Homeschool Plans

Yesterday I sat down with each of the older kids and we made a big list of things they want to cover in our homeschool year, or a Things I Want to Know list. I actually do this with them periodically anyway, but since it feels end-of-summery/beginning-of-schooly to me (even though we don't really follow the official school schedule), I was kind of in the mood to revisit this little project.

I do this with them because I think it's important that the kids have a voice in what they learn--it's one of the reasons we wanted to homeschool in the first place. I want them to get practice and experience in deciding what their values are and going after them, and this is a way we can do that. I still chafe at the word unschooler and really can't quite call us an unschooling family (partly because nobody, including unschoolers, can seem to define the term), but the kids are very self-directed. I view my role as resource provider/guide/chauffeur/perspective-adder/question-asker/context-pointer-outer/connection-maker. We are relaxed in how we do schooly things, and I do not step in their way until and unless they demonstrate that they need guidance or help, which is consistent with my views on discipline issues.

Making a Things I Want to Know list is also a great way for me to get to know them a little better. Even though I have very talkative children who seem to want to fill me in on every single thought they have, there were some surprises on their lists, glimpses into thoughts and ideas that I'd not yet seen or been privy to. So it's fun for me to find out what they're thinking about. And it's also a way for me to give them my ideas on how we can accomplish their goals, so that they see me as that resource/idea provider, and not merely as "Mom." :o)

We're going to do a new thing with these lists, too. After I'm done with this post, I will copy their lists out onto giant pieces of paper and we'll hang them on the walls somewhere. I know for sure that Morgan will love this idea; Ryan, I'm not so sure about, but we'll give it a try. Having their goals posted in a visible area will help the kids keep them, I don't know, present in their daily lives. I made sure to stress that we can add and subtract from the list as necessary, that this is not something they are locked into by any means. Having the lists posted on the walls is a way to introduce them to methods for staying organized (see this interesting link for ways to introduce GTD to children) as well as good practice for keeping track of your goals and pursuing your values.

So you're probably wondering what's on these lists we made, huh? Well, here they are! Each kid's personality really shows, and you can tell what kinds of things they're interested in.

Morgan's List

• Learn German, French, Russian, and Greek
• Chess Class (at co-op)
• ASL Class (at co-op)
• Read more Little House on the Prairie books (as read alouds)
• More read alouds: Harry Potter and Narnia books
• Library Trips
• Writing practice, specifically focusing on holding the pen/pencil properly (she still tends to grip it with her fist)
• DreamBox Math
• Play with math blocks (Cuisenaire rods)
• Dog Art Class (her term)
• Drawing Class (at co-op)
• Piano
• Arts and Crafts projects
• Dog training (we don't have a dog, but we thought we'd read some books maybe)
• Go to the zoo and the park
• Go hiking on mountains
• Independent Reading: Junie B. Jones books, Nate the Great books, Ramona books
• Cooking
• Science Fair (at co-op)

This was the first time I'd done such a list with Morgan, and now I'm wishing I'd done this a year ago. With the exception of me making some specific suggestions for her independent reading books, she came up with all of that on her own. Surprising to me: that her interest in languages extended beyond French (which Brendan kinda sorta knows) and German (which I kinda sorta know); that she actually wants to learn how to hold a pencil properly; and that she wants to go hiking. Cool! And I'm pretty sure we can make most of her goals happen over the next year or so.


Ryan's List

• Use Math Blocks
• Watch Cyberchase
• Money (he means earn some, but that also entails math, heh!)
• Doctoring
• Cooking
• Hunting
• Exploring
• Being a Janitor and a Babysitter (At the same time? AWESOME.)
• Spying
• Detective Work
• Building Models
• Poetry
• Read alouds: Continue with Sherlock Holmes mysteries (a Ryan-Brendan Saturday morning tradition)
• Audiobooks: The Lord of the Rings and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
• History at our House: European History
• Learn about architecture
• Peopleguy Tours (I'll write about this very soon)
• Filming Movies
• Writing his book about the Atlanta Falcons (for real)
• Writing on his blog and sending email
• Growing plants
• Being a veterinarian
• Learn about liquids (and other states of matter, I guess?)
• Weather Systems
• Grilling (the cooking kind, not the interrogation kind)
• Hike Red Top Mountain
• Go to Civil War sites in Georgia
• Chess Class (at co-op)
• ASL Class (at co-op)
• Robotics Class (at co-op)
• Make a robot to help do stuff around the house (Wow, I'd love it if he can do that!)
• Sewing for Robots (they'll need clothing, apparently, to do all that housework, as opposed to House Elves)
• Science Fair (at co-op)
• Get history books from the library
• Carpentry
• Learn the skills needed to run a good conference (for real, he said this)

As those of you who know him in real life can probably imagine, he rattled this list off at high speed, as if he'd only been waiting for me to ask the question! It's also twice as long as Morgan's, and he could have kept going, only the baby woke up from his nap, so we had to agree that he could add stuff later. His peopleguy focus is very apparent, too. He wants to learn to do Real Things that Real Peopleguys Do. He doesn't want to learn about doctors--he wants to be a doctor. This is how he does. (Anyone have an apprenticeship he can join? He really is a hard worker!) Surprising to me: the desire to be a janitor (but a welcome surprise!); his interest in poetry; that he remembered to add math; and his strong need to know how to run a good conference. He's prepping for his CEO days, I guess.

