tonight--but it looks great. Head on over to The Little Things and check it out for yourself!

Living With Food Allergies Carnival

Head on over to Food Allergy Buzz for the latest edition of the Living with Food Allergies Blog Carnival!

And Also In Honor Of St. Patrick's Day

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Caseys!

In Honor Of St. Patrick's Day

My favorite poem by my favorite Irish poet, William Butler Yeats:

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

1892

This is a great poem to read aloud. The language is thick and hearty. The imagery is so peaceful. Love it.

I will arise and go now . . . to the grocery store. :o)

A Thought About The Mommy Wars

Lisa Belkin of Motherlode, the parenting blog at The New York Times, has a post today about how breastfeeding supposedly isn't the end-all be-all in infant nutrition it has been touted to be. In her post, Belkin quotes author Hanna Rosin, who has an article coming out challenging some of the science behind the benefits of breastfeeding.

Reading the quotations from Rosin's article, I was struck by how, well, grumpy she is. For example:

On learning that the findings that show a correlation between formula-fed babies and future obesity are "inconsistent" Rosin writes:

Inconsistent? There I was, sitting half-naked in public for the tenth time that day, the hundredth time that month, the millionth time in my life — and the associations were inconsistent?

On the career-related trade-offs nursing mothers have to make in order to breastfeed:

It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way.

On the biological fact that women are the only ones in the relationship equipped to actually nurse the baby:

. . . I was propped up in bed for the second time that night with my new baby (note the my). My husband acknowledged the ripple in the nighttime peace with a grunt, and that’s about it. And why should he do more? There’s no use in both of us being a wreck in the morning. Nonetheless, it’s hard not to seethe.

I have no wish to start breastfeeding vs. formula battle here on this blog. I have nursed three babies and I'm all for breastfeeding, even if the inverse correlation (Note! correlation and causation--NOT the same thing, btw!) between nursing and obesity is "inconsistent." I have friends who have exclusively nursed, some who have exclusively formula-fed, some who did a bit of each.

How is it that we were able to remain friends despite our differences?

I'd like to point out something critical that is often overlooked when people think about, write about, or personally engage in the so-called Mommy Wars. Mommies (and Daddies) who have not aligned their values properly--selfishly--get grumpy and defensive when they are challenged.

Which brings me to Amy's recent post on Selfish Parenting. It's a good post so you should go read it right now. Back? K.

Parenting, just like any enormous human endeavor, requires vast amounts of time and effort to do it properly. It requires so much time and effort that you will be unable to choose to do certain other things for a good chunk of time. In economics, this is known as an opportunity cost.

When you have chosen to become a parent for selfish reasons, because you really, really want to, then you will see the other things that you can't do as an acceptable trade-off. If you haven't really thought through your values, or if you allow yourself to be pressured by what you believe others (aka "society") would have you do, you'll see those other things you traded off in order to become a parent as sacrificed values. And you'll get grumpy because sacrificing values is something to get grumpy about.

When I was pregnant with Ryan, I knew I was going to breastfeed for at least a year. But I also knew I was going to resume my career at the end of that year. When he was about 9 months, I realized several things all at once: that I didn't want to give up being a full-time parent if I didn't have to; that my career was less of a value to me than it had been; that most of the money I earned in my career would be sucked up by childcare expenses. Brendan and I had several long discussions and I chose to stay home full-time with my small child.

It hasn't always been an easy situation and there are certainly times when I miss not having a "real job" (ha ha!), but I'm happy with my decision because it's what I wanted to do. I chose a higher value over a lesser value. I was selfish about it. The decision was selfish for Brendan, too. And then we selfishly chose to have two more kids.

If I had REALLY wanted to go back to work and stayed home with my child instead, I would have been grumpy. If I had REALLY wanted to formula-feed but allowed myself to be guilted into breastfeeding because of the "Mommy Wars," then I would have been grumpy, and/or guilty if I had been unable pull off the nursing gig. If I had REALLY wanted to send my kids to school instead of keeping them home, then I would be grumpy about this homeschooling deal.

And if our circumstances changed and I needed to go back and earn a wage, I'd do it. Heartbreaking as it would be, I'd do it if we needed my income (after childcare!) to eat or pay our mortgage or gain some other higher value. While that situation would not be my ideal, it would not be a sacrifice; allowing our home to be repossessed would be sacrificial.

I guess what I'm saying is that I see so many women wrestle with these "Mommy War" issues--breast or bottle, disposable or cloth, stay-at-home or career--who end up feeling somewhat guilty about their choices. And there's absolutely no need for guilt if you have considered where your priorities are and chosen accordingly, chosen the things that will make you happiest.

