Time Travel Tuesday: Mythbusting Positive Discipline

I'm heading to Chicago this weekend to attend the Chicago Objectivist Society's MiniCon and talk just a bit about Positive Discipline! Specifically, I'll be focusing on the really awesomely effective problem-solving and communication techniques that I've learned through my study of PD, and how they can be used with all of our relationships, not just between parent and child.

It's my first solo gig, as Kelly won't be joining me in Chicago, so that should be an interesting experience. I was only half-joking about bringing a life-size cardboard cut-out of her to pretend to talk to. :P

Anyway, Positive Discipline is a set of parenting ideas and tools that facilitate good communication and mutual, respectful problem-solving. It is non-punitive and anti-reward-systems, which puts PD proponents like me at odds with those who promote more conventional parenting ideas (including the ones we were raised with).

PD is sometimes a source of misunderstanding between parents. When people hear that we do not punish our children and that we do not use reward systems (like gold stars or prizes) for good behavior, sometimes they are under the impression that anything goes at our house, that we live in crazy chaos (which is, admittedly, sometimes true, but not because of PD) where our children's whims determine what happens around here.

Nothing could be further from the truth. But this misconception is understandable because non-punitive/non-reward-system discipline is very different from what most of us experienced as children, and, I think too, because it is at odds with some underlying (perhaps unexamined) premises held about child development and behavior, the goal of parenting, cultural norms and expectations, etc. some of which I've tried to examine in other blog posts.

In this week's Time Travel Tuesday post, "Mythbusting Positive Discipline" (originally posted in January of this year), I tried to address some of the common misconceptions about what non-punitive discipline/PD entails, and I think I did a pretty good job. I'll share one misconception here, but check out the rest of the post.

The Pollyanna Myth: Positive Discipline means everyone is happy all the time!

I think this misunderstanding is rooted in the word "positive" (though now that I think about it, perhaps most of the misunderstandings are for the same reason). Indeed, Jane Nelsen, who coined the term, has said that this is something she hears a lot, too. 

The fact of the matter is--SPOILER ALERT for all you non-parents--sometimes the child will be less-than-thrilled at what you have to say or do. And those times are not all that fun for Mom and Dad either. Parenting is fun and challenging and very rewarding--but it's not all puppies and rainbows (no matter which discipline method you use).

There's another myth I'd like to address at some point which was not included in that post, the myth that kids who are not punished will grow up to be whim-worshipers. But I'll do that another time.

I'd love to answer more questions about the whys and wherefores of non-punitive discipline, either here on my blog, or on our podcast, so please ask! You can leave a comment here, or if you have a podcast question, leave it at our Google moderator page.

See you in Chicago, I hope!

Great News from The Undercurrent!

I am pleased to pass along this message from the publisher of The Undercurrent:

Dear Potential Supporter, 

In his lecture at this summer’s Objectivist conference, Yaron Brook, President of the Ayn Rand Institute, reflected on the first 50 years of the Objectivist movement. During that session, Dr. Brook stated that if we are to succeed in changing the culture, "we need more than an Institute: we need a movement." 

We at The Undercurrent wholeheartedly agree, and we think a key part of the Objectivist movement needs to be a student movement. For the upcoming academic year, we're planning a number of programs designed to spark an Objectivist student movement on college campuses. 

To make these programs possible, we're asking for your support. 

Foremost among our 2011-2012 programs is an event called "Capitalism Awareness Week." This week-long event will consist of a series of lectures and discussions at different college campuses across the country. Each lecture will be broadcast live via the Internet so students elsewhere may participate. 

This event follows in the footsteps of last Spring's virtual campus lecture, "Ideas Matter: Ayn Rand's Message to Today's World", which was broadcast to 20 other campuses live and attained a student audience of just over 600. (If you haven't seen it, that lecture is available to view here: http://bit.ly/aynrandideas.) 

For this and other programs, we're seeking to raise $40,000 for the upcoming academic year. I hope you can help us as we fight to change the culture. 

For a limited time, your contribution can be multiplied! Diana and Paul Hsieh have graciously offered to match donations up to a $1,000 limit and perhaps beyond that. 

However, you must donate by August 31st to take advantage of this matching grant! 