I really enjoyed making this lists with my kids (but then again, I'm a list-y kind of person), and I already know I'll love being able to see their lists around the house. It will help me remember to take them hiking and go to the library, and it gives me an idea about which movies and documentaries to get from Netflix. Also, I really need to figure out how to turn this peopleguy stuff into a home improvement advantage for me!

I'd love to hear more about how other homeschoolers (and afterschoolers and regular schoolers) talk to their kids about their learning goals. Any good ideas?

Finally a FamBlog Update

Click on over to find a link to our Outer Banks pictures!

I Did It!

I relaxed and mostly didn't work on vacation! Of course, vacationing with young children is actually quite a lot of work--there's getting people in and out of swimsuits, finding towels, packing bags for the beach with toys and food and drinks, and laundry! Oh yes. The laundry.

But still! I relaxed and didn't stress or think too much about the work I wasn't getting done because I was "wasting" my time doing nothing. It's sad, because many times when I'm on vacation all I can think about is the work I'm not doing, and it's hard to shake that feeling that I'm somehow wasting time. This year, I consciously decided that my goal was to relax and have fun (laundry notwithstanding), and while I did take care of some minor issues while I was away (approving new members for OGrownups, handling an Objectivist Round Up issue, things like that), I did it! I relaxed and had fun and didn't worry about the other stuff. Go me! :o)

Some highlights from the trip:

• Seeing our dear friend C. August and his family. It's super No Fair that they live so far away from us the rest of the year.

• Hawaiian Shirt Night at The Mad Crabber (a yearly tradition).

• Listening to a really excellent blues guitarist outside The Froggy Dog Restaurant on our last evening .

• Meeting another Objectivist blogger and his family, who happened to be vacationing in OBX, too! We met up at our favorite kid's museum of all time, The Roanoke Island Adventure Museum. Go there. Seriously.

• The beach! Nobody was afraid of the waves this year, though Morgan and Sean needed close watching. Morgan was a little nervous (but very brave!), so preferred to have one of us near, holding her hand and jumping her up over the waves. Sean was intimidated at first, and then completely unafraid (as per his usual), and managed to even sort of enjoy getting knocked over by waves and tumbled through the sand. Ryan was pretty independent, and both he and Morgan loved the boogie board we got them. Especially Ryan.

• Treasure Hunt Night is always fun, and the way Sean carried his little shovel on his shoulder was precious. 

• The weather was mostly awesome, but we did have a rainstorm adventure when taking the kids to the beach on the Sound side of the island. That's okay, we were all wearing swimsuits any way, so what was a little more water? The thunder and lightning didn't start until we were almost to the car! 

• Sitting around the pool or on the deck, talking about what's been going on in our lives over the last year.

It was a lovely time.

And now, can you believe? I'm almost done unpacking, have the third load of vacation laundry going, and am digging into my To Do List. I do have lots of energy and am eager to get back to work. We have some fun things going on with our homeschool friends (such as a pool party tomorrow!), and chess class, and Music Class with just me and Sean for the first time ever, and Cultivating the Virtues stuff with Kelly, and AOS stuff coming up, and my mother-in-law and brother-in-law coming for a visit next weekend, and naturally, we're already planning for Halloween!

What can I say? Life is good. How about you? I hope you didn't miss me too much!

Podcast #11: Money

Hooray! At long last, we are happy to present our 11th podcast! We are grateful for the feedback we received from our listeners about the technical issues with the last podcast. Hopefully this one sounds a little better–Brendan turned the sound way up, so we’re hoping that will solve at least some of the problem. We didn’t test it on an iPod (because we’re currently on vacation!), but I think we’ll start this testing as part of our production process.

If you have feedback about the podcast–technical or content or otherwise!–please drop us a line at cultivatingthevirtues@gmail.com.

Our line up this time is:

• Situation of the Week (Kelly): Dealing with the jealous feelings of her child when she (Kelly) pays attention to other children
• Topic: Money (begins 8:00)
• Q & A: How did your relationships with other adults change after the arrival of children? (begins 29:34)

You can get the podcast here, on iTunes, or just below!

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Thanks for listening! We’d love your comments and feedback and questions!

Objectivist Round Up

The latest Objectivist Round Up is at The Crucible. Good stuff, don't miss!

Vacation

Even though I'm excited for our vacation, I can't seem to get up the gumption to, you know, pack. I think I just like the feeling of a deadline looming. And 24 hours just seems too far away somehow.

But in 24 hours we'll be on our way (with or without clean, folded clothing) to the beach, and friends, and a deliriously delicious rum drink called Peach Vacation! I'm also very happy that I decided against getting Sean his first haircut before the beach, because he is all blond and curly and I think he'll look just like a real-live Surfer Dude Peopleguy.

I hope you have fun while I'm away! I plan to be away from the blog for a good bit, but I will check in on Twitter, with obligatory road trip pictures of cuteness. And you know I won't be able to stay away from the OList Twitter party next week! (I think it will be Tuesday.)

TTFN!

Amelia Peabody & Positive Discipline (Or, More Parenting Through Literature!)

