Parenting Challenge--Follow Up (Part 1)

I got some great ideas from my readers who read my parenting challenge post of last week. Thank you so much! I meant to follow up on this a bit earlier in the week, but it's been a week of sickness and other (non-parenting) challenges, so I'm just now getting to it.

First, I'll highlight some of the many excellent suggestions and thoughts so you don't have to go back and read all of the comments if you don't want to:

Miranda wrote:

What would be the natural consequences of someone constantly getting into my stuff without my permission?

- Buy your own

- You're not allowed to use this anymore

- I'm locking up my possessions

- Talk about how I feel

Miranda also knows my kids personally and witnessed one of the incidents:

It might also be worth it to make a Big Announcement when you have something that you do not want opened/touched until later. I noticed M rationalizing the craft thing by saying it was for everyone/she didn't know.

Kelly (who also knows my children very well):

Have you brought it up at your family meeting and gotten the kids to brainstorm it with you?

and

I think this behavior is probably thoughtless, rather than any kind of intent. It seems primarily rude and inconsiderate, and it seems like maybe she isn't in the habit of thinking about what she should do or what you would want her to do about your stuff.

Could you guys make her a chart to help her remember? 

The chart could list the steps you would like her to think through. Such as: 

1. Does this belong to mom?
2. Would she want you to take it without asking?
3. Could it be broken?
4. Could it get lost easily? 

With a chart like this, you aren't just teaching her the rules to memorize, but teaching her to think considerately and kindly. These are the kinds of questions that we ask ourselves about other people's things, and perhaps she needs practice thinking about them.

Also, thinking this way every time she wants to take something out might make it routine, and since she is a sweet child who doesn't want to upset people,

Hanah (who also knows my kids) suggests that perhaps I've got children who are too independent:

In most situations, you want your kids to be proactive and not ask your permission or help with every little thing. So, essentially, you've trained them well ... too well.

Perhaps a talk along the lines of, it's great that you can do things by yourself and be independent. But people who are independent also have to use self-control to avoid doing things that will hurt or inconvenience other people.

And making sure the boundaries are very clear of stuff you don't want them to mess with. Things in a particular box or drawer or area, or specific items like in the display items situation.

Maybe also ask them if there are things that belong to them that you shouldn't mess with.

Jennifer writes:

I don't think there's any one strategy that will address this particular problem, because there are too many different kinds of "don't mess with that right now" situations, as you yourself list. There are things the kids are unequivocally not supposed to mess with (because they're dangerous/extremely fragile/not toys), there are things that are just messy, there are things that are annoying to have scattered around when you need them, etc. etc. etc.

And then offers several suggestions including putting messy stuff away, letting them experience the natural consequences of not being able to find things, and physically blocking them from access (certainly something I've done with the younger people).


Carly suggests:

Do your older children earn pocket money? If so, you could require them to reimburse you for anything they use up without permission...not as a punishment, but as way of teaching them personal responsibility.

Chris L offers a humorous (or humerus?) way of handling this issue:

Borrow her elbow. Because you need it to push down a stamp or something. If she objects: "Oh does this elbow belong to you? You mean I can't just use it anytime I want? Not even if I really just want to? Maybe I should ask you before I borrow it."

Wonderful suggestions, all! We have adopted not one, but several of them, which I'll tell you about in a minute. First I'll write a bit about what I liked about the suggestions and maybe offer a bit more context.

I like how Miranda listed ways she'd handle a similar situation with an adult such as a roommate or friend. That is exactly the kind of step that's helpful to me when trying to determine if the things I want to do in response to something like this are going to be punishy or not. Obviously I can't (and wouldn't want to) employ every natural consequence with the kids as I would an adult (Miranda points out rightly that I can't and wouldn't evict them!).

But it's a good place to start--how would I handle this issue if I had a similar problem with Brendan? Why? What will the kids learn from my handling this issue with them in a similar way? Will they understand where I'm coming from and possibly learn some principles here? Will I be demonstrating to them how I'd like them to behave if they are similarly wronged by someone in the future? And will this be a way for me to possibly get what I want (both respect for my property and independent thinking children)?

If the answers to the last three questions are "yes" then it's a good bet that my reaction is not a punishment but rather a natural consequence.

Kelly reminded me to Assume Positive Intent. Always good to be reminded of that, and I think she's got Morgan pegged correctly. Morgan has been acting thoughtlessly (Ryan has been acting sneakily, which is a different issue, though I have handled this the same way as you'll see). Remembering that Morgan isn't trying to drive me insane helps me remember not to be driven insane. Her chart suggestion is also perfect for Very Visual Morgan.

Hanah points out that these are the kinds of mistakes kids who are pretty independent might make--ask forgiveness instead of permission. I also like the idea that I ask them permission to use their things. I do this already, but making that explicit might help them see this principle more concretely being applied respectfully toward them. And it models how I'd like them to ask me (and Brendan and each other).

Jennifer offers some good concrete suggestions such as putting precious things up and allowing natural consequences.

Carly thinks they should pay for the things they've used up out of their allowance, and indeed, Morgan paid me back for the craft project she used up. She did this eagerly and without delay, I think in part because she felt remorseful about what she'd done. When applicable, I plan to continue to do this, mostly because it's only just that you pay for things you used up.

Chris L's suggestion that I use playful parenting to demonstrate the principle is excellent. I should have considered that before now. When I remember to use playful parenting, I'm generally good at it (and it's enjoyable for all of us). But sometimes I get so caught up in being Supremely Irritated that I forget all about Humor! Particularly not-good that this hadn't occurred to me before now, as I like to consider myself an amusing person.

Okay, so thank you all for your wonderful ideas and thoughts. Here's where we are with this currently.

We discussed this in our Family Conference last week and did some group problem-solving. I'll spare you the particulars of the lengthy and vigorous discussion.

What we came up with is a chart similar to the one Kelly suggested:

Morgan and Sean decorated it. :D

I think posters like this one really help Morgan who is quite visual and tends to forget these sorts of "societal norms" kinds of rules. They just fall out of her head somehow.

It will help Ryan, too, who is more deliberate (and sneaky, as I said) because it's officially Out There--something he agreed to--and can be used to remind him of his previous agreement. He is definitely one for exploiting loopholes and violating the spirit of the law rules regulations policies of our house. But he also respects the idea of a contract and has a sense of honor and justice about his agreements. So this visual contract will help him remember, too, but for totally different reasons.