If women were properly focused on achieving the values that are dear to them, then they'd have no time for such silliness. They wouldn't second-guess their decisions, even if someone else chose differently. They wouldn't accept unearned guilt for their choices either. And I suspect these silly "Mommy Wars" would disappear.

Anyway, reading that Motherlode article made me realize why I've never really become caught up in this battle. Because I'm happy about my choices; because I haven't sacrificed.

Besides, with the economy going the way it's been going lately and our needing a new roof on the cabin (don't get me started), I've got enough to be grumpy about already.

Kids Handling Conflict

One of the most useful things I've picked up in all of my Positive Discipline (PD) reading and in practice has been teaching the kids how to negotiate their own conflicts. In Kids Are Worth It!, Barbara Coloroso has an entire chapter devoted to this subject, and much of Siblings Without Rivalry revolves around this topic, too.

I touched on the subject of negotiations in my post "Positive Discipline and the Trader Principle" but the focus of this post is the process of conflict resolution.

To state what I hope is obvious, people living together in close proximity are bound to have disagreements from time to time. Sometimes, I think that parents believe that either something is wrong when their kids fight (disrupting a fantasy of childhood harmony) or that their conflicts are too juvenile or silly to be taken seriously. This is an observation based on parents I've encountered in real life.

Now I remember what it's like to have siblings and I also know what it's like to live with my spouse. None of these people has ever just done everything I wanted or the way I wanted and, yes, it's really freaking annoying! it can be a problem from time to time.

Teaching the kids how to work through their own conflicts accomplishes two important goals. First, as I think I said in a previous post, I, as Supreme Mommy Extraordinaire, have no wish to be judge, jury, and executioner in their conflicts. If they become dependent on me to solve their conflicts, then that creates a lot of extra work for me and I've already got a lot to do.

Second, I do not want them to arrive at adulthood unable to work through problems. I don't want them to view every conflict as a Complete and Utter Disaster and want to run away from them (this is how I used to be). I don't want them to view each conflict as a Fight to the Death either. Or as an opportunity to bring up every wrong from the past. Or as a way to vent one's anger in a big explosion but then never resolve anything.

I want to provide them with tools for solving problems with other human beings in a rational, respectful way. Because the cold, hard facts here are that while they will one day stop living with each other and us (sniff!), they will have lots of roommates, spouses, coworkers, and colleagues to fight with. And they need to know good ways to handle conflicts.


Old School Method (aka, How it Went Down when I was a Kid)

Two kids are fighting over a toy: "It's mine!"

"No, it's MINE!"

"Moooommmmm: she took my toy and it's mine."

"No I didn't! He told me I could have a turn and then he grabbed it!"

Mom, extremely motivated to make the noise stop, must make a spur-of-the-moment decision. No matter who gets the toy, someone is going to be sad and angry at Mom. How does Mom know how to be fair? Does she even care about justice at this particular moment? Mom is tempted to toss the toy in the trash and tell the kids to hush, but knows the kids are looking to her for an answer: "Give it back to him. It's his."

One kid has won and the other has lost. This is a solution to the problem--but not one that everyone had input into or agreed to. Is this really a solution for the kid who lost the judgment? And is this really a solution for Mom? She is not only the target of some strong emotions (anger, resentment), but will also be expected to arbitrate the next conflict. And she's already got enough on her plate, don't you think?

When the responsibility for solving a conflict is the responsibility of the children involved in the conflict, Mom is no longer in an impossible position. Instead of being asked to solve the problem (one way or the other) for the kids, Mom is now in the position of facilitator, the objective third party who assists the kids in talking through the process of solving the issue.

Taking the same example--two kids screaming and fighting over the same toy, just after the spine-tingling "Moooommmmmm!"


Defining the Problem

Mom says: "Sounds like a problem. What can I do to help?"

Both kids start talking at once, in a hurry to get Mom on their side.

Mom says: "First of all, why don't I be the one to hold the toy while we talk about this problem. Also, I can't understand the problem if you're both talking at once. Morgan, why don't you describe the problem for me?"

Morgan: "Well, I was having the first turn and then he took it away and I wanted a turn!"

Mom: "So you were expecting a turn and you feel mad because he took the toy, right? Okay, Ryan, now you tell me about the problem."

Ryan: "It's MY toy and she didn't tell me she was going to take such a long turn and it's MINE!" [In real life, Ryan's explanation could take minutes. Edited for Clarity, Brevity, and Sanity.]

Mom: "So you weren't expecting her to take such a long turn and you'd like it back, right? Okay, let me make sure we all know what the problem is: Morgan would like a long turn with this toy and Ryan wants the toy back now, yes?"

If I didn't get the problem exactly right, then we'd spend a few more minutes identifying the main issue(s).


