Well, I'm trying to wrassle with a new parenting post (on rewards, in response to the excellent comments on this post) but it's likely going to be a little while before it's ready.
In the meantime, I feel a little at loose ends for ideas for future parenting posts. Not that there's not tons of stuff to write about, but that's almost my problem--I don't know which to choose.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Leave 'em in the comments! Thanks!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Some Scintillating Monday Morning Random Ramblings
I have such an exciting week ahead of me! In fact, it's apparently so exciting that I can't get up and going this morning one little bit. I'm feeling very lounge-y.
So far, I've lounged around in bed with the baby, enjoying snuggle time and a rousing dozen or so rounds of Peekaboo.
I lounged around on the couch with Morgan for awhile, listening to her recount her many dreams from last night (a pig dressed as a Redcoat!).
I lounged around some more on the couch watching Ryan play Age of Mythology
, on the Greek side of the Trojan War (thinking that's the side you want to be on). We also worked on saying the name "Agamemnon." That's a tricky one!
I even tried to lounge in front of the computer here, but my desk is not set up in a lounge-friendly manner. Probably for the best, really.
Anyway, this week will be exciting, I tell ya! In addition to resuming our normal activity schedule of Taekwondo and Chess and Bird Class, I'm going to Jane Nelsen's lecture Wednesday night and attending an all-day workshop given by her on Thursday! I've never met her in person before, so I'm excited about that. This is a regular workshop for parents to learn practical Positive Discipline tools for every day use. Yay! One of these days, I'll take the workshops geared toward people who want to become Positive Discipline Educators. Because I'm planning to do that, did you know? :o) Then I can teach classes locally (and abroad, if someone wants to pay for me to do so!) to other parents interested in using non-punitive discipline techniques with their kids. That's a long-term goal--for now, I'm happy to be taking the workshop on Thursday. And! She invited me (and Kelly!) to dinner with her on Tuesday night, so I'm going to meet her tomorrow!
It's such a treat to be able to take a whole day away from the kids. Brendan is taking a vacation day to keep them on Thursday and run them around to their activities--another treat, since he hasn't had a paid vacation day in years (well, I guess he just had one on Thanksgiving). There are pros and cons, working as an employee, but one of the pros is definitely paid vacation. Sure, he had lots more flexibility when working on his own, but every. single. time. he took time off, he was not getting paid. So his flexibility was fun, but the Not Getting Paid was always at the back of our minds. And his job is going pretty well, btw. They think he's a smarty-farty and he has his own office and they are very nice there. (Having worked for crazy psycho screaming people, NICE is always a plus in my book.) If only they'd let him have some flexibility with his hours, it'd be a near-perfect employee situation. Currently, they want him there from 8:30 to 5:30 which means he spends waaaaaay too much time in Atlanta traffic, which generally bites.
Let's see, what else? Oh, I'm giving blood on Wednesday, which I haven't done in zillions of years. The blood drive is being held at the homeschool co-op, and since I'm going to be there anyway, I might as well donate! The nephew of the co-op director is fighting leukemia, so we're all donating in his honor.
And somewhere along the way, we'll be taking Brendan's car in for a new timing belt. Super fun.
I'm getting excited for the holidays, too. Are you? If you need something to put you in the holiday mood, check out these lovely drinks at 3 Ring Binder. And--complete non-sequitur here--if you'd like a laugh (and a glimpse into life with a toddler), check out this post at Reservation for Six.
And now, back to my regular lounging schedule, because when I contemplate all that's ahead of me, no wonder I'm in the mood to lounge this morning! Yay for homeschooling, by the way--we can listen to history in our lounge wearing lounge clothes, just lounging around. :o)
By the way, did you notice that my somewhat alliterative post title is very S-M-R themed? (Sean-Morgan-Ryan) I didn't even notice until AFTER I came up with it!
So far, I've lounged around in bed with the baby, enjoying snuggle time and a rousing dozen or so rounds of Peekaboo.
I lounged around on the couch with Morgan for awhile, listening to her recount her many dreams from last night (a pig dressed as a Redcoat!).
I lounged around some more on the couch watching Ryan play Age of Mythology
, on the Greek side of the Trojan War (thinking that's the side you want to be on). We also worked on saying the name "Agamemnon." That's a tricky one!I even tried to lounge in front of the computer here, but my desk is not set up in a lounge-friendly manner. Probably for the best, really.
Anyway, this week will be exciting, I tell ya! In addition to resuming our normal activity schedule of Taekwondo and Chess and Bird Class, I'm going to Jane Nelsen's lecture Wednesday night and attending an all-day workshop given by her on Thursday! I've never met her in person before, so I'm excited about that. This is a regular workshop for parents to learn practical Positive Discipline tools for every day use. Yay! One of these days, I'll take the workshops geared toward people who want to become Positive Discipline Educators. Because I'm planning to do that, did you know? :o) Then I can teach classes locally (and abroad, if someone wants to pay for me to do so!) to other parents interested in using non-punitive discipline techniques with their kids. That's a long-term goal--for now, I'm happy to be taking the workshop on Thursday. And! She invited me (and Kelly!) to dinner with her on Tuesday night, so I'm going to meet her tomorrow!
It's such a treat to be able to take a whole day away from the kids. Brendan is taking a vacation day to keep them on Thursday and run them around to their activities--another treat, since he hasn't had a paid vacation day in years (well, I guess he just had one on Thanksgiving). There are pros and cons, working as an employee, but one of the pros is definitely paid vacation. Sure, he had lots more flexibility when working on his own, but every. single. time. he took time off, he was not getting paid. So his flexibility was fun, but the Not Getting Paid was always at the back of our minds. And his job is going pretty well, btw. They think he's a smarty-farty and he has his own office and they are very nice there. (Having worked for crazy psycho screaming people, NICE is always a plus in my book.) If only they'd let him have some flexibility with his hours, it'd be a near-perfect employee situation. Currently, they want him there from 8:30 to 5:30 which means he spends waaaaaay too much time in Atlanta traffic, which generally bites.
Let's see, what else? Oh, I'm giving blood on Wednesday, which I haven't done in zillions of years. The blood drive is being held at the homeschool co-op, and since I'm going to be there anyway, I might as well donate! The nephew of the co-op director is fighting leukemia, so we're all donating in his honor.
And somewhere along the way, we'll be taking Brendan's car in for a new timing belt. Super fun.
I'm getting excited for the holidays, too. Are you? If you need something to put you in the holiday mood, check out these lovely drinks at 3 Ring Binder. And--complete non-sequitur here--if you'd like a laugh (and a glimpse into life with a toddler), check out this post at Reservation for Six.
And now, back to my regular lounging schedule, because when I contemplate all that's ahead of me, no wonder I'm in the mood to lounge this morning! Yay for homeschooling, by the way--we can listen to history in our lounge wearing lounge clothes, just lounging around. :o)
By the way, did you notice that my somewhat alliterative post title is very S-M-R themed? (Sean-Morgan-Ryan) I didn't even notice until AFTER I came up with it!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
My Tweet Cloud
Many of my tweeps are creating their "tweet clouds" today. I'm nothing if not a sucker for an internet time-waster a blind follower of the crowd a measurement freak who enjoys charts and graphs of any sort (a cloud counts!). So of course I generated my tweet cloud for the past year (although I've only been on Twitter 9 or 10 months, maybe).
What I discovered was a pleasant little view of the things I think and write about often. It is a nice picture of my daily life, and reflects my happiness with the way things are in my life. My most used words (from highest to lowest frequency) are:
A nice little exercise, and on a day when I needed a little optimism. :o)
What I discovered was a pleasant little view of the things I think and write about often. It is a nice picture of my daily life, and reflects my happiness with the way things are in my life. My most used words (from highest to lowest frequency) are:
- kids
- thanks
- baby
- time
- ryan
- love
- blog
- post
- food
- sean
- morgan
- hope
- house
- maybe
- funny
- allergy
- night
- little
- nice
- happy
- tonight
- objectivist
- getting
- party
- okay
- trying
- sleep
- hard
- round
- week
A nice little exercise, and on a day when I needed a little optimism. :o)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Objectivist Round Up #124
Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of The Objectivist Round Up!
May your Thanksgiving be filled with family, friends, a feast, and fun!
Let's start off with a couple of Thanksgiving-related posts:
Thanksgiving is a typically American holiday. In spite of its religious form (giving thanks to God for a good harvest), its essential, secular meaning is a celebration of successful production. It is a producers’ holiday. The lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production. Abundance is (or was and ought to be) America’s pride—just as it is the pride of American parents that their children need never know starvation.
--Ayn Rand, “Cashing in on Hunger,” The Ayn Rand Letter, III, 23, 1.
May your Thanksgiving be filled with family, friends, a feast, and fun!
Let's start off with a couple of Thanksgiving-related posts:
Peter Cresswell presents Who are you giving thanks to this Thanksgiving? posted at Not PC, saying, "A little-known story about how collectivism nearly killed the Pilgrims, and private property saved them. And you." [RJ: This is a Thanksgiving story I have and will continue to share with my children.]
Adam Reed presents Reading Justice at the Thanksgiving Table posted at Born to Identify, saying, "It could be my Jewish heritage, but I think that it is better to start a celebration with a reading than with a mere saying. I plan to read the following:
'Let us read justice to the men and women whom we thank this evening. In the words of Ayn Rand: "Thousands of years ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light. ...' "
Stella presents A reminder at Thanksgiving posted at ReasonPharm, saying, "Just a reminder: Think of all those doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals who are working this weekend...and think of what healthcare "reform" will do to their incentive to keep us healthy through the holidays."
Rational Jenn presents Saying Justice posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "I have a happy life, and there have been many wonderful people who have contributed to that happiness. In this post, I pay special tribute to one person whose knowledge and skills directly affected my life positively: the surgeon who delivered my babies."
Kevin W. presents Pelosi Gives Americans Something to be Thankful For posted at Wisecracks and Wisdom, saying, "I doubt anyone will be asking Pelosi for "seconds" this Thanksgiving."
Roberto Sarrionandia presents "School phobia" is not irrational posted at Tito's Blog, saying, "The absurdity of calling a fear of government schools irrational."
John McVey presents Laying down a root of war posted at John J McVey.
Ari Armstrong presents Environmentalist Clowns Threatening Human Life posted at FreeColorado.com, saying, "Keith Lockitch explains why we need industrial energy and a free market to provide it."
Paul Hsieh presents Jane Orient's View From 35,000 Feet posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "As the Senate prepares to debate health care in earnest, Dr. Jane Orient gives a superb "big picture" overview of the crucial issues at stake."
Francis Luong (Franco) presents On Motivations and Truth posted at Just Add Rationality, saying, "Does intense motivation and bias have to go hand in hand? More importantly, is there a means to validate whether a body of work is valid even when the creator of that body of work was deeply invested in a subject?"
Peter Cresswell presents Jon Voight is right: NZ’s die-while-you wait health system creates “many deaths” posted at Not PC, saying, "Jon Voight says countries like New Zealand suffer greatly from a die-while-you wait health system. Jon Voight is right -- here are some examples."
Daniel Casper presents Campus Media Response: Who Broke American Healthcare? posted at The Undercurrent, saying, "Daniel Casper reminds the University of Illinois' Daily Illini how our healthcare system got to its current state of disrepair."