The wording we chose was deliberate. We want them to ask "Does this belong to me?" instead of "Does this belong to someone else?" because we thought it made more sense for them to determine the relation of the item to themselves first and then choose their course of action. It's also a not-so-subtle (to the grownups) way to help them be focused self-interestedly instead of altruistically.

After answering the question Does this belong to me? there are really only two possible courses of action based on the answer. If yes, you're good to go. If no, you need to get an idea of whether or not you can play with or use the item. I think if the answer is 'no' and the owner in question gives blanket permission to always use the item, then it's okay in future instances not to bother the other.

Brendan and I were hoping that this very basic way of illustrating the principle and helping them determine what to do next will simplify things for them. We thought it boiled down the essentials nicely into something easily understood by all. In fact, they came up with some of the specifics themselves during the conference, with Brendan and me (mostly Brendan) acting as Socrates, asking probing questions at strategic moments. I hope that the process of going through this thinking and the ideas behind it were beneficial to them. It was beneficial to me at any rate!

So far, this chart strategy has been helpful. I feel a little less crazy and I think both Morgan and Ryan understand what needs doing, and possibly the principle behind it a little better, too. We are beginning to explain these ideas to Sean--have been for a long while, of course. He can't read, so this chart won't help him, but I have given him the words "Ask yourself: Does this belong to me?" and walked him through the process on at least two separate occasions this week.

I definitely will ask for recompense if when this occurs again in the future. And I am definitely going to work on remembering to use some humor. Morgan in particular will find the borrowing-her-elbow-without-permission joke hilarious!

Thank you all so much for your ideas! I'll write another follow up in a couple of weeks or so to let you know how things are going.

A Post about Today

Today was kind of an off day, an unscheduled day off, as Morgan was sick (and I wasn't doing so great myself). Despite our plans going awry, it was a good one. Some highlights:

• Morgan has learned how to use the resistance bands and my pull up bar to spin like a crazy person.

• Sean sings: "Hicker-ricky-dicky-dock, mouse went up da clock, da clock tick ten den hicker-ricky-dicky-dock." (Yes, the Ls are still missing.)

• Ryan loves our cranky old cat and is so incredibly sweet to her. Today he gave her catnip mice and filmed her reaction.

• I spent some time looking for dress ideas for my brother's wedding and for something to read (he asked me to read something!).

• I'm really feeling all of those knees-to-elbows I did at CrossFit last night. In a good way, though. 

• Actually, I'm also feeling the power cleans and wall balls, too, now that I think about it.

• We discovered Design Squad, a site for kids about engineering.

• I watched a video of Mojo Jojo and all of his curses (thanks, Diana!)

• I had the song Brendan and his friend are playing in the 500 Songs for Kids concert stuck in my head all day ("Hey Mr. Fantasy" by Traffic).

• I had a moment of panic upon realizing that ATLOSCon starts in exactly ONE MONTH!

• I made chicken salad today--super easy because I cheated by buying a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. Add curry powder, mayo (olive oil-based), and red grapes. You're welcome.

• Ryan and I spent some time creating a Staging Area and filling it up with things we plan to sell at Saturday's garage sale (lots of baby stuff, toys and games...come on by!).

Not too bad for a sick day. I even managed to do the laundry AND the dishes! I know! Maybe I really am coming down with something. :)

Silent Auction Fundraiser for ATLOS

I'm pleased to announce that a silent auction fundraiser to benefit the Atlanta Objectivist Society will take place this Saturday, April 30!

Many ATLOS members donated goods or services to be auctioned off. Some of the things donated include:

• Babysitting

• Facepainting

• Two nights at an AWESOME North Georgia mountain cabin with a killer view (just sayin')

• Copies of Tyler and his Solve-a-matic Machine and Tyler Passes the Golden Key signed by the author

• An acoustic guitar

• Cross-stitches of "A is A" or "Who is John Galt?"

• Gardening consultation (I know from personal experience that you'll get a good value out of this!)

• Language lessons

• Portraits

• Positive Discipline parenting consultation

• A round of golf at a country club

• Gourmet Russian dinner for two (I know from personal experience that this will be tasty!)

AND MORE! Check them all out on our auction page.

Here's the cool thing: even if you're not local, you can bid on these items and win them from afar! In addition to the silent auction party, you can bid ONLINE!

Sure, some things will be a little more difficult to redeem--kind of hard to get your face painted over the internets--but many of the items up for auction can be sent to you if you live outside of Atlanta. You could even make arrangements to pick up your item (or partake of the service you won) if you're in town for ATLOSCon (just read the item description very carefully for details).

Here are the online auction rules:

This online auction is intended to complement the physical silent auction on April 30th, 2011 and is for the members and friends of the Atlanta Objectivist Society (ATLOS). Those who cannot attend the physical auction are encouraged to use this website to support ATLOS in paying for ATLOSCon 2011.

This online auction will begin prior to the physical auction and continue live during the physical auction, but will end early to give those attending the physical auction a final opportunity to bid.

If you are bidding online, you should be aware of the following rules:

1. Those at the physical auction will have priority if their bid is entered at the same time as an online bid
2. The online auction will end earlier, so make sure to bid high enough to guarantee a win!
3. Some items require pickup or can't be delivered outside Atlanta, so please read the item description.
4. The bid you enter is the amount you will pay if you win the auction

By the way, the online bidding has already started!

All proceeds will go to benefit ATLOS, specifically our conference.

A special thank you to everyone who donated items and services to this auction. Your contributions are deeply appreciated.

Two of our members, Tori and Travis, worked really hard on organizing the donations and creating the web interface. We are so grateful for their work on this project. And Hanah and Sasha are kindly hosting the live version of the auction this Saturday--thanks for letting us invade your home (again!).

If you have any questions about this, please let me know. And help us spread the word about our auction--link to our auction page on Facebook or Twitter or send a link to this post, etc.

Should be fun!

A Parenting Challenge--for YOU!

Hello dear Readers!

I've missed not podcasting during this break that Kelly and I have been on. She's in grad school and is swamped with work for that, and we're both working hard like peopleguys on ATLOS and ATLOSCon stuff, too. I'm hoping that we'll get tons of podcasts recorded and produced this summer.

