Now We Are Six

When I was one . . .

By the way, can you even BELIEVE this picture?

. . . I had just begun.

 When I was two, I was nearly new.

When I was three, I was hardly me.

When I was four, I was not much more.

When I was five, I was just alive.

But now I am six, I'm as clever as clever . . .

So I think I'll be six now and forever.


--A.A. Milne


(And a little part of me wishes that could be so.)

Happy Birthday, my beautiful, smart, puppy dog brown-eyed girl.

Tattling and the Virtues

While playing several rounds of Tattling Tennis with my older kids this afternoon, I realized that I use tattling as an opportunity to show them something about some virtues.

The cleaning up process happening in the playroom was interrupted with "Mom, she's not . . . !" and "But Mooommmm! He's not . . . !" Many, many, many times. Many.

Everyone had to tell me all about what the other was not doing. Because that's more fun than picking up, right? (Actually, I have a certain amount of sympathy there.)

Now this kind of tattling is not a request to have me solve their problems for them or render judgment or exact vengeance justice, but rather it's an attempt to be all up in each others' business and try to get the other into trouble. It's passive-aggressive bossing mixed up with a tinge of "criminal informant."

So what I tend to say in these cases is something like:

"Don't worry about what s/he is or isn't doing. What you need to be thinking about is what YOU'RE doing. YOU do what YOU know to be the Right Thing, and that's the only thing you need to worry about."

or

"You know what to do, and so you should do it, even if you're the only one doing it."

or

"You can only control what YOU are doing. Focus on your own work; focus on what you can truly control."

What I'm attempting here is to get them to focus on their own selfish interests (and I think having the playroom cleaned up some time this century is in their self-interest, even if they'd disagree), and practice the virtues of integrity and independence.

They have free will, and they can choose to focus their attention (and playroom-cleaning energy) on someone else, or they can act independently and with integrity to do the right thing even if they are the only one choosing that particular path.

Hopefully this will be effective. I just overheard one of them tell the other: "Stop telling Mom what I'm not doing. Focus on your own work!" So they've recalled what I said (always a plus). At the very least they've got something different to argue about. :)

Objectivist Round Up #193

Welcome to the March 24, 2011 edition of the Objectivist Round Up.

Because I have the very great fortune to know so many wonderful people who possess a beautiful sense of life (and I even get to be married to one of them!), I thought I'd honor them all with this passage (via the online Ayn Rand Lexicon):

A sense of life is formed by a process of emotional generalization which may be described as a subconscious counterpart of a process of abstraction, since it is a method of classifying and integrating. But it is a process of emotional abstraction: it consists of classifying things according to the emotions they invoke—i.e., of tying together, by association or connotation, all those things which have the power to make an individual experience the same (or a similar) emotion. For instance: a new neighborhood, a discovery, adventure, struggle, triumph—or: the folks next door, a memorized recitation, a family picnic, a known routine, comfort. On a more adult level: a heroic man, the skyline of New York, a sunlit landscape, pure colors, ecstatic music—or: a humble man, an old village, a foggy landscape, muddy colors, folk music. . . . The subverbal, subconscious criterion of selection that forms his emotional abstractions is: “That which is important to me” or: “The kind of universe which is right for me, in which I would feel at home.” . . .

It is only those values which he regards or grows to regard as “important,” those which represent his implicit view of reality, that remain in a man’s subconscious and form his sense of life.

“It is important to understand things”—“It is important to obey my parents”—“It is important to act on my own”—“It is important to please other people”—“It is important to fight for what I want”—“It is important not to make enemies”—“My life is important”—“Who am I to stick my neck out?” Man is a being of self-made soul—and it is of such conclusions that the stuff of his soul is made. (By “soul” I mean “consciousness.”)

The integrated sum of a man’s basic values is his sense of life.

“Philosophy and Sense of Life,” The Romantic Manifesto, 27

Cheers! :)



Valery Publius presents Campus Media Response: In Celebration of Inequality posted at The Undercurrent Blog, saying, "Is economic inequality something that needs "fixing", or should it be celebrated?"



David C Lewis, RFA presents Whole Life Insurance: Theory To Practice posted at A Revolution In Financial Planning, saying, "Is whole life insurance a good investment? You've often heard that it isn't. I finally apply theory to practice in my final post about cash value life insurance. The rubber hits the road when I tear apart hypothetical illustrations showing you facts and figures from a historical study. The study demonstrates, unequivocally, how a popular cash value policy has actually performed over time. I also give you my thoughts on whether or not this controversial insurance product really represents a good investment."



John McVey presents OTI post #3 - Consciousness is conscious posted at John J McVey, saying, "Now for arriving at consciousness is conscious. It had a similar pattern as for existence exists, but there was no neat copy-over of every single issue."



Alexander Marriott presents The Selfish Case for Libyan Intervention posted at Alexander Marriott's Wit and Wisdom, saying, "Now that we are once again tangled up with Moammar al-Gadhafi, there is a question that needs to be answered. Is it in our interests to attack Libya? If so, how?"



Hanah presents If You Made a Million posted at Charlie's Bookshelf, saying, "This straightforward and entertaining explanation of money and financial transactions is a must-have for any Objectivist kid's bookshelf."



Rachel Miner presents Experimenting. Parenting. Part Four. Finale posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, "This is my final post in this series and I sum up by addressing the issue of motivation. It requires "experimenting parenting" to know your child's motivators and to highlight for them how their efforts have been successful in the past i.e. why they should put out the effort again."



Rory presents The serenity of letting go of a direct control of knowledge posted at A Matter Of Mind To Matter, saying, "A piece I dashed off on a sunny Monday morning, about trying not to intervene too much in one's own quest to gain knowledge. Written after spending some time working on an essay on Hegel's dialecticel method which, curiously enough, is all about observing consciousness' movements, rather than dictating what it ought to be."



Gene Palmisano presents Lets Not Forget Iran posted at The Metaphysical Lunch, saying, "Iran is, and has always been the enemy, threatening western civilization."



Harsha Vardhan presents Can Market and State function "harmoniously"? posted at Harsha blogs!, saying, "This post address the aspect that market and state cannot function "harmoniously"."



Jenn Casey presents On Refusing to Provide Answers posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "Sometimes it's tough to know when you should help your child and when you should step back and let them figure something out. This post is about a time I chose to let my child figure something out and why."



Jenn Casey presents ATLOSCon 2011 Updates posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "ATLOSCon 2011 Update: Class descriptions and speaker bios are now up at the Atlanta Objectivist Society website!"



Julia Campbell presents coconut crusted shrimp and chicken + mango salsa + fried plantains posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "Summer here we come! Just don't eat all the mango salsa yourself!"



Ari Armstrong presents Talk on Individual Rights Versus Force posted at Free Colorado, saying, "Starting with the example of slavery, I work out the principle of individual rights, as opposed to force."



Miranda Barzey presents How to Be a Good Customer at a Restaurant posted at Building Atlantis, saying, "Written from the point-of-view of a waitress, how to be a good customer at a restaurant."