Time for a Plan

Mom says: "Before I let go of this toy, you two need a plan. When you've agreed on a plan, then you can let me know who this toy goes to." Often at this point they'll start fussing at each other and I'll remind them that they need a plan.

Morgan, the younger of the two, and somewhat likely to give in to Ryan and his demands because she just doesn't want to deal with it any more (which I can relate to!), will sometimes just say "Okay, I'm all done with my turn." And that will be that.

However, if she has been giving in frequently, or I can tell that she is really wanting a turn and needs some assistance articulating her desire and/or standing up for herself, I'll try to help her out a little more by saying "Would you like me to help you know what to say?" She'll agree to this quite often.


Negotiating a Plan

A typical negotiation will go something like:

"Ryan, I want a turn."

"It's MINE."

"But, I'm not done yet!"

"It's MINE." (He's nothing if not crystal clear on this particular issue.)

If the kids aren't negotiating so much as they are just disagreeing, I'll remind them: "Remember, you guys need a plan. What's your idea for how you can take turns with this toy?"

Morgan: "Well, I want to finish my turn. Can I have 5 more minutes?" (Note: "5 more minutes" means "extra time." Neither of them has any real sense of how long 5 minutes actually is.)

Now, Ryan might agree to this, or work her down to 3 minutes. (Three is her favorite number because she is three. I wonder if she'll change to 4 in a couple of weeks.)

Or he might say: "No! I want it right now!"

So I can say, "All right--you don't want to let her take 5 minutes. What's YOUR idea for a plan with this toy?"

Ryan: "I think she should ask me for a turn next time."

Mom: "So would it be okay if she finished her turn now, if she promised to ask you for a turn next time?"

Ryan: "Yes."

Mom: "Morgan, is that agreeable to you? Will you ask him next time?"

Morgan: "Yes."


Making Sure Everyone is Clear

Mom: "Okay, so it sounds like your plan is that Morgan can finish her turn since she has promised to ask next time, right?"

If everyone agrees, then you're set! Until the next time. :o)


WHY?

Now this entire process takes a while to complete. Way more time than just me saying "Give the toy back to Ryan." or "Just let her have a turn!" But there are many, many advantages to taking the time to help them learn how to handle their conflicts independently.

First and foremost--they solved their problem. The conflict didn't just go around in circles until somebody's (okay, my) head exploded. An actual solution was reached, a solution that everyone could live with.

Solving problems this way requires good communication skills. Morgan tends to just "Blllaaaarrgghhh!" when in a fight with Ryan and my helping her find appropriate words to say is giving her skills and tools she can use the rest of her life. Ryan tends to barrel over anyone in his way, and the back-and-forth style of the negotiations helps him practice listening to what others have to say, which will (I hope) eventually help him discover that it's only fair that others get to have a say in how things are handled.

Since each child had actual input into the solution, they are much more likely to stick to the agreement. If someone tries to alter the agreement, then the other child (or I) can say, "But you agreed to do XYZ." And that reminder usually helps them go back to the original agreement.

Inherent in the conflict resolution process is using one's mind--the faculty of reason. Just like any other muscle in the body, the brain needs exercise, too. Excellent practice for burgeoning minds.

Anger and resentment aimed at Mom is lessened to a great degree. Because they're kids, they still mistake my assistance for interference and might feel mad at me, but I know from having accidentally reverted to Old School methods, that the "loser" will usually be terribly mad at me for imposing a disagreeable judgment upon them.

The kids are motivated to solve their own problems when they know it's their problem to solve. Nobody can play with the toy until there is a plan. If you don't have a plan for watching movies (such as who gets to pick the next one), you don't watch movies. If you can't agree on who gets to sit where on the couch, then you don't sit on the couch.

Putting the onus for problem-solving on the kids helps them learn to be independent in this realm. They also get practice pursuing their selfish values, while learning that others have selfish values, too. There's that Trader Principle again!


The Downside

This method takes LOTS of time and repetition before the kids can do it on their own. But wait! Didn't I say at the top of this post that Mom has a lot to do already? Yes, yes I did.

But like any good parenting technique, the time and effort you put into it at the beginning pays off in spades later. I do not have to help the kids negotiate their problems to the level of detail described above. Often, I simply need to remind them that they need a plan, watch out to make sure Morgan is getting a fair chance to say what she wants, remind her to use words. In other words, I watch to make sure that the negotiations are playing out in a fair manner.

The other downside is that both kids need to be at least 2-3 years old before the negotiations can really begin to be effective. This doesn't mean that you can't begin until the kids reach that age. You can walk them through the process, especially if there is an older chlid you are trying to teach. Often, I'll speak for the younger child. I'll say "It sounds like Sean wants a turn with that toy. When can he have a turn?" That also helps everyone begin to see the baby as someone with valid needs and wants, too.