So, in not podcasting, I've missed doing our Situation of the Week. And I have a Situation of the Week (that I haven't even mentioned to Kelly just yet). In addition to my usual steps which include: trying to solve it myself, discussing it with Brendan, discussing it with Kelly, discussing it with the kids, coming up with a plan and working on it, I thought I'd ask for YOUR advice!

One of the exercises we do in our Positive Discipline workshops is something called Parents Helping Parents, where one person describes a real-life parenting challenge in detail to the rest of the group of parents who then brainstorm some solutions. The exercise is really valuable, even for the parents who are in the audience. It results in so many different ideas and good discussion about the merits of each and how to apply them to that unique situation.

PHP is by far more valuable in person, but I thought I could possibly adapt it for a blog setting. We'll give it a try and if it doesn't work, then Yippee Mistakes! We'll learn something and make a change for the future. :)

Here are the rules:

• I'll describe my problem below, making it as clear and specific as I can. 

• Then I want you to brainstorm--give me any and all of your ideas for how to handle this! Put your ideas in the comments of this post. Go ahead and suggest punishments and rewards if you want to, but I am looking for non-punitive/non-rewarding ways to handle this problem.

• During the brainstorm, feel free to discuss the pros and cons of the suggestions if you want, but I will probably stay out of that type of discussion, at least until I've picked the suggestion I plan to try.

• I will provide some clarification and answer questions during the brainstorm if needed.

• After I get some suggestions, I'll choose the one I think might help me the best, and I'll explain what I like about it (and other likely options). Then I'll try it for a week or so and then get back to you.

What do you think?

Okay, so here's my problem: My kids (mainly Morgan) get into my stuff without asking and it's making me crazy.

A bit of context will help. I don't mind sharing my things, such as scissors and tape, but I very much prefer the courtesy of being asked. In part I prefer this, because if I'm asked, then I am aware of who has the items and can make sure that they are returned or a mess is cleaned up (a corollary problem here).

The other thing they do is open up new things and take them out of the packages even if I've asked them not to. Examples:

• taking every single roll of toilet paper out of the package and strewing them about (I go to the wholesale club to buy toilet paper and other items in bulk and this is a huge problem); 

• (Morgan-specific) opening up items such as nail polish because she couldn't wait 30 more minutes for us to do it together as I'd promised; 

• playing with or taking known "special" items (such as heirloom things) out of their packaging or display without asking;

• taking toys or craft projects I was saving for special occasions out of their packaging and using them up without permission.

The principle I'm trying to teach them (and why I get so annoyed) is that they need to respect other people's property. It's at the point where I am explicitly telling them "Don't open such-and-such." because I know they want to--and they are still doing it!

I've told them all that I would often be ready to say "yes" to their requests--if only they'd ASK.

I'm ready to climb out of my skin, because in addition to the messes and logistical issues and not having certain items when I want them (such as a craft project I'd intended to bring for Sean to work on at homeschool co-op), I am feeling like they don't think they need to respect my right to my stuff. As if anything I might own or have plans for in this house doesn't count because I'm "just Mom." I realize that might not be what they actually think--it's just how I feel.

What I've done so far is not working, which is immediately put a stop to the activity and have them clean up any associated messes. Oh yeah, and expressing my honest emotions about this directly (and sometimes vehemently). It's at the point where I feel like I need to have a sticky note on everything in the house that says "ASK MOM FIRST" on it. :/

So...thoughts? HELP!!!!

The One about the Atlas Shrugged Movie

Didja know? They made a movie about Atlas Shrugged!

There are so many good blog posts (and videos) by others that go into the specific pros and cons. I agree with many of the critiques (and disagree with a few, too). I'll refer you to those posts, because I'm not going to rehash all of the itty bitty things I liked, hated, wished they'd done differently, etc.

I think it goes without saying that any adaption of a huge major novel (especially one that evokes strong passion in its readers--both positive and negative) is not going to please everyone, and carries with it the potential for utter disaster. For example, Brendan and I have been watching the Lord of the Rings movies, and while I enjoyed them thoroughly, there are a few things I don't care for about what the director/writers chose to do. Oh well.

See? This is what the world gets for not asking my opinion about EVERYTHING. When I am not consulted on such important matters, there are natural consequences for everyone. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I'm going to tell you instead about my experience of seeing the movie in the theater. Because that's more important to me than the actual movie.

For the longest time, they weren't planning to even show the movie in Georgia. And then, finally, a theater agreed to show it! Excited as I was by this news, I wasn't sure we could go see it right away, fearing babysitter-related logistical issues. And to be honest, I'd been very underwhelmed by the trailers I'd seen.

Then Brendan heard a radio interview a couple of weeks ago of a representative of Wealthcare Capital Management. This company, as it turned out, is pretty much responsible for getting the local theater to agree to show the movie. (Oh look on their website! They've got the Who is John Galt? poster up there. Also, don't miss this message from one of the principals.) WCM pre-purchased all of the tickets for the evening showings on Friday and Saturday nights, as a guarantee for the theater. The radio interview was to let people know that they could get tickets to those shows!

Brendan contacted WCM right away and secured 20 seats, which we advertised to the ATLOS email list. Response was enthusiastic and I ended up asking for an additional 15 seats. The people at WCM were super nice and even let us put our business cards on their table in the theater!

Here's the thing--the second I found out that the movie would be here in metro Atlanta, I started thinking about what this opportunity could mean for our local group (and many other ATLOS members were thinking along the same lines). In short, it meant that we could promote our group really effectively in a relatively short amount of time.

One of our ATLOS peeps who is a graphic designer peopleguy created business cards for us to hand out at the movie (and in the future). We had some Ayn Rand Samplers on hand from the ARI that we passed out, too.

I haven't exactly added it up, but I think we handed out over 300 cards that night. Maybe more. And that is a Good Thing.

It was fun to hang out in the lobby and meet the people from WCM and talk to others who were in line for the show. Everyone was so enthusiastic and nice! (Except the security guard peopleguy--I suppose there's little use in that line of work for Assume Positive Intent, hmph.) I shook many hands and introduced myself and told people about our group and our events and our conference. And I'm not the only ATLOS peopleguy who did that, either. :)

I caught the end of Neal Boortz's appearance before the beginning of the show, and missed my chance to give him an ATLOS business card. (He's not an Objectivist, but he's a friendly.) Next time, I guess...or maybe he picked up a card at the WCM table?