Grant Jones presents The Ground Zero Mosque and Acts of War posted at The Dougout.



Joe presents Sad Songs for Sad Times posted at Forces, saying, "Some Irish songs for St-Patrick's Day"



Scott Connery presents Nine Countries are on the Path to Atheism posted at Rational Public Radio, saying, "A team of researchers has studied the religions of the world. Their mathematical model shows that nine countries will lose their religion once a tipping point is reached. Once enough people are atheists, religion loses its "social utility"

But what happens next?"




That concludes this week's edition. 3 Ring Binder will host next week. Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

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This is How I Fail

Tonight, for the first time, I wasn't able to finish the WOD at CrossFit. I was rocking along, doing just fine, when I suddenly felt a little . . . off, and then got a twinge of pain in my head with each exertion.

Okay, so this is what is known as exertional headaches, and it is really sucky. Hasn't happened to me since November, when my doctor ordered an MRI just to make sure this was nothing more insidious than exercise-induced headaches. Everything checked out fine, and I was given some medicine to take if needed and cautioned against high-intensity exercise if I had any head pain. You know, lest my head asplode or something.

A couple of times since, I've had a migraine (or the beginning of one) and skipped CrossFit altogether--a good call. Tonight was the first time I've had the pain start in the middle of the workout--and so I stopped. Just what the doctor ordered. I felt fine pretty soon after, and didn't even need to take any medicine. I feel completely fine now, less than an hour and a half later. Looking back, I think I was a touch dehydrated and now that the weather is warming up I need to up my water intake, I bet.

Now doesn't that seem like a sensible thing to have done?

Still, I left the gym feeling like a complete and utter failure.

I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and was practically in TEARS over how much of a failure I am--for not finishing the last two rounds of a five round WOD.

This is the voice in my head: "You didn't finish. You didn't finish. You didn't finish. What is wrong with you? Something must be wrong because, in case you hadn't noticed . . . you didn't finish."

Now I have gone to all kinds of great lengths and troubles over the last 15 years or so to strangle that perfectionist voice in my head. I have struggled and wrestled and emerged mostly victorious over that awful finger-pointing self-esteem-draining voice that feels the need to tell me that Every. Single. Thing. I. Do. is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

When I was a teenager and young adult, I was meek and listened to that stupid voice. I let it say things to me unchallenged and I was unhappy. Over time, I learned to stand up to the voice, to reasonably point out where and how it was wrong. When I had kids, I really began to become a brave person, finding depths of strength in me that I'd never previously been aware of until that Mama Bear thing kicked in and I knew--KNEW--that I would just absolutely be able to kill someone who ever hurt my babies.

I have learned to ignore the voice, to pshaw! it whenever it was just being ridiculous. I grew confident when I saw with the evidence of my own eyes that I am strong and capable and brave.

But that goddamned voice is STILL. THERE. Pestering me about making a rational decision not to finish a WOD.

So I'm walking around the grocery store and I decided to stop ignoring that voice and to actively FIGHT it. Because I'm so freaking tired of listening to it. I decided to list all of the ways I "failed" tonight. So this is how I failed:

• I ran an 800m faster than I ever had before--the trainer noticed.

• After the usual stretching, I did the warmup, which consisted of 21-15-9 pushups, box jumps, good mornings (21 of each, then 15 of each, then 9 of each). 

• I did three rounds of 10 (assisted) pull ups, 20 kettlebell swings (light tonight, 26#), 30 butterfly sit ups, 160 single unders (jumping rope, subbing for double unders, because I still can't do more than three ever, apparently). 

• I did those rounds in about 11 minutes, I think.

Holy shit! Will you LOOK at how I FAIL? Looks an awful lot like success and achievement, doesn't it?

I did a lot tonight. The warmup was particularly aggressive, I thought, and 6 months ago, that would have been a nice workout in and of itself for me. Tonight, I did it without a second thought and barely noticed.

So I am MAD and FIGHTING. It's time to stop passively letting this voice have its say. I am now actively fighting against it and will not let it get a word in edgewise. I am tired of viewing my successes through the lenses of failure.

I think the best mental exercise I can do to help me fight this is to list out the things I've achieved as a reminder that I am strong and brave and capable and, well, AWESOME. :) Remember how Amy started that Three Good Things meme a couple of years ago? I'm going to list my successes here from time to time in a similar way. I think it will help me fight that stupid perfectionism monster who is still whispering in there.

Really, I think it's just jealous it can't do a man push up yet.

ATLOSCon 2011 Updates

Hey hey! We've got some interesting updates on the ATLOS website for you about the conference.

We now have detailed class descriptions (and wow, do we have a TON of classes!). I'm leading two parenting classes with Kelly, which should be great fun. I returned from SnowCon eager to teach more parenting classes because I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it. Especially teaching with Kelly--super great fun. I'm also leading a discussion about one of my favorite books and characters called "Crocodile on the Sandbank: Peabody and Emerson as Romantic Heroes." Hopefully what I have to say will get many others eager to read these books and fall in love with this characters, too.

Right. Back to the updates. We have speaker bios up, so you can find out who is going to be leading all of these discussions.

The ATLOSCon schedule has been up there for a while--be aware, we're going to be making a few minor changes to it so that we can accommodate speakers coming from out of town. So don't pick your classes just yet! The registration website will be up soon, and of course by then, all of the switching around we need to do will have been settled. I hope.

A final note for parents thinking of coming to ATLOSCon: yes, there will be babysitting on the two days of classes. Probably we'll do the same thing as last year, have a couple of sitters here at my house for all of the kids. One of my ATLOSCon projects is to arrange for this babysitting (as the majority of the ATLOS Kids seem to live here at my house), and I am working on that now. Kids will be welcome at most of the social events, too, such as the afternoon/evening at Stone Mountain, the pool party, the Saturday night party, and maybe the dinner on Friday (I need to check on that). We want this conference weekend to be fun for all of the kids, too. And I like that my kids will have a chance to get to know some great people over the weekend! They had a great time last year. I think I'll create a section about this on the website, so stay tuned for that.

Don't miss the new changes on the website. And let me (or Kelly--but she's busy with the registration stuff now, so I don't mind handling the questions) know if you have any questions about the updates, or ATLOSCon in general.

See you in May!

Time to Empty Out My Brain!

If only I had a Pensieve. . . . Ah, well. I have a blog and that's something anyway. (Take THAT, Dumbledore!) I will now proceed to tell you about most of the things I've been doing or thinking about lately.

I have finally fully returned from SnowCon, meaning that the laundry is finished and the suitcase is put away and I have turned my attention away from the memories of that fun weekend and am now focused on matters near and dear to me here in Atlanta. It usually takes me a while to mentally return after a trip. Does that happen to you? While I'm gone I'm in a surreal environment where time and activities progress in slightly different ways than they do here at home. I usually have a delay in getting back to real life after a vacation. That delay sometimes stresses me out, but I have mostly made peace with the fact that this just happens and over time things will return to normal.