An unanticipated downside for me is when the kids are playing with other children who expect adults to handle their problems, and haven't been taught negotiation skills. What I do when conflicts arise is walk them all through the negotiation process as described above. The other child is often bewildered at this process, and I've been told a couple of times that they just want me to make a judgment. A good reply to this request is "Oh, I'm not going to solve your problem for you. But I will help you two solve your own problem." And then forge ahead in the conflict resolution process.


The Payoff

My older kids and their friend Livy are all very good at working through their problems without too much adult intervention. For reference, Ryan will be 7 years old next month and Morgan is 2 weeks away from turning 4. Livy is 5.5, right in between my oldest two kids.

Since they expect to handle their own problems, they will begin stating the problem and coming up with solutions without input from any adult. As I said, I'll watch to make sure things are proceeding in a fair way, especially where Morgan is concerned, since she's younger and still needs more assistance than Livy or Ryan. Parents only get involved if the emotions are running too hot or if they can't agree on a solution.

The solutions they come up with are so creative. One day, the three of them were disagreeing on the use of a particular toy, which has many parts of varying shapes and colors. Instead of coming up with a plan to take turns as I expected them to do, they agreed to divvy up the toy according to color, and each child took pieces of a certain color and went off to do their own thing with them. Blissful peace! Also, extra time to write super long blog posts!

No, they don't do it perfectly every time, but they are improving their technique every time there's a conflict. Since this happens several times a day, they get lots of practice! And you know what? So do I. Having been raised Old School, I have learned better ways to handle my own conflicts with others and have become more confident in solving problems with others in rational, respectful ways.

Round Up Time!

This week's edition of The Objectivist Round Up is over at Titanic Deck Chairs. It's a big edition this week, lots of good stuff, so don't miss it!

I'm going to take a mini-blogging break for a couple of days. I may pop by if there's something of vast import I must absolutely share (such as a neat-o internet quiz!).

But we've got a busy few days coming up. Date Night tonight, and then we have a dumpster rented for the weekend so we can clear CRAP out of our house. We rented such a dumpster a couple of years ago, and it was a truly wond'rous thing. But I think I was still too much of a packrat to be completely merciless about letting things go. No more. If I don't LOVE it, it's Gone, Daddy, Gone. Time to get back to essentials.

TTFN, and if I don't see you (here, on FB, or on Twitter, or even Real Life!), then have a nice weekend!

On Staying Out Of The Way

I had intended to write about a different parenting topic this week, but I've got a situation on my mind, and it's pushing posts of a more generalized nature out of my head. So I must give in and mull this issue out some here on the ol' blog.

One of my general parenting principles can be pretty well summed up by the statement: "Stay out of their way unless they really need me." I'm sometimes tempted to call myself a laissez-faire parent, but I think this implies that I'm less involved in helping my kids than I actually am. But I'm as close to laissez-faire as I know how to be, I think. When faced with any given parenting situation, I try to remember to ask myself "Do I really need to handle this, or is it something he should handle?" Many times, if I'm not sure if my intervention is necessary, I'll make myself sit back and observe before saying or doing anything.

Sean is now officially "cruising" around the furniture and tumbling off of the stairs (so far just two). It's somewhat easier--though never easy--now that I'm on my third kid, to let the baby take his lumps. I suspect this is primarily because I've done it before. Go, Experience! I know from the other guinea pigs based on past experience that no long-term harm will come to him when he wipes out after letting go of the ottoman, and I know that he will learn about Mr. Gravity and also that Mommy will come and snuggle him up until he feels better. Good lessons. So I don't feel the need to rescue him from every bump and bruise.

But it's difficult to resist the urge to protect him from his hurts. So why do I put us both through our own misery? Because he needs to have firsthand knowledge of reality. Sometimes, this knowledge is happy, like experiencing the feeling of a pleasantly full belly. Sometimes it's sad, such as receiving a bump on the head. But the best way to learn about reality is to be in it. (Not to be misunderstood, I of course do not purposely put him in dangerous situations: I'm talking about reasonable, run-of-the-mill risks like hang-gliding, construction work, international banking pulling up on furniture and opening cabinet doors right into his own face.)

Now of course this post is not really about Sean. It's about Ryan, the kid upon whom most of my mistakes will probably always be made, simply because he is the First, and each new stage for him is new to me, too. Don't feel too bad for him--he's the only kid around here who gets an allowance! It all evens out, this birth order thing--today he gets allowance and taekwondo, but one day, he'll turn 40 and his siblings will point and laugh at him. (Full disclosure, I'm a First who fully expects pointing and laughing from my sibs when I turn 40.)