Gus Van Horn presents Why They Trust posted at Gus Van Horn, saying, "State involvement in science is making it increasingly difficult on many levels for people to be their own 'consumer watchdogs.'"
Diana Hsieh presents Jesus to Sinners: Love Me or Burn in Hell posted at NoodleFood, saying, "A bit of spam raises the question of why people find the moral message of Christianity appealing."
Jason Stotts presents Can You Consent to Your Own Murder? posted at Erosophia, saying, "An analysis of whether a person can consent to his own murder."
Doug Reich presents Anti-Rand Backlash: Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much posted at The Rational Capitalist, saying, "Analysis of the hysterical backlash directed at Ayn Rand occuring in the wake of her uptrending popularity including possible explanations for her critics focus on her personal life"
Doug Reich presents Climategate: A Battle Won, Not the War posted at The Rational Capitalist, saying, "Since science is not the real force motivating environmentalists, climategate's exposure of rampant fraud will have limited impact. Winning the war for civilization will require a focus on the more fundamental problem."
That concludes this week's edition. The Objectivist Round Up is produced every Thursday (the deadline is each Wednesday night at 11pm Eastern time). Hosting is on a volunteer basis, and rotates among Objectivist bloggers. The Rule of Reason is our next host!
Submit your blog article to the next edition using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Saying Justice
Over the last week or so, I've been thinking about all the things I'm happy about in my life: my husband; kids; family; friends; the fact that I am able to be home to raise my kids (and homeschool them, too!); my husband's new job (and the old one!); the thinking and writing I've been doing on the blog; the health of me, my family, and friends. All really wonderful things!
Then two things happened nearly simultaneously. First, I read Craig Biddle's piece entitled "Don't Say Grace, Say Justice". (Go read it!) Second, someone I barely know made a snarky comment about a subject that is very close to me: surgical births. This person was not directing her comment at me, but was making a general statement about a recent event where a woman happened to have had a c-section scheduled, but ended up delivering vaginally.
Excuse me for a moment while I venture into Mommy Wars territory. You may (or may not) know that all three of my kids were delivered by c-section. This fact isn't something I've ever felt the need to defend, or even discuss too much (especially with near-perfect strangers). But the snarking that happened the other day had two effects. First, it pissed me off a bit. Second, it made me realize that I wanted to write a bit about my experience (don't worry, no gory details!) and SAY JUSTICE to the man who delivered three of my highest values.
Let me just say a few things about c-sections before I begin saying my justice.
Also, because of a couple of my previous "real" jobs, I'm intimately familiar with malpractice insurance, physician billing, and other health care goings-on in my state. Okay--got it? Good. (Also, I'm not a doctor, so don't take any of this as medical advice. I know YOU won't, but I always gotta worry about the FTC watching.)
Those things said, I am oh-so-thankful for c-sections! C-sections are WONDERFUL things. Yes, I said it: WONDERFUL.
And they are very safe. Not without risk, certainly, but this is the most commonly performed surgery in the country. It is safe, particularly a planned c-section. It's those emergency/urgent c-sections that are riskiest. But it's those are that are the most needed, so in those situations, it's worth that higher risk to the mother and the doctor.
Ryan was an urgent, unplanned c-section. Two weeks overdue and lodged up high inside me, he started showing signs of distress the second any kind of contractions began. Things quickly deteriorated, and in order to get him out quickly (he was stuck), the surgeon made a vertical cut after the first, horizontal cut. My doctor saved Ryan's life. After a few days in NICU (he had Meconium Aspiration Sydrome, and it was very, very bad at first--fortunately he rallied quickly), he was fine.
Because of the type of incision during Ryan's birth, I was not such a great candidate for a VBAC. I do think that if I had been in a more birth-friendly state (that is, not Georgia), it would have been easier to explore those options if I wanted to. As it is, and women who have given birth around here know this to be true, it's HARD to find any obstetrician willing to let a woman with my inverse-T incision undergo a VBAC. Yes, I could have found one if it had been important enough to me. As it happened, Morgan was in there sideways (and stuck). They didn't want to try a version (turning her from the outside, yuck) because of the previous c-section. Transverse breech is a hard indicator for a c-section anyway, and with my history, it was a no-brainer. Morgan's birth was much more relaxed than Ryan's, obviously. It was even fun and lighthearted in the OR.
With each subsequent c-section, it becomes riskier to have a VBAC, and therefore, more difficult to find a guy. I didn't even bother. I know! GASP! Given my history and situation, and the fact that planned c-sections (while not without risk!) are pretty safe procedures, I went ahead and had Sean that way, too. For whatever reason, and I never heard the full story about how this could have happened, this little baby decided to, what, turn at the last minute? Anyway, THIS is the kid born feet first. Crazy. (Not that you can't deliver a breech baby the regular way, I know!) I have never regretted for a second scheduling his surgery.
Because of my surgeon, all three of my babies landed safe and sound. Things were pretty dicey with Ryan there for a while, but he was fine because my surgeon knew what to do and did it. His skills and knowledge got us all through the surgeries safely. I have never second-guessed my decision to have the two repeat c-sections, and I am forever grateful that he knew what to do with Ryan.
So this is my Justice-Saying. Sure, kind of a strangely particular topic, but as I said--what happened the other day really got me thinking about my birth experiences and how grateful I am that my doctor studied hard and practiced a lot and used his brain and worked in a hospital with the latest technological equipment and knew just what to do to take care of us.
Dr. Michael Echemendia, I can never thank you enough!
Then two things happened nearly simultaneously. First, I read Craig Biddle's piece entitled "Don't Say Grace, Say Justice". (Go read it!) Second, someone I barely know made a snarky comment about a subject that is very close to me: surgical births. This person was not directing her comment at me, but was making a general statement about a recent event where a woman happened to have had a c-section scheduled, but ended up delivering vaginally.
Excuse me for a moment while I venture into Mommy Wars territory. You may (or may not) know that all three of my kids were delivered by c-section. This fact isn't something I've ever felt the need to defend, or even discuss too much (especially with near-perfect strangers). But the snarking that happened the other day had two effects. First, it pissed me off a bit. Second, it made me realize that I wanted to write a bit about my experience (don't worry, no gory details!) and SAY JUSTICE to the man who delivered three of my highest values.
Let me just say a few things about c-sections before I begin saying my justice.
- C-sections are certainly not natural in any sense of the word, and I think that where possible, a vaginal delivery is best for everyone involved.
- I also think the c-section rate in this country, and especially Georgia (in part, due to the fact that we are not allowed by our legislature to have free-standing birth centers), is way too high.
- I vehemently discourage anyone considering having a c-section just because they think it's easier somehow. It's not. I've heard of women who want to spare themselves hours of labor and the pain associated with that. I've never experienced real labor, but the pain and discomfort associated with healing after a c-section lasts for WEEKS, not hours or days. Just sayin'.
- I support VBACs, including support and education to encourage women to try it and raise those VBAC rates. (VBAC is "vaginal birth after caesarean.")
Also, because of a couple of my previous "real" jobs, I'm intimately familiar with malpractice insurance, physician billing, and other health care goings-on in my state. Okay--got it? Good. (Also, I'm not a doctor, so don't take any of this as medical advice. I know YOU won't, but I always gotta worry about the FTC watching.)
Those things said, I am oh-so-thankful for c-sections! C-sections are WONDERFUL things. Yes, I said it: WONDERFUL.
And they are very safe. Not without risk, certainly, but this is the most commonly performed surgery in the country. It is safe, particularly a planned c-section. It's those emergency/urgent c-sections that are riskiest. But it's those are that are the most needed, so in those situations, it's worth that higher risk to the mother and the doctor.
Ryan was an urgent, unplanned c-section. Two weeks overdue and lodged up high inside me, he started showing signs of distress the second any kind of contractions began. Things quickly deteriorated, and in order to get him out quickly (he was stuck), the surgeon made a vertical cut after the first, horizontal cut. My doctor saved Ryan's life. After a few days in NICU (he had Meconium Aspiration Sydrome, and it was very, very bad at first--fortunately he rallied quickly), he was fine.
Because of the type of incision during Ryan's birth, I was not such a great candidate for a VBAC. I do think that if I had been in a more birth-friendly state (that is, not Georgia), it would have been easier to explore those options if I wanted to. As it is, and women who have given birth around here know this to be true, it's HARD to find any obstetrician willing to let a woman with my inverse-T incision undergo a VBAC. Yes, I could have found one if it had been important enough to me. As it happened, Morgan was in there sideways (and stuck). They didn't want to try a version (turning her from the outside, yuck) because of the previous c-section. Transverse breech is a hard indicator for a c-section anyway, and with my history, it was a no-brainer. Morgan's birth was much more relaxed than Ryan's, obviously. It was even fun and lighthearted in the OR.
With each subsequent c-section, it becomes riskier to have a VBAC, and therefore, more difficult to find a guy. I didn't even bother. I know! GASP! Given my history and situation, and the fact that planned c-sections (while not without risk!) are pretty safe procedures, I went ahead and had Sean that way, too. For whatever reason, and I never heard the full story about how this could have happened, this little baby decided to, what, turn at the last minute? Anyway, THIS is the kid born feet first. Crazy. (Not that you can't deliver a breech baby the regular way, I know!) I have never regretted for a second scheduling his surgery.
Because of my surgeon, all three of my babies landed safe and sound. Things were pretty dicey with Ryan there for a while, but he was fine because my surgeon knew what to do and did it. His skills and knowledge got us all through the surgeries safely. I have never second-guessed my decision to have the two repeat c-sections, and I am forever grateful that he knew what to do with Ryan.
So this is my Justice-Saying. Sure, kind of a strangely particular topic, but as I said--what happened the other day really got me thinking about my birth experiences and how grateful I am that my doctor studied hard and practiced a lot and used his brain and worked in a hospital with the latest technological equipment and knew just what to do to take care of us.
Dr. Michael Echemendia, I can never thank you enough!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Good Things!
1. I've been cleaning cleaning cleaning! My, my. How productive of me. There are surfaces in the kitchen that are showing for the first time in, uh, an embarrassingly long time. :o)
2. I finally caught up on Sean's baby book! I was so good about Ryan's baby book (of course, because he was the only one for a while) and pretty good about Morgan's baby book (still pretty easy with just two kids). I've been horrible about updating Sean's. Thankfully, I kept some monthly notes on my iPhone and looking back through my blog helped me get some of Seanie's milestones in the right spots.
3. Catching up on Sean's baby book (and throwing a few things each in Ryan's and Morgan's books, too) was FUN. Looked through zillions of pictures of my adorable babies. That provides hours of entertainment for me--and for most parents, I would imagine.
4. I found canned pumpkin stuff at the store (did you know there's a shortage going on?), so all of my pumpkin pie-loving guests will get their fix. Not me, mind you. I think pumpkin anything is really nasty. I'm holding out for key lime pie.
5. Last night, I designed and ordered our Christmas cards on Snapfish. They are so freaking cute I can hardly stand it! And hopefully once our technical difficulties have been solved (yay for techie hubbies!) I'll get the 2010 calendar (filled with pictures of The People) planned out. We always give one to all of the grandparents and great-grandparents from the kids. It's pretty inexpensive--so inexpensive, in fact, that I can order a couple of extras to put in the kids' baby books! And there's one more Sean chore I need to complete--his one year photo album. (He's 17 months old, that's how bad I am!) I'm going to take advantage of this whirlwind of productivity to knock that out over the weekend.