ATLOSCon 2011--planning and behind-the-scenes work is seriously underway! Imagine Kelly and Aaron and me and many others scurrying like busy squirrels around here, making everything Just So. Expect some updates to the website very soon and registration, too.

Ryan mowed the backyard yesterday afternoon! O Frabjous Day! He was so excited, and I am, too. We were concerned he wouldn't be able to manage our mower, but that dude is strong. And motivated. He is planning a lawn-mowing/landscaping business once he is more experienced and self-sufficient. Also, yard work is something that I'm generally willing to pay for (because my allergies, though much improved, still prevent my meaningful participation in such activities), so we are hiring him to do the job.

I got some new knitting books and I am spending a ridiculous amount of time looking through them and planning future projects. My favorites are Last-Minute Knitted Gifts, More Last-Minute Knitted Gifts, and The Big Book of Knitted Monsters. Yes, you read that correctly--monsters. OMG they are the cutest monsters ever! I also got a book about technique that will be very helpful, I think: The Complete Photo Guide to Knitting. I'm planning to make many practice swatches and learn more complicated maneuvers. In other words, expect great things from me. Someday.


It's spring, hooray! And that means Birthday Season here at the Casey Castle. Morgan's in March; Ryan is in April, Brendan turns 40 (!) in May, and Sean is in June. Four months, four birthdays (I'm just extra-special, all alone in November, officially kicking off the holiday season, don't you know?). There are cakes and activities already planned. Super fun, and also, super lots of work. Also also--I cannot freaking BELIEVE that Morgan will be 6 next week. That seems so impossible and unfair. And we have no good ideas for what to get her (any thoughts?).

OMG, I have a garden! I know--ME! It's very small, but so far, pretty successful. Kelly gets all of the credit because she just bosses me about what I ought to do and I do it. Everyone who is scared of having a garden should have a friend like Kelly in their hardiness zone. We have lettuces and onions out the wazoo. I'm planting spinach soon.

Our homeschool co-op is having a Science Fair again this year and we are trying to decide about our projects. Ryan wants to do something tornado-ish. M is undecided. It should be fun.

I'm making progress in CrossFit, which is awesome. I can manage a dozen or so pull ups with the big band, an improvement from when I first started and could barely manage one pull up with multiple resistance bands. I even bought a pull up bar for home so I can practice some. Last week, I did a killer WOD that consisted of beginning and ending with a one mile run. My time sucked, but it is notable, I think, that I completed the whole thing and actually survived. Tonight, there's weightlifting and I can't wait! I'm hoping that I can still achieve a 120# back squat, and maybe even a three-figure front squat. We'll see.

Had a thyroid appointment last week and things have improved in that department. I'm getting labs drawn this morning so we'll see what the bloodwork says.

And in related news (related to both CrossFit and improved thyroid stuff and also, paleo), I'm down yet another size, woohoo! I knew I was but had to wear all of my too-big winter stuff to SnowCon. :/ Now I have a new spring wardrobe and I hope that by the end of the summer, at the very least, I'll be down another size.

I have my 5K in a couple of weeks and while I'm all proud and stuff that I'm participating, I feel the need to say this: I HATE RUNNING OMG I HATE IT. I just really do. Thanks, that felt good to get off my chest. We'll see how I feel after the 5K, but I suspect that such activities for me will be few and far between.

There's more, but that's the main stuff I've been working on. I'm so happy to be back home with my wonderful husband and family, and eager to chase after so many wonderful values and goals.

Feel the need to empty out your brain and lack a Pensieve as well? Then tell me in the comments! Go ahead, you know you wanna.

On Refusing to Provide Answers

The other day, Ryan and I had a serious, serious disagreement about homeschooling philosophy and my role as  homeschooling mommy.

His view: I ask questions and Mom provides the answers.

My view: Ryan asks questions and I help him figure out the answer for himself.

He wanted to know how to spell Spider-Man because he was searching for the movie on Netflix. I said something like "Oh, I think that's a word you can figure out how to spell--what are the first three letters?"

Things went downhill from there.

He refused to even try. He threw out random groups of three letters and then cried, saying it was too hard, that he could NEVER do it.

I tried to be encouraging and supportive. He's recently admitted to me that he hates hates! being wrong (I knew this already, but it's a good thing that he realizes this about himself). We'd had a heart-to-heart talk about that, complete with lots of sharing of my own personal struggles with this, and it was a good conversation about courage and confidence (see the quotation I included in yesterday's Objectivist Round Up). We talked about how it's tough in the moment, but it usually feels great after you've worked hard and successfully solved a problem.

It's HARD to be wrong. I know this, for I feel just the same way on those very rare fairly frequent occasions I am actually wrong about something. And he is just like me in so many ways.

Back to Spider-Man. I was as kind and helpful as I knew how to be. I explained that I didn't want to simply provide him with the answer because A.) I was pretty confident he could manage this himself (the kid reads very well), and B.) I was growing weary of answering questions for him when he wouldn't even attempt to figure out the answer on his own. I offered to help him figure it out, to give him a suggestion about how he could go about doing this independently. That's where I was willing to help, but I would not give him the answer.

The whole time this was going on, I kept flashing back to when he was three years old and had had a meltdown because I'd refused to remove his pants for him. He cried and kicked and flailed and accused me of all manner of crimes, and the whole time, his pants were down to his ankles already. Once, he nearly actually kicked them all the way off, and hastened to make sure that the pants were still at least touching his toes, because of course if they'd come off that would completely negate the point that he'd been trying to make so dramatically--that it was my job to remove his pants!

This spelling thing was the exact same fit for the exact same reason. Five years ago, I refused to do that for him because I was tired of handling a task for him that I was certain he could manage himself. And the other day I was similarly tired of spelling things for him when he was unwilling to attempt it seriously himself.

Eventually he calmed down, adopted my suggestion of saying the word out loud very slowly and writing down the letter sounds, and--you guessed it--managed to spell spiderman (I left the hyphen issue for another day). Being Ryan, and still in the throes of anger, he made sure to point out that he did NOT feel happy about having solved the problem for himself. Because, I think, that having been correct about his ability to spell this word, he still wanted me to be wrong about something. I'd done a pretty good job of remaining emotionally detached from this, and by the time he was accusing me of being wrong about how he'd be proud of himself, I was completely disengaged from the argument.

Pants. Reading. Spelling. Math. Retrieving a lost ball over a fence (that happened yesterday at homeschool soccer). This is how he does: he insists, argues, whines, pushes, demands, fights, revolts, complains. After some lengthy amount of time, he manages the task.

I offer suggestions, tips, words of encouragement, reminders to speak kindly to me and others. I watch him struggle and suffer, and I struggle and suffer a little bit, too.

I know I'm doing the right thing for me (because I really do get tired of being treated as if I'm Wikipedia), and I think I'm doing the right thing for him (because I want him to get experience solving his problems independently, though with love and support from those who care about him most). I know that this is probably just how it's always going to be with him, and I've (mostly) made peace with that.