For more information on our plans for the year, I invite you to browse through our donor package. And if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. 

Best Regards, 

Jared Seehafer 

Publisher 

The Undercurrent 

jared@the-undercurrent.com


To make a one-time donation:



To make a recurring donation, visit our donation page and follow the instructions for “Recurring Monthly Payments”.

I am looking forward to Capitalism Awareness Week myself. Only a couple of days left to get your donation in! Do it today!

Insanely Great

Our tribute to Steve Jobs (and Steve Wozniak and the others who made Apple possible) is displayed wherever we go, on the back window of our minivan:

This is a terrific article at the Wall Street Journal, "Steve Jobs's Best Quotes." One of my favorites was this one (my emphasis):

“We think the Mac will sell zillions, but we didn’t build the Mac for anybody else. We built it for ourselves. We were the group of people who were going to judge whether it was great or not. We weren’t going to go out and do market research. We just wanted to build the best thing we could build.

Compare what he said to this quotation from Ayn Rand:

No creator was prompted by a desire to serve his brothers, for his brothers rejected the gift he offered and that gift destroyed the slothful routine of their lives. His truth was his only motive. His own truth, and his own work to achieve it in his own way. A symphony, a book, an engine, a philosophy, an airplane or a building—that was his goal and his life. Not those who heard, read, operated, believed, flew or inhabited the thing he had created. The creation, not its users. The creation, not the benefits others derived from it. The creation which gave form to his truth. He held his truth above all things and against all men. 

His vision, his strength, his courage came from his own spirit. A man’s spirit, however, is his self. That entity which is his consciousness. To think, to feel, to judge, to act are functions of the ego. 

The creators were not selfless. It is the whole secret of their power—that it was self-sufficient, self-motivated, self-generated. A first cause, a fount of energy, a life force, a Prime Mover. The creator served nothing and no one. He lived for himself. 

And only by living for himself was he able to achieve the things which are the glory of mankind. Such is the nature of achievement.

--Ayn Rand, "The Soul of the Individualist," For the New Intellectual, page 77 (via the online Ayn Rand Lexicon) 

Some more favorite quotations from the WSJ article:

“That’s been one of my mantras — focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” 

“I’m an optimist in the sense that I believe humans are noble and honorable, and some of them are really smart. I have a very optimistic view of individuals. As individuals, people are inherently good. I have a somewhat more pessimistic view of people in groups. And I remain extremely concerned when I see what’s happening in our country, which is in many ways the luckiest place in the world. We don’t seem to be excited about making our country a better place for our kids.”

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." 

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle."

I composed this post on my iPad 2 and on my Mac Mini. We have no fewer than 15 Apple devices in current usage in our home. We have always been big Apple fans, and Steve Jobs is one of my heroes, a true producer and creator.

Thank you, Steve Jobs, for selfishly pursuing your insanely great dreams.

Podcast #19: Let's Talk about Sex

Okay, so we skipped putting out a podcast last week, so we're making up for it by posting a REALLY INTERESTING podcast this time. :D


Situation of the Week (Jenn): Teaching kids what to do instead of just fussing at them for making mistakes. Amazing how helpful that is.

Links: On Minilectures at Rational Jenn


Topic: Talking to your kids about sex. Yes, there is some explicit discussion here, so be aware of your surroundings when listening! (begins 6:02)

Links: It's Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (The Family Library) and It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) (that's the book we couldn't remember the name of)


Q & A: What is the best way to deal with rude behavior that is not physically aggressive such as name-calling or sticking your tongue out, particularly in very young children? (begins 31:17)

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Please send us comments and feedback and give us more questions to answer in future podcasts! And thanks for listening!

The One About the Lemonade Stand

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated the blog! Too many interesting things going on in real life these days.

One of the interesting things was Lemonade Freedom Day, which was Saturday. My kids had their first lemonade stand ever and they had tons of fun. Their friend Livy (Kelly's daughter) was here for the whole thing from start to finish.

On Friday, we made a list of supplies we'd need: lemonade mix (we went with Country Time), ice, water, cups, napkins and cookies. Then I took all four kids to the grocery store to buy the supplies. I bought a pitcher at the last minute, which I donated to the cause.

