Objectivist Round Up #129: The Best of 2009

Welcome to the December 31, 2009 edition of the Objectivist Round Up! For this Best of 2009 edition, your favorite Objectivist bloggers chose their best or favorite posts from the past year. Some chose their most popular post (perhaps based on number of hits or comments received); some chose their post because it was their best piece of writing; some chose a post that represented a personal achievement of some kind.

Whatever reasons the authors had for making their decision, there's no doubt that this collection of blog posts is one of our most varied, interesting, thoughtful carnivals to date. So enjoy this walk down memory lane . . . and get ready for more greatness in 2010!

Rational Jenn presents It's Not Galt's Speech, But . . . posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "I chose this post because it was one of the highlights of my year. I was asked to record a brief statement for the April Tea Party held in Atlanta, which was the largest of its kind on that day. (You can't see me in the video, but you can hear my statement.) The crowd cheered at my mention of Atlas Shrugged, and the speech was well-received."

Grant Jones presents Review: Goddess of the Market posted at The Dougout, saying, "My review of Jennifer Burns' "Goddess of the Market: Ayn Rand and the American Right.""

C.W. presents Learn About Capitalism posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "It isn't just that people don't know that capitalism is moral. They don't know what it is or how it works. Neither do many of its supporters. Learn about capitalism."

Paul Hsieh presents Hong Kong Vs. Typhoon posted at NoodleFood, saying, "This time lapse video of "Typhoon 'Nangka' over Hong Kong" made me appreciate the power of storms -- and the power of men's ability to build cities capable of withstanding them."

Kirk presents Gun Control Facts and Fallacies posted at A is A, saying, "My most popular article to date. With the debate over the results of the CSU gun ban this article sheds some light on some facts and fallacies regarding guns, and from a students perspective."

Jared Rhoads presents LTE on fixing healthcare posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, "Here's a brief letter to the editor that I recently submitted to the Boston Globe, urging legislators not to support the current health reform bill."

Greg Perkins presents Libertarian vs. Objectivist Thinking posted at NoodleFood, saying, "Libertarians seem mystified by Rand's flat refusal to be classified as libertarian in her politics, even though she obviously fits their definition. Here is an explanation that goes to the epistemological roots of the issue and underscores the dangers of the libertarian way of thinking about politics."

Miranda Barzey presents Depression in College: Getting Out of my Own Way posted at Ramen & Rand, saying, "Freshman year was terrible. Alone, depressed, and disappointed. But luckily I was able to pull myself out of it, and I'm happy to say I'm doing better."

Kendall Justiniano presents Distortions due to Subsidies and Protectionism in Domestic Corn Production posted at The Crucible & Column, saying, "This is the most read article of 2009 on The Crucible." Kendall also gives us What Really Caused China’s Success? posted at The Crucible & Column, saying, "This is the 2nd most read post on The Crucible. A look at some free market factors behind China's success."

Mike Zemack presents The Vanity of an Ayn Rand Critic posted at Principled Perspectives, saying, "One of the big themes of 2009 is the clash between the dramatic rise of Ayn Rand’s cultural profile, and the simultaneous emergence of the attack machine against her – or what one might call the Anti-Ayn Rand Cult. The Objectivist “mission” to change the culture was never going to be easy. As such, an inevitable and necessary challenge Objectivists must confront is the need to demolish the fierce opposition that was sure to arise as a consequence of our radical new philosophy. This post is one of my small contributions to that effort, and one of my favorites of 2009."

John Drake presents The Selfish Giver posted at Try Reason!, saying, "A picture and a story about my children giving in the most selfish way. While not my most popular, this post captured a moment in time that meant the most to me."

John Cox presents My Journey to Objectivism posted at John and Ansley, saying, "After being raised as a Christian for 18 years, I discovered Atlas Shrugged and Ayn Rand as a freshman in college. Here is the story of how, after many years of grappling with the inherent contradictions between the two philosophies, I finally decided to cast off all of the remnants of my Christian upbringing and begin to fully live my life for myself."

Rachel Miner presents Tool Box: Social Stories posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, "Sharing one of my favorite parenting tools. "I know autistic kids aren't the only ones who deal with persistent traits. Even those children who aren't officially "slow to adapt" can find more ease and comfort when they get a heads up on what's coming. This is an awesome tool to make parenting life easier!" I've also added tags to my blog toolbox with my parenting posts under "rational parenting" (top right). I'd love feedback on the "Terminology: The Thinking Brain" post too :)"

Kelly Elmore presents The Nature of Children posted at Reepicheep's Coracle.

Francis Luong (Franco) presents Celebrate Your Independence By Choosing To Read Atlas Shrugged posted at Just Add Rationality, saying, "This was my best of 2009. In the spirit of Independence Day, I thought I would write on how Ayn Rand helped me to fully realize that there is an American culture and that it is Individual Rights."

Brian Phillips presents Do Unto Others posted at Houston Property Rights, saying, "The inevitable result of altruism is the belief that the rights of individuals are necessarily in conflict. Either we all cooperatively sacrifice for some alleged "common good", or we plunge ourselves into civil warfare in which we each seek to stab one another in the back."

Edward Cline presents Facts are Stubborn Things posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "No better justice to President Barack Hussein Obama’s boast in the Washington Post of his political achievements can be done than to adapt portions of the Declaration of Independence to the subject of his accomplishments. Not all of the charges against George III in 1776 listed in Jefferson’s masterpiece are applicable. This charge sheet can also be leveled at Congress. I include only those offences which can be annotated. Call it not a parody, but a serious, appropriate, and well-deserved iteration."

Jason Stotts presents What Causes Sexual Attraction? posted at Erosophia, saying, "This was one of the first essays I attempted in sexual theory and the subject is one of my major interests. In the essay, I develop the thesis that it is our value judgments that underlie sexual attraction and that, consequently, we can understand sexual attraction in terms of these antecedent value judgements."

Stephen Bourque presents Shock and Awe: Obama’s First Forty Days posted at One Reality, saying, "For the "Best of 2009" carnival, I present this post that I wrote in March. I wish I could say that America's rush to tyranny has abated since then, but it has actually gotten worse."

Gaia M presents Life on Marrs: On Health Care, etc posted at Life on Marrs, saying, "Rambling thoughts in my head..."

Galileo Blogs presents The Case for Bankruptcy posted at Galileo Blogs, saying, "If Americans want to avoid more crises, they must understand and embrace the only moral response to them: bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is the opposite of Bailout, the theme of 2009. Bankruptcy is moral, respects rights, and will eliminate the perceived need for bailouts."

C. August presents Cass Sunstein's Bogeyman -- The Internet as a Threat to Democracy posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, "Because of Cass Sunstein's prolific writing, strongly anti-individual rights stances on nearly all issues, and his appointment to a regulatory post by Obama, this post from March '09 was by far the most read post of the year on my blog, as well as being the most commonly searched-for." C. August also offers another favorite: Kleist and Kant: The Destructive Nature of Anti-Reason Philosophy posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, "The tragic life of a young man who lived during the time of Kant illustrates the importance of ideas in dramatic fashion."

Diana Hsieh presents The News posted at NoodleFood, saying, "It's not my best post of the year, but it was the most important to me: it announces the successful completion of my Ph.D in philosophy at the University of Colorado at Boulder."

Jeff Montgomery presents In Support Of Universal T-Shirt Coverage posted at Fun With Gravity, saying, "With all the negative news lately, a satire on the topic of universal health care is in order."

Zev Barnett presents The Undercurrent | In Defense of Liberty posted at The Undercurrent, saying, "In any country where men desire to be free, the fundamental ethical premise that must be advocated is the propriety of rational self-interest, not altruism."

That concludes this edition--and this year! Amy at The Little Things will be our first host of 2010!

Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags:

objectivist round up, blog carnival.

In Which Ryan Describes his Religion

Here's another glimpse into life with my quirky kids. And again, this exchange happened during a car ride (I actually pulled over so I could type some notes into my iPhone, so I wouldn't forget this!).

The whole thing began with Care Bears. Morgan wanted to know my favorite one, and since I know nothing about Care Bears, I told her I supposed I liked the green one (green is my favorite color). She went on to declare her favorite one ("the purple one"--no, we don't know their names, which should tell you something about how non-important Care Bears are to our daily existence).

Ryan asked if there's a red Care Bear. Morgan and I didn't think so.

So then Ryan said, "Well, then I don't like Care Bears, since they don't have red ones. That breaks my religion."

!!!!!

Me: "What religion is that?"

Ryan, pontificating with much pomposity: "Well, MY religion is when I boss people around and watch army movies and play video games."

While I was digesting this gem, he continued: "And occasionally play with my friends."

And then, in a lower voice directed at the back seat only (Morgan): "And spend Mom's money."

And THEN: "And take a thousand classes and be the smartest person in the world."

What this has to do with the non-existence of Red Care Bears, I am sure I don't know. But I found what he said to be very revealing--he really knows himself very well!

Christmas Wrap Up

We had a wonderful holiday! Some of the highlights included:

• Seeing my sister and her husband, and my brother. And meeting my brother's girlfriend for the first time!