Ryan is maybe about to experience some painful rejection from a friend, which is partly his own doing. See, Mr. Ryan is the super-imaginative type and always seems to think up cool games and convince other kids to play them. Until a few months ago, none of the other kids has had too much of a problem with this set up. Sure, someone might have objected to a particular plan, but they'd often just get bored and go do something else.

Lately though, one of his best friends hasn't really wanted to play with Ryan and it's because he's really tired of being bossed to death every time he would like some input into the game. I can't say I really blame him. So this friend hasn't been around too much lately, because he isn't having fun with Ryan anymore (there are some other factors, including the fact that the boys just have diverging interests at the moment).

Unfortunately, his friend's mom (who is a friend of mine) never mentioned this to us--it was up to me to bring it up, to confirm my suspicions. And A. is not the kind of kid who speaks up when there is an issue, which exacerbates the issue (there's a possible post: When Parenting Styles Clash!). So I'm not really certain how long Ryan's friend has been feeling this way. But it's definitely a problem.

We've talked about this with Ryan. We've explained that A. would like a say in how the games are played, how this is really only fair. We've discussed what it feels like to be bossed (and Ryan is definitely not a fan of that!). We've brainstormed ways to include A. in the game-planning, practicing words and techniques. We've talked about how we would like our guests to feel welcome in our house, and one way to do that is to let them contribute to the game on occasion.

Some ideas we've come up with are:

• A. could choose the first game and then Ryan could choose the second.
• Ryan can say things like "What do you think about that idea, A.?"or
• "Do you have an idea?"or
• "What would you like to play today?"

We've also talked about how to handle it when the boys have disagreements: If you have a problem you can't solve, come and get me and I'll help you guys work it out. (How this is done exactly was the original idea for my post this week, so I hope to get to that soon.)

Nearly every day, Ryan begs me to invite A. over to our house, and I take this opportunity to remind him of the things we've talked about, to practice some of the words we've come up with. The boys play together about once or twice a week lately (which is up from a couple of months ago when I think this issue was really starting to crop up). We have had successful playdates--where I have helped Ryan remember to include A. and/or helped the boys work through some of their disagreements. We have had not-so-good playdates, including a disastrous one that ended with both boys in tears.

I suspect that this is just one of those things that has to run its course, to work itself out over time. As much as I've tried to help Ryan "get it" and as clearly as I can see the hurt coming, no amount of talking this over with Brendan and me is going to help him understand what's going to happen as well as . . . just letting it happen.

Ryan is already bewildered that his friend is reluctant to play. Because of course Ryan's games are the super-funnest ever and what's wrong with this kid anyway for not wanting to play them? I do think he's trying to understand what we're trying to help him see; but I must also wonder if some of this is a bit too abstract for him to grasp. This problem would be easily resolved if Ryan were really, truly capable of empathy. I believe he's getting there, but he's still a kid.

So I asked myself "Do I really need to solve this problem?" And the answer is no. As much as I'd love to fix it, I know that I can't. And I can't really rescue him from these lumps and bumps (should his friend really decide to drop him). I'm doing what I can, helping him identify the problem and think of solution strategies, but other than that, there's no substitution for experience. As I said, really, this whole thing could blow over on its own, as both boys get past whatever Things they've got going on (until the next one!).

But if the hurt comes, I'll be here to snuggle him up until he feels a little better.

I'd Like To Thank The Academy

I have been privileged to be given not one, not two, but THREE blog awards in the last few months. And I'm extremely grateful for the honor, even though I have procrastinated in accepting these prestigious awards. I blame the children. (Hey, I'm planning to use that excuse for a loooonnngg time!)

So without further ado, I hereby accept the Butterfly Award from Elisheva at Ragamuffin Studies (a very belated thank you!).

I was nominated way back in December and it's been on my To Do list since then, to accept this award and nominate 10 other cool bloggers. Nominees, feel free to decline, accept, procrastinate, ignore, or otherwise do what you will with this here award. :o)

Even though she doesn't post very often, Fire Queen at Wastebasket of My Subconscious is one of the coolest people I know. I've known her for, gasp! over 20 years. So. Not. Possible.

Other cool blogs:

• Bore Me to Tears
• Such Lovely Freckles
• Heathen Family Revival
• She She
• Kim's Play Place
• The Little Things
• Principled Parent
• Spark A Synapse
  
• A Reservation for Six

Also, Such Lovely Freckles has nominated me (little ole me!) for TWO Awards: the Kreativ Blogger Award and the Smoking Typewriter Award. Thank you, darling!

Now I have to list 7 things I love, and nominate 7 more blogs for this Kreativ Blogger award.