The experience of seeing the movie (outside of the actual movie, I mean) was great! Here I was, sitting in a packed theater with a couple hundred other people who like this book, knowing there was another packed theater at the exact same time filled with a couple hundred other people who like the book! I looked around at everyone and all I could think was "Potential ATLOS Members." Because I'm like that.

Seeing Ayn Rand's name up on the big screen was surprisingly emotional. I'd had a brief taste of this outside the theater when I saw the movie poster for the first time, but it was nothing compared to see her name up there. I have my doubts about whether she'd have liked the movie, but part of me wished she could have been there to see that it was made, that so many people were smiling and clapping for it.

It was kind of a moment.

After the movie, we hung out in the lobby and talked with people about what we saw. There were zillions of people taking pictures of themselves in front of the poster. We handed out more business cards.

It was a good night for letting people in our city know about our group. We got a couple of emails from new people and many people added themselves to our email list. Not as many as I'd have liked, but I still think it's a success.

And tonight is our monthly ATLOS Happy Hour! I'm anticipating a bigger crowd than usual (attendance has dropped off a bit in recent months) in part because of this movie. We're trying to find a way to host an Atlas Shrugged trivia night for  next month's Happy Hour. And then, the conference!!!

So no matter what you might have thought of the movie, overall I think its release is a positive thing. As I wrote in my Thank You Email to the Wealthcare Capital Management peopleguys:

This movie coming out at this point in time is especially significant, as I'm sure you are well aware. And historical, too--when I first read The Fountainhead 22 years ago, I never imagined I would see this level of interest and enthusiasm in the ideas of Ayn Rand.

(By the way, feel free to skip doing the mental math suggested by that passage--it makes me sound much, much older than I am feel.)

It's true. Never in a million years did I anticipate the kind of opportunity we Objectivists have today. And I am determined not to let this opportunity go sauntering on by!

Shot Heard 'Round the World

Ryan wanted me to post this today:







Ryan and I talked about how these men were willing to fight--with both arms and ideas--for freedom, for individual rights. 
Kind of an inspiring way to start the day. It raises the questions, too: Would I be willing to fight? Would you? Something to think about.

Halfway

Ryan is 9 years old today!

It's amazing to think that we're about halfway done with him...that we are about equidistant between the first time I held him and the day when he will leave us to go off and conquer the world. Part of me is excited; part of me is wistful; mostly I can't believe where the time went.

A. A. Milne didn't write a poem for me to borrow for this occasion, so I'll just put up some pics of him and walk down memory lane.

Holding him for the first time, in NICU, 15 hours after he was born. Fun Trivia about Ryan's birth: He was born on the 10th anniversary of Brendan's and my first kiss, almost to the HOUR. Cool, huh?

Already talking.

Chubby, chubby arms!

Still with the Michelin Man arms. LOVE.

We have tons of pictures of him doing just this.

We also have tons of pictures of him being a Peopleguy.

See what I mean?

I just love this picture--it captures his essence somehow.

One of these years I should put together a compilation of all of his awesome costumes! That's a stainless steel mixing bowl inside a hat my grandmother knitted for him.

Another essence-capturing photo.

The only caption I can think of to put here is something like "This is the face of your future (hopefully) benevolent dictator!" Remember, as long as you respect the rights of others, he probably won't have to boss you too much.

Ryan is so many things: talkative, imaginative, whip-smart, funny, argumentative, bossy, confident, talkative, thoughtful, sensitive, creative, and talkative. He is my most challenging kid (possibly due to the fact that he and are just alike--see previous description) and as my oldest, I'm making my most spectacular parenting mistakes on him, probably.

On the day he was born, I became a parent. I have learned much about myself--my character and my inner strength and ability to cultivate patience and kindness--since that time. I can honestly say that being a parent has transformed me for the better (and each subsequent child has presented his/her own unique challenges that have improved me even more!).

Also, of course, the last nine years have been all about discovering who this child, this future man, is, and I can't wait to discover who he will become. He constantly amazes me and challenges me and I am so happy to be his mom. (I know Brendan feels the same way.)

Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Yes, I wrote this post ahead of time and scheduled it to go up at the exact time of his birth. :D

Sean Sings and Dances with Abandon

Thanks to Ryan and his flip cam, I can share with you this video, taken just moments ago!






I have a fun job, though my work place is A.) messy and B.) LOUD.

To answer Miranda's question (in the comments): he's singing "Rockabye Baby" and then switches to "We Will Rock You" by Queen. That's a song Ryan invented last week. :D

125,000

So I surpassed 125,000 hits on my blog the other day, whee! I had planned to do some sort of retrospective of my favorite blog posts for this occasion, but, to be perfectly and completely and fully honest--that sounds like rather a lot of work.

Also, I checked my SiteMeter this morning and noticed that I got a hit from the search phrase "jenn casey" sex. TOP OF THE GOOGLE PAGE, BABY! YEAH!

So then I decided that it's more fun to see which other fun search phrases have brought readers to my blog, if only for a moment. Also, it's a lot less work, and quite frankly, that's appealing right now.

In no particular order, some of my favorite search phrases of the last few months:

The Good 

• peanut allergy facts

• american community survey if you do not respond can you be penilized (That's a rather amusing misspelling, though only if you're as immature as I am.)

• dish network downgrade charge (Proud to do my part!)

• greek chicken recipe (SO YUM)

• grocery store math

• american community survey refusal (Again, proud to do my part.)

• ayn rand on children (Though the use of the preposition on brings a strange visual to mind.)

• "positive discipline" objectivism (YAY)

• i hate quickbooks (AGAIN, EXTRA PROUD TO DO MY PART!!!)

• peopleguy blog (Coining a term WIN!)

• discipline without punishment approach

• pukinson's disease (Another coining a term WIN!)

• homeschooling with objectivism

• the resurgence of ayn rand (DOUBLE YAY)

• why is blues clues so good

• "turns 40" knitting (Indeed, I did both of those not too long ago.)

• jenn perfectionist blogger (Proof I'm broadening my readership base--I'm not just the "crazy peanut allergy mom Objectivist blogger" anymore!)

The Strange (There is, admittedly, much overlap between this category and the next.)

• disciplining a 4 year old for not wanting to spell a word (Sorry, can't help you there--my 4 year olds ALWAYS want to spell words.)

• ayn rand's children 

• where are the carnies (A question for the ages...)

• spader james young

• sneezed (Seriously? There aren't like a zillion other websites with this word ahead of mine?)