Anyone else out there have a kid like this? I'd love some tips (or words of encouragement)!

Objectivist Round Up #192

Welcome to this week's Objectivist Round Up! Can you believe we're inching up on 200 editions? Wow.

The quotation I'd like to share this time is something I've been thinking over hard in the last few days:

Courage and confidence are practical necessities . . . courage is the practical form of being true to existence, of being true to truth, and confidence is the practical form of being true to one’s own consciousness.

This is from Galt's speech in Atlas Shrugged. It has come to my attention that the only thing I really regret in my life is that it took me so long (only in the last 5-7 years) to reach this point in my life where I really am courageous and confident. In other words, my previous lack of courage and confidence delayed my progress in becoming the completely wonderful amazing awesome person that I am today.

In the last few years, I've reached heretofore undreamed of levels of productiveness and happiness, and I certainly intend to make up for those times when I was struggling to find them by kicking my courage and confidence and general awesomeness into HIGH GEAR for, well, pretty much the rest of my life. So expect even more awesomeness from me--and may you be able to reach ever higher levels yourself. :)

And now, on to the Round Up!


Valery Publius presents From "Yes We Can!" to "Why Bother?" posted at The Undercurrent, saying, "Can the nation's problems be solved without a principled ideology?"



C.W. presents The Fraud of Waste and Fraud posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "The American people seem to not understand the Federal Budget. They are being misled, of course. This problem is urgent and will leave us open to further attacks on our freedom and way of life."



Jared Rhoads presents TEDxDartmouth 2011 posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, "Last week's TED event at Dartmouth featured one speaker on healthcare, and another on capitalism. Here are some thoughts on those two talks."



David C Lewis, RFA presents Whole Life Insurance & The Theory Of Decreasing Responsibility posted at A Revolution In Financial Planning, saying, "What is the theory of decreasing responsibility? I discuss the old argument of buy term and invest the difference vs. buying whole life."



Jeff Montgomery presents Wisconsin Labor - Right Or Wrong? posted at Fun With Gravity, saying, "Here I offer my evaluation of the Wisconsin labor dispute based on the legal content of the state's labor laws."



Jonathan Akin presents Campus Media Response: Traders, not Traitors posted at The Undercurrent Blog, saying, "Could investment banking be a far more productive pursuit than people seem to believe?"



C.W. presents MAKING CLAIMS ABOUT THE MONEY SUPPLY posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "I see tremendous confusion concerning inflation and the money supply. There is tremendous confusion regarding the meaning of some prices rising, especially oil. Just as in philosophy, a little knowedge of economics can lead you along the path of confusion."



John McVey presents OTI post #2 - Existence exists posted at John J McVey, saying, "I've traced "existence exists" to perceptual roots and reconstructed it from the ground up, to my satisfaction. Not all my OTI work will be this long, though."



Rachel Miner presents Experimenting. Parenting. Part Three. posted at The Playful Spirit, saying, "How many kids go to the freezer to scoop up some frozen peas to enjoy with their breakfast?!?!? In this post I share the delightful results of removing the final food limits on my seven year old."



Gideon Reich presents A Debate on Government (and the Nature of Man) posted at Armchair Intellectual, saying, "Some thoughts on the First Principles debate on the Proper Role of Government between Yaron Brook and Miles Rapoport."



Julia Campbell presents sweet potato and sausage shepherd's pie posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "This is a fun twist on traditional Shepherd's Pie with sausage, beef, and a hint of curry!"



John Drake presents What is racism and Why the Tea Party is Not posted at Try Reason!, saying, "In response to a friend's post stating that the Tea Party is racist, I elaborate on the definition of racism and when it is appropriate to label someone or some group as racist."



Scott Connery presents The Green Jobs Fantasy posted at Rational Public Radio, saying, "President Obama, among many others, says that the transition to "green" or "alternative" energy will create thousands of jobs, and power the new America. I do so math on these claims, and try to figure out exactly how realistic this plan is."



Edward Cline presents The Self-Defenseless West posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "Two oddly varying March 8th versions of the same commentary, “Caliphate, Jihad, Sharia: Now What?” by Raymond Ibrahim, associate director of the Middle East Forum, appear on the Middle East Forum (MEF) and the Hudson-New York sites."



Miranda Barzey presents Growing Up Objectivist Class Questions posted at Building Atlantis, saying, "My father and I will be giving a lecture on my experiences growing up with an Objectivist parent at ATLOSCon. We're calling for questions as we plan out our talk."



Roberto Sarrionandia presents Gaia posted at Roberto Sarrionandia, saying, "What does it mean for man to "get in touch" with nature?"



Ari Armstrong presents Law Should Protect Wanted Fetuses While Allowing Abortions posted at Free Colorado, saying, "The law should uphold a woman's right to protect her fetus or get an abortion, as she chooses."



Jenn Casey presents SnowCon 2011 posted at Rational Jenn, saying "I thoroughly enjoyed participating in Front Range Objectivism's first conference!"



Kelly Elmore presents My Best SnowCon Moment posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "The people and the atmosphere of benevolence are the reason I loved SnowCon and the reason I organize ATLOSCON."



Paul Hsieh presents Free Markets and Pre-Existing Conditions posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "A few resources on how and why we should let the free market in health insurance deal with "pre-existing conditions"."



Paul McKeever presents Degrees of Freedom? posted at Paul McKeever, saying, "read this, if you doubt that the notion of "degrees of freedom" is 100% nonsense."



Jason Stotts presents Getting Started with Male Anal Sexuality posted at Erosophia, saying, "A response to a reader's question about how to get started with male anal sexuality, although it applies mutatis mutandis to women."



James Hughes presents Reflection of Man's Greatness posted at Temple of the Human Spirit, saying, "An uplifting shot from my pilgrimage to New York City.C"



Stella presents If I didn't pay their salaries, I wouldn't care how much they make. posted at ReasonPharm, saying, "The cries for government "say on pay" for CEOs are extending to health care. Here's my response."



Jason Stotts presents ATLOSCon or Bust posted at Erosophia, saying, "Anyone want to help an ATLOSCon speaker get to ATLOSCon?"



Jenn Casey presents Happy Birthday, ATLOS! posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "Our first year as an official community group was wildly successful and great fun, too."



Diana Hsieh presents NoodleCast #64: Live Rationally Selfish Webcast posted at NoodleFood, saying, "I had a whole lot of fun broadcasting the Rationally Selfish Webcast in front of SnowCon's in-person audience this Sunday!"



Kate Yoak presents Stop yelling at kids posted at Parenting is..., saying, "Yelling at kids is as common a parenting approach as diapering. Though many of us agree that it is not optimal in the long run, it's often hard to refrain. I have battled my own impulses for some time and came out victorious. I'd like to share some tools that have worked."



Tori Press presents The prepared environment posted at life by design, saying, "A post about the Montessori philosophy, and how we have set up our home to create a prepared Montessori environment for 7.5-month-old Claire."



Jim Woods presents The Allegory of Africa posted at Words by Woods, saying, "shares one of his favorite sculptures."