• Not traveling over the holidays with three small kids.

• Doing just enough decorating so that it felt like Christmas, but not so much that I was exhausted by the end of it or daunted by the de-decoration task.

• Christmas cards! And exchanging them with many friends (new and old!) and family.
  

• Enjoying our favorite holiday traditions: the unveiling of the Nutcracker collections (each kid has one!); our very Mickey Mouse-themed Christmas tree (it's becoming more Mickey Mouse each year!); listening to the Christmas song radio station (so sad they don't go through New Year's); making holiday treats with the kids (but glad they're all gone now); and eating a yummy FEAST!

• Spending a few days just hanging out with family, playing with our presents, and taking some field trips, too.

• Finding space in the playroom for (nearly) all of the new gifts.
  

• Also, not traveling over the holidays with three small kids.

Some gift highlights:

• Magformers (a hit with kids and adults alike!)

• Stratego for Ryan (two sets, a classic Napoleon set, and a fantasy dragon set, and he's keeping both apparently)

• More Heroscape stuff (Ryan, of course)!
  

• Another ENORMOUS stuffed dog for Morgan (The Battle of the Uncles is ON! The first enormous stuffed dog came from Uncle B. on her birthday. My brother, Uncle D. just raised the bar! How will Uncle B. counter? And will there be room in my house?)

• Also, a bazillion smaller stuffed dogs for Morgan (some that move and bark, some plain old stuffed dogs)

• Some Littlest Pet Shop toys for Morgan (there's a theme here, can you tell?)

• An enormous makeup kit for M!
  

• Some cool Indiana Jones stuff for Ryan (including a costume!)

• Some Little People toys for Sean--we'd gotten rid of most of our other LP stuff once Ryan outgrew them and Morgan's canine-related preferences for toys became clear. But it looks like we're back on the plan, because Seanie LOVES these things!

• Sean also got a ball toy that made him giggle so hard that we had to stop Christmas and take a movie of it. :o)

• Also, tons of movies and books, and some other awesome things that I can't quite recall at the moment. It was a haul!

I think the main reason this was the most enjoyable, least stressed Christmas in a good long while is that I had my priorities straight. My rationally-self-interested-according-to-my-hierarchy-of-values priorities.

Money has been very tight, so Brendan and I opted out of all gift exchanges with our extended family, as I wrote in an earlier post. So I'm not NEARLY as worried about the post-Christmas financial situation as I've been in the past.

We kept the focus on the kids, because there's nothing more fun than a kid on Christmas! At least, a kid on Christmas who has not been harassed into opening gifts more quickly or more slowly than he'd prefer, a kid who is allowed as much time (or as little) as he wants to explore his latest gift, a kid who is in his own home with his own things with familiar surroundings and people.

As much as I like seeing our extended families over the holidays, not traveling this year was SUCH bliss. It's hard to schlep gifts back and forth over many miles, living out of suitcases and duffels, having routines and environments altered. The holidays disrupt routines by definition--and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But staying home allowed us to keep the holiday-mandated disruptions to the bare minimum: guests in the home, and different daily routines. The kids were much happier, better behaved, and more FUN over this Christmas than they've been in recent years. And I think THEY had more fun. I'm hoping not to travel over Christmas for the next few years. Everyone is welcome here, but barring some extreme unforeseen emergent reason for such travel, I'm planning for us to stay put.

Oh, and our Beatles Rock Band for the Wii didn't quite work out as I'd planned! Even though I thought I'd checked the packages carefully, all of the boxes did NOT arrive back in October as I thought they had. :( Amazon promptly refunded my money, which was nice of them, but now I'm stuck with half of a set, and it was a limited edition set so it's now hard to find. Boo.

But I was able to weather that particular disappointment (and it was bitter at first!) because I kept my focus on my values. We'll find the game eventually, and the most important things happened--lots of fun, low stress, happy kids, a joyous time spent with my brother and sister and their S.Os. I just really have a hard time staying too sad about the Beatles video game when we are all safe, happy, and healthy. Even as I vow to triple-check Amazon packages forevermore. :o)

Yes, it was just the Best Christmas in a long while, possibly ever. Looking forward to a fun New Year's Eve tomorrow! We're invited to the home of friends, and we always love to see them. But I think we might just stay in tomorrow night, and let the kids stay up and watch the Big Apple and the Big Peach (did you know we have a Big Peach in Georgia?) drop at midnight. What are you going to do?

Still Celebrating!

How was your Christmas? Ours was so lovely and fun. I'll write more about it soon.

We still have family in town, and we've been spending quality time with them. And today was clear and sunny (though a bit cold), so we ventured out of the house and up to Kennesaw Mountain. So neat up at the top--you can see Atlanta, and Stone Mountain really stands out. For some reason, that's always a pleasant surprise to me.

I hope to write more soon, but for now, I'm having too much fun living in 3D land. Hope you're enjoying the rest of your holidays, too!

:o)

A Very Merry Round Up

Merry Christmas Eve! Go check out the Objectivist Round Up at Ramen & Rand!

Cuteness Alert!

There's a video of Sean dancing over at the FamBlog! :o)

My Brain is on Vacation

I have many interesting things which I'd love to write about, but my brain keeps shouting to me "It's Christmas Vacation!" And so I think I must listen to my own brain (which I find to be a good thing to do in general).

My brother arrives this evening, my sister and her husband tomorrow. (And as a very special bonus, my brother's girlfriend arrives the day after Christmas and we all get to meet her for the first time!)

Today, we will FINALLY decorate the house: putting ornaments on the tree, wreath on the door, nutcrackers out in full technicolor display . . . somewhere Sean-proof (is there a Sean-proof place in the house though? THAT is the question.).

I have a zillion gifts to wrap and/or place in shopping bags with artfully arranged tissue paper. An upstairs bathroom that needs fixing. More cookies to bake. Final groceries to acquire (we're having my world-famous bacon-and-eggs for Christmas breakfast!). Songs to sing. Hugs to give and receive. Children to chill (because WOW are they ever bouncing off of the walls and driving me--and each other--crazy). Space for a grandfather clock to create.

THE BEATLES ROCK BAND TO SET UP. (Brendan and I might take a sneak peek, just to make sure it's all functioning properly. Uh, yeah, that's right. We're taking one for the team.)

So Merry Christmas for now! I'll check in briefly tomorrow (for 'tis the season for the next Objectivist Round Up), but after that, I can't quite guarantee when I'll be back.

May your days be merry and bright!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Sigh.

A Day in the Life

It's been a while since I've written anything very detailed about our homeschool activities. But do not fear! There's learning! We have all kinds of learning happening, all over the place. In fact, I'm afraid everyone is getting to be too educated for my own good.

For those who may not be familiar with our particulars, we have Ryan (age 7.5), and Morgan (age 4.5). We also have Sean (age 1.5), who figures predominantly as a force of destruction and discord here at our happy homeschool. :o)

I love to read blog posts describing "A Typical Day in the Life of a Homeschooler," because I always find some wonderful ideas (and also because I'm just really nosy). But I find it difficult to write about a typical day for us, since each day is usually very different from the next, and also because many days turn out much differently from the day I'd had planned in my head. For instance, one day we'd planned to do lots of history, and it turned out that the kids wrote letters all. day. long. I didn't have the heart to stop them! When someone wants to practice handwriting and spelling, I simply cannot get in the way. And when TWO people, who are often adversaries, want to do that TOGETHER for HOURS and become so engaged in that activity that they LEAVE ME ALONE? Well, then. I'm sure you can understand.

The more I think about it, we do have a rhythm to each day, so I'll try to describe how homeschooling works around here. Here goes!

Usually our days begin with my coming downstairs with the baby to discover Ryan and Morgan awake and breakfasted, and engaged in some kind of independent pursuit. (The joys of older, independent children!!!!) Sometimes they're engaged in something on the TV--usually on mornings when they woke at the crack of dark to see Brendan off to work. Usually, the TV is off, though, and I might find Morgan on the computer playing Starfall or or Jigzone or Funbrain or on NickJr. Often, she's drawing pictures (online or on paper). Ryan will usually have a battle set up on a table (or three) with his soldiers, complete with detailed story line.

I'll get my coffee and breakfast for me and the baby (and remind the others Ryan that breakfast is often a good plan, since he still sometimes forgets). I'll check my email, look at my list of stuff that needs doing, figure out which of those zillion things I might have a hope of actually accomplishing, and discuss our plans for the day with R & M.

And yes, I still ask them each morning, "What is your work going to be today?" I really do try to take into account the things they wish to do and incorporate that into our day. For example, just this morning, Morgan requested that we take a walk this afternoon, so we'll do that. And I'll make sure they know my plans. Today, my plans are to work on the computer (aka, "blogging") and go to the grocery store. So they are aware of the things I'm going to do, and the fact that they'll have to actually get dressed accompany me to the grocery store.