6. That's all for now! Tomorrow I bake pies and we tackle the playroom. Once more into the breach!
2. I finally caught up on Sean's baby book! I was so good about Ryan's baby book (of course, because he was the only one for a while) and pretty good about Morgan's baby book (still pretty easy with just two kids). I've been horrible about updating Sean's. Thankfully, I kept some monthly notes on my iPhone and looking back through my blog helped me get some of Seanie's milestones in the right spots.
3. Catching up on Sean's baby book (and throwing a few things each in Ryan's and Morgan's books, too) was FUN. Looked through zillions of pictures of my adorable babies. That provides hours of entertainment for me--and for most parents, I would imagine.
4. I found canned pumpkin stuff at the store (did you know there's a shortage going on?), so all of my pumpkin pie-loving guests will get their fix. Not me, mind you. I think pumpkin anything is really nasty. I'm holding out for key lime pie.
5. Last night, I designed and ordered our Christmas cards on Snapfish. They are so freaking cute I can hardly stand it! And hopefully once our technical difficulties have been solved (yay for techie hubbies!) I'll get the 2010 calendar (filled with pictures of The People) planned out. We always give one to all of the grandparents and great-grandparents from the kids. It's pretty inexpensive--so inexpensive, in fact, that I can order a couple of extras to put in the kids' baby books! And there's one more Sean chore I need to complete--his one year photo album. (He's 17 months old, that's how bad I am!) I'm going to take advantage of this whirlwind of productivity to knock that out over the weekend.
6. That's all for now! Tomorrow I bake pies and we tackle the playroom. Once more into the breach!
Monday, November 23, 2009
PD Tool Card: Mirror
This week's card is one of my favorite parenting tools! It's easy to do, it's easy to do respectfully, and it is a way for me to remain disentangled from unnecessary battles.
Telling children what you observe is often enough to motivate change.
That's it. All you do is make observations. And then sit back and reap the rewards! Okay, it's not quite that simple, but many times things seem to work out that way.
Most of the time, I make general observations similar to the ones shown on the card:
- I see your new rocks on the floor.
- I see your empty lunch plate on the table.
- I noticed a string cheese wrapper by the computer.
Those are great ways to get kids to handle their responsibilities. It's not bossing, because I'm merely making an observation out loud. I am not telling them what to do because I know they know what to do. So it's easier to handle protests. "But MOM! Don't tell me what to do!" (Boy do they ever hate being bossed.) And I can say "I wasn't telling you what to do. I'm just saying what I see." And sometimes I even feign an exaggerated air of innocence, which often gets smiles, or at least, blank stares. (Hey--I have to amuse myself, too!)
It's also a useful tool for the likes of me, who tends to be overly wordy. I don't need to provide a long, drawn-out explication of the various reasons a plate needs to be taken to the sink, or a laundry list of the last 10 minutes of reminders. And I think they like knowing that I understand that they will and can handle their responsibility. It's a way of demonstrating trust.
Finally, Mirroring is explicitly reality-oriented: "Here is something I see (or hear or god forbid, smell) in reality." A is A; this is how I know it; and I trust that you will do the Right Thing. Metaphysics; Epistemology; Ethics. A parenting-philosophy WIN. :D
I have found ways to use Mirroring in other contexts, too. It's a wonderful tool during conflict, for example. Often, when tempers and voices are rising, I can help circumvent a full-on altercation by making a quick observation.
- Can I tell you what I saw? I saw that Morgan was holding the toy, put it down to use the bathroom, and when she got out, you had the toy.
- Wow! I hear some upset voices.
- It sounds to me like Sean is saying "no!" in baby language.
Both older kids will generally understand from my statement what needs to be done. In the first example, Ryan will understand that pausing (as they term it) playing with a toy to use the bathroom is one of our House Rules. Now maybe he saw that she went to the bathroom; maybe not. It really doesn't matter whether I interrogate him to determine if he grabbed the toy maliciously or mistakenly. I observe; he is reminded of the rule. He knows what to do--give the toy back. I only need to be involved further if he is unwilling to do the right thing.
One thing that's happening more often lately is that Sean is getting in on the
- Do you hear him screaming like that? That's his way of telling you he doesn't like it when you do that. (Followed up by telling Sean: "Sean, you can say 'NO!' ")
- I see Sean is trying to grab that toy. That's his way of asking for a turn. ("Sean, you can say 'My turn, please!' ")
- I noticed that when you guys are running around, Sean likes to run, too. He wants to be one of the Big Kids. Can you think of a way he can be included?
In those situations, I'm using Mirroring, with a little extra bit of interpretation for the benefit of all. Sean can't really say "My turn, please!" yet, but when I say the words for him, he's learning what he can do once he has those skills. They understand so much more than they can physically replicate at this age. So I am modeling the things I want him to learn because I know that one day, and probably soon, he will be able to say those things. In other words, I'm showing him the tools I want him to acquire when he's ready to.
What are some of the ways in which you use the Mirroring techniques?
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me!
We are back from our lovely weekend at the cabin! Personally, I think birthdays ought to transcend just the special date (yesterday) and should include the day or two before and the day or two after the big day. That way you can carpe all of the diem possible (or at least, pace yourself)!
A few highlights:
We got the cabin decorated for the holiday season. The tree looks so gorgeous and fancy. The tree we put together at home is fun and sentimental, with colorful silly ornaments that go way back to my childhood (and Brendan's, too). Lots of crazy colors and there's a story behind every ornament. I wouldn't have it any other way. But! The cabin tree is FANCY. It looks like one of the trees you might see at a department store. Its theme is simple--red and gold balls--and this year we added some cute little wooden animal ornaments--owls and chipmunks. Very cabin-y. It's not as fun as our family tree, but with the cabin decor I can indulge my desire for cutesy-ness and matchiness.
We ate at Poole's BBQ yesterday for lunch and it was yum yum yum! There's just something about hand-pulled pork at a roadside restaurant in North Georgia. And there's just something else about a barbecue place with a car that oinks all through your lunch, too. I love Georgia!
We managed to get some really cute pictures of the kids for our Christmas cards. The photo session was unusually fraught with roller coaster emotions--but we all survived intact and bonded a little bit more afterwards. :o)
Last night, I was treated to a firelight show as performed by my older kids and Kelly and her daughter. Actually even Aaron and Brendan were in on it, too. The girls performed a T-Rex/pterodactyl battle (with sound effects by Ryan), songs were sung, poems read, guitars played, marshmallows roasted. Fun!
I learned that I should probably never ever ever have more than one glass of champagne in the course of an evening. I don't know what it is about champagne, but it always messes with me. So I'm done with that! (Okay, okay, sure . . . it only took 39 years for me to figure that out, but better late than never, yes?)
I won a contest! Topsy-Techie, who I e-know because she created and manages the website Secular Homeschool, ran a contest on her blog, giving away cake decorating supplies. Since that's something I actually do many times a year, and since she was running this contest in honor of her own 39th birthday (which was one day before mine), I decided to enter. And it paid off, 'cause I won! :o) (Thanks, Topsy!)
Let's see, what else? Tons of Facebook and Twitter and blog and email and voicemail messages and phone conversations from my friends and family really made me smile. Thank you! Morgan insisted on "buying" (as in, duping Brendan into buying) me a hat for my birthday from the Army Surplus Store. For real. Yummy steaks with blue cheese. Laughing and talking with my husband and friends. A nap this afternoon.
Not a bad way to spend a weekend, actually! :o) What did you do?
A few highlights:
We got the cabin decorated for the holiday season. The tree looks so gorgeous and fancy. The tree we put together at home is fun and sentimental, with colorful silly ornaments that go way back to my childhood (and Brendan's, too). Lots of crazy colors and there's a story behind every ornament. I wouldn't have it any other way. But! The cabin tree is FANCY. It looks like one of the trees you might see at a department store. Its theme is simple--red and gold balls--and this year we added some cute little wooden animal ornaments--owls and chipmunks. Very cabin-y. It's not as fun as our family tree, but with the cabin decor I can indulge my desire for cutesy-ness and matchiness.
We ate at Poole's BBQ yesterday for lunch and it was yum yum yum! There's just something about hand-pulled pork at a roadside restaurant in North Georgia. And there's just something else about a barbecue place with a car that oinks all through your lunch, too. I love Georgia!
We managed to get some really cute pictures of the kids for our Christmas cards. The photo session was unusually fraught with roller coaster emotions--but we all survived intact and bonded a little bit more afterwards. :o)
Last night, I was treated to a firelight show as performed by my older kids and Kelly and her daughter. Actually even Aaron and Brendan were in on it, too. The girls performed a T-Rex/pterodactyl battle (with sound effects by Ryan), songs were sung, poems read, guitars played, marshmallows roasted. Fun!
I learned that I should probably never ever ever have more than one glass of champagne in the course of an evening. I don't know what it is about champagne, but it always messes with me. So I'm done with that! (Okay, okay, sure . . . it only took 39 years for me to figure that out, but better late than never, yes?)
I won a contest! Topsy-Techie, who I e-know because she created and manages the website Secular Homeschool, ran a contest on her blog, giving away cake decorating supplies. Since that's something I actually do many times a year, and since she was running this contest in honor of her own 39th birthday (which was one day before mine), I decided to enter. And it paid off, 'cause I won! :o) (Thanks, Topsy!)
Let's see, what else? Tons of Facebook and Twitter and blog and email and voicemail messages and phone conversations from my friends and family really made me smile. Thank you! Morgan insisted on "buying" (as in, duping Brendan into buying) me a hat for my birthday from the Army Surplus Store. For real. Yummy steaks with blue cheese. Laughing and talking with my husband and friends. A nap this afternoon.
Not a bad way to spend a weekend, actually! :o) What did you do?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Good Things, Holiday Edition (Brought to you by Procrastination)
First, before this thought falls out of my head and I forget to mention it, check out the 123rd edition of the Objectivist Round Up, hosted by my friend C. August! Guaranteed to make you THINK! (We really put out some good stuff, we OBloggers, don't we?) I'm hosting the Thanksgiving Edition next week, and I invited all Objectivist Bloggers to submit a post, especially if you've got one on the theme of Giving Justice.
We have another exciting weekend brewing. We're heading up to the cabin this afternoon (laundry- and kid-willing) to decorate it for the holidays (which is, of course, the whole reason I'm writing this blog post, so I don't have to face laundry, packing, and/or whining). This pre-holiday cabin visit typically occurs during the second weekend of November, but we couldn't do it last weekend because we had renters! This has been our best rental season yet (we're three years into it), in spite of the awfulness of the economy. I actually think that the downturn has worked out in our favor because people still have enough disposable income to take a long weekend here and there, but don't want the additional travel expenses of flying or driving for a long distance. The cabin is less than 2 hours from downtown Atlanta, fairly inexpensive especially if you split the cost among families, and of course it's gorgeous up there in the mountains! Sadly, we can't just take this extra rental income and play with it--it'll all go toward refinishing the deck sometime during the winter in preparation for next rental season.