That concludes this edition. We'd love your help in spread the news about our carnival, so please Like us on Facebook, tweet this, send the link to everyone you know!

The Secular Foxhole will be hosting next week. Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

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Happy Birthday, ATLOS!

One year ago today, the Atlanta Objectivist Society hosted its first social at a restaurant in Atlanta!

We wanted to expand beyond just our awesome core group of friends and become the resource for people in the Atlanta area who are interested in the ideas of Ayn Rand. I think we managed to do that very well!

Our first year has been wildly successful and I'm so proud of what we were able to accomplish: a profitable conference (MiniCon), monthly socials, study and discussion groups, a fall picnic, and a holiday party. We are in contact with the leaders of two local university Objectivist clubs, too.

This year, we've added more study groups, are in the process of redesigning our website, and planning our even more ambitious ATLOSCon. Once a few things that are still up in the air on the business side have been settled (we are applying for non-profit status and that's a long process), I think we'll be able to do even more. I have big ideas and plans for our group, and if this year's conference is successful in getting us a little money to work with, we'll be able to expand our promotions and advertising and outreach.

I would like to thank everyone who has helped make ATLOS a successful and FUN venture over the last year, especially the Queen of ATLOSCon and all of the moderators and organizers of our sub-groups--the study groups and Optional Value Clubs (play group, Latin Club, movie nights, etc). I am thrilled to know and work with all of you on this labor of love.

Here's to a wonderfully successful and FUN second year! :)

SnowCon 2011

Just like I did last year after MiniCon, I want to write about my SnowCon memories while they're still fresh in my mind.

I skipped all of the winter sports stuff, which I heard was tons of fun. Maybe next time. Brendan and the kids dropped me off at the airport at a ridiculously early hour on Friday, and while I was excited about my trip, I was also already feeling a little homesick. I felt pretty homesick the whole time, to tell the truth (that feeling probably wouldn't have been so overwhelming if Brendan hadn't spent the previous weekend away from us). Brendan tweeted tons of pictures of their adventures (which, as far as I can tell, mainly involved going to IKEA and playing tons of mini-golf) so that really helped me not miss them all quite so hard.

Once in Denver, I met up with Earl and Qwertz. I couldn't wait to meet Qwertz in person for the first time--he has long been one of my bloggy friends. And he is super great in person (of course!). Earl was awesome, as always. :)

After we dealt with the usual airport/rental car stuff, we got Q & Earl checked into their hotel and found a sports bar, where, naturally, we all got out our knitting. :) I wish I had a picture of that.

After a while, Kelly and Aaron and William (another long-time online friend I've been dying to meet) met us and then we headed to another place for Happy Hour. There, I met SO many people I'd never met before (forgive me if I leave anyone out): Diana, Paul, Kelly & Santiago, Arthur, Sarah, Don, Maryallene, Ari & Jennifer, Tom, Lisa and...wow, just tons of people. Saw some old friends, too: Travis & Colleen who are here in Atlanta, and Chris, a friend from college.

I was pretty tired that night--hell, I was pretty tired for the whole thing--so I don't remember too much other than laughing and joking around a lot. Paul & Diana put me up at their house (thank you!) and we escaped the party a bit early to crash and get a semi-decent night's sleep.

Saturday was the day of workshops. Diana's talk about cultivating moral character got Kelly and me so excited that we had to skip the next lecture to enhance our own speech. So we missed Paul's talk about the right to bear arms, and rejoined the group for a lecture about Madison and Hamilton. We all split up for lunch and luckily found ourselves in the restaurant that did NOT have bagpipers! After lunch I went to a panel discussion by Ari and Paul about activism in general and then I attended their workshop for writing letters to the editor.

And then, suddenly, our talk was next.

OMG, the nervousness. We both felt it and tried to keep each other calm. We know the material. We were well-prepared. Our audience was highly predisposed to enjoy the content even if we sucked at the delivery of it. But still, we were both pretty nervous.

We had dinner before the lecture. And by "had dinner" I mean, "picked at my food" and talked nervously to the people at my table. More than one person suggested a glass of wine to chill me down, but I stuck to water. I did mention that a margarita afterward would be welcome (we were in a Mexican restaurant) and Chris remembered that comment, because only about two seconds after our talk was over, a margarita magically appeared in my hands. :) (Thanks!)

So all of that nervousness really paid off because . . . our lecture went really well! We both felt really comfortable up there, and we both thought everything flowed really well. Kelly and I work and speak so well together, and I think that aspect really shone through that night. The audience was engaged, and even though there were many jokes, I think everyone understood that we are very serious about our message about how Positive Discipline tools complement using and modeling Objectivist virtues very, very well.

After the talk, margaritas in hand, Kelly and I answered questions and chatted with other members of the audience. I met even more new-to-me people that night: Monica & Robb, Hannah & Doug, Richard (who is familiar with Lynne Lott's work!), Anders & Maria, Steve, Stephen, Brad, Kirk, Jen & Brian, Todd...oh I know I'm leaving others out! Everyone was so nice and welcoming and I was so glad to meet you.

Sunday morning, we got to catch the live show of the Rationally Selfish webcast, which was more fun live than it is online (so, Diana, now you've got to somehow make this into a traveling thing and do live shows more often!). We listened to Santiago give a great talk about immigration.

And then it was time to go. :( I'd planned to go shooting with some of the SnowConners, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I was feeling kind of sad about the conference being over, while simultaneously wishing I could miraculously transport myself back to Atlanta. I needed a nice quiet afternoon (and, if my understanding is correct, shooting isn't all that quiet) so Kelly, Colleen, and Travis and I hung out and talked until it was time to go to the airport.

SnowCon was fabulous. Thanks to Diana and Kelly V and everyone for their hard work in pulling it off, and for inviting me and Kelly to be a part of it. Just like with MiniCon, I was so happy to be surrounded by other people who share the same values I do. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of being there, in a little microcosm of how the world is supposed to be. I was overwhelmed by how much I missed my family, because when they are not there, that microcosm of awesome is lot less awesome. I knew I'd miss them, but I had no idea just how much.

I'm glad to be back home to my own little microcosm of how the world is supposed to be--and is. :)

Still, I can't stop thinking about all of the things that happened at SnowCon, what we talked about, connections made and renewed, accomplishments achieved, and most of all, spending time with awesome, rational, hilarious people!

And now I get to work on our own conference, which I know will be just fabulously awesome! Because even though SnowCon is over, ATLOSCon is next. The Con is dead! Long live the Con!

Now I'm going to go hang out with my kids and husband and hug on them and be overwhelmed by them. So it might be a couple of days before I'm back on here.

Instead of Solo Parenting, I'll Be . . . Solo

So tomorrow morning I leave for Denver and SnowCon!

I've been preoccupied with preparing and packing (and conquering bouts of nervousness/terror about being a speaker). So preoccupied, in fact, that I actually folded laundry this afternoon, with Miss Morgan's assistance.