And then we'll spend the morning working on all of that self-declared work. Morgan has been on a computer kick lately, so that's what she's been doing. She will also willingly read books to Sean, who LOVES books, and knows those little marks on the page have something to do with the words that are said, and calls all letters "B." :o) Good reading practice for her, and fun for Sean, and the BEST part is that they're out of my hair!!!! She also does lots of arts and crafts (anyone know where I can get CHEAP drawing paper in large quantities?), and loves to write letters.

Ryan will work on his battle plans, and is beginning to write out the mission plans, with a little help in the spelling department from me. He'll also spend time reading and writing letters. Letters are becoming a popular activity around here (just in time for Christmas Thank You Notes, yay). My mother-in-law has agreed to become their "Letter Chat Friend" (aka, "Pen Pal") and that campaign has just kicked off. What a great way for them to practice handwriting and spelling, and learn the proper forms for letters and addressing envelopes, etc. They're looking for more Letter Chat Friends, so if you're interested . . . ! I'm investigating Writing Strands, too (Level 2), as a source of other writing practice/activities. I know Ryan would love to do a Journalist writing activity, for example.

We'll work around the house, too, and we usually get some householdy tasks done in the morning, too (for example, Ryan will work on his laundry). I've also found that morning is the best time for us to complete errands, as everyone is much more cooperative in the morning. And I haven't run out of my daily quota of patience either. I personally find it most helpful to have a ready supply of Patience and Good Attitude for grocery store trips that involve three children.

So in the mornings, we all work independently on things, do some housework, and run errands. Then the kids make their lunches (whenever they're hungry). By the way, I find it highly amusing that many people seem to think that a Mommy who does not fix her children breakfast and lunch is a seriously neglectful parent. Just peruse any random comment thread on Free Range Kids and you'll almost certainly find a comment in there to that effect. Why would I do this for them when they can do it themselves? I mean, if I'm actually cooking something, of course I make enough for all of us and share it. But I don't feel the need to make them a sandwich or be involved in their food apart from helping to open yogurt containers, cheese wrappers, or ensure that there are enough hard-boiled eggs in the house.

In the afternoon, when Sean is (usually) napping, we are able to accomplish more serious academic work. For example, Ryan's been listening avidly to his Ancient History lectures at History at our House. By the way, thanks Mr. Powell, for letting us purchase the whole year of recorded lectures in advance!!! This has allowed us much flexibility (and therefore, less stress for me) in this area of our homeschool lives. Due to travel earlier this fall, we didn't do too much history. But that was okay, because we were able to listen and catch up as we could. And we're now actually a bit ahead.

We tend to do history in bunches, a couple times a week. So Ryan will listen to 2-4 lectures all in one afternoon, take a few days off, and then go back for more. I love this flexibility so much, and it especially helps since I have younger kids. Morgan kinda sorta listens to the history lectures, and even though she's ahead of Ryan in some skills, she's still only 4, so I'm not too keen to foist this onto her before she's interested and ready. She is absorbing some ideas, and that's perfectly okay by me. If she's not paying attention to history, she'll be on the computer, playing, drawing, or writing. Sometimes I'll even pop her in the bathtub or get her help with dishes or something.

Since we're well into Ancient Greece in history class, a natural thing (for me) to do was introduce the kids to Greek Mythology. So after Ryan listens to Mr. Powell, we'll read a little from D'aulaire's Book of Greek Myths, which I enjoyed as a child. Now this is something Morgan is interested in, too, so I'll usually end up reading aloud to all three kids (because who am I kidding--of course Sean is up from his nap by now!). These are fun stories, and I'm having so much fun experiencing them all over again with the kids. We talk about how funny and interesting it is that people thought Zeus made lightning and thunder, and how Argus's eyes were put on the tails of peacocks. And they are also beginning to notice carryovers from Greek mythology (and history, too) in our culture today. Super. Cool.

We've been a little light on math lately, but Sean-willing, we'll be able to sit down with our formal stuff on a semi-regular basis soon. The kids have been working in math workbooks for fun, usually in the car, and I had them do an assessment test recently, just so I can figure out what they know and what they don't. I'm fine with how things are going in that department--everybody understands place value and number lines and are beginning to figure out fractions, too.

We spend the rest of the afternoon on individual pursuits: projects, battles, housework, etc. Sometimes one of the neighbor kids will come over, but I'm finding that we don't see as much of our schooled friends as we used to. They aren't home from school until 3, and one kid in particular is just so wiped out from school that he just doesn't have any energy to play. And then there are the extracurricular things--we're at TKD three nights a week ourselves, so coordinating any before-dinner activities just seems impossible. And after-dinner is Daddy Time. So I feel sad about that, because Ryan misses his friends from the neighborhood. Fortunately, he has many friends from homeschool activities and taekwondo.

We don't hang out at home every day, though. Wednesdays are our homeschool co-op days, so we're there by 10:00. Last session, Ryan took Chess and Morgan had a class for preschoolers called Journey through the Months, where they learn about the calendar and the seasons and holidays and read books and do craft projects. Despite her advanced academic level, she really needs and enjoys this kind of class, which is more her speed maturity-wise.

Both kids also took a class called For the Love of the Birds, which was taught by a college girl (who was homeschooled). What a great class that was! They learned all kinds of things about birds we find in Georgia, and did projects like make bird feeders (I still need to find peanut-safe bird seed! Any leads?) and dissect owl pellets (yum). I was a little worried about putting Morgan in the class, as it was billed for kids K-4, but she did fine. The only problem was ensuring that Ryan waited for her after class to help her come and find me. :/

We've signed them up for some fun classes in Session 3. They'll stay in Chess and Journey through the Months. And then at 1:00, Ryan will be in his first, long-awaited, much-anticipated, LEGO Robotics class! He is FINALLY old enough to take one of these classes (the people who teach them are very strict about adhering to the age guidelines). I know he'll love it. Also at 1:00, Morgan will take an Egyptology class, where they'll learn about Egypt and do craft projects like building pyramids out of sugar cubes. I'm not convinced she'll learn so much history out of it (but that's what we have HAOH for), but I know she'll have fun listening to the stories and doing the crafts. And her friend will be there, too. AND she'll have something interesting to do while Ryan is in Robotics, which will be much easier on me! :o)

By the way, we have excellent news on the reading front. The long and short of it is: I have two readers!!!! Hooray! Not only do they have reading skills, both kids are beginning to choose reading as an activity. I recently caught Ryan staying up late to read in bed, and both children are taking books on car trips, even short ones.

I used two reading assessment tools I found here (scroll down) to help me try to figure out where each child's reading level is. I'm not exactly sure how scientific this kind of thing is, but I got a sense of what each child can do, and the results were pretty consistent with my own Mommy Assessment, so I think that's something. And I recently discovered that many children's books indicate a Reading Level, if you know where to look. (I'm sure more experienced homeschoolers are aware of this, but in case you aren't, I hope this revelation will be helpful to you!) Some are obvious--we have many Biscuit books, and they're pretty clearly marked as "My First Reading" and then on the back of the book, this level is described as "Ideal for sharing with emergent readers." So those books are for reading aloud to younger kids.

But with Night of the Ninjas (Magic Tree House, No. 5), for example, the Reading Level is indicated by a"RL: 1.9," on the back of the book. This means, 1st grade, 9th month, or end of 1st grade (the months go from 1-9, to correspond with a typical school season, I suppose). This is still somewhat vague to me, but I gather it means that most first graders could handle this book by the end of the school year, or possibly that the average first grader can. Both Ryan and Morgan can pretty easily read the Magic Tree House books, so what these reading levels mean to me is that I now have a ballpark way to figure out which books they might be able to handle mostly independently, and which might be more challenging for them. We choose books together, and understanding how the RL works (as well as the results of the assessment tools) helps me let them them know "This is a book you can do independently." or "This one is good for reading together." And that's all I really need to know right now.

Both kids require a little bit of assistance with figuring out trickier words, even in books close to their reading levels, but other than that, No Mommy Required! (Bliss for Mommy!) Well, actually, Ryan needs some reminders not to just skip over words that require effort (hmph), since he'll just do that, and/or make up words that he thinks will fit with the story. This is more a Ryan trait than a function of his reading level. I have much experience in this realm, and in those cases, I simply, gently, remove my assistance, reassuring him that he CAN do this independently if he takes the time and effort, and also insisting that he try. Well-practiced dance steps for the two of us, since his toddlerhood. :o)

So that's kind of an overview of the things we've been doing, and what a typical week might look like. It's not an exhaustive list, though--there's also Music Class and playdates and sometimes homeschool play group and singing and dancing and playing with the baby and chasing the kitty cat and resolving conflicts and soothing hurt feelings/bumped heads and arguing and being dogs and playing pet store and exploring and discovering and creating and laughing and, of course, laundry. :o)

Really, when I write it all down, it seems as if we all are accomplishing quite a bit. Yay!

Some Funny

Somehow or other, the children have been more amusing than usual lately. (I love my job!) Here's a rundown of some funnies from just the last few days.

Sean learned a new word, cookie. Only he pronounces it backwards, so it's kee-koo.