• I love Greek food.
• I love speaking German even though I don't remember too much of it.
• I love looking at commonplace things in an unusual way.
• I love television shows by Joss Whedon.
• I love logic puzzles.
• I love Economics and Decision Theory (no, really!).
• I love sleep, and I'd sure like to get some of that real soon.

For my Kreativ Blogger nominees, I'm going to choose some of my favorite food allergy bloggers, since we must all be very creative in selecting food and creating dishes that are safe for our food-allergic family members.

• Nut-Free Mom
• Please Don't Pass the Nuts
• Mom's Food Allergy Diner
• Sure Foods Living
• No Whey, Mama
• Check My Tag
• The Allergic Kid

And last, but certainly not least, I am accepting the Smoking Typewriter Award. I agree with Such Lovely Freckles: this is one neat-o award!

I must now Google my name and we'll see what comes up. I'm guessing eleventy-million references to Jennifer Aniston. Let's find out, shall we? (I'll go with "Jenn" instead of "Jennifer.")

Jenn-Air! Hey, my grandpa had one of these built-in grill things from Jenn-Air. Cool.

A blog about a(nother) Jenn.

A(nother) Jenn's Twitter account.

Jenn's Journal, another Jenn blog.

Jenn Hoffman, a television personality.

Hmmm...neither Jennifer Aniston nor I made the first page. Oh well. I'm in good company, huh? Oh hey! I'm on Google's Page 6! Not too shabby, considering the popularity of the name Jennifer over the years.

Incidentally, do you know why I am Jenn with 2 Ns and not Jen with 1 N? Because my BFF from high school is also a Jennifer, and one day we decided to differentiate ourselves: she'd take Jen and I'd take Jenn, and then it would be super easy for everyone to tell the difference between us! :o) Yes, I've been cracking myself up for years now.

Right. Smoking Typewriter Nominations, for some very interesting, prolific bloggers:

• Flibbertigibbet
• Consent of the Governed
• Food Allergy Buzz
• Ragamuffin Studies

All of the blogs I've nominated today are ones I try to check out on a semi-regular basis. I have something, often many things, in common with each blogger. So check them out, why don't ya?

And like I said, this is all for fun, so if you want to accept your award, then go right ahead. And if you don't, then I'll be crying myself to sleep on my huge pillow that's okay, too. :o)

There. I'm very proud of the procrastinating I've done today. Thank you, Academy! Good night!

LinkFest

There's a new education blog carnival up and running: The Academy of Science and Technology, found at Kim's Play Place! The first edition is up today and looks like it's going on an every 2 weeks schedule. Lots of interesting links, even for the not-so-science-minded such as yours truly!

This has been making the rounds, but here's what a trillion dollars looks like. (Via everyone)

Over at A is A Academy is a series of posts about how being a stay-at-home parent can be a Central Purpose in Life. Here's one of my favorite parts, from the third installment:

Mutual respect also involves staying out of each other’s business. If it doesn’t effect me, and does not threaten life or limb, I need to back off and let them handle it–although I stand close by in case they want my help or advice.

YES! We've been talking to Ryan and Morgan lately about how we parents are their resources, or to use the military language that Ryan is fond of: reinforcements. We're here to help them do things, but not necessarily to do things for them. As they are getting older and more independent, we are transitioning more into the reinforcement role, and of course that is our long-term plan: to work ourselves out of a job!

This just in from ARC: Yaron Brook is going to be on Neil Cavuto tomorrow evening at 6:15 pm Eastern! The topic is climate change and regulation of carbon dioxide emissions. You know, that stuff you breathe out and that plants breathe in--personally, I think there ought to be a lobby on behalf of all of the plant life on Earth since we're talking about trying to restrict the air they breathe. They can't be too happy about that!

One more, then I must rescue melting People: for Firefly and Serenity fans, a look at the stunts involved in the famous Fruity Oaty Bar fight scene. (Well, that's what I call it--the "Fruity Oaty Bar fight scene." Aaaannnnndd, now I've got that song in my head!) Via Paul at NoodleFood.

Some Recent Good And Funny

It's been a few days since I've taken the time to write down some Good & Funny, but be assured that there has been no dearth of either around here lately!

GOOD

• Receiving a note from Ryan that read: "I love you Mom." Sweet boy, sweeter literacy!
• Spending hours yesterday in the wonderful sunshine doing some spring cleaning in the backyard and deck. It feels so good to be productive.
• Figuring out what to get Ryan and Morgan for their birthdays: scooters.
• The quick progress of a baby who couldn't crawl 3 weeks ago into a crawling, pulling-up, stair-climbing machine. I suppose that's good, right?
  
