Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Time Travel Tuesday: Find the Funny

Today I'm posting one of the funniest posts I've ever written. I wrote it at the end of a long, long frustrating day in which juggling the needs of three children and myself seemed impossible. Sean was about 5 months old, Morgan was just over 3.5, and Ryan was about 6.5.

It was one of those days when you think to yourself It's either laugh or cry. So I chose to laugh.

Here's a general idea of what it takes to get me and the three kids out the door.
T - 60 minutes: I mentally go through my Going Somewhere Checklist to identify things that could be done right away. Usually, there's not much that can be done this far in advance, but I will try to make a guess as to when Sean will need to eat next, and if it's any time in the next 2 hours, I'll see if he needs to eat.
T - 58 minutes: Put screaming, offended baby down, as he clearly didn't want to eat.
T - 57 minutes: Do dishes or something else constructive (like write on the blog or Facebook!).
T - 45 minutes: Start gathering up crap for my big bag, such as diapers, wipes, snacks, drinks, my wallet, money (ha!), 9,000 soldier peopleguys, cell phone, car keys, hat for the baby, extra outfit for the baby, extra outfit for Morgan (just in case she "forgets" the potty), the Leapster, pens, pencils, notepads, Epi-pens, bottle of wine drink for me (if applicable), toys for the baby, 9,000 teeny tiny puppies, and a partridge in a pear tree. If we're heading to swimming, the list is even longer.

Go read about the rest of that crazy day here.

It's still a little complicated getting out the door these days, but NOTHING like it was when I had a baby and a kid who needed help getting dressed.

Actually that reminds me of the funniest time I ever needed to nurse the baby. You nursing moms know how sometimes you find yourself nursing a baby in the oddest situations, right? Imagine this:

We were heading to meet Brendan for dinner after Morgan's ballet class when the baby needed to eat. He was about 3-4 months old, I think. And he had that cry that told me I couldn't delay him any longer. We were early to the restaurant so I parked and went to the middle row of seats in the minivan to nurse him, figuring that's what we'd do until Brendan got to the restaurant.

So just as I got the baby latched, Morgan cries out from the back "Mom, I really really need to poop!" And this is the kind of thing you can't ignore either.

For a second I tried to weigh the needs of one against the other and the logistics of taking her across the parking lot to the bathroom. Then I realized that we had a little Bjorn potty in the car. Great. She could go in the car.

So, one-handedly, while nursing the baby, mind you, I pulled the little potty out from underneath the seat in front of me and found a little white trash can liner to go in it (makes clean up quick and easy!), and tried to place the liner in the potty. All the while trying to explain to Morgan who was whining "I have to goooooooo!" what I was doing and why.

That's when the fun began. She was in her ballet clothes, see. And couldn't get out of the leotard and tights all by herself.

So, one-handedly, while nursing the baby, mind you, I reached behind the seat I was in and began to pull the leotard off of her shoulders. One arm at a time. She was crying by this point and unintentionally hindering the process, which made it take longer, which of course was NO GOOD because, well, you know. Poop was coming. Every time I pulled the baby off, he lost it and freaked out and couldn't control his head all of a sudden and was flopsy and flailing.

In retrospect, I should have put him in his carseat and let him suffer a couple of minutes while I got her out of her clothing. I wasn't thinking clearly, obviously.

That moment, nursing the baby while pulling a leotard off of someone who was screaming and standing behind me in the van, felt like FOREVER.

Even in that moment, though, I thought WOW. What if someone saw this? This looks insane. How hysterically funny! 

Eventually I got her undressed and sitting on the potty and everything turned out okay. I did have to do some 'splaining to Brendan who was pretty surprised to find me in the middle seat with the baby and a naked Morgan on the potty in the backseat when he arrived.

So, for all of you living the insane crazy dream right along with me, here's to us! And here's hoping you can Find the Funny. If not now, then at least someday. :D


Amy said...

I remember that post! In fact, I think about it often, usually as I'm walking out the door suddenly craving a stiff drink. But I had to stop re-reading it because I was laughing so hard it was making my belly hurt and I started worrying that I was going to go into labor. I'm not kidding. Thanks! :)

(It was Morgan doing naked ballet moves in the bathroom, unwiped, that really got me.)

IncomeatHome said...

I enjoyed it!wow that sounded like a ton of fun! Funny you mention Da Kind. I think I'm going to be going up there today for some soup!! We'll have to run this route together sometime- I love out and backs that involve food stops.

peter kenneth said...

ROFL!!! that was so funny !! haha amazing!! amazing !! ahh!! my jaws are still in pain !! :D