Also, he's a dancer. When there's music going (which is often), he dances by leaning slowly to one side and then the next, going on up and down on his tiptoes occasionally. I must get this on video.

The other night while we mustering the troops for a minivan-related mission, I called "Ten-HUT!" The older two snapped to attention, and then so did Sean. It was so funny. He stomps one little foot, swings his arms down by his side, and shouts "Oh-AH!" And then grins this funny little grin.

Today, Ryan announced that he is understandable. He meant understanding.

There was a scuffle getting out of the car and Morgan sort of pushed Ryan out. Brendan called her on it, and she denied having done it. Brendan told her, "That's not what my eyes told me. I saw you do it." She replied, "Well, then you misunderlooked." (A type of visual misunderstanding, I take it.)

Morgan was looking at the cable remote control and asked Brendan, "Does this say On Demon?" Brendan: "No, that's On Demand." Morgan: "Oh good. I'd hate for it to be On Demon because that would scare me. I HATE demons!"

During our Cookie Day festivities, Ryan was talking our ears off, as he is wont to do. One of the best things he said was "Hey, did you know I have a special way to burp while I'm cooking something? It's called an inside burp. See, what I do is burp, only I keep my mouth closed, like this. [demonstrates] Then what happens is that the burp bounces all around inside my mouth, but doesn't escape. And that's good, because I don't think people would want burp smell all over the cookies." !!!!!

Good Day. :o)

A Compliment of the Highest Order

Today, on the way home from Taekwondo, I received the greatest compliment ever from one of my kids. We were talking about TKD's "Parent's Night Out" where you can drop the kid off at TKD on some Friday nights, and they watch movies and play games and hang out. Ryan's TKD friend did it last night and I mentioned that N. enjoyed PNO and if Ryan wanted to do it, well then he could, too. I mentioned this knowing that Ryan would probably not take advantage of this special offer, because, well, he's Ryan.

He began protesting and I reminded him that it's his choice. That he could do it if he wanted, or not. No worries. And then we talked about something else for a while.

Then he said, "The thing is, I want to be near you, Mom. There are scary things in the world, and scary things in movies, and scary injuries that can happen to you. And when I think about those things, all I want to say is 'Mommmmm!' "

Me: "Really?"

Ryan: "Yes, when I feel that scared, I want to donate everything, I want to donate all of my toys and my house . . . but I don't want to donate my Mom."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't want to donate me, which is WONDERFUL, don't you think? Although I'm a bit confused about where the donation thing came from, but I don't care because I'm not on the list!!! Also, scary injuries? What in the world?

And I told him that it made me so happy to hear that, that one of my jobs was to help him feel safe when he was scared, so I was happy to know I was doing my job.

And then we arrived home and he was a complete booger to me and the rest of the family. :o)

Stalker Santa

We were listening to the Christmas song radio station the other day in the car, and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" came on for the zillionth time. It has a catchy tune (and I really love the version by The Jackson 5), so I was singing along. Ryan remarked, "That song kind of freaks me out."

You know what? That song, despite its cheerful and very singable melody, freaked me out as a kid, too. Why? Because the lyrics are really creepy:

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness' sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

Yes, an integral part of the Santa legend is his famous List of Naughty and Nice. Does anyone know the origins of the Naughty & Nice List? Because it just occurred to me that maybe there was no mention of a List in the early St. Nicholas/Kris Kringle stories, that somebody (probably a parent) decided that it might be a good idea to make the gifts SC gives to the kids a reward for good behavior instead of just because he's a benevolent fellow who wants children to get toys.

Anyway, back to the song. This song takes The List part of the legend and makes Santa Claus out to be more of a stalker than a nice guy who happens to drive a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer.

Without any prelude whatsoever, you, the listener, are admonished, and apparently on the verge of being in Really Big Trouble:

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

Very Wait 'til your Father Gets Home, isn't it? Now here comes The List:

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

Next, we move on to the most disturbing part of the song, where we learn that Santa is actually a Peeping Tom:

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING? HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE? If there was really a guy like that "coming to town," I'd seek a restraining order. But that's just me.

Also, isn't there an inherent contradiction here? Am I supposed to be good for goodness' sake, or am I supposed to be good because Santa is coming to town and is watching me and will not give me presents unless I'm good? Should I be good on principle, or because of others? Very confusing.

The song ends with a repetition of the original warning: You better watch out!!!! And, There's no crying in Christmas!!!! Just to make good and sure you know what you're supposed to do.

Yes, this is kind of a creepy song if you think about it. Actually, as a child, I was so worried about the fact that Santa could "see" me, that I hid behind my bedroom door when getting dressed and undressed, because I didn't want him to see my underwear. I really did!

So Ryan and I had a nice little chat about the song and Santa, and we decided that we didn't think the Santa in this song matched up very well to the Santa of the legend.

Don't EVEN get me started about The Elf on the Shelf, which takes the stalker aspect of Santa to a whole new level. (Whoops, I just got started, so here we go!) I heard about this from another parent at TKD.

The book comes with an elf doll, and you're supposed to name him and sort of make him a member of your family. He sits in a prominent place in the home, supposedly to watch your behavior. Every night he goes back to the North Pole and reports your behavior to Santa. Then he comes back before you wake up each day. Mom and Dad are supposed to put the elf in a different place every night, to make it look like he really moved. Ooooohh!

The mom who told me about this thought it was just the best idea ever for getting her kids to behave. Imagine it, though, from a child's perspective--here's this guy with a personal "in" with the Man in Red. You take the elf into your home and love him and make him part of your family. Only he watches you every second (He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake!), and then he rats you out to Santa every night after you go to bed. Seriously?

Needless to say, we'll skip Ratfink on the Shelf and just focus on being good for goodness' sake.

Good Things (Friday before Christmas Edition)

1. We're all done with kid activities for three weeks! Well, except for Taekwondo, which goes all the time. :o) Although there's a less rigorous TKD schedule for the next couple of weeks, so that will feel like a vacation! I'm told that Ryan will be prepared to test for blue belt by the end of January/beginning of February.

2. After just a really hard week with Sean (for him--he's still a piece of cake, really--baby cakey goodness, that one), I think I finally figured out what is going on with him. He has been unusually cranky and his sleep has been awful. He's demanding and easily frustrated, beyond normal toddler stuff. For a few days I was convinced he was coming down with something. But then I realized that he's also been expanding his vocabulary at the rate of about 10 words a day. There's the answer, right there. Why oh why do I always seem to forget that when a child is going through a huge brain development leap that they are cranky and irritable and nobody sleeps well? You'd think by the third kid I'd have figured this out! So his brain is really doing some major development. Words he's added in just the past couple of days include: achoo, nose, tree, tractor ("dackder"), yeah, wheel, ouch, and so many more I can't keep track. Granted, most people outside of our family might not recognize them for what they are, but he's got 'em! And he's beginning to string them together in twos and threes. He's been doing the two-word "sentence" thing for a while now, but he's moving beyond the "bye-bye Daddy, bye-bye Mommy" theme. Now that I'm pretty sure what's going on with him, it's easier for me to deal, even during the restless nights.

3. Morgan drew me a picture of roast beef yesterday that I just can't stop laughing about.



The reason she has such a weird expression on her face is that she was actually saying "Roast Beef" while I took the picture with my cell phone.

4. I think we're going to decorate the house this weekend! My brother is coming Wednesday, my sis and her hubby are coming the next day (I think). We saw each other at Disney in October, and had so much fun. I'm so happy that I have nice adult siblings and that we all really enjoy each other's company. I'm especially glad my brother has decided to reciprocate emails and suchlike because for a while there, nobody ever really knew if he was still actually alive. ;) Yay for Facebook, because that's really helped us stay in touch. (Ahem, to my sister who is NOT on FB! Although we're pretty good at staying in touch, even pre-FB.) I'm planning a whiz-bang Christmas dinner--turkey and maybe ham and lots of yummy sides. And I think I'll try to make a flourless chocolate cake for the dessert (via Diana). I've tried one at a local tapas restaurant and it was yummy. And if something can be that yummy and chocolate without flour, then so much the better!

5. In general, life 'round these here parts is very good and happy! I'm working on a couple more substantial posts (one about homeschooling, which I feel like I never mention or write about, but we are actually doing academic stuff on a semi-regular basis).

Hope things are happy with you, too!

Objectivist Round Up #127

Welcome to the December 17, 2009 edition of the Objectivist Round Up! This carnival showcases the work of Objectivist blog authors. This week's edition includes posts on topics you will generally find in any given edition of the Round Up, such as politics and economics and health care, and we also have some posts on parenting and cooking and travel adventures and art and reading groups for you, too! How's that for variety? :o)

If you are interested in learning more about Ayn Rand's philosophy, Objectivism, the website for the Ayn Rand Institute is a great place to start. (Another great starting place-- go to the library or bookstore for some of Ayn Rand's novels and nonfiction works!)

Aaaannnddd....here's your Round Up!

Kelly Valenzuela presents A Win for All Men posted at Rant from the Rock.