• try to make parents feel guilty (With practice, it's no effort at all.)

• paul&diana muoth/woods (Who? With what?)

• punishment for child for going somewhere without permission (I'd give a snarky suggestion, but I fear that someone might take me seriously.)

• james spader with glasses (When did I ever write about James Spader? I have no memory of this.)

• freihoffers bakery tour (What the what?)

• explaine art of war until todays use (Well, once upone a time, there was this guy named Sun Tzu who lived in ye olde countrye of China....)

• withholding bedtime story as punishment (You misbehaved. No Literacy for You! You come back one year!)

• subconcious and peanut allergies

• feel guilty my son (This sounds like a half-hearted send-off to me: 'Feel guilty, my son. Go forth, and be a disappointment to your father and me.')

• rational and guilty (When faced with multiple counts of rationality, I always plead guilty as charged!)

• 40 degrees no coat (My non-medical non-scientific opinion is: You will probably survive this.)

• is it good to feel guilt (Well, I don't particularly enjoy it and take pains to avoid doing things that would induce guilt, but hey, maybe that's just me.)

• methods of discipline for adults without physical punishment (You mean you've been using physical punishment and are now looking for alternatives?)

• let's play with jenn (Do I know you?)

• families who really sacrifice in order to home-school (Sorry you landed on the wrong blog!)

• how much did steve burns get paid per episode of blues clues (Sadly for this reader, Steve and I never got to the point in our relationship where we told each other what we made at our jobs.)

• couple blueprints (Sounds like porn for naughty architects.)

• "don't want a diaper change" (Um, why are you searching that?)

• high sensitive person chess (Wha?)

• how to punish a kid without punishing the whole family (Aye, there's the rub...)

The Funny

• i look like celebrity (Bitch, please, I AM Celebrity.)

• "atlos con" (We did contemplate making an image of Atlas wearing prison garb for a logo for the conference but decided it would only be funny to people with our exact strange sense of humor.)

• empty out your brain (Zombies looking for blogs to read?)

• stop squatting with personality type survey (I just don't even know what to do with that one.)

• okay, that's it. you go to your room. (This exact phrase was searched multiple times over several weeks.)

• design snowcon car (Never did get around to designing that snowcon car...um, huh?)

• jenn heh (This just makes me laugh, and I'm not exactly sure why.)

• i am not a psycho ... i am one of a kind (Actually very true of me, and hopefully the person who searched this phrase.)

• overbearing authority (You rang?)

• gay & guy

• cool gay (Yeah, I'd be a cool gay. yup, that's me!)

• gay guy (Sheesh! You take one internet quiz because you are intensely curious to find out what kind of gay guy you are and it follows you forever!)

• depline witout punshment (Ys, I suport that conept.)

• why do people become sensitive when in love? (I appreciate that you want my opinion on all things, but even this is beyond the scope of my capabilities.)

• say not to quick books (Dear QuickBooks: NOT!)

• rational over recipies (I get lots of hits with "rational" and something else. Are there irrational recipes, I wonder?)

• what is the rational burping the baby (See what I mean?)

• rational enn (I actually feel a little bad about stealing traffic from Rational Enn.)

• how to punish your child without them really knowing (I could be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that if you do it right, they'll noticed they're being punished.)

So there you have it--the best search phrases from the last 4,000 hits or so. I hope my comments are taken as All in Good Fun, which is, generally, what I try to be--a person All in Good Fun. Though I  have an admittedly odd sense of humor sometimes, so if there's something up there you don't get or don't like, feel free to just chalk it up to "Jenn, like Willow, is sometimes callous and strange." and move right along.

I'd also like to acknowledge the many, many people (over 300!) who subscribe to my blog and probably read via Google Reader or similar. Even though I don't get your hits all the time, I know you're out there and I appreciate it!

Okay, so that was FUN. I hope you enjoyed it too. Thanks for reading my blog, however you made it over here!

Blast from my Past

This post is mainly for Kelly, who was unable to see these pictures on my FB wall for some reason. One of the mildly horrifying interesting things about Facebook is that you can sometimes find pictures of yourself from waaaaaaaay back when, often without any warning whatsoever!

In chronological order (by my age, I mean, not by the date on which I discovered someone had posted these pics to Facebook):

My sister, brother, and me in our Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas, circa 1976. I'm the one on the left. My sister, the one on the right, is an entire year older than our gigantic sumo-wrestler brother. Now you know where Sean got his gargantuan cranium. :)

Not quite Awkward Family Photos, but still. I think I got off lucky in this pic, taken in September 1979.

I used to be in the Marquis of Granby Fyfe & Drum Corp (still in existence!). I'm the fyfer on the very right. This was taken at a muster, which is like Fyfe-a-palooza, in the summer of 1982, so I was 11. It was great fun, and I still have my fyfe.

I think there are a few other old pics of me on Facebook (NOT posted by me!). If I dig them up, I'll do another installment of Blast from my Past. 

Some Recent Parenting Issues

Since Kelly and I are on a break from podcasting until after ATLOSCon, I thought I share a couple of "Situations of the Week" kind of things.

As Sean is growing out of babyhood (weep), he is joining in the play and fray with the older kids more and more every day. He is learning a lot about self-control, respecting other people's stuff (and their bodies), and taking turns. These are difficult lessons for a two-year-old person, but he's coming along nicely.

A few days ago, he and Morgan were fighting over some toy. Morgan really wanted a turn and I think the thing may have belonged to her. She was complaining that he had it and did ask him for a turn in a nice way all on her own.

"NO!" says he, impishly.

She tried a couple more times but it was clear that he needed my help. I said something like "Sean, you need to tell Morgan how much longer you will be with your turn." 

He said, "How 'bout . . . one minute, Morgan?" She agreed.

I told him when the minute was up and he readily and cheerfully handed over the toy. That's a really hard thing for a young kid to do. (And no, he doesn't know how long a minute actually is, that word to him means "in a little bit" I think.)

Since that episode, I've noticed him doing this more often independently, too.  WIN!

***

I wrote about this a little on OGrownups, but Ryan and I had an awesome talk about sex the other night while we were grilling hot dogs! Over the years we've had many, MANY talks about sex and reproduction and menstruation and all manner of things. My policy is to answer their questions directly and honestly, and as necessary, with a straight face. Because we've already covered quite a bit of territory here, it's not ever going to be necessary for Brendan or me to sit down with them and have The Talk. There is no Talk waiting for them when they hit puberty because sex is just another one of those topics we discuss every once in a while, like minerals or dogs or the Allied landing at Normandy.