I am SO excited to be a part of SnowCon, and so happy that other Objectivist clubs are hosting minicons, and eager to join Kelly again to talk about parenting and Positive Discipline. And I can't even describe how awesome it will be to finally meet so many cool people in person!

This will be the first time I've gone off on a trip all alone somewhere since . . . ever. Hmmm . . . the last time I went on a trip without Brendan (pre-kids) was to see my aunt in Ohio. It was August 2001 and I got to announce that I was pregnant to my whole family! Brendan and I have managed to sneak away here and there since then, but this is . . . wow. It's been a long time since I went away ALL BY MYSELF.

Probably by the time I become accustomed to not having to listen for children and walking around in the world without a diaper tucked in my purse, it'll be time to come back home.

I'll miss everyone, and I know they'll miss me, but I plan to really enjoy myself thoroughly.

It's possible, though very unlikely, I'll get a chance to post while I'm gone, but I plan to visit Twitter and Facebook pretty often, so if you miss me on the blog, look for me in those places.

Now I'm going to go hang with the fam a bit tonight. Apparently, they're all taking me to the airport very, very early tomorrow! How nice is that? I have the best family in the whole world. :)

Solo Parenting Update

We had a fun weekend, even though we missed Brendan lots.

Let's see? What did we do? We seemed to have hot dogs for lunch and dinner almost every day (and Ryan is learning how to use the grill).

What else? We watched the new version of The Karate Kid for movie night (pretty good--it's the EXACT same movie as the original in a different setting) and I even let them have movie theater candy for the occasion. See? I'm not ALWAYS mean.

We worked on house projects, and I have to say one of the highlights of the weekend was Morgan cleaning the downstairs bathroom, Ryan cleaning the guest bathroom, and I cleaned my bathroom. THREE SIMULTANEOUS BATHROOM CLEANINGS. This is the stuff that excites me.

I made Sundried Tomato and Sausage Egg Cupcakes and they were super yummy! Sean ate about a third of them personally. Pretty easy to make and paleo, too. I plan to make a huge batch today or tomorrow--they make really good snacks.

Livy spent the night on Saturday and I went to a friend's 40th birthday party at a karaoke place. FUN FUN FUN. Also? Korean food! Also also? I'm not the only one in our group who is 40 now! (And Brendan's next.)

All in all it was a fairly typical weekend--if you don't count our new water dispenser springing a leak (twice) and having to evacuate the house with four-count-'em-four kids because somehow two of the gas burners on the stove were set to "send natural gas all over the house." It's always something.

I didn't lose my temper once and I didn't get nearly enough sleep! I did it!

We are SO happy to be all back together, though that will change soon, too, because I'm going to SNOWCON, baby! It's so strange. It seemed like this was forever away from me in time and now all of a sudden it's here. I leave early early Friday morning. If blogging is light this week, you'll know why.

Seven Things I Refuse to Feel Guilty About As a Parent

A Facebook friend posted a note with a list of things about which she refuses to feel parental guilt (see--I got the grammar right in the sentence even though it ain't right in the title of the post!). Evidently this week is Guilt-Free Parenting Week, who knew?

So I thought about it and came up with a list myself. And came up with seven things pretty quickly. Here they are!


I refuse to feel guilty about my c-sections.

Even the third one, which was arguably the one I should have tried VBAC with. My babies are here and safe and I'm thankful for the technology and doctors and nurses who made that possible. I also refuse to accept pity about my c-sections. Nobody's ever really tried to make me feel guilty about them (that I've noticed), but I do get some people who assume I feel guilt over them and express pity for me. I appreciate that they are trying to be kind and offer me comfort, but really, I'm totally fine.


I refuse to feel guilty about eating peanuts when I was pregnant with and breastfeeding Ryan.

One of the first things I saw on the internet after the Big Peanut Kaboom is that eating peanuts during pregnancy causes peanut allergy. Guess what I ate quite a bit of during that pregnancy? :( It was uncharacteristic, too, because while I've always liked peanut butter, it wasn't something I ate much of--until I got pregnant with Ryan.

Since that time, the research has shown that it doesn't matter if you eat the allergens during pregnancy. Then they flip-flopped back toward "it does matter," and as far as I know they're back to "it doesn't matter." All of the flip-flopping is reassuring--nobody really knows what causes food allergies. There's lots of correlations and indicators, but there isn't really a known cause. As far as breastfeeding, there's a lot more evidence to suggest that allergens can be present in breastmilk--but at the time I just didn't know.

At first I did feel tremendous guilt over this. Even if it was an error, it was an error of knowledge, not morality. And reading the nasty things that people wrote on the internet made it worse. Over time, I was able to put that guilt aside and I will never own that particular guilt again.


I refuse to feel guilty for being a proud, unapologetic homeschooler.

Upon learning that we intended to keep our (then only) child out of school, one of my friends was very upset with me. I tried at that time (and probably failed) to explain that this decision is not because I hate teachers or wish that every school would disappear off of the face of the earth. For a long time, I was overly careful to make sure that people knew that our decision to homeschool was "nothing personal." That was wrong, and I do not do that any more.

I respect everyone's right to choose the right kind of education for their children, and if that is a school, then go for it. I think there are many, many inherent problems with most institutionalized schooling (government schools and private schools), but I don't hate teachers and I don't think it's necessarily a horrible thing to send a kid to school. I don't think everyone in the whole world should want to be a homeschooler, and I certainly don't think that there is an altruistic duty to homeschool if you don't want to.

But I am proud of the fact that my kids are not cogs in the education system. And if I have my way, they never will be until and unless they make the decision to go to a school themselves. I am proud to homeschool and I am 110% confident that my husband and I are better teachers for them than any they would have in school. There is no doubt in my mind that they will receive a better education at home than they'd get from schools. Of all of the decisions we've made as parents, this was one of the easiest to make, and one from which we've never looked back.


I refuse to feel guilty for pursuing my own values inside and outside the home.

Sometimes during the homeschool day, I am off doing my own thing. We have a very laid-back homeschooling situation around here and part of the reason it's set up that way is so that I can have time to pursue my own values: writing here on the blog, talking to other parents online, talking to non-parents online (hello, Twitter!), knitting, hanging out with friends, etc. "After hours" (when Brendan gets home from work), I go to CrossFit, podcast with Kelly, go to dinners with other moms sometimes, and even, yes, go to the grocery store all by myself.

From a very young age--and by this, I mean from about 12 months old or so--each of my kids has learned that Mommy has Work. "Not right now, I'm doing my work." is something they hear me say. Frequently. Of course, sometimes my work is reading them a story or helping with a math issue or turning on a movie or helping people resolve a conflict or working around the house with them. THEY are my work, too. And that work really does constitute a goodly portion of my time, as it should.

But I have also Only Mommy Work, and I do it, as best I can, even with a toddler in my lap or with a nursing baby.

This is good both for me and for them. It's good for me because I need to work on some non-Mommy stuff in order to feel like I'm Jenn. When I feel like Jenn (and Mommy is a part of Jenn), then I'm a better Mommy. When I feel like Mommy, I'm not as good of a parent--I'm drained and terse and stressed. I need to be Jenn as much as possible. We're all much happier when I am.