C.W. presents THE GOLD MARKET: The Players, Part I posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "Those interested in the gold market for safety might be interested in the other interests that drive the price of gold. This is the first of several blogs about gold investing, the dollar, and inflaton."

Edward Cline presents Obama’s War on America posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "Search through any of President Barack Obama‘s speeches, and buried under the glittering, worthless excelsior of opaque platitudes, silicic bromides and anemic banalities, one will find a pair or more of statements that mean something. They will mean something if one parses the statements armed with a knowledge of the man and of the power of words."

Ari Armstrong presents Liberty In the Books posted at FreeColorado.com, saying, "Start a free-market reading group in your area!"

Peter Cresswell presents Can political art be good art? posted at Not PC, saying, "Does the political content of a painting rule it out as art? Or can its heroism supersede the politics it celebrates? In other words, is art didactic, or is it something more?"

Jason Stotts presents Religion Kills Over Sex Again posted at Erosophia.

Ottens presents Ayn Rand and the Christian Right posted at Atlantic Sentinel, saying, "Ayn Rand is "having a mainstream moment" but is it enough to take on the Christian Right that still holds the US Republican Party hostage?" [Note: While the author of this post is an Objectivist, most of the other authors on this group blog are not Objectivists.]

Diana Hsieh presents A Week of Sous Vide posted at NoodleFood, saying, "A report on my week of experimental cooking with my new Sous Vide Supreme."

Paul Hsieh presents Tightening the Noose Around Private Health Care posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "My latest PajamasMedia OpEd discusses some less well-known proposed government controls that would further limit doctors' ability to practice in their patients' best interests."

John McVey presents Leadership by the coalface posted at John J McVey.

C. August presents Climate Science Forecasts: Opinion In, Policy Out posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, "When potentially disastrous public policy is at stake in the climate change debate -- disastrous to human life through severe economic controls -- it is useful to examine whether even the methodology of the climate science forecasts and models is valid. Guess what the answer is."

Julia Campbell presents Chicken Curry + Cauliflower posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "I'm an Objectivist and this is my cooking blog."

Kelly Elmore presents Kelly and Livy's Excellent Adventure: Day One posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "This is my first blog entry about our first annual Christmas roadtrip. Check the others out too!!"

Rational Jenn presents On Manners posted at Rational Jenn, saying "We encourage our kids to learn and use good manners by using them ourselves, and often! However, I don't insist that they apologize or use certain words, especially when doing those things would contradict what they're feeling. Even without such parental insistence, the kids are usually generous with "please" and "thank you" and heartfelt apologies."

That concludes this week's edition. Next week's host is Ramen & Rand, and the theme for that Christmas Eve edition is the Benevolent Universe Premise. To read more about the theme for next week, head on over to Ramen & Rand. And while I'm thinking about it, the Best of 2009 carnival is coming out in just two more weeks, on New Year's Eve! Both of these editions will be a nice way to wrap up the year.

Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page. If you are interested in hosting a future edition of this carnival, please contact me at rationaljenn AT gmail DOT com and we'll talk dates. Bye for now!

Technorati tags:

objectivist round up, blog carnival.

On Manners

A few weeks ago, I asked for some suggestions for parenting topics. Thanks to those who left me some good ideas. Miranda asked me:

What's your policy on the kids saying sorry? The normal parenting technique after one kid wrongs another is to force one kid to apologize. And if the apology doesn't sound sincere enough, the kid is forced to make it sound "more real". How do you handle it? Is it even a priority?

As you might imagine, we handle apologies (and other issues relating to good manners) just a little bit differently around here. :o)

To answer Miranda's last question first: Yes, good manners, including apologies, are important to me. I think using kind words to express oneself, particularly with the people you value the most, makes things around here run more smoothly. It's also an expression of justice, treating the people you value as if you, well, value them.

That's not to say you shouldn't express your anger or disappointment or sadness when you feel it, ignoring injustices done to you. But expressing yourself with manners is a good starting place. There's a big difference in saying "Wow! That really hurt my feelings and I'm feeling sad about that." and "Stop being such a jerk!"

I'm also not advocating sticking with politeness for its own sake in the face of repeated injustices. There IS a time and place for rudeness. I haven't read too much Miss Manners, but I love the posts Diana shares on her blog (such as this recent one). Miss Manners is great at knowing when to straighten people out with just the right amount of disdain in one's voice.


Kids and Manners

The most important thing we do to help our kids learn manners is to use good manners ourselves. Modeling appropriate behavior is a great way to teach kids things (since they hardly ever take their eyes off of the adults around them, keen as they are to learn how to be adults themselves).

And you know something? I'm a more polite person than I was before I had kids. That's not to say I was a complete you-know-what all the time; I wasn't. But I make more of an effort to find a kinder way to say what I'm thinking than I used to, because I am very aware of the eyes and ears that are paying attention to me. So I'm better at expressing myself now, and doing it in an appropriate way.

So in addition to saying regular things in a kind way (like "Take your plate to the sink, please!"), I also correct myself in front of them, usually for their benefit:

• "Let me think of a kinder way to say that. How about . . . ?"

• "Hmmm....let me try that again."

• "Okay, 'BLAAAARRGGGH!' isn't exactly a good way to say that. How about 'I'm feeling upset now!"

I also model good manners for them when they are having disputes. And I make suggestions about what they could say.

• "I know it's your turn on the computer. Could you think of a kinder way to let her know it's your turn?"

• "What if you try saying 'Please don't touch my projects.' instead of screaming at her?"

• "Could you try again and ask for that crayon back in a polite way?"

• "You could say 'Stop! That's my drawing! Please leave it alone!' "

Sometimes when they're in the midst of some tremendously emotional conflict, they simply can't think of appropriate words to say. So I find making suggestions works well. The kid often stops and says the words I suggested (or similar ones). That's good practice for the next time.

I also explain the effect their rude words have on me, so they can better make that connection:

• "Wow. Normally, I'd be happy to help you, but your rudeness just now makes it harder for me to want to help you."

• "Can you ask me in a way that will make me WANT to help you?"

• "When you speak to me that way, I feel angry and that makes me not really want to make the effort. Kinder words are going to be necessary if you expect to get my assistance."

• "You're not offering me kindness with those words. If you want kindness in return from me, you might start by offering me some kindness in your words."
  

The older children understand that I am not obligated to submit to their rude demands. And I, in fact, do not feel obligated to do so. I am a whole actual person who is entitled to her own rational self-interest. Mommy, yes; servant, no. (No, they don't like this fact, but they do at least understand it. I'm okay with that.)

In the last example above, I used the phrase "offering kindness." The way we've explained the importance of good manners is by comparing it to The Trader Principle. Rational people trade rather than demand or force. Good manners is a way of trading kindness for kindness, rather than demands. This explanation has really helped them understand WHY using good manners is important, particularly with the people you love most and see all the time. (Here's my original post on the subject.)

Also, I don't insist on the word "please." It's okay if you say "Mom, will you help me open this?" in a nice way. Sometimes parents, I've observed, will make a child repeat an otherwise polite request because the child didn't use the word "please." I hate to dispel such a common myth, but "PLEASE" is NOT magic. It doesn't automatically make any request polite (you can say it in an angry way!!!). And it is not necessary in order to make a request polite. I think you can tell whether a person intends to be polite by their tone of voice and phrasing than whether they used one little word. So I place more value on tone of voice and phrasing.


Suggest and Model, Not Insist

Kids copy the adults in their lives (as you are no doubt aware if you've ever used a, um, colorful metaphor in front of a child) and my kids copy our polite manners, too. Now that Sean is speaking (and demanding), I'm beginning to model good manners for him. And I've caught him trying to imitate my manner and my words, and he is only 18 months old. He'll scream "Nooooooo!!!! Mom-MY!" and I'll look at him and say "No, Mommy! I would like to close the door!" in a kind voice. I'm showing him the words to say and how to say them. And sometimes, he changes to "No, Mommy!" and then blathers on in Baby Language in a kind, sing-songy sort of way. He is learning to be polite.

So we do not insist that they say the words. I strongly suggest, and offer words they could say, and refuse to act when I'm being spoken to in an unjust way. But I do not try to make them say the words.

As Miranda mentioned, parents often insist that their children use good manners--apologies in particular is sort of a hot button issue, and we've certainly encountered that from time to time. When Ryan was small, I tried to make him apologize once or twice and then stopped doing that for a couple of reasons.

First, even a small child can see through a false apology. Which is why, again as Miranda noted, parents often make their kids keep at it until a satisfactory apology is produced.

Next, I think it teaches a potentially harmful lesson to the child who is being made to apologize, especially when he doesn't actually feel sorry. You are telling him that it's okay to pretend that you feel something you don't, to say words expressing this because of someone else. It can teach the child that it's fine to evade your own feelings in the interests of others. Faked apologies can also give the victims a skewed understanding of justice (more on that in a bit).

But what to do? When you do someone a wrong, it is just to help right it. And that is something I do think is valuable to teach kids. Apologies are only one way to help right the wrong (and are often necessary but not always sufficient). Well, as a parent, that's when I step in to say the words my child can't, either because he is not actually feeling sorry or because he is also too upset. So I say:

• "I'm so sorry you got hurt!"