Our cabin trip has turned into one of our family Holiday Activities, so it feels to me like the holiday season is really here. We even took Sean to see Santa at the mall the other day. I now have pictures of all three of my kids as babies and also at about a year-and-a-half with Santa. So cute. The Big Kids have never wanted to go back and see him (in the photo-op sense), although they were very helpful in getting Sean to kinda sorta smile at the camera (both Ryan and Morgan are screaming in their toddler/SC pics, evidently because they lacked two older siblings to scream and jump up and down during the photo session). Santa asked R & M what they wanted for Christmas and they jabbered his ear off. First time either of them has EVER told SC what they wanted for Christmas, which is good because now I have a couple new ideas. Ryan politely refrained from mentioning that he (Santa) is dead, not real and/or really really old. I call that a successful Santa trip!
Another Holiday Activity--my birthday, which is tomorrow! Since my birthday comes close to, but never actually on, Thanksgiving, it's always been part of the holidays. I know you celebrate it, too. The Holidays just seem a little "off" without a Jenn Birthday Celebration, right? :o) So even though we're going to the cabin ostensibly to Work Hard Like Peopleguys, we're also planning to have some fun, too. A few friends will join us, which will be nice. I'm going to try to take the kids Christmas card picture up there in the beeeeyoootiful scenery. I'm sure there will be a bottle (or two) of my favorite wine.
And then, back here on Sunday for Football! and the final push toward Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a light week of kid activities, the possibility of Brendan getting off of work a bit early on Wednesday (maybe?), and a fun relaxing Thanksgiving filled with good food, good friends, and of course, the Macy's Parade.
Oh yes, it's beginning to feel a lot like the Holidays! And THAT is a Good Thing. :o)
We have another exciting weekend brewing. We're heading up to the cabin this afternoon (laundry- and kid-willing) to decorate it for the holidays (which is, of course, the whole reason I'm writing this blog post, so I don't have to face laundry, packing, and/or whining). This pre-holiday cabin visit typically occurs during the second weekend of November, but we couldn't do it last weekend because we had renters! This has been our best rental season yet (we're three years into it), in spite of the awfulness of the economy. I actually think that the downturn has worked out in our favor because people still have enough disposable income to take a long weekend here and there, but don't want the additional travel expenses of flying or driving for a long distance. The cabin is less than 2 hours from downtown Atlanta, fairly inexpensive especially if you split the cost among families, and of course it's gorgeous up there in the mountains! Sadly, we can't just take this extra rental income and play with it--it'll all go toward refinishing the deck sometime during the winter in preparation for next rental season.
Our cabin trip has turned into one of our family Holiday Activities, so it feels to me like the holiday season is really here. We even took Sean to see Santa at the mall the other day. I now have pictures of all three of my kids as babies and also at about a year-and-a-half with Santa. So cute. The Big Kids have never wanted to go back and see him (in the photo-op sense), although they were very helpful in getting Sean to kinda sorta smile at the camera (both Ryan and Morgan are screaming in their toddler/SC pics, evidently because they lacked two older siblings to scream and jump up and down during the photo session). Santa asked R & M what they wanted for Christmas and they jabbered his ear off. First time either of them has EVER told SC what they wanted for Christmas, which is good because now I have a couple new ideas. Ryan politely refrained from mentioning that he (Santa) is dead, not real and/or really really old. I call that a successful Santa trip!
Another Holiday Activity--my birthday, which is tomorrow! Since my birthday comes close to, but never actually on, Thanksgiving, it's always been part of the holidays. I know you celebrate it, too. The Holidays just seem a little "off" without a Jenn Birthday Celebration, right? :o) So even though we're going to the cabin ostensibly to Work Hard Like Peopleguys, we're also planning to have some fun, too. A few friends will join us, which will be nice. I'm going to try to take the kids Christmas card picture up there in the beeeeyoootiful scenery. I'm sure there will be a bottle (or two) of my favorite wine.
And then, back here on Sunday for Football! and the final push toward Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a light week of kid activities, the possibility of Brendan getting off of work a bit early on Wednesday (maybe?), and a fun relaxing Thanksgiving filled with good food, good friends, and of course, the Macy's Parade.
Oh yes, it's beginning to feel a lot like the Holidays! And THAT is a Good Thing. :o)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Revelation of the Day
My sweet little daughter is really really smart. She reads and can do all kinds of math and knows everything there is to know about dogs. And yet, she can hardly walk through a room without falling flat on her face, Sandra-Bullock-from-Miss-Congeniality-style. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. (But only a bit.) She just doesn't pay too much attention to her environment, and that can cause problems for all of us.
Today, I asked her to "Please move!" for about the fifth time while I was bringing groceries into the house. She then moved directly into my path--for about the fifth time. Near disaster--for about the fifth time.
So I said to her, "Honey. Do you know what I need you to do when I say 'Please move?' I need you to look with your eyes, figure out which direction I'm going in, and move AWAY from me. I need you to move in a different direction from me."
She just stared at me and said "Oooohhhhhh. Well okay! I can do that!"
Later, in another situation, I asked her to "Please move out my way!" and she stopped and looked around--and then moved away from me. It was a glorious thing!
So which of us had the revelation? I'd say we both did, don't you think? Because I'm pretty smart, too, and it never once occurred to me that she needed me to explain that!
Today, I asked her to "Please move!" for about the fifth time while I was bringing groceries into the house. She then moved directly into my path--for about the fifth time. Near disaster--for about the fifth time.
So I said to her, "Honey. Do you know what I need you to do when I say 'Please move?' I need you to look with your eyes, figure out which direction I'm going in, and move AWAY from me. I need you to move in a different direction from me."
She just stared at me and said "Oooohhhhhh. Well okay! I can do that!"
Later, in another situation, I asked her to "Please move out my way!" and she stopped and looked around--and then moved away from me. It was a glorious thing!
So which of us had the revelation? I'd say we both did, don't you think? Because I'm pretty smart, too, and it never once occurred to me that she needed me to explain that!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Another Bloggy Milestone
Today, according to Sitemeter, I reached 75,000 hits! Lucky # 75,000 was a visitor from Rangoon, Myanmar. Pretty cool.
In honor of this occasion, and partly inspired by some recent Twittering, I thought I'd share with you some of the most amusing search phrases that have brought people to my blog recently.
In any given week, I get quite a few hits from people searching phrases you might expect if you've read my blog at all for any length of time. Some of these phrases include:
Okay, pretty predictable. I think it's hilarious, though, that I still get so much traffic from my snarky Quickbooks and Dish Network posts. :o)
But now for some more amusing search phrases (from the last three weeks or so):
In honor of this occasion, and partly inspired by some recent Twittering, I thought I'd share with you some of the most amusing search phrases that have brought people to my blog recently.
In any given week, I get quite a few hits from people searching phrases you might expect if you've read my blog at all for any length of time. Some of these phrases include:
- American Community Survey and other Census-related queries
- Discipline without punishment
- Leaving Dish Network (or downgrading Dish Network)
- I hate Quickbooks
- Ayn Rand and children
Okay, pretty predictable. I think it's hilarious, though, that I still get so much traffic from my snarky Quickbooks and Dish Network posts. :o)
But now for some more amusing search phrases (from the last three weeks or so):
- what is the rational fear name for dust mites (Dur. Dust-mite-phobia!)
- the benefits to using force on your child (Force? Or The Force?)
- what is the limit to what parents can force their children to do (You know something? I've been wondering the same thing myself.)
- your the parent they are the child end of story car seat (So "car seat" is sort of the Epilogue in this tale.)
- what and where are barrens in a suv infiniti qx4 located? (If I knew what barrens are, I could maybe help you. However if you mean "bairns" then they're located in the back, strapped in their car seats.)
- how to use the force in real life (Well, see, first you gotta have midichlorians. Then you need to visit Yoda for some training. And then you gotta construct your light saber. And then you need to realize that hokey religions and ancient weapons are just really no match for a good blaster at your side, give the whole thing up, maybe go to graduate school, and find another career.)
- lyrics for epipen (O Epipen, O Epipen, thy needle's so life-saving!)
- numia vs outright (Numia. Every time.)
- forcing ones will upon child (Mine prefers if I force twenties on him. He gets richer quicker that way.)
- little my works might and despair (Might what? I'm dying to know. Is that why there's despair, because of the not knowing what the works might do?)
- does a girl like me if she hugs and clings to me? (Yes.)
- polian godboy (WTF?)
- punishing kids bare feet (Well, mine act like wearing shoes is a punishment, so can't help you there.)
- what's the most hated phrase parents use on kids (I just asked the kids. Ryan's answer: "Clean up." Morgan's answer: "Washing." There you go!)
- i'm going to disneyland with my friends were each paying for our selfs how much money shold i take (Answer: Take out a mortgage. That'll last you about three days.)
Joke(s) of the Day
Morgan: "Knock knock!"
(Okay, see? Here's the thing. My kids do NOT understand the point of knock-knock jokes.)
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
(ESPECIALLY this particular knock-kn0ck joke.)
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
(She says absentmindedly, looking for a parking space.)
M: "Banana!" (giggle)
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!!!!!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Orange!"
(What the . . . !?!?!?!? Is she going to get it right?)
Me, trying not to get too excited: "Orange Who?"
Morgan, triumphantly: "Orange ya glad I didn't say 'Banana?' "
I was shocked. Shocked! In all of her time on this planet, she has never once told this joke correctly. It was awesome!
She giggled and started again. I eagerly played along.
Morgan: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Chocolate Milk!"
Me: "Uh, Chocolate Milk Who?"
M: "Chocolate Milk ya glad I didn't say 'Banana?' "
Me: :::headsteeringwheel:::
But, hey, she did it once!
(Okay, see? Here's the thing. My kids do NOT understand the point of knock-knock jokes.)
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
(ESPECIALLY this particular knock-kn0ck joke.)
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
(She says absentmindedly, looking for a parking space.)
M: "Banana!" (giggle)
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!!!!!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Orange!"
(What the . . . !?!?!?!? Is she going to get it right?)
Me, trying not to get too excited: "Orange Who?"
Morgan, triumphantly: "Orange ya glad I didn't say 'Banana?' "
I was shocked. Shocked! In all of her time on this planet, she has never once told this joke correctly. It was awesome!
She giggled and started again. I eagerly played along.
Morgan: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Banana."
Me: "Banana Who?"
M: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
M: "Chocolate Milk!"
Me: "Uh, Chocolate Milk Who?"
M: "Chocolate Milk ya glad I didn't say 'Banana?' "
Me: :::headsteeringwheel:::
But, hey, she did it once!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Funny Conversation of the Day
The kids and I always have the most interesting conversations in the car. Here's a taste of our conversation on the way to Taekwondo, as faithfully as I can render it. I even wrote down notes about this conversation right after it ended, so I could make sure to capture the nuance. :o)
Ryan, out of the blue: I've made up my mind--I'm never going to get married!
Me: Why not?
R: I'm just not that kind of a guy.
Me: Oh. [chuckles inwardly]
Morgan: Well you HAVE to get married so you can have kids.
R: Well I don't want them either. I've got other things I want to do.
Me: That's cool. You don't have to get married and have a family to be happy. You can be happy without those things, and everyone has to decide for themselves what will make them happiest. [Leaving out the fact that you technically don't need to be married to actually produce children, partly because it was hard to get a word in.]
Morgan: Well I'M going to get married. I have a plan.
Me: What's that?
M, giggling, turned to Ryan and said: I'm going to marry Dad and then that way I'll present you as your STEPMOTHER! [She actually said it like that: "present you."]