I have questiony kids--I rarely have to wonder what they might be wondering about, which has pros and cons. In this case, having questiony kids is definitely a pro. I can pretty much count on Ryan to bring up whatever questions he has about any topic.

A few years ago (was it that long ago already?), our sex discussion focused mainly on baby-making and logistics (how does that sperm get in there?). Sometimes our discussions spurred on imaginative art projects. But since that baby is getting older (weep) and time has passed, some of the details are hard to remember.

Ryan was telling me the other night that he didn't think he'd ever get married or have kids or have sex. It was a great opportunity to refresh him on some details and also to tell him about the fun of sex with someone you love. Somehow in all of the baby-making talk over the last few years, I'd left out the best part! It's interesting, because as he is getting older, the nature of his questions and the information he wants has changed, and he is interested in and ready for learning about some of the relationship aspects of sex rather than just the mechanics of it. Good conversation.

Oh, and one more thing about this topic before I move on--one of the main reasons my husband and I are very open about this particular subject is that we want to be the ones to teach them about this. If we get all squeamish now, I think it could send a message to them that we don't want to send--that sex is dirty or shameful, and also that "sex is something you shouldn't talk about with your parents." Sex is super awesome and great (and you need to be responsible about it, too). I want them to come to us with their questions first, and I know that it's relatively easier to answer questions about what goes where than it will be to have a discussion with them about whether or not they should have sex with a boyfriend/girlfriend. These little talks are good for all of us in both the short-term and hopefully the long-term, too.

***

Semi-related to the topic of impending puberty--I had an interesting moment with Morgan the other day. She was very sad and crying about something. She has always been a "hider" when she's sad, even when she was very tiny. She runs off to a corner and crumples into a Ball of Sad until she feels better. On this particular day, she was, somewhat unusually, letting me hold her while she cried.

She told me that she didn't want to go back outside to play until she was all finished crying. I asked her why and she shrieked "Because my face looks HORRIBLE when I'm crying!" And cried even more. Since when do people care about how they look when they are crying? Since about six years of age, apparently.

***

Yesterday afternoon was WONDERFUL because Sean is finally getting to the point where I can let him go outside with the Big Kids with minimal supervision from me. We have a fenced backyard (not that the fence doors are often closed, but still, there's an easy boundary to see) and all three kids played out there for hours. They built a city called Sparta. Here's a picture:

I love that he is learning to be a little independent and free-range. I'm still a little nervous about letting him out in the front without me, especially after about 5pm when people are coming home from work (some people drive WAY too fast down our little cul-de-sac for my taste). I will let him go out in the front with the older kids, but I keep the front door open and check them often.

In fact, as he was heading out to the front yesterday with Ryan, I walked out on the porch and Sean said: "Yes, I go outside. Now you ask 'Do you go in the street?' and I say 'No.' and then you ask 'Will you stay with Ryan?' and I say 'Yes.' " 

Hey, nice to know he's been paying attention. :)

Productive Weekend

We got so much accomplished or settled this weekend! I love it.

Ryan and Morgan figured out what their projects will be for the Science Fair on Thursday. 

Ryan's question is: Which material makes a more durable paper boat (paper, parchment paper, wax paper, or aluminum foil)? Hypothesis: Wax paper. We'll test it today.

Morgan's question is: Which solvent removes marker stains best (water, vinegar, alcohol)? Hypothesis: Water. We'll test hers today, too. And I must say that I find her project particularly suited to, well, her entire history of markering everything in the house within an inch of its life, including herself.


Progress on decluttering and laundry.

Believe it or not, I conquered the Balrog laundry monster the previous weekend, and now I'm in the process of sorting through the kids' clothing for things to keep (for a younger brother or just for next winter), things to give away (to a friend who is having a baby boy this summer), and things to toss (nearly every pair of pants owned by Ryan has gaping holes at the knees). This is a huge pain, and I'm only motivated by the fact that I'm getting clothing OUT of the house, thereby reducing my total laundry responsibilities.

Ryan and I also worked on his room and the hallway and Sean's room, which are STILL in stasis from the loft bed project of, uh, a couple of months ago. We have impending out-of-town guests for Brendan's birthday and for ATLOSCon, so in this project, I'm motivated by fear and the possibility of humiliation. :)


FOOD

Thanks to the wonders of Groupon, I have brats marinating now and we had the yummiest rib-eyes we've had in a good while for dinner last night (and some left over for Morgan and me for lunch today!). Hooray for Groupon, for great coupons to our favorite butcher!


Power Puff Girls

Brendan's and my favorite cartoon of all time might be The Power Puff Girls. We used to watch it when it was first on Cartoon Network, and arranged our schedule so that we could be here to watch each new episode when it was released (Friday nights, I think it was). We have the first season on DVD, and previous attempts to share this particular Awesome with our kids had fallen completely flat.

Morgan chose the disk almost at random on Friday night (partly to piss Ryan off, I think) and she was hooked! Ryan was, too, because he watched Morgan's episodes from his secret hiding place on the stairs and when it was his turn to choose the movie, declared: "Well, I'm really surprised at myself, but I just LOVE this show! The minute I heard that they were fighting the "forces of evil" I knew I had to watch."

We watched the disks we own a zillion times this weekend (and need to figure out how to get the other seasons, particularly the one with "Meet the Beat-Alls"). The children are walking around saying "Cuuuurssseeesssss" ala Mojo JoJo. As Miranda would say, Awesome Sauce.


CrossFit

Everyone on Twitter and FB has heard this already, but I'm so tickled I just have to say it again. I must be making progress here. On Saturday morning, Chris (the owner/trainer peopleguy) told me to train up one of the new people. Not actually train her on tricksy stuff, mind you, but just walk her through the warm-up and show her how to get her feet out of the rowing machine gracefully, etc.

Part of the warm-up included three rounds of 10 push ups, and after the first round I did with the new girl, I wanted to see if I could manage the rest of the push ups in a Manly Fashion (I'd done my first round with knees down because I was talking to the newbie girl). And so I cranked out 10 man push-ups, all in a row! I looked up to find Chris standing over me, with a huge smile. At first I figured he was coming over to give me a pointer on my form or something and then he high-fived me! He said he had to do a double-take when he saw me doing man-push ups and ran all the way across the gym to congratulate me. So of course I had to do 10 more.