• "I'll make sure that we keep that toy away from the baby next time, so that he can't break it again."

• "I'm sorry that this happened, and I can tell Ryan is feeling sorry, too. It's hard for him to say the words right now, so I'm saying the words for him."

• "I'm sorry about that. Here's what I will do next time to make sure that this doesn't happen again."

Because I am feeling genuinely sorry that my kid bopped the other kid on the head with a wooden block (to use a completely non-random example), then I have no problem expressing MY emotions. Justice is served, and the apology is genuine. It's not necessarily ideal, in that the perp is not the one apologizing, but I think a genuine apology from a Mommy is better than a faked one from an unremorseful kid.

I have generally found that the victim is willing to accept a Mommy Apology, although sometimes they won't. Those kids who can't accept a Mommy Apology are always the kids who live in homes where apologies are forced, and the older they are, the less likely it is that they'll accept a Mommy Apology. They feel cheated when the other kid doesn't say the magic words, and I am sorry (no pun intended) about that. When those kids interact with each other, they tend to insist on the fake apology, and then lord it over the apologizer in a mean way. This is most certainly NOT good manners. These kids have been confused about the purpose of a meaningful apology, and have learned to use "I'm sorry" as a way to continue their conflict, not resolve it. When these kids demand that my child utter the words, I'll request that my kid apologize first. If he won't, then I'll apologize on his behalf. If the victim becomes upset that my child won't say the words, I'll explain that I will not insist, repeat my apology, and then try to get things moving on to the resolution stage.

The great thing about not insisting on fake apologies is that when my kids apologize, it's genuine. And THAT knowledge is wonderful! I'd much rather have that (and yes, they do apologize to me) than a phony apology any day.

There have been a couple of times when my kids wronged someone, felt genuinely sorry about what happened, yet felt too upset or embarrassed to utter the words. One event in particular stands out in my mind. Ryan and his friend had had a big blow up over something, and his friend left here, crying. Ryan was in tears and told me what happened (I honestly can't remember what it was though). I asked him if he was sorry about it, and he said he was. So I explained that the just thing to do would be to tell his friend that he was feeling sorry, to tell him that he would not let it happen again. He agreed, but completely freaked out about the idea of doing the actual apology. He was embarrassed and sad and completely overwhelmed with emotion. I let him calm down for a while, and then reminded him that he needed to do the right thing--apologize. He got upset again, and I suggested that I go with him and help. He finally agreed and we went right on over and asked to talk to the boy. When the moment came, Ryan started crying again, so I said the apology while Ryan nodded his head along in agreement, which was the only thing he could manage. And things were resolved.

His friend's mom was a little confused, I think, because she knows we do not force apologies and yet she could tell that Ryan was reluctant to be there. But what I tried (and failed, I believe) to explain to her that this wasn't a faked apology. Ryan's remorse was genuine, and he needed my help to do the right (just) thing, because he valued this boy's friendship. So yes, I insisted that we go over and do the right thing, but when it came to it, I said the words for Ryan because he was so upset. In doing this, I modeled good manners and justice for him, which is one of my primary jobs as a parent--helping them and showing them how to act morally.

So that's how we do manners around here. Thoughts?

And Here's Monday Again!

My brother-in-law was here over the weekend and we had fun with him (as we always do, because he's a lot of fun!). And even though--or maybe because--we had company this weekend, I was pretty productive! (yay) Having extra distractions for The People really helps. They love their uncle so much, and Morgan cried and cried after they dropped him off at the airport (did you know that, B?).

The primary productive thing I did was that I finally finally FINALLY got Sean's first year photo album designed and ordered. Ryan's and Morgan's were ready at their first birthday parties, so I'm only a little bit behind with Sean's. :/ But Sean gets the fancy-schmancy album, since I did it all online at Snapfish and made it all cute and adorable. So it'll all even out. Or perhaps not. But it's done! And now I've got to do the 2010 calendars for the grandparents and great-grandparents, and if I hurry, I can get them at buy-one-get-one prices. I love the first year albums and I think our calendar is a perfect gift for grandparent-types, but boy am I sick of looking at, editing, uploading and fiddling with pictures. For reals. Expect pictures from Christmas to go up on the FamBlog sometime around Valentine's Day.

Can you believe Christmas is NEXT WEEK?!?!?!? It really is. Go look at your calendar. I'm nearly ready--still need things for stockings, and food for our guests and such things. It helps this year that Brendan and I have opted out of all gift-giving of the adult-variety. We are on a budget tighter than anything we've done in a LONG time, and we simply can't afford to get gifts for all of the parents and siblings, even if we do a name-draw system as we've done the past few years or so. We got a family gift (Beatles Rock Band for the Wii!!!!) and we're getting the kids gifts, of course. And we also paid for the kids to get each other gifts, to foster a spirit of Good Will Towards Sibs (where Ryan picks out gifts for M and S, etc.). The 2010 calendars for the grandparents are "from" the kids. For everyone else, we got Christmas cards and are offering lots of cheer and good will! :o)

I have to admit--I'm enjoying opting out of the adult gift exchanges for more than just budgetary reasons. For one thing, Brendan and I don't really actually NEED anything. I'm in get-all-the-crap-out-of-the-house mode, and have been for a while. And while it's fun to get a gift for someone you love, it also takes time and energy and then the person may not even really like the gift (although they do appreciate the thought, certainly). I have quite a bit more free time this holiday season since I'm not shopping (online or in 3D-land) and wrapping packages and taking them to the post office, etc. That leaves time to plan fun activities for our guests who will be here and do fun things like have Bake Cookies Day with the kids (that's next Sunday).

This is our last week of kid activities until after the new year, and I'm planning a post soon on how things are going at our homeschool. (In a word: GREAT!) I think we're all ready for a bit of a break from the regular routine.

And now I've got to go set up history class for Ryan. He's been very diligent about listening and will be disappointed if he doesn't get to listen to at least one lecture before taekwondo tonight. Bye for now!

Exchange of the Day

Ryan ran outside to play with the ice he found on the balcony--without a coat, shoes or socks ('cause, with the ice). He came back inside immediately, saying "I need my coat!"

He grabbed his coat and started (so I thought) back out the door, and I said "You might want to consider shoes and socks, too."

"Well I KNEW that! Do you see me running around here, looking for my shoes?"

Okay. Yes. He's bright enough to figure that out himself. No need for me to have said that. Still, that's no call to be rude, since I was just trying to be helpful.

So I said: "Um. I was just trying to be helpful . . . " (And intended to continue with a statement about how there was really no call for the rudeness.)

He interrupted with: "Yes, you know? You're right. You were trying to be helpful. In fact, your suggestion is what made me look for my shoes because that was sure a helpful suggestion. So I would like to say 'Thank you' for your helpful suggestion! Oh hey! There are my shoes! Bye!" And he disappeared.

And he was seriously thanking me! (A sarcastic version of this exchange lies in our future, somewhere around teenager-hood, I suspect.)

He. Was. Actually. Thanking. Me. For. Being. Helpful. AND! He backed off of his rudeness all on his own.

I don't quite know what to do with this. Except enjoy the moment! WOW.

Another Good, Not-So-Good, and a Really Very Good

Good: Sean can flush the toilet now.

Not-So-Good: Sean doesn't care if you're finished or not.

Heh. Have I mentioned lately how much I love toddlers? I really do--they are such fascinating creatures, and I truly enjoy observing these little humans working so hard to develop their minds and physical skills, and then go where they've never gone before. My toddler is making all of these new connections at such a quick pace that each day with him is actually different. You never know what great new thing he'll figure out next! Sometimes it's awesome; sometimes funny; sometimes heartbreaking; sometimes it's just plain trouble. Keeps a Mommy on her toes.

And now for some Really Very Good (and on a completely different subject): The latest Objectivist Round Up is waiting for you at Titanic Deck Chairs!

The Good (and The Not-So-Good)

Good: Sean can get his own diapers out of the diaper drawer.

Not-So-Good: Sean doesn't know that he can only wear one diaper at a time, so he usually brings me all of the diapers.


Good: Ryan dislikes fizzy drinks, such as soda.

Not-So-Good: Ryan doesn't understand that fizzy drinks, such as soda, ought not to be shaken up just prior to opening them. (For reasons unclear to me, we A.) possess a 2 liter bottle of ginger ale and B.) he wanted to taste some. Only. With the shaking.)


Good: Sean is happy to throw things in the trash for us. What a little helper.

Not-So-Good: Sean does not understand the distinction between Trash and Not-Trash. What a little helper.


Good: It's 65 degrees sunny today, after many, many days of cold rain.

Not-So-Good: Morgan doesn't remember that many, many days of cold rain means that there will be tons and tons of mud outside on this sunshiny day. She also forgets that after she's gotten really muddy and caked her shoes with mud, that running through the house at break-neck speed is a recipe for a head injury. Not to mention vacuuming.