Here's a great quotation from Crocodile on the Sandbank that very  nicely illustrates the "A Mistake is an Opportunity to Learn" (aka "Yippee Mistakes!") principle from Positive Discipline.

One of the characters, Evelyn, is telling the story of her recent past errors and the ruin of her reputation. When Amelia Peabody is not shocked and disgusted by Evelyn's ruination as expected, Evelyn asks in surprise:

"And you are not repelled by my ruined character?"

Amelia replies:

"I do not consider that it is ruined. Indeed, the experience has probably strengthened your character."

THAT is precisely the right attitude we should have about our own mistakes and those of our children and loved ones. We all make mistakes. How we deal with them--whether or not we acknowledge the reality of what has happened, whether or not we are just to those we may have wronged, whether or not we endeavor to correct our ideas or behavior so that we don't repeat the mistake in the future--determines whether our mistakes will strengthen our characters or not.

As parents, the attitude we take toward the mistakes of our children will help them learn and practice making similar choices about their own mistakes throughout their lives. Our attitude should be less berating and shaming, and more "Okay, hey. That's a mistake. How can I help you fix it?" Then we can help them acknowledge what happened, make amends if necessary, and take steps or talk through what happened so they can make a better choice next time.


This post has been brought to you by a character-strengthening day. Have you had the chance to strengthen your character lately? :o)

Where My Mind Is

I find myself with my usual overflowing list of projects and to-dos, only this week, I'm burdened with another problem. This:

We're leaving this Friday, and part of me is already there. Sadly, that part is the part responsible for thinking and planning and communicating with others--in other words, my brain.

I can't wait to be there, to soak up every ray of sunshine and laugh every laugh and lament when it's all over too quickly (because it always is).

But first, I need to do laundry. Why is it that every vacation I take now as an adult (parent?) involves so much freaking laundry? I do laundry in preparation for the vacation, laundry during vacation, and then mounds and mounds of laundry when we get home. Guess it's a good thing that laundry is a fairly mindless task, since my brain is long gone!

Recycling

Yes, I'm recycling a couple of posts--I have too much to do to write anything brilliant just now (though there are flashes of brilliance in my head that I hope to pull out and wave around later).

Amelia Peabody has lately been very much on my mind, due to our discussion in the online book club I (sometimes) participate in. And so I will reprint (re-blog?) a review I wrote about three years ago. And for those of you similarly obsessed interested, there is also a Facebook group: Another Shirt Ruined!

If you are also pressed for time or don't wish to read further, allow me to sum up: YOU MUST READ THESE BOOKS NOW. :o)

* * *

In Praise of the Amelia Peabody Books (originally published August 1, 2007 on this here blog)

I was introduced to Amelia Peabody about 5 years ago by my dad, who inhales books like nobody else I've ever known. Amelia Peabody is one of the most interesting literary characters I've ever loved and I think that she would appeal to many of my Dear Blog Readers, especially you Objectivists.

Let's see....how to describe Amelia Peabody...she's a proper churchgoing Victorian gentlewoman who wears trousers on archaeological digs, wields a parasol like a saber, cheerfully excavates Egyptian sites despite the heat and other inconveniences (she especially loves pyramids) alongside her husband "the greatest Egyptologist of this or any other age, Radcliffe Emerson," and courageously solves murder-mysteries on the side. You know, just for something to do.

She is daring and brave, never backs down from a challenge, and to her husband's unending chagrin, never takes "no" for an answer. She is passionately devoted to Emerson (so-called because he hates his given name) and is genuinely confused by the Victorian notion that women ought not to enjoy sex too much. Peabody (as she is affectionately called by Emerson who only uses "Amelia" when he's annoyed with her, which is rare) and Emerson are parents to a precocious son nicknamed Ramses.

Emerson is quick-thinking and courageous, does not put up with nonsense of any sort, has a horrible temper but believes he doesn't, is openly atheist (to his wife's chagrin), is passionately devoted to his wife, is ridiculously sentimental where children and animals are concerned, seems to know everyone in Egypt (in particular some of the more unsavory characters), and uses profanity with such fluidity and creativity that he is known in Egypt as the "Father of Curses."

I was hooked from the very first book, Crocodile on the Sandbank (where Peabody and Emerson meet, hate each other, solve a mystery, and fall in love).

The author of the series is Elizabeth Peters (a pseudonym) who is an Egyptologist by training. Peters' strength as an author is characterization. Peabody, Emerson, Ramses (and others who come later: Nefret, David, Sethos) are compelling to me because they are strong, honest, uncompromising and funny. (Peabody especially has some laugh-out-loud one-liners.) And oh! Abdullah! How could I forget Abdullah!

Peters is also very adept at weaving into the stories her own vast knowledge of Egyptology as well as her knowledge of the Victorian and Edwardian eras and the English women and men who typify those time periods. Since Emerson is supposed to be a well-respected archaeologist, she introduces Peabody (and us) to real archaeologists of the time, such as Flinders Petrie and Howard Carter, and refers to actual discoveries, etc. Howard Carter (who later discovered the lost tomb of the Pharaoh Tutankhamen) figures prominently in several of the books. The character of Emerson is partially based on the real-life Petrie, inventor of many modern archaeological techniques (and who had a patron named Amelia Edwards); Peters gives joint credit for the development of excavation techniques to Petrie and Emerson, who doesn't like Petrie but will begrudgingly admit (under pressure) that Petrie is an adequate archaeologist.