It's good for them because it helps kids to see adults pursing productive work and optional values. It's a window into what their lives will be like as adults. It helps them see me as a person (aka "Jenn") and not merely as a milk-producing meal-providing question-answering minivan-driving problem-managing servant. It gives them opportunities to be physically and mentally apart from me and practice pursuing their values on their own (independence!). Each of my kids, even the 2.5 year old, spends a significant part of each day away from me doing their own things. And that, is a Good Thing. Many Good Things.


I refuse to feel guilty about letting them use swear words.

Yes, we let them say bad words. REALLY bad words. Why? Well, sometimes a situation just calls for a colorful metaphor. And I don't believe in double-standards for language: why is it okay for an adult to say something but somehow magically wrong for a child to say the same thing? And I'm not willing to give up my usage of those words. Because, as I said, sometimes they are really necessary.

They are, for me, something of a stress-reliever. My dad can swear just as much as the dad from A Christmas Story, and more creatively and amusingly, too. So blame him (or the Navy, where he claims he learned to swear, though I suspect my grandfather is implicated, too).

Do I swear all the time? No, not really. Do the kids swear all the time? This may surprise you, but no, not really. Sometimes they do, but they really don't have potty mouths. This is a freedom that they use very responsibly. (In my experience, kids often use freedoms responsibly, so why not give them a chance? If they prove unable to handle the responsibility, then and only then should a limit be set.)

We've explained to them that these are very rude words and that it's really impolite to shout them in public or say them to a stranger. In general, we don't want to be rude to strangers, so swear words are not appropriate. They can say them at home or in the car as much as they want. And they abide by this standard (and after all, it's the same swearing standard I have for myself).

Besides, it's really really amusing. :D


I refuse to feel guilty about telling them the truth about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.

We decided from the first pregnancy not to lie to our kids about Santa Claus. Here was my thought process:

What are the purposes of telling kids Santa is real?

To get them excited for Christmas!

Dude. Christmas is pretty exciting already. Next?

To get them to behave.

That seems really manipulative (this was before I'd discovered PD), and also, what about the other 11 months out of the year? What do you do then? Nope. What's next?

So they can experience the "magic of childhood."

Okay, childhood's pretty exciting and wonderful, discovering the world and all. I think that they will experience that wonderment outside of Santa. Also, we plan to tell the kids that magic is not real. Do we make an exception for Santa? No? Okay. Anything else?

It's SO cute to see a kid get all excited about Santa!

Well, yeah, kinda. But I'd feel terribly guilty about lying to my children just so I can watch them being cute. I think lying is wrong, and it seems particularly wrong to lie to someone (whom I really want to trust me) merely for my own amusement. And probably they will be pretty cute and excited on Christmas anyway.

Hence, no Santa. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE Santa and we talk about him and pretend him and read A Visit from St. Nick and sing songs about him. But we never, ever tell him he's real.

Bonus Non-Guilt: Not agreeing to lie to other people's children about Santa, even when my kids have accidentally spilled the beans.


I refuse to feel guilty about letting them use media (computer, television, iPhone) freely.

Some contend that letting kids use computers or watch television before a certain age (some say 3, some say 7) will harm their developing brains. I suppose that letting them be a complete space cadet couch potato for hours on end will do more harm than good. That's not how my kids watch tv or play on the computer though.

When they choose something, they are engaged in it. (See my recent Blue's Clues post for an example.) Morgan taught herself to read before the age of three by playing Starfall. Ryan used Starfall, too (he was almost six). Sean does Starfall now, and knows all of the letters and their sounds.

I don't think it's media per se, but rather the kind of media, and possibly parental unawareness. If they sat in front of Carebears or some other insipid animated crap for 8 hours a day, then I wouldn't be able to stand it, and I think they could certainly doing something more intellectually enriching with their time and energy. Then again, I wouldn't allow something like that to happen. I'd step in and set a limit.

And speaking of limits, none of my kids have external, adult-imposed time limits on television or computer at this time (Carebears, thankfully, was a passing phase). There are some content limits (no, Ryan, you may not watch Dexter with us!), but even those are relatively few and negotiable (Ryan watched the first episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer with us last night, a limit-setting story in and of itself). But time limits--not a problem. Some days we watch tons of movies; most days we don't turn the projector on. Some days Morgan and Sean spend a long time on their computers (they each have one); some days they don't. (Ryan is not much of a computer user.)

When and if the time they spend on media seems to interfere with other aspects of their (and our) lives, if they seem unwilling or unable to participate in non-media activities such as hiking or cleaning the house (heh), then and only then will we talk about limits. Again, this has not been an issue for our family (very much like the swearing thing above). Will let you know if it becomes an issue and how we handle it.



So those are the first seven things I thought of. Probably there are more parenting decisions I could list. One of the things I've struggled with over my life is my tendency to accept unearned guilt--to feel guilty for errors that were not truly mine, or for honest mistakes (such as the peanut thing, which is not even truly a mistake).

And parenting decisions are the hardest for me not to feel unearned guilt over. Somebody else made a different decision! That must mean I'm doing it wrong! (But that's being second-handed.) I made an honest mistake! I'm a horrible person! (That's not having a healthy sense of pride and self-esteem.)

And sometimes it's hard not to accept responsibility for other people's emotions over my decisions. When my friend got defensive about our decision to homeschool, I took responsibility for her emotions for quite a while until I realized that A.) it's okay to be proud of my decision even if it makes her mad, and B.) her emotions are hers, not mine. I was able to step out of the situation a bit and get a grip. But that's hard for me to do sometimes, still.

It's precisely because I still struggle with this that I wanted to write this post. And I'm glad I did! If you care to do a similar list, I'd love to read it. Leave the list or a link to yours in the comments. :D

Solo Parenting

I'm gearing up for a weekend of parenting without my partner in crime life, Brendan, who is traveling to Chicago to attend a family funeral.

We'd considered all of us driving up there, but decided that it would be just too much traveling in too short of a time frame for a very stressful occasion. Considering I can't even make it through a conversation at homeschool co-op without having to chase Sean down or fix something for him or deal with a minor tragedy such as a spill, there's no way I'd even get to go to the funeral even if I was up there.

And Morgan, who can behave pretty well, has a tendency to go rather Salvador Dali (she's melty and slidey, ala Dali's clocks) if made to remain quiet and still for more than 10 minutes.

I'm kind of bummed that I can't be there, but it's best for all of us. So now I'm getting ready for a weekend of parenting solo! Which is only fair, I suppose, as Brendan will have a weekend of parenting solo next weekend when I head to SnowCon! At least my travel is for happy reasons.

These two weekends in a row will be an interesting way to see who is the more fun parent. And I suspect we all know who the clear winner is going to be :D

I plan to have a pretty straightforward, regular weekend, which includes keeping of our plans (a hair cut, a birthday party for a friend, the babysitter so I can go to the birthday party for a friend, decluttering, etc.). I will also work on Mount Laundry and other projects designed to make living in our house slightly more liveable.