Two Songs for Today

"Beautiful Boy"
by John Lennon

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But i guess we'll both just have to be patient
'cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Sean

And here's Sean singing "Julia," which John wrote for his mother:

A Wee Beebee Story

Not too long ago, Sean made an important discovery: his beebee.

It happened during a diaper change. He reached down, grabbed it and said "ooooh!" in a wondering sort of way.

I said: "Yes. That's your penis."

S, curiously: "Beebee?"

Me: "Yes. Penis."

S, as if greeting a long lost war buddy: "Beebee!!!!!!"

Since that moment, Sean has been a big fan of his beebee. He likes to visit with it during diaper changes and bath time and naked time. He likes to talk about it. He wonders where it goes when it's hidden by pants, grabbing his crotch and asking "Where beebee?" and "Beekboo beebee!" [Peekaboo, penis!]

We sometimes struggle with each other over the beebee. He likes to hold it, which can cause problems during certain types of diaper changes (if you know what I mean). Then he yells and squirms: "Nooooo! Beebeeeeeeee! MomMY! Nooooo!!!" But when the struggles are over, he gets to visit it, and when it's time to put the diaper back on, he says "Bye-bye beebee."

One day, I know he won't need me any more. But he'll always have his beebee.

Good Things Round Up

We had a nice, relaxing weekend. How about you? Here's a quick summary of the last few days:

• A dusting of snow started us off on Saturday morning, which made the kids happy. It didn't last, which made me happy.

• Sean has learned and fully embraced the word NO! It's new enough that I'm still highly amused by it. :o)

• I found pork loin on sale and had the butcher peopleguys grind it up for me. Today I'm going to attempt sausage. Just add lard and spices! :o) (Uh, I think.)

• Brendan gets his car back today, so I will not be stranded at home tomorrow.

• Good discussion (and subsequent thinking) happened over at Amy's blog.

• I got all of my Christmas cards addressed! Tomorrow, once I have transportation again, I'll go buy some stamps and actually mail them. The pictures are SO adorable, if I do say so myself.

• I'm trying out Threadsy, which lets me see all of my email, Facebook stuff, and Twitter in one place. I must admit--it's pretty darn cool. (Here's an invitation good for 10 people, so give it a try!)

• This looks like a very funny website: My First Fail. I have a picture of Sean that might be worth sending, if I can think of a caption. (via Diana)
  

TTFN!

LinkFest

Oh the humanity! It was snowing when I woke up this morning. Thankfully none of it is sticking (ground's too warm and saturated with water anyway). It was nice to watch the large flakes softly falling, safe in the knowledge that there's no possibility of having to shovel any of it. After fifteen years in Atlanta, I do not miss wintry precipitation, not one bit. My kids, on the other hand . . . but when they're grownups they can move and shovel if they so choose.

And now for some Linky Love on this Saturday morning:


The Rule of Reason has the 125th edition of the Objectivist Round Up! Good stuff.

Amy wrote a response to my Discipline without Rewards post, and the ensuing discussion in the comments has been interesting and thought-provoking. I like thought-provoking as a general rule. Also, there's some of that in the comments thread of my post. There's more to say on this topic, so I'm sure I'll find a way to keep adding to both comment threads, and add a future post or two.

I'd heard John Stossel was going over to Fox. What I didn't know is that his first show might feature Atlas Shrugged. :o) That's cool. Stossel isn't an Objectivist, but he is a "friendly" (I think). (via Yaron Brook on Twitter--did you know that most important news breaks on Twitter?)

Ari Armstrong has an excellent piece on the new FTC Blogging Guidelines that took effect on December 1. Jokes about my Momnipotence aside, these rules are a serious threat to free speech and individual rights. It's crazy. If I'm talking to a friend and recommend a product, then I'm fine (so far). But if I write it down here, well I'm required to follow these nebulous "guidelines." Very, very dangerous to free speech.

Oh! I almost forgot! John Lewis has gone through the Healthcare Bill for us. Do not miss this one.

Where's the uproar over the falsified climate data? It's distressing. But for a funny about Climategate, check out this post at Not PC. :o)



Well, that's enough to get you started for the weekend, yes? Do you have any fun plans? Ryan and Morgan are at the Home Depot Kids Workshop (that's their lack of apostrophe, not mine), and then off to TKD. Then . . . what? Not de-snowifying the sidewalks, that's for sure! In fact, I'd hoped Brendan could mow the lawn one last time this weekend. Usually we do it on Thanksgiving weekend, but that didn't happen.

Actually, my Christmas cards came in and so I'll work on those (they're SO cute!). And do some work on the 2010 calendar, which is what the kids always give to the grand- and great-grandparents. Other than that, I'm thinking just some general Nothing might be happening this weekend. Yay!

In Which I Strongly Encourage You to Join Twitter

Apart from the obvious reason (to follow little ol' me), you need to join Twitter NOW and follow DRUNK HULK. He is the funniest thing on the Twitter, and there are lots of funny things on Twitter.


He's literate (classical and cultural):

SHALL DRUNK HULK COMPARE BEER TO SUMMER DAY? YOU MORE BUBBLY! MORE TEMPERATE! ROUGH WIND SHOOKS FROSTY BUD!

DRUNK HULK MAKE APPOINTMENT WITH JOSS WHEDON FRIDAY NIGHT! THEN DRUNK HULK TOTALLY CANCEL! STOP ACT SO SURPRISED WHEDON!

NO MEAN TO OFFEND OBSRUCTIVIST! IT BEER TALKING! DRUNK HULK LIKE RAND! EVEN LIKE HER CHOOSE OWN ADVENTURE JANUARY NIGHT PLAY!

Although a bit confused about how to cook Thanksgiving dinner:

DO EVERY BODYS TURKEY CRY SO MUCH WHEN YOU COOK IT IN OVEN? IT SO LOUD!

APPARENTLY TURKEY SHOULD BE DEAD BEFORE COOKING! WISH DRUNK HULK KNEW THAT BEFORE STUFFING STUPID BIRD! TODAY WORST DAY EVER!

And is bugged by that Alanis Morrisette song like me:

THING DRUNK HULK WANT SMASH! IRONY/IRONIC! NO USE WORD UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEAN! DRUNK HULK NO CARE WHAT ALANIS SAY!

You can thank me later.

Discipline Without Rewards

A few weeks ago, an interesting discussion began in the comments section of my On Children, Parents and the Use of Force post. A few astute and thoughtful readers brought up the issue of rewards, and suggested that I ought to clarify my thoughts on that due to some ambiguity with the way I was using the term. I've been thinking this over quite a lot since then, and I think I'm ready to address it.

Please know that while I am still firmly anti-reward, I'm still thinking through my explanation of my reasons. This is a first attempt (and I'm going to TRY to make it short-ish). I've no doubt that I'll think of other things to add and if you find anything confusing, please let me know in the comments of this post.

The post on the use of force was my first real attempt to pull together some of the ideas I've been writing about over the last year or so into one spot. One thing I left out of it though (I know! It could have been even longer!), and which deserves repeating for the benefit of this post (and others), is why I'm trying to think all of this out, and be so explicit. Here, I'll try to bullet point, maybe that'll be more succinct:

• I want my children to be happy in their lives.

• In order to be happy, you need to be virtuous (independent, rational, just, honest, have integrity and pride, and be productive).

• Therefore, I want them to understand these virtues, practice them, and see examples of them in our home. Hopefully when they're older, they will embrace them as we have.
  

In other words, just as I should do my absolute best to make sure my kids acquire educational tools that they will need as independent adults--reading and math--I should do my absolute best to make sure they acquire the virtues they will need to be happy.

Also important to keep in mind:

• Children are learning all the time--in addition to reading and math, they are learning how to act.

• Children have free will, but are predisposed (at least when young!) to give their parents' ideas a try, or at least a hearing.

• Children learn by watching others, by copying, by trying, from success and failure, through the choices they make.

• Children are neither irrational adults nor highly intelligent animals. They are humans who are learning to be rational.

With me? (I hope?) All right, moving on.

One question I've been asking myself since I got pregnant with our first child is: How, as an Objectivist who is also a parent, is the best way to raise my kids so that they have a lot of experience using the virtues?

I want my children, at the time they leave home and head out on their own (sniff), to have seen for themselves (not because I said so!) the benefits that come with being honest and productive, etc. Hopefully when they're adults, they'll each make a conscious decision to pursue their own values according to those virtues (that is, become moral people). I think if they do that, then they'll be happy.

One way they'll learn about the virtues for themselves is through getting lots and lots of practice. As I've written previously, I think it's best to let kids experience the consequences of their choices and actions--for good or ill. It's good experience and they will learn something!

However, there are times when the full consequences shouldn't happen--when the child's life, limb, or long-term health is at risk of serious or irreparable harm. Or when the rights of others are being violated (or will probably be violated). That's where parenting happens--to protect them from terrible consequences (running out into traffic), or to protect someone else from a rights-violation (one child hitting another).