The plots of a few of the books get a little clunky and formulaic, but for the most part are well worth sticking with if only to learn how the characters develop and handle the situations thrown at them. Most of the books are quite good. In addition to the first one, I've especially enjoyed The Last Camel Died At Noon, The Hippopotamus Pool, and The Falcon At The Portal.

These books are just great fun. I think something Emerson says at the end of the first book (when he and Amelia declare their love) really sums it up very nicely:

"Archaeology is a fascinating pursuit, but, after all, one cannot work day and night. . . . Peabody, my darling Peabody--what a perfectly splendid time we are going to have!"

They do have a splendid time--and so have I!

* * *

And one more recycled post, also originally published on August 1, 2007:


More On Amelia Peabody

On the official Amelia Peabody website, there is a section with various Peabody-isms. They are great and you'll find them extremely useful if you are trying to decide if you will enjoy the books.

Some of my favorites:

• "Abstinence, as I have often observed, has a deleterious effect on the disposition."

• "The combination of physical strength and moral sincerity combined with tenderness of heart is exactly what is wanted in a husband."

• "I always say there is nothing more comfortable or commodious than a tomb."

• "It is impossible for any rational mind to follow the peculiar mental convolutions that pass for logic among the male sex . . ." (Amelia is convinced that men are illogical creatures.)

• "It is difficult to be angry with a gentleman who pays you compliments . . . especially impertinent compliments."

• "A lady cannot be blamed if a master criminal takes a fancy to her."

• "I hope I number patience among my virtues, but shilly-shallying, when nothing is to be gained by the delay, is not a virtue."

• "Though I had slept only a few hours, I felt quite fresh and full of ambition. Righteous indignation has that effect on my character."

And now that you've read this, don't you want to read these books? Huh? HUH? :o)

Objectivist Round Up!

Amy's got the latest round up at The Little Things. Don't miss it!

Day O'Fun

Today was the first day of classes at our local homeschool co-op! Morgan and Ryan are both in chess now. For those of you familiar with "Morgany Chess," please be assured that she has agreed to learn the rules to regular chess and abide by them in class. :o)

Setting up pieces before class

This is the biggest year yet for the co-op--54 families, which works out to be about 150 kids or so. Take that, people who think homeschooled kids never see the light of day!

Proof that homeschooled kids see the light of day. It makes them squinty.

Even though our kid activities have begun again, even though I've sent in our homeschooling paperwork, I am not at all ready for summer to be over. We haven't even been to the beach yet! (We leave in 9 days.) I also find it highly ridiculous that the school systems are allowed to change the length of the school year to suit their budgets, but I am still required to mark an X on a form for 180 days, beginning September 1. Craziness.

In other news, after a fairly relaxing afternoon in which Morgan learned two new piano songs (and I played the accompaniment for one of them with her), Ryan helped me clean out the pantry, and Sean "helped" me do other work around the house, Brendan and I are going out tonight to see a friend who is in town for a few days. We're trying out a new babysitter, which is bittersweet. We love our old sitter, but she is married, expecting a baby, and just bought a house yesterday! So it's time to move on. We all really liked meeting our new sitter, and I hope she is able to keep up with the TALKING that she will no doubt encounter tonight.

If you are wondering where I'll be for the rest of the week, look for me by the pool! I leave you with Some Cute.

I'm glad the older two are in only one class this session; it was hot outside with the Cutie Man!

The Story of MiniCon

For those who are interested in reading a little bit about the behind-the-scenes work that Kelly and I did for MiniCon, check out our joint blog entry at the Atlanta Objectivist Society blog!

We'd love to know if there is interest in a Q&A conference call, or anything like that. We would love it if other groups held their own version of MiniCon all around the country.

And speaking of that, AOS will be hosting MiniCon The Sequel over Memorial Day Weekend in 2011!

Waving to the Census Bureau

Since someone at the Census Bureau has apparently renewed his/her interest in this here blog, I thought I'd wave, provide you with a handy-dandy link to all of my Census/American Community Survey-related posts, and take this opportunity to tell you and all of my readers about our visit from the Census Bureau guy who came our house a few weeks ago. Can you believe I forgot to mention it? I tweeted it, I think, but haven't written a blog post.

Anyway, as I mentioned back in March of this year, we only provided one answer on our official Census form this year: Five. I knew that would result in a personal visit, and indeed, I was not at all surprised to get a couple "We came to visit you and you weren't home" notices stuck on the front door during the second week of July.

Then, one sunny Saturday afternoon, as I was leaving the house to go run an errand, I saw a little old man in a little old car park on the street in front of the house. He got out with a clipboard and a briefcase, and I knew who he was. I stuck my head back inside and told Brendan that the Census guy was here and I'd deal with him. Then I stood outside on the front porch and closed the door behind me (a gesture I picked up from an old friend of mine).

The man came up and before he had a chance to speak, I said "We refuse to provide you with any more information. No, thank you." I was as nice and friendly as I could be.