• That the baby will now come to me when he's hungry!
• The new spring/summer clothing arrived and Morgan is so excited--she received the bulk of the new stuff this year, since she's been growing a bunch. (She's officially 4T!) She dressed herself independently this morning, too!
• My mother-in-law has a date set for her wedding. Yay!
• Going to a birthday party for a friend. Also Yay!
  

FUNNY

I can't remember if I wrote about this on the blog, but we had a funny thing happen one afternoon last week. The big kids were outside, playing in the mud, and I was trying to get the baby fed and to sleep. The kids left the front door W-I-D-E open, and I made the conscious decision to just leave it open while I nursed the baby.

Just as the baby was drifting off to sleep, several things happened at once: Ryan and Morgan came running through the house, naked and muddy, and a lawn service peopleguy, confused by the open and extremely muddy (as it turned out) door, started shouting, "Hello? Hello?"

Sean immediately woke up, I stood up and tried to rearrange myself (ahem), redirected the muddy people back outside, and walked to the front door (accompanied by my non-redirected muddy, mostly naked children) to greet a very surprised salesman. He took one look and said "Icanseeyou'rebusy soI'lljustleavethiswithyou." and threw a flyer at me and fled. THAT'S how you get rid of door-to-door salesmen!

That was also the day that Morgan learned that she can't pee off the balcony like Ryan can. FAIL.

Other Funny included:

• Morgan's excuse for not wanting to go to the park for the second day in a row: "I already made enough Vitamin D. I'm tired of making Vitamin D."
• Going to meet friends at a restaurant--and going to the wrong restaurant, getting seated, ordering drinks and THEN realizing that we were supposed to meet them somewhere else!

There, now don't you feel better being all caught up with our recent goings-on?

Morgan's Interview

Well now you know I had to interview Morgan, too!

• Ask your child(ren) to answer the questions and type their answers in.
• Tag other moms or dads with kids who might have fun with this. :)
• My comments are in italics.

Morgan is almost 4 years old, and tends to be more laconic than her big brother (although one might ask who isn't more laconic than Ryan?). When asked to elaborate on a couple of answers, she refused and said "That's my answer." I like a girl who knows her mind.


1. What is something mommy always says to you?
Probably I love you.


2. What makes mommy happy?
Getting a present.


3. What makes mommy sad?
Something that's not good.
Excellent answer


4. How does your mommy make you laugh?
By doing funny jokes.


5. What was your mommy like as a child?
Doing puzzles.


6. How old is your mommy?
I don't know.


7. How tall is your mommy?
Probably taller than Sean.


8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Help me out.


9. What does your mommy do when you're not around?
I don't know.


10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Lots of people knowing you.


11. What is your mommy really good at?
Probably Empire Earth, but she doesn't know how to set it up.
Evidently this whole Empire Earth thing is more important than I realized!


12. What is your mommy not very good at?
Probably lifting a huge giant bulldozer.
LOL! I agree, I would be terrible at that.


13. What does your mommy do for her job?
Work.
Couldn't agree more.


14. What is your mommy's favorite food?
Probably hamburgers.


15. What makes you proud of your mommy?
Helping me out.


16. If your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Scooby Doo.


17. What do you and your mommy do together?
Puzzles.


18. How are you and your mommy the same?
We sometimes wear the same shirt, that's why.
Alrighty then!


19. How are you and your mommy different?
By wearing not the same shirt.
Of course!


20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
'Cause you say "I love you" all the time to me.
Awwww....


21. What does your mommy like most about your dad?
Helping the kids while you're feeding Sean.
She pegged that one!


22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Probably at Johnny's, cause we go there lots of times.
She's in complete agreement with Ryan on this one, too!

A FamBog Update!

Go see the latest cuteness! You won't regret it!

Quote Of The Day

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Mohandas Gandhi

Interesting. Going by some of the snarky comments about Ayn Rand and Objectivism that I am encountering all over the Internet (no need to link, just Google), I'd say we're firmly in Phase 2.

Which really is a nice change of pace from Phase 1, after all. Gearing up for Phase 3!

Ryan's Interview

One of my FB Friends did this meme. I have it on my FB page, but I enjoyed it so much, I just had to share here! Link back to me if you do this one, so I can read your amusing answers!

Rules:

• Ask your child(ren) to answer the questions and type their answers in.
• Tag other moms or dads with kids who might have fun with this. :)
• My comments are in italics.

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
Ryan can you help me with the laundry?

LOL!


2. What makes mommy happy?
Flowers.


3. What makes mommy sad?
Meanness.


4. How does your mommy make you laugh?
By tickling.


5. What was your mommy like as a child?
Probably played with stuffed animals.


6. How old is your mommy?
I do not know.


7. How tall is your mommy?
I do not know that either.


8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Probably work on some computers so she can get some money.