Adults get to experience the full-on effects of their decisions (rational or irrational). If adults want to risk their lives doing something foolhardy like, I don't know, jump off a house roof into a shallow swimming pool during an electrical storm, then they will experience the consequences of doing that. Children, just learning rationality, deserve to be protected from the consequences of such decisions. The parenting safety net helps get them to adulthood, at which time they'll be free to make crazy decisions like that. :o)

So then the question becomes, is there a way I can set appropriate limits and enforce them as necessary without interfering too much with their chances to learn about virtuous behavior? The discipline method that I have found that best suits my goals is non-punitive discipline, aka "Positive Discipline" or "positive parenting."

And now we--finally!--get to the point of this post! (Hooray!) I've already written about how we don't punish our kids here, so I won't be talking much about traditional punishment in this post.

Okay. Rewards. Part of the problem in the Force post is that the word "reward" has many connotations. So let me define exactly what I'm talking about. Alfie Kohn, in his book Punished By Rewards, defines rewarding as a parent saying to a child "Do X and then you'll get Y." If you can put the interaction into If-Then terms, then it might be a reward. That is what we do not do around here with our kids--promise them something in order to get them to behave in a certain way.

Parental intent and manner is perhaps the most important factor in whether or not any given interaction between parent and child is the kind of reward I am advocating against. How a situation is handled by Mom can make a non-reward situation into a reward situation. (Back in the summer, I wrote about a time when I enforced a limit with Morgan--she lost the use of her art supplies for a day because she wasn't helping put them away. I could have enforced that in a punishing way, but I didn't. This same idea applies to rewards.)

I think I'm better at definition-by-example, so maybe this will help clarify what I am talking about (I hope!):


Rewards are:

• A piece of candy or a toy each time a kid does something desirable: If you pee in the potty, I'll give you an M&M.
  

• A gold star system for certain behaviors: If you brush your teeth without whining for 10 nights in a row, you'll get a prize.

• Promises of future extra privileges (tv time, a fun outing) in exchange for good behavior now: Look, be quiet now and you'll get to play a video game later.

Rewards are not:

• Celebrating an achievement with a child who is clearly proud of her achievement: Hooray! You used the potty all day today!

• Something good that happens as a natural result of a kid's behavior: No cavities at the dentist check up. (This "natural consequence" may be rewarding, certainly, but it is not something provided to the child by Mom and Dad.)

• A list of things a person needs to remember to do: Keeping a bedtime checklist is something we've done as a tool to help people remember all of their bedtime tasks--using the potty, brush teeth, pick up clothes in room, etc.

• A negotiated-ahead-of-time (with both parties, kid and adult, having equal negotiating power) trade: Dad: I know you want to play a computer game with me, but I have to rake the leaves now. What if we make a deal? You help me out now and then we'll get to play the game quicker.
  

• Doing something to make a not-so-fun job more fun: Cleaning up time isn't our favorite thing in the whole world. Why don't we put some music on to listen to while we're working?
  

I hope those examples help distinguish between If-Then rewards (or reward systems) and situations that might be rewarding. Another way to look at it is if the fun thing or system under discussion can be taken away by the parent and used to punish or threaten the child for not behaving, that's the kind of rewarding I don't use. So for the purposes of the rest of this post, please know that I'm talking about If-Then Rewards.


Why I Don't Reward

My primary objection to using rewards is that the process involves a kind of mental bait-and-switch tactic. It takes (some or all of) the child's attention away from what needs to be done and why and places (some or all of) his attention onto the reward. In encouraging the child to switch his focus away from the rational reasons he ought to engage in a certain behavior, he is losing a valuable opportunity to learn some deeper ethical lessons. (And I really think getting practical experience in using the virtues helps a child gain a better understanding of their benefits. A child will learn the value of honesty much more effectively by trying it out--or not--than by hearing me talk about how great honesty is.)

If-Then Rewarding, while certainly effective in getting a child to act in a particular way, doesn't reinforce the more abstract ideas of independence and responsibility and other great things I think my kids need to practice and understand thoroughly before heading out into the world. Kohn gives the example of using a reward to get a kid to take out the garbage. The kid takes out the garbage and gets his reward. The action has been performed and now everyone is happy. He's learned where to put the garbage, but he's learned nothing about responsibility, which is more important overall than the learning the physical action of taking out the garbage.

Now, if the kid is refusing to take out the garbage, and I simply enforce the limit and help him do it (by putting the bag in his hand and walking him out to the garbage can), he may or may not learn something about responsibility, that is very true. But his attention will remain on the task and the reasons for it and the fact that it's important enough that Mom is willing to help him do it. There is nothing shiny to take his attention off of these things. If he is rewarded (bribed) to do this job, he is more likely to miss the responsibility message entirely, or mistakenly integrate the idea of responsibility as "something I take care of in order to get a prize."

I want my kids to learn to do the right things because they are the right things to do. I do not want my kids to learn to do the right things because I give them a prize if they do it (or punish them for not doing it). This kind of "moral practice" will pay off for them in the long-run.

(Also, there is abundant evidence that reward systems, for kids and adults, do not produce lasting changes in behavior. There's a lot of this discussed in Kohn's book. That falls into the realm of psychology I believe; my objections are primarily philosophical.)


Enforcing Limits--the only Parental Action Necessary

I've tried to make the above point many times, but never so explicitly. Many parents (including me, once upon a time) think that in order to drive a lesson home, something needs to be done to the child. So the parent enforces a limit and then doles out a punishment. Or she enforces a limit by offering the child a reward in exchange for the desired within-the-limit behavior.

Kids WILL learn how to behave through the enforcement of limits. That is all the parenting intervention necessary.

I like to compare limit-setting to training wheels. The training wheels are there to help the kid learn how to correct his balance and protect him a little at the same time. Too far one way . . . oops! . . . the training wheels hit and the kid is (usually) prevented from tipping all the way over, and can correct his balance and lean the other way. Over time, the training wheels get raised, as the kid needs less and less correction and protection. After a while, they're removed altogether because he's gained the skill and can be safe.

There is no need for there to be an additional punishment or reward for learning to ride a bike. If the kid leans too far to one side, there's no mechanism on the training wheels that reaches up and smacks his hand to teach him a lesson, to reinforce the fact that he made a mistake. There's no automatic candy dispenser that doles out M & M's for every tenth of a mile traveled without an overcorrection, in order to encourage him to stay perfectly balanced. No, the training wheels set a limit and enforce it, and protect him some all at the same time. And that's how I see my role as parent--set and enforce (rational) limits, while protecting them (and others) at the same time. Nothing more.

So how about a real-life example? I think anyone reading this will probably agree that it's important for people to wear their seatbelts in the car regularly. (And if you don't, then just play along for a moment. :o) )

Ryan sits in a booster seat with a regular shoulder belt now. He's tested the "Wear your Seatbelt in the Car" limit a few times, unbuckling himself while the car is moving. Here are some of the things I've done to enforce our limit:

• Sat in the back with him and held the buckle in place.

• Moved him from the back row to the middle row so that I can more easily see if he's unbuckled himself, and so that one of us can reach back there and hold the buckle if necessary.

• Pulled the car over and stopped and waited until he buckled back up.

I didn't punish him by taking away a toy for each unbuckling incident. Nor did I give him any kind of prize for remaining buckled. I simply enforced the limit (over his often loud objections) and explained (usually in a calmer time) my reasons for this limit.

He now remains buckled all the time. He has learned and respects this limit. He knows how important it is. He knows that if he tests it again that I will do one or more of the above things each and every time. Again. He knows that I will not stop doing those things until I can trust him to remain buckled. He knows this because I am consistent in enforcing this limit. He knows that I will enforce this limit with his sister and brother when they move into booster seats. He knows that this is his responsibility and willingly manages it, usually without any reminders.

Another quick example--Epipens. Ryan is very responsible about remembering his Epipens. I have not had to develop a reward system designed to encourage him to remember them. We simply talk about it, remind each other to bring them, and if we forget them, then we have to leave the fun place we were heading to (like the playground) and return home.


There's more I'd like to say about this issue, but I think I'll stop here for now. I hope I've made my point about rewards more clearly. I can think of a few more reward-related posts, and now that my background thinking is out here in the blogosphere, it will be easier (for me) to write more specific posts on this topic. Oh, wait, there is one more thing.

In the comments section of the post on the use of force, there was some objection to my statement that rewards are a kind of coercion. According to one dictionary, "coerce" can mean: to compel to an act or choice; or to achieve by force or threat. I think these two definitions (the second and third as found in that particular online dictionary) apply to If-Then Rewards. To reiterate one of the main points of my post on force--there is a time and place for parents to compel a child to an act or a choice (enforcing a limit). When a parent uses If-Then Rewards to compel a child to do a particular something, that is one method of setting and enforcing a limit. That is the sense in which I was using coercion. [UPDATE: I am currently re-thinking the use of this word per some feedback in the comments. I think that the imbalance of power that naturally exists in the parent-child relationship makes this an accurate word. However, I am wary of muddying the waters where this concept is concerned, especially among non-Objectivists, so I'm re-thinking this. Thanks.]

Questions and comments (especially the thought-provoking kind) are welcome. :o)