R: No no no Morgan. That'll never work, you know why?
M: No. Why?
R, gesturing with superiority: Um, what about her, you know, MOM? Dad can't be married to both of you at the same time. You're only allowed to be married to one person at a time.
M: Oh.
R: Besides, Morgan, Dad would go crazy. What if Mom says "Brendan, I need your help on the computer NOW!" but then you're like, "I need help, too!" And then Dad is all "I'm going crazy, too many people need help on the computer, aaaaggghh!" [Evidently a husband's main job is to help the wife on the computer. Don't judge--it works for us! :o) ]
Me: So Ryan, why do you say you're not the kind of guy who would want to get married?
R: Well, I know lots of beautiful girls, but I'd be so embarrassed to ask them to marry me.
Me: [?!?!?!?!?]
R: Also, what if the Mom's sick and there are kids to take care of? What would I do? It's too much for me to handle!
Me: Mom? You mean me?
R, flustering: No . . . I mean . . . the girl, you know, the WIFE. What if she gets sick and I have to take care of the kids? No WAY.
Me: Ah, I see. [I am SO GOOD at not laughing, btw. Years of practice.]
R: Also, I'd be WAY too embarrassed to be in the wedding. Everyone looking at you and stuff.
Me: Well, I understand why you might feel like that. You don't have to have a big wedding ceremony you know, like our friends, and Nonnie.
Morgan, who had obviously been thinking about the fact that she can't marry Dad: Well, I'M going to get married. I'm going to get married to a GIRL! [Heh. Dad's always going to be her number one man, I guess!]
Ryan, with more superiority: Um, you can't marry a GIRL, Morgan. You can't get any babies that way!
M: Why not?
R: Well you need sperm to make a baby! And two girls canNOT make sperm. Where are you going to get the SPERM, Morgan?
M: Well, K and K are married and THEY'RE both girls and THEY have children! [K and K are our two babysitters, who are roommates, both of whom have boyfriends and neither of whom has children. But evidently Morgan has decided that they're married to each other! I'm not quite sure if they'll see the humor in that or not. I think they would.]
Me: Well, no. They're roommates, honey. They share an apartment, but they're not married and they don't have kids. But you know, two girls can make a baby if they borrow some sperm. [OMG! Why did I say that?!?!?!?!?]
R: What in the world? How does THAT happen?!?!?!?
Aaaaand then we arrived at Taekwondo! I'm certain that there will be many follow up conversations. If they're entertaining at all, I'll let you know. Stay tuned!
Ryan, out of the blue: I've made up my mind--I'm never going to get married!
Me: Why not?
R: I'm just not that kind of a guy.
Me: Oh. [chuckles inwardly]
Morgan: Well you HAVE to get married so you can have kids.
R: Well I don't want them either. I've got other things I want to do.
Me: That's cool. You don't have to get married and have a family to be happy. You can be happy without those things, and everyone has to decide for themselves what will make them happiest. [Leaving out the fact that you technically don't need to be married to actually produce children, partly because it was hard to get a word in.]
Morgan: Well I'M going to get married. I have a plan.
Me: What's that?
M, giggling, turned to Ryan and said: I'm going to marry Dad and then that way I'll present you as your STEPMOTHER! [She actually said it like that: "present you."]
R: No no no Morgan. That'll never work, you know why?
M: No. Why?
R, gesturing with superiority: Um, what about her, you know, MOM? Dad can't be married to both of you at the same time. You're only allowed to be married to one person at a time.
M: Oh.
R: Besides, Morgan, Dad would go crazy. What if Mom says "Brendan, I need your help on the computer NOW!" but then you're like, "I need help, too!" And then Dad is all "I'm going crazy, too many people need help on the computer, aaaaggghh!" [Evidently a husband's main job is to help the wife on the computer. Don't judge--it works for us! :o) ]
Me: So Ryan, why do you say you're not the kind of guy who would want to get married?
R: Well, I know lots of beautiful girls, but I'd be so embarrassed to ask them to marry me.
Me: [?!?!?!?!?]
R: Also, what if the Mom's sick and there are kids to take care of? What would I do? It's too much for me to handle!
Me: Mom? You mean me?
R, flustering: No . . . I mean . . . the girl, you know, the WIFE. What if she gets sick and I have to take care of the kids? No WAY.
Me: Ah, I see. [I am SO GOOD at not laughing, btw. Years of practice.]
R: Also, I'd be WAY too embarrassed to be in the wedding. Everyone looking at you and stuff.
Me: Well, I understand why you might feel like that. You don't have to have a big wedding ceremony you know, like our friends, and Nonnie.
Morgan, who had obviously been thinking about the fact that she can't marry Dad: Well, I'M going to get married. I'm going to get married to a GIRL! [Heh. Dad's always going to be her number one man, I guess!]
Ryan, with more superiority: Um, you can't marry a GIRL, Morgan. You can't get any babies that way!
M: Why not?
R: Well you need sperm to make a baby! And two girls canNOT make sperm. Where are you going to get the SPERM, Morgan?
M: Well, K and K are married and THEY'RE both girls and THEY have children! [K and K are our two babysitters, who are roommates, both of whom have boyfriends and neither of whom has children. But evidently Morgan has decided that they're married to each other! I'm not quite sure if they'll see the humor in that or not. I think they would.]
Me: Well, no. They're roommates, honey. They share an apartment, but they're not married and they don't have kids. But you know, two girls can make a baby if they borrow some sperm. [OMG! Why did I say that?!?!?!?!?]
R: What in the world? How does THAT happen?!?!?!?
Aaaaand then we arrived at Taekwondo! I'm certain that there will be many follow up conversations. If they're entertaining at all, I'll let you know. Stay tuned!
Non-Punitive Discipline Keeps Me Honest
I've mentioned many times that my using Positive Discipline strategies with my kids is good for me, too. I think PD is great for my kids, and they are the primary concern here, that I'm raising them in a way that will encourage them to develop self-discipline and get a lot of practice in decision-making and problem-solving.
But PD is great for me, too, because when I am focusing on parenting in a non-punitive way (leading and guiding rather than punishing and bribing), then I am using the virtues, too. I have an example from yesterday that I hope will illustrate this.
We were invited to a birthday party for two of the kids' homeschool friends. The party was about an hour away, and was scheduled to last for many hours. It was at a pumpkin farm, and included a corn maze and hayrides and roasting hot dogs and s'mores. We really like these girls and all of the families who would be in attendance, and naturally, we're big fans of open fires and s'mores, too. We ALL were looking forward to attending.
In the morning, we talked about our plans for the day, and everyone was super-excited about the party. But the house was also in its usual disaster state. I pointed this out to everyone and said we needed to get things back in some kind of order before we left for the party. Suddenly, people who were, only moments before, attempting to scale the walls Spider-Man-style, began exhibiting the energy and physical strength levels of decrepit little old ladies. "I'm tired!" "I can't move my legs!" Etc. Not too unusual, really. And oh, how they were pitiful.
After enduring this for a while and getting little help, I started to say, "If you won't help, we won't go!" In other words, I considered offering a punishment (skipping the party) for this non-cooperation. Because I was mad and because that's what my parents (and indeed, many parents) would have done.
And I can't really fault them for that, because I completely understand that feeling of needing something not-so-fun to get done, and holding the super-fun thing out there as a bribe, and threatening to take it away as a consequence. Not that the party wasn't a great motivation--it was, for all of us. In fact, it was such a great motivator that it didn't even need a threat of removal for it to remain motivating.
But instead of issuing the threat, I considered these questions (in my own head):
And my answers (also in my head, although I have been known to talk to myself--I know, sign of impending insanity, yes? Isn't that from Zork?):
These thoughts didn't go through my head all at once like that, and it took probably 20 minutes before I figured out my actual reason for wanting to get the cleaning done before leaving: that Thinking about the Mess will Stress Me Out and Make Me Feel Resentful, Which Will Interfere with Our Fun.
Once I figured it out, I just told the kids the honest reason--I don't want to be thinking about the mess at home. That will make it hard for me to enjoy the party. I don't want to be grumpy at the party.
Ryan was much more willing to assist me after that. Much. Morgan, not-so-much, but that's partly because she's four (and-a-half!, she'd insist I add). However, even she helped out a little more after that.
We had to work quickly so we'd have time to eat lunch and go to Target before the party, and knowing we had this party ahead of us was good motivation. We got things kinda picked up--not perfect, but enough for my peace of mind--and had a lovely time at the party.
If I'd just said "Help me clean up or we're not going to the party." then I might have received about as much actual assistance as I did, possibly even a little bit more. But there would have been many things wrong about that strategy. I really wanted to go--so it would have been hard to follow through on that threat. And if I did, then I wouldn't get to do something I really wanted to (I get to have self-interest, too!). Honestly, I wanted to go badly enough that I really might not have followed through on the threat--which would then have demonstrated that I don't really mean what I say, setting us all up for problems in the long-run (especially if I gave empty threats regularly).
Yes, I might have gotten more (or less, or the same) cooperation if I'd held out the carrot and was prepared to use a stick. And it would have taken a whole lot less time, too. Trust me when I tell you how close I was to doing it--how tempting it was.
But because I took a few extra minutes to introspect and think about MY desires and needs, I think we're better off for it. I was completely honest with the kids about why I wanted the cleaning up to be done before we left. I phrased this in terms of my rational self-interest: I'd be stressed, grumpy, etc. This way they get to see me as someone who gets to have self-interest (as opposed to just "Mom").
I also expressed my thoughts in a calm way, not in a stressed out grumpy way, because my focus was simply on communicating to them with honesty. I wasn't emotion-less, but I was not merely dumping my emotions onto them in a mean way. This is still something I'm learning how to do.
My being completely honest with them was also a demonstration of that virtue, and integrity as well. That was a good way to model the virtues I want them to embrace.
Also, I was treating them the way I'd treat anyone--Brendan, my friends, other adults. I was not talking down to them, using my parental authority (with the threat of force to back it up by taking away a fun opportunity as a punishment) to make them obey me. In expressing my emotions in a calm, honest, rational way, explaining the situation as I saw it, I was implicitly saying to them "This is something I'm confident that you can understand. I know you'll work with me here."
In other words, I was appealing to their rationality. Of course, with kids, that rationality isn't always something they'll choose to use--their minds are still new and brains are immature, but they are developing their minds all the time. It's always worth it, I think, to see if the light is ON and appeal to their reason first. In doing so, I can simultaneously model how rational adults treat each other and treat them rationally. Win-Win.
And I think that Ryan at least, saw my point, understood the truth of it (Mom sure does get freaked out about returning home to a mess.), and also saw the fairness of it (There's a lot to clean up and she needs us to help.). Which is why after I told him what I wanted and needed and why, he got more cooperative. He is old enough to begin to appreciate this in a more mature way. Morgan's not there yet, but I'm hopeful that when she's seven (and-a-half!) she'll be there, too. Sean is still the caboose--but I actually got the most cooperation from him--he loves the Put Things In the Box game, and is young enough to just take my suggestion and try to do it. I'll miss that when it's gone. :o)
I'm so glad I handled this issue that way, and I'm also glad I wrote it up--maybe this blog post will help me remember to do more of this!
But PD is great for me, too, because when I am focusing on parenting in a non-punitive way (leading and guiding rather than punishing and bribing), then I am using the virtues, too. I have an example from yesterday that I hope will illustrate this.