He paused, obviously somewhat surprised, but then got the oddest expression on his face. A smirk. A Jim Taggart-y kind of a smirk. "May I ask why not?" he said.

So I told him that I didn't believe the federal government had a right to that other information, that I was happy to provide the number of people living here, repeated that number for him, but that since I didn't recognize the government's right to the information I was refusing to provide it.

He didn't press me further, didn't protest that it was for my own good or the good of my community or any of that. He didn't tell me "But it's mandatory!" like the woman who came to our house to get us to complete the American Community Survey a couple of years ago. He smirked at me some more and said "Okay." and went back to his car.

I went inside to tell Brendan that I was now leaving for my errand, and then went back outside and got in my car. The man was sitting in his car, writing and writing and writing on his little notepad. I sat there for five minutes or so, but he was working and wasn't ready to leave. I didn't want to delay my errand any longer, so I left him sitting there in his car in front of my house, writing and writing. Brendan said he stayed a few more minutes after I left.

So that was our Census experience this year. Fairly innocuous. I can only imagine that someone at the Census is just dying to hear it, which is why they've been stepping up the visits to the blog lately. Don't get me wrong, I love the hits! But it's just not that fascinating a story, really.

Or is it?

Joel Stein is an Attention-Seeking Psycho

No. Not really.

I wrote a response to his column last year in which he portrayed parents of kids with food allergies as "yuppies" who invented nut allergies as a way to "feel special" about themselves. You know, for the attention.

Now I have learned that Mr. Stein's little boy has been diagnosed with food allergies. His son is only 15 months old. A baby. Another child with a life-threatening allergy to food.

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, trying to craft my response, remembering how we felt after Ryan's big reaction. I have nothing but sympathy for what Mr. Stein and his wife must be feeling right now.

Because it's just not funny at all. Last year I wrote my response to Stein's column the day after we'd had a scare with Ryan (who didn't have a reaction at all, but we all thought he was having one at first). We were driving home from a restaurant when Ryan said:

Mom, Dad. I'm itchy all over. Everywhere in my body.

I still get chills reading that, remembering those awful minutes before we determined that he was not, in fact, having a reaction. I ended the rant post with:

So, I guess that's it--it's not funny at all to know that your kid could die on the way home from a restaurant. Unless I'm actually a freak who is enjoying all of this attention, in which case it's obviously super great fun to ride this wave of Mass Hysteria to Spotlight Island, just to add a little spice to my boring life.

I know these types of articles are written all the time (I've got my Google Search set to "peanut allergy") and usually I choose to ignore the foolishness. But every once in a while, it all really irks me. What an idiot. Sigh.

And now I can go on with our family life in a constructive way, having got that out of my system. Maybe someone who thinks they agree with this guy will see this post and rethink their position on the matter. It's the best I can do for now. Thanks for listening.

I wanted others to see my response and maybe rethink their position a little. Mr. Stein sure has. His mea culpa can be found at TIME Magazine (need a subscription to read the whole thing).

In Which I FAIL to Administer a Smackdown

I am so freaking clever in my head, all the live-long day. But when faced with a real-life opportunity to offer a well-timed, much-needed comeback, well . . . much of the time words fail me. See here for another example of my failings in this arena.

So, this morning, because it is summer, and because I am a nice mommy, and because we paid our HOA fee on time, and because we homeschool so the kids aren't off at a school, we went to the neighborhood pool for a little while.

A woman with a little yappy dog opened the door to the pool area to let us in and promptly exclaimed:

"What a surprise! I thought all of the kids would be in school!"

Okay, fair enough, I suppose.

Ryan replied:

"Oh, we homeschool."

To which this woman--who isn't even supposed to have a dog in the pool area, yappy or no, might I point out because I'm in a snit and this is my blog and I can snit if I want to (snit if I want to, snit if I want to....)--this woman actually replied back with a glance at me:

"Oh, too good for private school, huh?"

And walked out of the pool.

What. The. EFFFFF????

To which I ought to have responded: "HELL yes."

GAH. Thankfully none of the kids seemed to notice her snippiness (and she was definitely trying to send me a rude message).

What would you have said? Let's think of some fun snarkity comebacks, so I can be ready to deliver should this topic of discussion come up again the next time we're at the pool during Official School Hours.

YAY and Good Things Summary

Here's a quick what's-what with me lately:

• Happy it's Friday, yet amazed by its lightning-quick arrival this week! 
• I think we'll go to the pool today, and enjoy this hot hot hot weather (and pity the poor kids who have to be in school).
• By the way, yesterday was the first day of school in these here parts, and I want to point out that Morgan did not start Kindergarten (or whatever grade in which she'd have been placed), and Ryan did not start 3rd grade. Hooray for homeschool! 
• Homeschool co-op starts next week, and both big kids are taking chess this time.
• We are leaving for our annual trip to the Outer Banks in exactly TWO WEEKS. WOOHOOOOOO!
• My sister and her hubby are coming for a visit next weekend, yay!
• I'm going to go visit friends and their newborn baby girl this weekend, yay!
• I've generally been working hard like peopleguys on lots o'projects, thanks to getting some good advice on tweaking my GTD/OmniFocus via the OProducers list. So, my plans to take over the world--right on track, baby.
• Gonna do some cooking this weekend with the kids for a project I've got going on (details when I can, promise!).
• Brendan and I have been moving the furniture around our financial house all summer long, and we're still in mid-shuffle, but! Things are looking much nicer around here.
• B & I started watching 30 Rock on Netflix and it's hysterically funny. Yay for Netflix!
• And last, but not least, don't forget to check out the latest Objectivist Round Up at Kelly's blog! (She recently redecorated her bloggy house, so be sure to go and notice it!)