9. What does your mommy do when you're not around?
I do not know because when I'm not around I'd be at school or with my Dad.

I think by 'school' he means chess class?


10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Probably anything or the thing that she did to become famous.

What is the thing she did to be famous? I do not know.


11. What is your mommy really good at?
Typing in things because she does it lots of times so she could get some money.


12. What is your mommy not very good at?
Probably doing a back flip.


13. What does your mommy do for her job?
Lots of things: she owns a store and does computer work and another job would be nursing the baby and helping the kids.

Okay, okay! I'm on the computer a lot!


14. What is your mommy's favorite food?
I don't really know; probably a calzone.

Not really, but I'll accept that answer.


15. What makes you proud of your mommy?
Buying me a BB gun when I'm 8!

Nice try, buddy!


16. If your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
The Sims Star Trek

Err?


17. What do you and your mommy do together?
Writing down some words and do some math sometimes; play a game called Empire Earth but she's kind of a rookie so she's not that good at Empire Earth; and play with the baby and work together like when I put a table down and stamp some letters that she needs to mail.

Got that verbatim!


18. How are you and your mommy the same?
We both like Star Wars.


19. How are you and your mommy different?
Sometimes Mom likes the movie Cinderella and usually I don't.


20. How do you know your mommy loves you?
Because sometimes she helps me out and she played with me when I was a baby and that made me know that she likes me.

Sometimes!


21. What does your mommy like most about your dad?
She had to like him a lot because my Mom and Dad married and stayed married and when Mom is freaking out when she can't do something with the computer, Dad comes along and helps.

For the record, he clarified 'freaking out' as 'pretending to hit your computer only you really don't hit it.'


22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Maybe at Johnny's because she likes tea and pizza and they mostly have pizza at Johnny's and calzones and I like them too.

There was about 2 minutes of this answer that I couldn't capture.

Living With Food Allergies Blog Carnival #38

Welcome to the March 5, 2009 edition of the Living with Food Allergies Blog Carnival! We are happy you stopped by!

Let's begin with . . .

RECIPES!

Ilana Eck (aka the Hip Hostess) presents Butternut Squash Barley Risotto posted at The Hip Hostess, saying, "Here's a new and healthier wheat-free comfort food - Butternut Squash Barley Risotto. This recipe is faster than homemade mac-n-cheese and far more sophisticated."

Amy Dumas presents Eating Well ~ Being Well: Terrific Tacos with Spanish Rice and Refried Beans posted at Eating Well ~ Being Well, saying, "This is my soy free, dairy free taco dinner. I have always loved tex-mex, and finally discovered tacos are still wonderful, even without the cheese!"

Alisa presents Hearty, Healthy, Easy, and Cheap German-Style Bread posted at One Frugal Foodie.

chupieandjsmama presents Firecracker Turkey Chili (slow cooker) posted at Mom's Food Allergy Diner.

DINING & TRAVEL

Alisa presents Taking Holidays: Dining in Disneyworld with Food Allergies and Special Diets posted at Go Dairy Free, saying, "Disney World dining stories from several different special diet families."

Alison presents Eating gluten-free, allergen-free at fast food chains posted at Sure Foods Living.

LIFE WITH FOOD ALLERGIES

Rachel Edidin presents Food-Allergic Adults, Advocacy, and Visibility: An Activist Manifesto posted at She Dreams in Digital. As a parent of a food-allergic child, it's especially interesting to read about life with food allergies from an adult perspective.

Susan Weissman presents Heart Stealthy posted at Peanuts in Eden.

Nowheymama presents Angel Food Update posted at No Whey, Mama, saying, "Angel Food Ministries is now offering an allergen-free food box."

Alison presents Could Chinese herbs be used to treat asthma and food allergy? posted at Sure Foods Living.

Rational Jenn presents Facts About Peanut Allergies posted at Rational Jenn, saying "In this post, I outline the basic facts about peanut allergies and the seriousness of the condition."

FREE STUFF!!! DEADLINE TOMORROW!

Alisa presents Gigantic Giveaway Time … Cookies, Brownies, Granola! posted at One Frugal Foodie, saying, "Hurry! Last day to enter is March 6th!"

That concludes this edition. The next edition comes out in 2 weeks! Submit your blog article to the next edition of The Living with Food Allergies Blog Carnival using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags:
living with food allergies carnival, blog carnival.

Carnival News

The Objectivist Round Up is over at Tito Says. Go check it out!

And the Living with Food Allergies Carnival will be up later tonight--it's almost done, but we've got a sitter this evening. I know you all understand! :o)