We were invited to a birthday party for two of the kids' homeschool friends. The party was about an hour away, and was scheduled to last for many hours. It was at a pumpkin farm, and included a corn maze and hayrides and roasting hot dogs and s'mores. We really like these girls and all of the families who would be in attendance, and naturally, we're big fans of open fires and s'mores, too. We ALL were looking forward to attending.
In the morning, we talked about our plans for the day, and everyone was super-excited about the party. But the house was also in its usual disaster state. I pointed this out to everyone and said we needed to get things back in some kind of order before we left for the party. Suddenly, people who were, only moments before, attempting to scale the walls Spider-Man-style, began exhibiting the energy and physical strength levels of decrepit little old ladies. "I'm tired!" "I can't move my legs!" Etc. Not too unusual, really. And oh, how they were pitiful.
After enduring this for a while and getting little help, I started to say, "If you won't help, we won't go!" In other words, I considered offering a punishment (skipping the party) for this non-cooperation. Because I was mad and because that's what my parents (and indeed, many parents) would have done.
And I can't really fault them for that, because I completely understand that feeling of needing something not-so-fun to get done, and holding the super-fun thing out there as a bribe, and threatening to take it away as a consequence. Not that the party wasn't a great motivation--it was, for all of us. In fact, it was such a great motivator that it didn't even need a threat of removal for it to remain motivating.
But instead of issuing the threat, I considered these questions (in my own head):
- Why am I mad?
- Do I really want to attend the party? (rational self-interest question)
- Am I prepared to skip the party? If so, what are the reasons I'm willing to skip the party for?
- What is it that I really want here? Why?
And my answers (also in my head, although I have been known to talk to myself--I know, sign of impending insanity, yes? Isn't that from Zork?):
- I'm mad because there's too much to do and I really need help. Also it's not fair if I'm the one cleaning up everything myself. Boo! Hiss!
- Yes, I do, in fact, really really want to go. My homeschool friends will be there, and we'll get to spend more time talking than we do at our weekly co-op, in a more relaxed setting. It's a gorgeous day, a little warm, and we're not going to have many more days like this. I'd like to spend it outside with our friends.
- Yes, I'm prepared to skip the party--but only for sudden or contagious illness, something emergent with Brendan's work (although I'm also prepared to take the kids myself), or some other unforeseen emergency. I'm also prepared to skip in cases of Extreme Whine, but nobody's even close to that just yet--plus I'd also have to take the desires of the others into account. I'd probably not skip altogether in that case, I'd leave the offending child home with Brendan.
- What I really really want here, is some help cleaning up. Why? Because I hate returning home to a messy house, especially if I know we had had time to make a dent in the disaster before we left. It will stress me out if I think about it at the party, and interfere with my ability to have fun. I also might feel really resentful at the kids at the party, and that feeling will make it hard for all of us to enjoy the party. Also, it will stress me out thinking about the mess and non-cooperation on the drive home, and when walking into the house. I know everyone will be cranky and tired because it will be late. I don't want to have even more stress in that situation.
These thoughts didn't go through my head all at once like that, and it took probably 20 minutes before I figured out my actual reason for wanting to get the cleaning done before leaving: that Thinking about the Mess will Stress Me Out and Make Me Feel Resentful, Which Will Interfere with Our Fun.
Once I figured it out, I just told the kids the honest reason--I don't want to be thinking about the mess at home. That will make it hard for me to enjoy the party. I don't want to be grumpy at the party.
Ryan was much more willing to assist me after that. Much. Morgan, not-so-much, but that's partly because she's four (and-a-half!, she'd insist I add). However, even she helped out a little more after that.
We had to work quickly so we'd have time to eat lunch and go to Target before the party, and knowing we had this party ahead of us was good motivation. We got things kinda picked up--not perfect, but enough for my peace of mind--and had a lovely time at the party.
If I'd just said "Help me clean up or we're not going to the party." then I might have received about as much actual assistance as I did, possibly even a little bit more. But there would have been many things wrong about that strategy. I really wanted to go--so it would have been hard to follow through on that threat. And if I did, then I wouldn't get to do something I really wanted to (I get to have self-interest, too!). Honestly, I wanted to go badly enough that I really might not have followed through on the threat--which would then have demonstrated that I don't really mean what I say, setting us all up for problems in the long-run (especially if I gave empty threats regularly).
Yes, I might have gotten more (or less, or the same) cooperation if I'd held out the carrot and was prepared to use a stick. And it would have taken a whole lot less time, too. Trust me when I tell you how close I was to doing it--how tempting it was.
But because I took a few extra minutes to introspect and think about MY desires and needs, I think we're better off for it. I was completely honest with the kids about why I wanted the cleaning up to be done before we left. I phrased this in terms of my rational self-interest: I'd be stressed, grumpy, etc. This way they get to see me as someone who gets to have self-interest (as opposed to just "Mom").
I also expressed my thoughts in a calm way, not in a stressed out grumpy way, because my focus was simply on communicating to them with honesty. I wasn't emotion-less, but I was not merely dumping my emotions onto them in a mean way. This is still something I'm learning how to do.
My being completely honest with them was also a demonstration of that virtue, and integrity as well. That was a good way to model the virtues I want them to embrace.
Also, I was treating them the way I'd treat anyone--Brendan, my friends, other adults. I was not talking down to them, using my parental authority (with the threat of force to back it up by taking away a fun opportunity as a punishment) to make them obey me. In expressing my emotions in a calm, honest, rational way, explaining the situation as I saw it, I was implicitly saying to them "This is something I'm confident that you can understand. I know you'll work with me here."
In other words, I was appealing to their rationality. Of course, with kids, that rationality isn't always something they'll choose to use--their minds are still new and brains are immature, but they are developing their minds all the time. It's always worth it, I think, to see if the light is ON and appeal to their reason first. In doing so, I can simultaneously model how rational adults treat each other and treat them rationally. Win-Win.
And I think that Ryan at least, saw my point, understood the truth of it (Mom sure does get freaked out about returning home to a mess.), and also saw the fairness of it (There's a lot to clean up and she needs us to help.). Which is why after I told him what I wanted and needed and why, he got more cooperative. He is old enough to begin to appreciate this in a more mature way. Morgan's not there yet, but I'm hopeful that when she's seven (and-a-half!) she'll be there, too. Sean is still the caboose--but I actually got the most cooperation from him--he loves the Put Things In the Box game, and is young enough to just take my suggestion and try to do it. I'll miss that when it's gone. :o)
I'm so glad I handled this issue that way, and I'm also glad I wrote it up--maybe this blog post will help me remember to do more of this!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Objectivist Round Up #122
Welcome to the 122nd Edition of the Objectivist Round Up! This week's Round Up might also be known as the Better Late than Never Edition, or possibly the Brought to You by Technical Difficulties Edition. Due to some restricted internet access, Miranda of Ramen & Rand was not able to host this week, but I'm happy to fill in.
The Objectivist Round Up is a weekly compilation of blog articles by Objectivist bloggers. If you are wondering about Objectivism is all about, look no further than the Ayn Rand Institute, or even better, Ayn Rand's fiction and non-fiction works. In 1962, she described Objectivism in this way:
At a sales conference at Random House, preceding the publication of Atlas Shrugged, one of the book salesmen asked me whether I could present the essence of my philosophy while standing on one foot. I did as follows:
- Metaphysics: Objective Reality
- Epistemology: Reason
- Ethics: Self-interest
- Politics: Capitalism
If you want this translated into simple language, it would read: 1. “Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed” or “Wishing won’t make it so.” 2. “You can’t eat your cake and have it, too.” 3. “Man is an end in himself.” 4. “Give me liberty or give me death.”
If you held these concepts with total consistency, as the base of your convictions, you would have a full philosophical system to guide the course of your life.
And without further ado, here is this week's Round Up!
Doug Reich presents Update: "Stimulus" Can Not Work and Reality is Still What It Is posted at The Rational Capitalist, saying, "Here is some almost comical evidence why robbing Peter to pay Paul is not good for the economy."
Adam Reed presents The Prosecutors and the Astrologer posted at Born to Identify, saying, "And this is the payback of Kantian philosophy: reality is not knowable; the best that Justice can do is trial by combat, and in combat nothing counts except the result. And when the stars or the Gods have spoken, innocent men who have had the better part of their lives taken from them may have no recourse at all."
Jared Rhoads presents Let insurers actually compete posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, "Congress needs to enact health reform measures that will allow health insurance companies to actually compete. We do not need more government controls!"
Joseph Kellard presents What About The Reds? posted at The American Individualist.
Paul McKeever presents Inverted Morality Yeilds Backward Questions posted at Paul McKeever.
Jim Woods presents Gingrich v. Government Health Care? posted at Words by Woods, saying, "Newt Gingrich, Speaker Pelosi, and the Democrat sponsored health care proposals share an invalid view of the proper role of government."
Pomponazzi presents Honor or Ghairat? posted at Pomponazzi ponders.
Daniel presents The (New) Rebel posted at The Nearby Pen, saying, "Here's a very short poem I wrote, on the type of rebel that shrugs--with obvious inspiration from Tennyson."
Benjamin Skipper presents Not You Too Alton Brown! posted at Benpercent, saying, "Alton Brown is a great chef and educator, but unless he rethinks his position that the government is the solution to unsustainable fishing then he could very well leave us all off for the worse."
Paul Hsieh presents Fat In Japan? You're Breaking The Law posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "The Japanese nanny state -- will this be America's future under universal health care?"
C. August presents Charting Socialism posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, "Here is a quick look at a fascinating flow chart depicting the evolution of socialist strategies."
Mike Zemack presents "Tear Down This Wall" posted at Principled Perspectives, saying, "Did Ayn Rand help inspire the Reagan policies that led to the collapse of the Soviet Union?"
Diana Hsieh presents Response to Intellectual Smears posted at NoodleFood, saying, "I respond to some nutty criticisms of Ayn Rand, and ask whether I should have done what I did."
Paul McKeever presents Remembrance / Veteran's Day posted at Paul McKeever.
Jason Stotts presents Religulous posted at Erosophia, saying, "I finally got around to watching Religulous. I heartily recommend it."
Stephen Bourque presents Massacre at Fort Hood posted at One Reality, saying, "Are we supposed to believe that post-traumatic stress is the source of last week’s massacre at Fort Hood?"
Doug Reich presents Let's Worry About the Lash More Than The Backlash posted at The Rational Capitalist, saying, "The government ignored evidence that a psychopath was conspiring with the enemy but sprung into action once "diversity" was questioned."
Ross Holcombe presents Life, Liberty, and...Health Care? posted at The Undercurrent, saying, "Do we have a right to health care? What is a right, and what do we have a right to?"
Doug Reich presents Cuffy Meigs, Meet Bernie Madoff posted at The Rational Capitalist, saying, "Is the Madoff scandal an example of a lack of regulation?"
That concludes this week's edition. Titanic Deck Chairs will host next week's round up. To participate, submit your blog article using our carnival submission form.
Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page. Thanks for reading!
Technorati tags:
objectivist round up, blog carnival.
Friday, November 13, 2009
My Day in Tweets
I had a fun day on Twitter, so I thought I'd share.