When I mentioned all of my plans to Ryan (who is bummed out about not going to Chicago), he groaned. "You're gonna make us WORK?!?!?!?" Um, yeah, dude. We'd already discussed this. Not that I won't do things to make it a bit more fun around here--we'll have "sleep-overs" (where everyone camps out on the family room couches and floor) and I already bought coconut milk ice cream! What more do they want?!?!?!? Sheesh.

I suspect Ryan and Morgan will miss Daddy very, very, VERY much this weekend.

Next weekend, they will probably all play and go on adventures  to exotic places like The Apple Store and go get slushies and eat candy every second and never do the dishes. Which is fine. Daddy is different and if they have more fun with him, then really that's okay.

I know Sean will miss me HARD though, especially at night because he still nurses at night. I'll only be gone two nights so I think we'll both survive. Though it won't be fun for Brendan, so I really can't begrudge him being more fun than me. Too much.

By the way, just in time for my tough weekend of directing my child labor force parenting solo, I present to you a shirt that I made all by my very ownself:

I suspect that sentiment will never be more true than it will be over the next few days.

By the way, I'm going to start a "Peopleguy" line of shirts, too, so if you want one, let me know. I'll make whatever you like: Architect Peopleguy or Programmer Peopleguy or Gardener Peopleguy, etc.

Wish me luck! Or booze! Yeah, I'll be happy to accept booze in lieu of luck.

Homeschooling Mommy WIN

Yesterday something happened that I'm pretty proud of, and I need to note this for posterity. And to remember to do the same thing in the future.

This morning, my older kids have a Patch Club meeting. Sometimes there is some prep work due for the meeting; sometimes not. Last month was a No Prep Work month--we met and learned about and practiced origami. Super fun! This time there's prep work.

Our topic this time is China, and the Boss Mom of Patch Club assigned each family a specific area of China to research and report on however we like. Our area is Chinese Inventions (a perfect topic for our particular family, don't you think?).

Now, this doesn't require tons of prep time--it's not like a science fair project (note to self: get the kids going on their science fair projects!), so we waited until yesterday to do it. I was concerned that if we did the project too far in advance of the meeting the kids would lose some of the excitement about it, and also that they'd forget what we learned.

So what we did yesterday morning is read from a history magazine I used to subscribe to (and really ought to again, it's so neat). We had the Ancient China issue and it contained a nice little section about Chinese inventions! Wasn't that nice of them?

We all agreed that I would read out loud and Morgan would create a list of inventions on a note pad that we'd use as a reference later. So I read out loud and Morgan made the list and we all talked about the inventions a bit.

My original thought for the project was to have each kid pick their favorite from the list and delve into it a bit more deeply and then share their findings with the other kids in Patch Club. This is not how it worked out though!

Frequently during the read-aloud, we had to stop and locate an Ancient Chinese Invention that we actually owned. It was a fun scavenger hunt, really. So what Ryan and Morgan decided to do was share the list of inventions with their friends and do a "show and tell" of the things the Chinese invented that many of us still use today (they invented plows and blast furnaces, which are still in use, but not as commonly found in suburban households).

Now doesn't that sound like a good way to do their project? It is, isn't it? But I was mildly irked because, well, you know . . . it wasn't my original plan. Hmph. Still, I agreed to their plan and we collected up a few things to bring in, including a couple of pieces of nice china (granted, Irish china, but still, china).

Then it was time to write out the list on big pieces of paper so we could easily show the class. Morgan, always eager to use my markers and easel pads, jumped right in and wrote (using a different color marker for each stroke):

PAPPRMON-

EY

Having run out of room at the end of the line, see?

I suggested she try to write out each item on one line. I suggested she leave a bigger space between the words. I suggested she use only one color. I suggested she correct her spelling of paper. I made a ton of suggestions in about 30 seconds.

Her little shoulders slumped a bit, but she tore off the first page and tried again.

And then somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered why I'd hated doing similar projects as a kid. I'd wanted to do it my ownself and someone well-meaning, perhaps a parent, usually a teacher, always had something to suggest. And, as everyone who knew me was aware, I was already extremely self-critical and a perfectionist. Add all that up to: Jenn hates school projects (unless they involved something I was already extremely confident about or good at, like math or literature).

Now, there is nothing wrong with making those suggestions, correcting spelling, of course. But what I wish I'd done is say : "Would you like some suggestions?" or "I noticed something you might want to know about." Or something like that.

When I came to, I noticed Morgan, in her attempt to make sure she wrote each item on one line in accordance with my suggestion, was drawing horizontal lines the page. For some reason this bothered me, too! Okay, I know the reason: in my mind, she was supposed to write the words, one-item-per-line, without horizontal lines. Why? I don't exactly know!

I started to say: "Why are you drawing lines across the paper?" when I realized how ridiculous I was being. Especially with my perfectionist kid who is really smart and eager to work on this project. And is hard enough on herself without someone else making it worse.

So I shut myself up and walked away, saying : "You know what? This is YOUR project, not mine. You can do it however you like. I'm going to stop making suggestions and go do my work." 

It was at this point that Ryan, who'd been observing my neurotic behavior my attempts to "help," finally jumped in and started really contributing to the project. Coincidence? I think not.

I went to my desk and the two of them collaborated--in the true meaning of the word--on what to write and how to write it. He spelled out the words from the list and she wrote them down. They they found the other items to bring to show their friends today.

I didn't have anything else to do with that project, and I am interested to hear what they have to say when they present things to Patch Club today (it'll be a surprise, I really have no clue what they will say!). I will stand up there with them, not because it's my project, but because Ryan feels nervous about standing up there and wants me there, too.

And I'm all proud of myself for recognizing that I was being a big pain-in-their-booties and backing off.

Things I learned:

• I need to chill.

• If I want them to remain eager to learn and do similar projects, I need to back off and let them own their own projects.

• Perspective, it's good to have. It's not like this is even for a grade or a presentation for a boss or a client! Sheesh. And even if it was, why would they want a grade for something that wasn't really their own work?

• Creativity is easily stifled by micromanagement. How well I understand this from my own schooling and career. CREATIVITY IS EASILY STIFLED BY MICROMANAGEMENT.

• This is a good lesson--for all of us--about how they can be independent and first-handed (as opposed to second-handed) in the virtuous sense. 

• If I stay out of their business, they will work together very well and accomplish things and be creative. And possibly enjoy each other.

• If I stay out of their business, I have some free time to pursue my own values.

As a school child, I never felt so free, so encouraged, so eager as when an adult told me "Go for it! I can't wait to see what you come up with!" and then let me do my thing. One of the huge benefits of homeschooling is that my kids have more free time and free rein to be creative and to really pursue things as deeply as they want to.

If I'm going to be any fun tolerable effective as the leader of our little homeschool, then I will do well to remember that. I'll let you know if I'm able to behave myself during their upcoming science projects.