What have you got going on? Happy good things, I hope!

Living with Food Allergies Carnival #66

Welcome to the August 5, 2010 edition of the Living with Food Allergies blog carnival! I'm happy to be hosting once again.

This edition is packed with great tips from bloggers who are really LIVING, with happiness and health, with their own food allergies, or those of their loved ones. We even have an entry from an allergist! 




Maria Hardy presents Vacation: Same Life Different Spot posted at Allergy Life in Loudoun, saying, "I hope this can still make tonight's carnival! Thank you very much, I look forward to reading the others!"



chupieandjsmama presents Things that food allergies have taught me: Eating Healthier - WEGO Health posted at Janeen's Blog - WEGO Health.



Janeen presents Buckle Up! We're going on vacation with food allergies. - WEGO Health posted at Janeen's Blog - WEGO Health.



Libby presents Halloween in July posted at The Allergic Kid. We're big Halloween fans around here, too, and would celebrate all year long if we could!



Amy Leger presents It?s all Fun and Games Until You Pull a Gluteny Spaghetti Noodle Out of Your Gluten-Free Spiral Noodles posted at The Savvy Celiac, saying, "Long subject line- Yes. But it sums up our conundrum we had during our trip in DC. A first for us– seeing a glaring error in our gluten-free order at a restaurant that we couldn’t stop before it was eaten." In the words of Mad-Eye Moody: Constant Vigilance!



Michael Bosson presents The DELICARDO Treasure Hunt | www.delicardo.de posted at delicardo foodard, saying, "We are running a competition witha number of blogs for free DELICARDO Foodcards. I thought this may be something that you would want to pick up for the Blog Carnival. I realise that the press release type format on our website may not be ideal but we do not run a blog sorry." Looks interesting!



Amy Leger presents Finding Gluten-Free Food Near the National Mall in DC posted at The Savvy Celiac, saying, "Want info on some of the Hot-Spots in DC? Plus Family-Friendly and Gluten-Free Friendly locations near the Mall? Here you go -- map and all!"



Thanita Glancey presents The Washtington Nationals' Peanut Free Game? posted at Vicky's Ickies.
 I've been trying to get the Atlanta Braves to have a peanut-safe game for years.



Katie presents Allergy Testing posted at A New Fit.



Lyzz Jones presents There is never a vacation from food allergies - Food Fight posted at YorkBlog.



Lyzz Jones presents Wanted: Your holiday allergy tips - Food Fight posted at YorkBlog.



Elizabeth Goldenberg presents URGENT Call To Action For The Food Allergic & Anaphylactic Community. posted at Onespot Allergy.



Arthur Lubitz, MD presents Allergy to Peanuts posted at NYC Allergy Doctor. Always great to remind myself where peanut allergen hides!



Jenn Casey presents Green & Black's Chocolate posted at Rational Jenn, saying "I found this company pleasant to work with and knowledgeable about food allergies. Hooray!"




That concludes this edition. Thanks for reading, and please let others know about the carnival (Facebook, Twitter, email!).

Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Living with Food Allergies blog carnival using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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World Breastfeeding Week: Do It for Selfish Reasons!

It's World Breastfeeding Week, did you know? One of my Facebook friends shared this WBW promotional video this morning (I can't get it to embed properly in this post, so you'll have to click over because I don't wanna mess with it).

It's a short little video featuring pretty celebrities who have nursed their babies. It starts off with a little booby humor (ta-tas and jugs!) and then:

"Did you know that by breastfeeding, your knockers could save the US $13 billion per year in health care costs?"

THAT was the main reason we are offered about why women should breastfeed. The other two minor reasons: because these pretty women did it, and because "It's what your bazongas are for!"--which I actually chuckled over.

So I'm going to tell you why I decided to breastfeed: Because I'm selfish.

When I got pregnant with Ryan, Brendan was less than six months into the world of Type 1 diabetes. Researchy person that I am, I learned quickly enough that babies who were breastfed at least nine months had a lower risk of developing that auto-immune disease. Any auto-immune disease.

And right there and then I decided to do it. Of course I realized that human milk is the healthiest thing for human babies to eat, and that our species conveniently developed this super-food right along with the ability walk upright and remember 10-digit phone numbers. But really what I was thinking to myself was "If I can give this baby a good shot at not getting this awful illness, I'm going to do it." And the bonus parts were that the food was healthiest for him anyway, easy to prepare, and with me all the time.

So I set out to make it nine months (he nursed about 15 months), and in those early weeks when breastfeeding was difficult at times (especially in the hospital when I couldn't even nurse him until the day after he was born), I repeated my mantra: "Nine months. Lower risk. Nine months. Lower risk."

I breastfed Ryan because I selfishly wanted to lower his risk of getting a terrible disease. And I wanted him to be as healthy as he could possibly be. I wanted those things because he is a selfish value to me.