It started off like this:
A couple hours later:
To which @foodphilosophy responded:
Then, in the afternoon, I experienced a problem that will be familiar to parents of more than one child:
I was STUCK there, trying to get Sean back to sleep, listening to shouts of delight in the backyard.
Finally, Sean just woke up and I took a couple of pictures:
And evidently I amused several people, each of whom took the time to write. My response:
Another of my tweeps (@LoCoallergylife) picked up on a tag I used, and tweeted:
And that got me thinking . . . wouldn't it be AWESOME if this tag caught on? We had a quick tweet-conference and shortened it to #mommyneedsacocktail.
Somewhere along the way, we did a little book-learning today. Here's something they learned:
Heh.
I'm eager to get rocking with this new tag! So far, I've tweeted:
Whatcha think? And YAY for having an iPhone, for otherwise all of my brilliant cleverity would be amusing only me. See how I like to share? :D
Fun day.
It started off like this:
Really need to get going on some housework, but flirting with my hubby on the email instead. :o)
A couple hours later:
Just said: "Do not put chicken down your pants!"
To which @foodphilosophy responded:
This is why I have plants instead of spawn. RT @rationaljenn: Just said: "Do not put chicken down your pants!"
Then, in the afternoon, I experienced a problem that will be familiar to parents of more than one child:
Mom Dilemma: Settle baby back to sleep, or put a stop to forbidden water hose fight going on outside? Right. Sleep now. Mud later.
I was STUCK there, trying to get Sean back to sleep, listening to shouts of delight in the backyard.
Sometimes I divide in order to conquer. Sometimes when they're divided, I'm the one who's conquered. #ihavethreekids
Trying hard not to think about how insanely messy and wet they are. Not succeeding. #imoutnumberedandtheyknowit
Oh dear. One of them just shouted "Let's make a moat!" Whyohwhy won't the baby settle all the way back down? #mommyreallyneedsacocktail
Aaaaand now Ryan's talking about a waterfall.... #goingtomyhappyplacenow
Finally, Sean just woke up and I took a couple of pictures:
http://twitpic.com/pdy1k - Morgan makes a waterfall....
http://twitpic.com/pdy62 - ...that stretches all the way to the other side of the yard.
And evidently I amused several people, each of whom took the time to write. My response:
@9to5to9 @foodphilosophy @deejf @aparentleigh :D If you can't get completely filthy once in a while, then what's the point of being a kid?
Another of my tweeps (@LoCoallergylife) picked up on a tag I used, and tweeted:
DS off the bus w/golden behavior ticket, that he really didn't win. He convinced his friend to split it with him #mommyreallyneedsacocktail
And that got me thinking . . . wouldn't it be AWESOME if this tag caught on? We had a quick tweet-conference and shortened it to #mommyneedsacocktail.
Somewhere along the way, we did a little book-learning today. Here's something they learned:
Discussed Achilles & Hector today. R now irritating M by shouting "HECTOR HECTOR HECTOR" in her face. #littlelearningisdangerousthing
Heh.
I'm eager to get rocking with this new tag! So far, I've tweeted:
Hubby home in 15 minutes! Best part of the week! #mommyneedsacocktail
My kids used the garden hose to create waterfall/moat/muddy river in backyard! #mommyneedsacocktail
Incessant arguing all through Family Movie Night means . . . wait for it . . . #mommyneedsacocktail !
Whatcha think? And YAY for having an iPhone, for otherwise all of my brilliant cleverity would be amusing only me. See how I like to share? :D
Fun day.
Eric Daniels at UGA!
This just in (via the Ayn Rand Institute):
I won't be able to make this one. Let me know how it is, if you go!
The Morality of Capitalism
Who: Dr. Eric Daniels is a research assistant professor at Clemson University’s Institute for the Study of Capitalism
What: A talk arguing that capitalism is the only moral social system, and that a proper moral defense is vital to its survival
Where: Zell B. Miller Learning Center (MLC), Room 171, University of Georgia, Athens, GA 30602
When: Thursday, November 19, 2009, at 7:00 p.m.
Description: Despite the enormous success of American capitalism at producing material abundance and political freedom, critics continue their assault on the system, calling it immoral. In this lecture, Dr. Eric Daniels makes the case that capitalism is the only moral social system. He also examines the conventional defense of capitalism, which relies on the practical, economic argument, and illustrates why only a defense of pure laissez-faire capitalism can succeed.
Admission: FREE. Open to students and the public.
Bio: Dr. Eric Daniels is a research assistant professor at Clemson University’s Institute for the Study of Capitalism. He has lectured internationally on American history, particularly on American intellectual history, business history and political history. He taught for five years at Duke University’s Program on Values and Ethics in the Marketplace, where he was nominated for a university-wide teaching award. Dr. Daniels was a contributor to the recently published Oxford Companion to United States History, and wrote a chapter in The Abolition of Antitrust. He has appeared on C-SPAN and Voice of America Radio.
More information: Please e-mail McKinley Vitale, president of the University of Georgia Objectivism Club, at mckinleyav@gmail.com.
I won't be able to make this one. Let me know how it is, if you go!
Sigh. Cable.
The Cable Peopleguy is coming this afternoon. I'm not sure how I feel about it actually.
We ditched satellite last February, the day after the Super Bowl, to save money and get rid of the time-sucking temptation of television. It has worked really well. We still watch tv shows (yay, Hulu!) and movies, but we are very deliberate about it. There's no television-on-in-the-background accidental tv-watching. And I love that!
Although if truth must be told (and of course it must), I am not the person who typically has a problem finding the "OFF" switch (ahem, Brendan). But still, even I would become sucked in occasionally, especially if they were having one of those Cake-Decorating-to-the-Death Contests where bakers create impossibly large and dangerous pastries and then try to move them across the room without giving themselves a hernia or injuring any innocent bystanders in the studio audience. (And that's before it's even consumed, hah!) Talk about suspense.
We have enjoyed the extra money and time. I've barely missed television at all. The kids sometimes missed it, but as fate would have it, they already own about eleventy-gazillion DVDs. Also, the fact that the Television Channel Peopleguys were the ones who got to choose the next show never really sat too well with them. I mean, why should they get a turn? Why can't we watch Scooby Doo right now? Why do we have to wait for 11:30 am tomorrow? What kind of game are they running here? And what's with the commercials anyhow?
So why are we getting cable? In a word: Football.
Brendan misses football and has wandered around life this season with a pining, poignant expression on his face. And I've missed it, too. I'm not a super big football fan, but I do enjoy it, and I've missed not having the games going in the background on a Sunday afternoon. Brendan found that NBC streams Sunday Night Football and we've watched those a couple of times. My need for a game on in the background was satisfied, but that pining expression on Brendan's face never quite went away. And to add salt to the wound, his favorite teams are doing really well this year. And then, what about Thanksgiving? Would Thanksgiving be the same without football going all day? Honestly, it would not. Truly. (Not to mention the Macy's parade, which the kids and I like to watch.) And then the playoffs? My god, what about the playoffs!?!?!?!?
So I found a really good deal ($34 a month for HD, for only one cable outlet, which is a bargain around here) with no contract. The rate is good for 6 months--more than enough to take us through football season. I'm still planning to cancel it the day after the Super Bowl again--unless there's another to-the-death bake-off I can't miss.
Now I've got to go clean up so the Cable Peopleguy can actually walk into our family room without killing himself. And I hate to say it, but we really do have plans on Sunday afternoon already, so we won't get to experience the full football effect until Monday Night Football (sorry, sweetie!).
We ditched satellite last February, the day after the Super Bowl, to save money and get rid of the time-sucking temptation of television. It has worked really well. We still watch tv shows (yay, Hulu!) and movies, but we are very deliberate about it. There's no television-on-in-the-background accidental tv-watching. And I love that!
Although if truth must be told (and of course it must), I am not the person who typically has a problem finding the "OFF" switch (ahem, Brendan). But still, even I would become sucked in occasionally, especially if they were having one of those Cake-Decorating-to-the-Death Contests where bakers create impossibly large and dangerous pastries and then try to move them across the room without giving themselves a hernia or injuring any innocent bystanders in the studio audience. (And that's before it's even consumed, hah!) Talk about suspense.
We have enjoyed the extra money and time. I've barely missed television at all. The kids sometimes missed it, but as fate would have it, they already own about eleventy-gazillion DVDs. Also, the fact that the Television Channel Peopleguys were the ones who got to choose the next show never really sat too well with them. I mean, why should they get a turn? Why can't we watch Scooby Doo right now? Why do we have to wait for 11:30 am tomorrow? What kind of game are they running here? And what's with the commercials anyhow?
So why are we getting cable? In a word: Football.
Brendan misses football and has wandered around life this season with a pining, poignant expression on his face. And I've missed it, too. I'm not a super big football fan, but I do enjoy it, and I've missed not having the games going in the background on a Sunday afternoon. Brendan found that NBC streams Sunday Night Football and we've watched those a couple of times. My need for a game on in the background was satisfied, but that pining expression on Brendan's face never quite went away. And to add salt to the wound, his favorite teams are doing really well this year. And then, what about Thanksgiving? Would Thanksgiving be the same without football going all day? Honestly, it would not. Truly. (Not to mention the Macy's parade, which the kids and I like to watch.) And then the playoffs? My god, what about the playoffs!?!?!?!?
So I found a really good deal ($34 a month for HD, for only one cable outlet, which is a bargain around here) with no contract. The rate is good for 6 months--more than enough to take us through football season. I'm still planning to cancel it the day after the Super Bowl again--unless there's another to-the-death bake-off I can't miss.
Now I've got to go clean up so the Cable Peopleguy can actually walk into our family room without killing himself. And I hate to say it, but we really do have plans on Sunday afternoon already, so we won't get to experience the full football effect until Monday Night Football (sorry, sweetie!).
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Soldiers on Saturday!
Wow. It's as if the Peopleguys at the Southern Museum of Civil War and Locomotive History went out of their way to set up an event just for Ryan. Guess what we're doing on Saturday?
It's called Through the Ages: A Living History Timeline
It's called Through the Ages: A Living History Timeline
Experience living and military history up close and personal! See first-hand weapon demonstrations from swords to cannons and rifles, as well as military vehicles and flag displays.
You'll see soldiers - from Romans to World Wars I and II and modern day! Experience daily life throughout time from farming to doll making to metalworking. You'll even get to meet historical characters like Abraham Lincoln and Queen Elizabeth I. It’s happening right here in Kennesaw!
Adult admission ($5) and children 4-12 ($3). Kids FREE 3 and under!
If you're going to be in north Atlanta this weekend (and of course you are, yes?), then click here for more information.
Roman soldiers! Can you imagine?
A Bloggy Milestone
I'm not sure what it is about numbers-ending-in-zero--why they're more noteworthy than, say, numbers-ending-in-eight--but there is a certain mystique about the zero, isn't there?
Just now I noticed that there are 200 subscribers to Rational Jenn via Google Reader! WOO! Welcome, and hi, and thanks for reading and commenting. That is rather a large-ish number.
I also have 44 followers via Blogger, and I'm sure there are other subscribers via other feed readers. So WOO! and Hello to you, too! (Does anybody know if there's one place you can go to determine a blog's total subscriber-ship?)