I've only been able to do any man-push ups at all since about January, and I've never done that many in a row. Look at me! I'm growing as a person here.


Peanuts

On Saturday afternoon, I took Sean to a convenience store and bought a package of Peanut Butter M&Ms. We went to the parking lot of the pediatric urgent care center (just in case!) and, armed with Epis (again, just in case!), I gave him some. Actually, the first thing I did was smear a bit of the PB on his arm, which he did NOT like. He didn't want "yellow lotion" on his arm! I waited about 20 minutes and his skin showed no reaction, so I let him eat 5 PB M&Ms.

I tried some myself, and they were kinda icky. I should have used Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Anyway, after about 20 minutes, Sean seemed fine and I started to load him up in the car. Just as I was buckling his seat belt, he sneezed four times in a row, and I felt that icy feeling in my veins. We stayed put another 10 or 15 minutes while I watched him closely, finally concluding he had sneezed just to make me insane.

Anyway--he tolerated it just fine! We will do this again (with Reese's!) in a week or two just to be sure (it's possible, though not probable, that this was Sean's first exposure to peanut, and you don't react on the first exposure). But it looks very likely that Sean is NOT ALLERGIC! What a load off my mind!


What did you do this weekend? I hope you stayed away from Peanut Butter M&Ms at least.

Parenting Moment of the Day

Sometimes I get a reminder that my kids really do pay attention to the way I behave and the things I say, and they really do copy me.

We were in the car this afternoon and everyone was requesting that I play their favorite songs for them. (If you're wondering, the current favorites are: Sean--"Eight Days a Week" aka "Hold Me," Morgan--"Brown-Eyed Girl," and Ryan--"Fire in Cairo.")

Morgan and I had a misunderstanding about which song I was to play next, which was mostly my fault as I was really actually trying to pay more attention to traffic than song requests (my bad, I know!). I interrupted her complaint to try to tell her what I thought I'd heard.

She freaked. "MOM! STOP! INTERRUPTING! MEEEEEEE!" 

Wisely (and for once), I said nothing as I moved into a turning lane and tried to figure out where I could pull the car over because I can't stand people shouting at me while I'm driving. Then, while I was waiting for the light to change, she said in a teary voice:

"Mom, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just get SO frustrated when you interrupt me."

Wow. How many times have I said the same exact thing to them? For example:

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I feel frustrated when I have to repeat myself because it makes me think you're not listening to me."

This six year old child recognized that she had been unfair and unkind and readily acknowledged it using appropriate language ("I-language"). In those two sentences, she used a couple Positive Discipline tools (Three Rs of Recovery and Emotional Honesty which I'll write about soon) and those tools helped her act virtuously (with justice, honesty, integrity), too.

Which is great because when I use those tools I'm acting virtuously, too. Even after a mistake like losing my temper and shouting, I can always choose to behave like a grownup virtuous person. And how extra happy I was that I've modeled this particular thing for her (sadly, lots of times).

Hearing my very same words come out of her mouth was wonderful, not just because I wanted an apology from her in that moment, but because it was evidence that even in my mistakes, I'm doing something right. And I can see that she's the kind of person who wants to do the right thing when she makes a mistake and has learned a way (from me!) to do that. She has tools she can use ready and waiting for when she needs them. And she will use them.

In case you're wondering what I said back to her, it was something like this:

"Thanks for telling me you're sorry. I know it's frustrating to be interrupted and I did interrupt you. I'm sorry about that. Now can we figure out what to do next?"

And then things went on in our usual hunky-dory way.

What an awesome moment. I am very proud of both of us!

OGrownups Monthly Summary

I just realized I never summarized February, so this is a two-fer!

New members in February : 7
New members in March : 2
Total members : 274

Topics in February

• The Lost Fleet book recommendation
• Kinect for young kids
• Both Sides of the Table--blog recommendation
• Blog Post I am a Productive Mommy
• Blog Post Catholic school teacher teachers sex ed
• Blog Post Tattling Tennis
• Prenatal Vitamins
• Secular Homeschooling Resources
• Homeschooling: Where do I begin?
• New Blog: School & State
• IRS: Breastfeeding supplies deductible
• Dangerism
• Grownup Time
• Telling Teens What to do
• Bad Words
• Wife's consent required for vasectomy
• Publicly funded charter school? What is the difference?
• How to choose a Montessori school/videos from Le Port Schools
• New Objectivist novel about education
• Blog Post about removing previously set limits
• SAHMs who don't homeschool
• Choosing legal guardians/creating a will
• Freakonomics

Topics in March

• Mommy Bloggers
• Future of education
• Blog Post: Seven Things I refuse to Feel Guilty about as a Parent
• 3rd grade math
• Objectivist Answers: How do you get a footing in life?
• Toothpaste
• Vitamin D and pregnancy
• An Island Called Liberty book discussion
• Hopalong Cassidy's Creedt for American Boys and Girls
• Gay Parents
• Cardboard Kitchen
• More freedom for midwives?
• Blog Post: Breastfeeding experience
• Khan Academy
• Pregnancy cravings
• Blog Post: On Refusing to Provide Answers
• Blogging Parents
• NH judge orders homeschooler to public school
• Indoctrination (a video about homeschooling)

Plus the usual baby announcements and other Objectivism-related announcements. As you can see, we've been pretty busy.

You can learn more about how to join OGrownups as a posting member or a lurker on the homepage.

LinkFest

I'm way overdue for a LinkFest, I think.

A terrific post about homeschooling, socialization, and how even though our homeschooled kids actually do learn how to manage social situations (it's really true!), they'll never truly fit in. They'll always be different because of this different way they've been raised (and because the parents who raised them are different enough to go against the mainstream). And this difference--it's a GOOD THING. Here's a nice little quotation from the end of the post:

And just to throw another fly in the ointment, if you have dared to challenge government schooling or conventional private schooling, I suspect you aren’t normal or especially well-socialized either. Somehow you were impervious to social conditioning enough to think outside the box. You’re probably a little odd too. No offense, but most of the homeschool parents I know, are. I include myself among them. We’re either deliberate, accidental, or reluctant social misfits who imbue our children with a set of values and beliefs that resist the siren songs of government schooling, pop culture, and social engineering.

Yup.