I also learned during that pregnancy that breastfeeding would help ME. Wow, this thing keeps getting better and better! Not only would my selfish value be healthier, I would be healthier, too! It helps with postpartum healing. It's soothing (due to the release of hormones while nursing). It helps you get back to pre-pregnancy weight more quickly. It lowers the risk of certain types of cancer, namely breast cancer.

I went on to have two more children whom I selfishly nursed for all of the above reasons and more. More reasons? Yes, more! Breastfeeding soothes baby as well as mom. It's snuggly, and full of touches, and studies show that human babies need human contact. Breastfeeding can help you establish a healthy attachment with your baby.

Morgan nursed until she was just past three years old (years, I know!), and Sean is still going strong at 25 months.

So I say HOORAY! for World Breastfeeding Week, but BOO! on your promotional video. I don't give a holy you-know-what that nursing my children will save my country health care costs. Not only that, I don't want any other woman to nurse her kids so that MY health care costs will be lower.

And if we weren't in this unholy mess of a situation where people (in the government and otherwise) need to be worried about how the behavior of other people will affect their wallets? What then? Would no good reason then exist to breastfeed if we (in my wildest dreams) actually ever had a free market in health care?

Hell no! There will still be plenty of excellent selfish reasons to nurse your baby!!! The cost of government care has NOTHING to do with it, whether in my theoretical utopia or in this horrible situation.

So I urge you to nurse because it's good for you and good for your baby. Do it, not for your country, but for yourself.

For Highly Sensitive People (and Those Who Love Them)

I read a very interesting article the other day, courtesy of a Facebook group of which I'm a member. It's called "Highly Sensitive People--Sounds, Smells, and Sentiments."

Apparently, sensitivity (the temperament trait) is not just social measure (as in, sensitive people get their feelings too easily hurt or lack Teh Social Skillz)--there's physiological evidence that shows that sensitive people (like me and Ryan, and possibly Sean) have more sensitive neurological systems (emphasis in original):

High Sensitivity and Introversion: Introversion is no longer "low sociability."

Modern personality researchers have done hundreds of studies on the personality traits of introversion-extroversion.

Early research treated it as a measure of sociability, later research looked it more generally as a physiological measure. The studies concur that introverts are:

    * More physically sensitive

    * More sensitive to stimuli and stimulants

    * They process information more thoroughly

    * They prefer to reflect before acting

    * More reflective when given feedback

    * More vigilant in discrimination tasks

    * Slower to acquire and forget information due to their deeper processing into memory

Greater sensitivity is found at all levels of the nervous system from sensitivity to pinpricks, to skin conductivity to faster reaction times

And even MORE interesting is this statement (emphasis in original):

Some highly sensitive individuals are still extroverts!

Usually these are people who have grown up in supportive extended families where social interaction was a source of comfort and the family "ran interference" protecting them from over-stimulation and anxiety until they had the skills to manage the world themselves.

They still typically report needing a lot of "down time" to recuperate after social encounters.

So sensitivity and introversion do not necessarily go hand-in-hand, though they often do.

I find this especially fascinating as Ryan seems to have become more extroverted over time. There was a time when I really worried that he'd be painfully shy, that he'd never want to talk to other people--kids or adults (I know), that he wouldn't learn how to interact with others appropriately, that he'd always hide behind my . . . well, I rarely wear skirts, so we'll just say jeans instead.

To add to my concern/distress over this (during his first four years or so), I encountered many, many people who did not (or could not) understand him. Doting grandparents (Ryan is the first grandkid on both sides of the family, and first great-grandkid on 3/4 sides) tried to connect with him, and were rebuffed time and time again. It upset them and confused them, I think.

They wanted desperately to play with him and talk to him and touch him--he wanted none of those things from anyone except me and Brendan. Many of our family and friends tried erroneously to "push" themselves into his space and his life, as if forcing the issue with him would make it happen. It did not, and in fact, made things more stressful for Ryan, for me and Brendan, and for them.

It wasn't just noise or touch either. He'd cry when he heard slow, sad songs. The first time I noticed this, he was less than a year old. Later, the teacher of our mommy-and-me music class noted that he cried any time he heard a song in a minor key (and it's still true today--he won't listen to anything in a minor key, especially if it's slow). It took him forever to warm up in a new situation--he preferred to observe and observe and observe, often not joining in a playdate at all, or not until the very end. It took him--and my fellow homeschooling moms at co-op will attest to this--MONTHS before he would confidently go into chess class without me.

A few people believed Ryan's reluctance to be touched, his amazing intolerance to loud noises and weird textures, his refusal to play with toys that flashed bright lights or made loud noises, the fact that he really didn't enjoy Day Out with Thomas (heaven-on-earth for most 3-4 year old boys) the one time Brendan took him . . . all of these things and more . . . led a few people to believe we were "sheltering" and "overprotective" and "controlling." Sigh.

So yes, especially in the first 4, maybe 5 years of his life, Ryan was on the track toward introvertedness (introversion?). But that's changed, and I think at least in part, that change has come about because Brendan and I have taken especial care to respect his sensitivity. His sensitivity is CHALLENGING. Ryan is not an easy kid in many ways, and yes, it's seriously trying at times, to have a kid "who is old enough to know better" freaking out at strange lights or sad music.