Thanks again for stopping by! And I'll endeavor to write something semi-interesting soon to entice you to keep coming back. In fact, I'm considering several topics right now, sinceI have a lot of laundry and housework I really ought to be doing I am fully dedicated to keeping my readers (not to mention ME!) semi-interested in this blog. :o)
Just now I noticed that there are 200 subscribers to Rational Jenn via Google Reader! WOO! Welcome, and hi, and thanks for reading and commenting. That is rather a large-ish number.
I also have 44 followers via Blogger, and I'm sure there are other subscribers via other feed readers. So WOO! and Hello to you, too! (Does anybody know if there's one place you can go to determine a blog's total subscriber-ship?)
Thanks again for stopping by! And I'll endeavor to write something semi-interesting soon to entice you to keep coming back. In fact, I'm considering several topics right now, since
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Picture of the Day
My grandfather in Vietnam, in the late 1960s. This is one of my favorite pictures of him. Truly. Doesn't he look ruggedly handsome? :o) He was a veteran of WWII, Korea, and Vietnam, and had a purple heart to prove it.
I wish I had a picture of my other grandfather in uniform (I know someone does, just not me). He was a veteran of WWII, and worked as a civilian for the Army as his career.
And I also really wish I had a picture of my dad in uniform, maybe on his submarine. He's a veteran of the Cold War (he couldn't have gone to Vietnam even if he hadn't been in the Navy because of my grandfather). His job on the sub was to keep the nuclear engines glowing, uh, going. :o) Maybe he can email me a picture of his Navy days.
Thank you, Veterans!
PD Tool Card: Connection Before Correction
I participated in the Positive Discipline chat the other night and it was very interesting. I had a little bit of a revelation during the chat, and the result is my choosing this week's tool card. Epiphanies are Good Things, for they point the way to changes for the better.
As I was reading some of the questions and discussion, it occurred to me that I'm pretty good at figuring out how to handle issues with the kids. But I'm not so good at doing so in a kind way. :o( I get impatient and irritated and my tone of voice is not always what I would like it to be. Ideally, in discipline situations where some kind of limit needs to be set or enforced, I would be able to do so in a firm, yet respectful way.
Firm And Respectful (aka "Firm and Kind" in PD circles)
- "No, billiard balls are not for throwing. Would you like to throw soft ball instead? I know you're sad about it."
- "Wow, I feel really angry when just said that rude thing to me. That doesn't really make me want to help you at all. Can you think of a kinder way to ask me that?"
- "Do you see me writing at my computer right now? I'm working, so if you want to interrupt me, please put your hand on my knee to get my attention and wait quietly."
Not So Firm And Respectful
- "AAAAHH! Don't throw that ball!!!" (in a spaz tone)
- "NO." (in a rude tone)
- "I said 'Please wait!!!!!' " (in an impatient tone)
These are just silly (although based on real-life event) examples, but I know that this is a problem for me. Part of the reason is that I never learned how to express anger or frustration appropriately. Instead I suck it up and hold it inside, and then what happens is BOOM! I explode. I believe this stems in part from not feeling free to express the so-called negative emotions (anger, sadness, etc.) as a kid.
I am getting better at this though. I'm able to say to them "Wow, I'm feeling pretty mad about that!" in a tone that is filled with strong emotion--without extra volume and crazy
I would like my children to learn how to express anger and frustration in appropriate ways. I would like them to know how to speak kindly to the people they love best, even when expressing those emotions. And I know the primary way they can learn this is by copying the way Brendan and I do those things. Mostly me, since I'm around them the most (and Brendan is super calm at all times, so this isn't an issue for him at all).
So this week (and hopefully going forward into infinity), I'm cultivating KINDNESS. I'm reminding myself many times a day to be mindful of HOW I'm speaking to the kids, particularly when we're having some kind of conflict. I'm paying attention to my triggers (when I'm focused on a task I'm trying to finish, when I'm trying to get things ready by a certain time, when I'm tired). I'm going to try to speak to them in a way that lets the "message of love" (on the card above) get through. Instead of the "message of grouchy old mommy." :S
And I've asked the older kids for their help (thank you, Kelly, for the suggestion). I told them that I know I fuss at them too hard sometimes and it makes me sad when I do that. So I asked them to tell me when I'm not speaking kindly, because that's a way for me to know I'm doing it, and to take another chance to do it better. I know Ryan will take this responsibility VERY seriously. Morgan seemed a bit confused by the request, but then again, she was really hard to talk to this morning (some mornings, she's just off in Morgan-land, and it's best if you want until she returns to broach important subjects).
So, we'll just see how this goes, huh? :o)
Monday, November 09, 2009
Positive Discipline Chat Tonight!
I just realized this event is tonight! There will be a live chat with Jane Nelsen at the Positive Discipline Ning Group from 9:30 - 10:30 pm (Eastern) tonight. I'm hoping to join in.
This sure looks like an interesting topic. This will be my first time participating in anything officially relating to PD.
I've never participated in a chat on Ning before, but I imagine it's pretty straightforward. I'm not sure if you need to be a member of the PD group or not to have access to the chat, but it only takes a couple of minutes to sign up for it if it turns out you do need to be a member. Maybe I'll see you there!
When Does PD Stop Being PD? Avoiding Permissiveness & Manipulation
What does Jane Nelsen have to say about avoiding permissiveness and manipulation while parenting? Join Jane and other parents for this Positive Discipline chat where Jane will discuss the idea that parents can be too kind without being firm, and not hold true to the Positive Discipline principles that children can learn to problem solve, be creative and develop disappointment muscles. Jane will answer questions from the chat audience that will inspire parents to offer children opportunities to learn important life skills.
This sure looks like an interesting topic. This will be my first time participating in anything officially relating to PD.
I've never participated in a chat on Ning before, but I imagine it's pretty straightforward. I'm not sure if you need to be a member of the PD group or not to have access to the chat, but it only takes a couple of minutes to sign up for it if it turns out you do need to be a member. Maybe I'll see you there!
Some Things I'm Enjoying
I took a semi-intentional break from blogging over the weekend, while I rested a little and spent some of that quality time with family and friends. That was a good be-cision (Ryan's old word) on my part. I'm feeling mostly better today.
I've been organizing the house a little bit today, too. Brendan finally got all of his furniture out of his old office (with a little help from our friends). So now we have a new-to-us couch in The Music Room (so-called because the piano lives there), which is also home to our educational books (science, history, literature). I think the couch will become the preferred cozy spot to curl up and read about Odysseus or Reptiles.
In addition to our new couch, here are a few other things I've been enjoying lately (in random brain-dump order):
Principles of a Free Society, a new(ish) website by the folks at the Ayn Rand Institute. I particularly like the section about the Four Separations (Church, Education, Economy, and Science), although of course the list of needed separations could be as long as the healthcare bill. But those are the Big Ones needed, and certainly a great place to begin. Good reading there, need to explore some more.
There's a good blog post at Voices for Reason on the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Other posts of note can be found here and here. I was in my freshman year at Purdue twenty years ago, and remember watching the coverage on CNN, which was still new to me at the time. Did you know my grandfather was stationed in Germany when the whole Wall thing began? I think they were in Heidelberg. My dad recalls that my grandfather (who was probably a Major at the time) received some kind of call or summons in the middle of the night and he and half the base disappeared for a few days, I believe to provide some kind of security/American presence in West Berlin. When they returned to base, Things were Different in the World. I celebrate today's anniversary, even as I fret for the future of our country.
On a lighter note, I've enjoyed the new list feature on Twitter! I follow a kajillion people, and love being able to keep tabs on certain groups in an easy way. I have an Objectivist list, a homeschool list, a food allergy list, and a parenting list. I'm still adding to each of them daily.
Let's see . . . what else have I been enjoying? How about this fall weather? October was an unseasonably cool month, but November is shaping up to be the October we didn't get to have. The trees are gorgeous and the last few days have been clear and cool. And we're going to spend the weekend at the cabin soon--it's simply amazing up there at this time of year!
And the Leonids are coming up--don't forget to see them. I watched them for the first time the year I was pregnant with Ryan, so it's got a strong Ryan association for me. Good stuff.
Another thing I'm enjoying is how well Morgan and Ryan have been playing together today. We were going to run errands, but they were having so much fun together I didn't have the heart to make them stop and get in the car. We can always do those errands tomorrow.
Oh! And both of my siblings and their significant others are coming here for Christmas this year. My parents will be in California with my grandmother. This will be the first sibs-only major holiday EVER, I think. I'm sure it will be fun and memorable. The kids are very excited, but I think I'm even more pumped about it than they are!
See? This is how things are different for me now that I'm older and possibly because I'm a mom. Or maybe it's because my birthday's coming up. Dunno. Anyway, ten years ago, a weekend with a cold and other household responsibilities would have been cause for a major grumpus attack. No. Fun. Perspective is a lovely thing.
I've been organizing the house a little bit today, too. Brendan finally got all of his furniture out of his old office (with a little help from our friends). So now we have a new-to-us couch in The Music Room (so-called because the piano lives there), which is also home to our educational books (science, history, literature). I think the couch will become the preferred cozy spot to curl up and read about Odysseus or Reptiles.
In addition to our new couch, here are a few other things I've been enjoying lately (in random brain-dump order):
Principles of a Free Society, a new(ish) website by the folks at the Ayn Rand Institute. I particularly like the section about the Four Separations (Church, Education, Economy, and Science), although of course the list of needed separations could be as long as the healthcare bill. But those are the Big Ones needed, and certainly a great place to begin. Good reading there, need to explore some more.
There's a good blog post at Voices for Reason on the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Other posts of note can be found here and here. I was in my freshman year at Purdue twenty years ago, and remember watching the coverage on CNN, which was still new to me at the time. Did you know my grandfather was stationed in Germany when the whole Wall thing began? I think they were in Heidelberg. My dad recalls that my grandfather (who was probably a Major at the time) received some kind of call or summons in the middle of the night and he and half the base disappeared for a few days, I believe to provide some kind of security/American presence in West Berlin. When they returned to base, Things were Different in the World. I celebrate today's anniversary, even as I fret for the future of our country.
On a lighter note, I've enjoyed the new list feature on Twitter! I follow a kajillion people, and love being able to keep tabs on certain groups in an easy way. I have an Objectivist list, a homeschool list, a food allergy list, and a parenting list. I'm still adding to each of them daily.
Let's see . . . what else have I been enjoying? How about this fall weather? October was an unseasonably cool month, but November is shaping up to be the October we didn't get to have. The trees are gorgeous and the last few days have been clear and cool. And we're going to spend the weekend at the cabin soon--it's simply amazing up there at this time of year!
And the Leonids are coming up--don't forget to see them. I watched them for the first time the year I was pregnant with Ryan, so it's got a strong Ryan association for me. Good stuff.
Another thing I'm enjoying is how well Morgan and Ryan have been playing together today. We were going to run errands, but they were having so much fun together I didn't have the heart to make them stop and get in the car. We can always do those errands tomorrow.
Oh! And both of my siblings and their significant others are coming here for Christmas this year. My parents will be in California with my grandmother. This will be the first sibs-only major holiday EVER, I think. I'm sure it will be fun and memorable. The kids are very excited, but I think I'm even more pumped about it than they are!
See? This is how things are different for me now that I'm older and possibly because I'm a mom. Or maybe it's because my birthday's coming up. Dunno. Anyway, ten years ago, a weekend with a cold and other household responsibilities would have been cause for a major grumpus attack. No. Fun. Perspective is a lovely thing.
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