Next, here's a story about an extremely persistent Census Bureau person trying to follow up with a couple about the American Community Survey. Because there still seems to be confusion about this, I'll take the time to say that the ACS is NOT the same thing as the decennial Census.

In case you weren't aware, there is no more "long form" decennial Census. They have done way with the long form because some genius at the CB decided to create the ACS instead, which is sent to randomly selected households all over the US all the time. Every month of every year.

I am not opposed to telling the government how many people live here every 10 years. I am vehemently opposed to their attempts to extract personal information about my life via the decennial Census form or the ACS. I especially hate that they tell me it's for my own good, and that I owe it to the other people in my community (for without MY information, they won't know where to put the next hospital!). I especially especially hate it that they threaten people with exorbitant fines for non-compliance.

Interestingly, the story I linked to above has a quote from someone at the CB who states flat out that they will not prosecute the people refusing to complete the ACS. As far as I know, the fine that could be imposed has been and will continue to be an empty threat to coerce more compliance with the ACS than there otherwise would be. (Just my opinion, not legal advice, yada yada yada)


The Florida Peanut Allergy Protest. Le sigh. In a nutshell (ba-dum-bum!), parents were upset over school rules to accommodate a kid with a bad peanut allergy. They had a big protest complete with misspelled signage and slogans. They made their campaign personal against the family of the child.

Here's the thing: they had some really, really wrong information about what the procedures were. I had actually wondered why this protest was happening in March--hasn't the girl been in school since the beginning of the school year? Why yes, yes she has. Haven't these procedures been in place since the beginning of the school year? Why  yes, yes they have.  In fact, they were in place ALL LAST YEAR, TOO. The infamous mouth-rinsing? The school changed that policy BEFORE the parents bought poster board and markers.

This is a terrible misunderstanding. I still maintain these parents behaved particularly badly. I have no problem if they want to complain or protest to the school officials. But to target this kid--this 6 year old first grade child--and her family is just mean. Complain all you want--to the people who put the policies in place (the school officials). I also recommend gathering some actual facts, too.

Incidentally, I do have a longer post planned about this topic, as sharing another article about this protest on FB inadvertently sparked a peanut controversy of my very own. I actually really don't mind that people complain about the policies--things are different from when we were kids and I think it's okay to be unhappy about it. However, I have a serious, serious problem when people send peanuts into a supposedly peanut-free zone because they think that their rights are being violated. More on that later, though.


To end this LinkFest in a less serious (not to mention wordy) way, I just LOVE the Knitting Tips by Judy. Her videos are extremely helpful and I have learned quite a bit. She explains and demonstrates the ideas very well (sometimes she goes a bit fast, but usually she's very slow and deliberate). I'm learning to knit on double-pointed needles now! Woohoo!

ATLOSCon Registration

Thanks to the tireless work of the Queen of ATLOSCon, the registration is open as of, well, about 10 minutes ago!

We have so many awesome things planned--interesting lectures and discussions on all kinds of topics (parenting, epistemology, CrossFit, economics, art) and fun social events like dinners, a party, a trip to the Stone Mountain laser show, and a pool party!

For information about ATLOSCon, including the schedule of events, class descriptions, speaker information, and conference t-shirt preview, check out our ATLOSCon website page.

I really really really REALLY hope to see you there! We're going to have ever so much fun. :o)

Overbooked

I don't know how I do this to myself. I looked at our schedule for the next three months and it's VERY FULL.

There's all the regular stuff--classes at homeschool co-op and homeschool soccer and CrossFit and ATLOS stuff. That keeps us pretty busy. But in addition to that stuff, we've got:

• Ryan's birthday this month, complete with Laser Tag birthday party (he's having the Darth Vader cake for the third time--a relief because DV is easier to make than the fox birthday cake Ryan requested last year)

• Brendan's 40th birthday next month, complete with a Big Surprise (he knows we're doing something but he doesn't know what it is--it's SO awesome!)

• Brendan's family coming to town for his birthday

• My brother's wedding in June (inconveniently located in Wisconsin, but that gives us a perfect excuse to hang out with Brendan's family and extended family for a couple of days to celebrate Sean's 3rd birthday)

• I have to buy clothing for all of this wedding business, too. Morgan and Ryan are the Flower Distribution Specialist and the Ring Security Consultant (their official titles, check the website!) and their clothing is mostly ordered and settled. But I will need something new to wear (yay!) and so will Mr. Sean. 

• Science Fair at homeschool co-op--it will be fun, and also, work for me.

• ATLOSCon! I've got to prepare for the speaking things I'm doing and am working on other less interesting (but necessary) aspects of the conference.

• We have to put Ryan's and Morgan's rooms (in stasis since the loft for Ryan's room arrived) back in some kind of order as we'll have houseguests both for Brendan's birthday and ATLOSCon.

• The Atlas Shrugged movie! The Movie Distribution Peopleguys decided to release it in Georgia, hooray! (more on that later)

• Easter, which we celebrate mostly only for the chance to watch all the kids hunt for Easter Eggs in the back yard (major cuteness factor)

• A secular Seder meal with friends (I've never been to a Seder and I'm very excited!)

• Brendan's playing (and singing I think?) a song for the 500 Songs for Kids concert in May.

• A 21st birthday for Miranda and another birthday party for another friend in April :)

• And then at the beginning of July, I'm going to OCON for the first session!

Those are the things that we are for sure doing. Here are things I'd like to squeeze in if we have the time:

• The Georgia Renaissance Festival

• The Messy Party (we'll have it, but it may be in July this year instead of April/May)

• The Marietta Greek Festival (because, YUM)

• Another 5K in May (the one I did this past weekend was actually lots of fun--maybe I don't hate running as much as I thought I did?)

• A knitting class on socks--yes, they have those!

I'm sure I'm leaving several Important Things out. Oh. Right. I might not have mentioned this before, but we are contemplating a move. So in addition to ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS we are scoping out possible houses (we're looking for something with huge tracts of a little more land) and beginning the OMG-we-really-are-moving decluttering process.

I really do love being busy (better than being boring!), but I think I'll be turning down other opportunities that come up in the next few months and am looking forward to a break. The kid activities will be winding down in May, so that will surely free up some time (and allow me to replenish our babysitting budget!).

And yay for me for recognizing that things are at a tipping point before I've booked too many more things and am feeling actual stress and panic! Look at me, I'm growing as a person here. :)