But we have taken care to send him the message: "Hey, this is a part of who you are. It makes you a neat person. We know that sometimes your sensitivity makes things hard to deal with, and it's our job to help you manage your sensitivities in an appropriate, rights-respecting manner."

What has this meant? It meant that we left "Touch a Truck," a super-fun event in the next town over where all kinds of peopleguys and their peopleguy equipment are parked in a big parking lot for everyone to go and touch and climb into and try out. Sounds like a perfect event for Ryan, no? It's beyond loud, all those sirens going off, and horns. Lights, too. It was overwhelming and horrifying to him, so we left.

It has meant that when we had a fun day taking the train into the city with Kelly and Livy (Morgan was a little baby at the time, so Ryan would have been about 3.5), I had to put the baby in the stroller, and hold Ryan on my lap, helping him hold his ears because the noise of the train was too loud. He didn't freak out, but he needed help managing and coping with this overstimulation. Thankfully Morgan didn't seem to care. Livy, as I recall, was climbing all over the place, completely unaware of the "loud" train (I didn't even notice the noise of the train until Ryan got upset).

It's meant that I've interjected myself between Ryan and other kids, and Ryan and other adults (strangers, family, and friends) when Ryan was becoming overwhelmed by invasion-of-space issues, touches, being scooped up without warning. I have helped him learn to say "No thank you. I need some space right now!" and I have said to others "Please put him down." or "He needs my help right now, thanks anyway." I have seen their hurt and confused expressions and I have done those things anyway.

I have cultivated a level of patience with this that I never knew could exist in my character (I am fundamentally impatient), and spent hours talking to him, explaining, teaching him coping skills and words to say, figuring out when to support him and when (and how) to gently tell him that it was time to try something on his own.

I have questioned myself and our parenting, our temperaments and styles, more times than I can count. Should I have forced him to go to chess class without me? Why doesn't he want to go on sleep-overs? Will he ever leave home? Why can't he just deal already?

But he can't, not without help, and I understand that most of all.

So many times I've heard the same thing: someone telling me "You're too sensitive!" or " Stop being so touchy." I couldn't walk down the laundry detergent aisle at the grocery store because the smell was overwhelming and nauseating (I can still hardly stomach it, though I'm a grown up and thus must suck it up cope). Couldn't stand to be touched by people I didn't know. In large noisy crowds, I can barely think or breathe (remind me to tell you about how I'm never ever EVER going to Taste of Chicago ever ever EVER again). I can't stand to have too many noises going on in the background (though having a few kids will help a person learn to get over that to a certain degree).

I need space, a certain measure of quiet, nobody touching me. Dude is just like me. :o)

It's taken me YEARS to get more in touch with my extroverted abilities--and I will be the first to admit I'm not a super-strong introvert. I spent my teens and twenties on purpose hiding from situations that would overwhelm me. I've spent my thirties learning how to go out into the world and cope with situations that overwhelm me. I am definitely happier now that I can cope.

Ryan has matured out of many of his specific sensitivities--or maybe he hasn't matured, but has managed (I hope with our help) to learn how to cope with overwhelming stimuli in a more responsible way. He is still apt to become overwhelmed, hates sad songs and movies, complains more than the others about smells or sounds. He still needs "downtime" after lots of big situations, but nobody meeting him today could call him "shy." He is confident and talkative, and he is managing his sensitivities much better than I could at his age. 

So I hope that Ryan will feel happy that he has learned how to cope, too, happy that we helped him learn to cope, that we were (mostly) patient with his sensitivities and (mostly) understanding. And that introvert or extrovert, I hope he knows we love him more than a little for this wonderfully challenging interesting aspect of his personality.

Podcast #10: Toddlers (Part 1)

Welcome back and as always, thanks for listening! In this episode:

• Situation of the Week (Kelly): Negotiating with a child about an unfair situation and trying to meet everyone's needs

• Topic: Toddlers, part 1 (begins 7:33)

• Q&A: Do you interact differently with your kids in public? (begins 28:20)

Yes, this is a long one! We got rather carried away with toddlers, and will be posting part 2 as part of another podcast.

Here's the book we tried and failed to recall the title of during the Toddlers section, The Aware Baby:






Enjoy, and please let us know how we're doing!

You can listen here, or download directly from our podcast home, or download from iTunes!

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And don't forget to join our Facebook Fan Page. :o) We'd also very much appreciate it if you took the time to write us an iTunes review (there's only that not-so-nice-or-helpful one up there) or help us promote the podcast on Facebook. Thanks so  much!

OGrownups Monthly Summary

Here's a look at OGrownups in July:

New Members: 12
Total Members: 247

Topics included:

• Piggy banks

• Assessing childbirth risks

• Cute sayings from kids of OG members

• When kids encounter religious content on the internet

• More discussion about house rules and food

• An OG member had an article published in The Objective Standard (yay!)

• Miss Manners on apologizing to kids

• Welcome to this World video

• Autism resources

• Child protective services

• Inspiring quotations/kid room decor

• Link to a good parenting discussion on Kelly's blog

• Structuring homework/extracurricular activities

• Finding babysitters

And more! To learn more about joining as a posting member or lurker, visit our homepage.