They spent a long time deliberating over their purchases: do we buy cheap foam cups or slightly more expensive plastic cups? (They opted for cheap.) How many cups and napkins do we need? How many boxes of cookies (our most costly supply) were ideal?

When we got home, I wrote out the cost information so they'd know how much they needed to pay me back out of their revenue.

I was willing to donate some of the supplies if business was really terrible because part of the reason we were doing this in the first place was due to MY desire to be part of the Lemonade Freedom Day protest, so it seems only fair that I'd be willing to eat (so to speak) some of the costs. But I also wanted some of my money back, too. So they learned that you need some start-up capital to get a business going, and that you also need to pay that capital back to your backer. :D No, I did not charge interest on the loan, which is good because Ryan was pretty disappointed to learn that this seed money was just a loan.

Next they needed to set the prices. I made only one suggestion during this process and that had to do with the cookies, which were our most expensive supply as I said. I helped them realize that their original price was probably set too low if they wanted to recover their costs/make a profit. Then they agreed on a name for their business: "Casey and Friends Lemonade Stand."

Morgan, Livy, and Sean were on the marketing/graphic design team and created a sign:

Ryan didn't want to work on the sign, and volunteered to handle all the money. Nobody is surprised by this, I'm sure. While the others worked on signage, he counted out quarters to bring to make change for customers.

The final thing they did to prepare for the business was to make a practice pitcher or two of lemonade. Best to know the recipe before you have thirsty customers! It's a good thing they practiced, too, because we learned about the importance of A.) not throwing the lemonade label in the trash, and B.) reading the instructions helpfully provided on the label. Yippee Mistakes!

Saturday morning was a beautiful summer morning. Hot. Just the right kind of day for lemonade-standing, we thought. I went off to CrossFit, so Brendan helped them get their table out into the yard and get everything set up. The jugs of water had been in the cooler all night and were nice and cold. They mixed up some lemonade, opened up some cookies, put out their shingle and were open for business!

When I returned from CrossFit, they hadn't had very many customers, but they were enjoying the business and seemed to enjoy their own wares, too. They agreed that any of the principals of the company would need to purchase lemonade and cookies just like any customer, which is a good practice, I think. So they kept running back inside and showing up with money to buy themselves more lemonade and cookies. I bought a cookie and lemonade and they were super-delicious!

More customers came, including a family I've known online for many years, but we've never met in person. They have two kids with food allergies and as we were serving safe cookies, they made an effort to come to the lemonade stand. All of the kids played and ate cookies and got to know each other and I had a great time chatting with my online-now-real-life-friend! :D :D :D The kids had a couple more neighborhood customers, then our friends Martin and Melissa, who do not live at all close to us, dropped by.

I loved how the kids handled EVERYTHING. They mixed up lemonade and handed out cookies on napkins and managed the money. There were long stretches of time when Brendan and I were inside with Sean (who did NOT like working the lemonade stand on such a hot day) or just chatting with friends and neighbors. In fact, I did absolutely nothing to help them on Saturday and the only thing Brendan did was help them move the table.

After it was over, they counted their money and ended up with a profit of a little over $15 which they split three ways. Sean didn't get a cut, because he didn't really help except for the sign. Also, he's three and doesn't care about money yet anyway. And I got my seed money back. :D (Venture Capitalist WIN!) Now, because the kids were raiding their piggy banks and wallets, I suspect there might have been some losses on the individual level, but the company made money, and that's all the accounting I was concerned with. (Probably if we were audited, some irregularities might be found.)

As for the freedom? The operated their lemonade stand without any problems. Apparently, while I was gone, one of the HOA board members came by and invited the kids to set up their business during a neighborhood event next weekend! So they booked another gig, how cool is that? :D

I'd explained to my older kids about Lemonade Freedom Day and what had happened down in South Georgia and how the reason I wanted to participate in this was to exercise our right to engage in free enterprise. Ryan was concerned about what might happen if the cops showed up. Once I reassured him that he would not be expected to pay any fines should it come to that, he was ready to participate!

I sincerely doubted any cops would show up and I'm very glad they didn't. (I still have no idea if the lemonade stand was legal or not, and I really don't care.) It's been suggested that it's not a real protest if the stand was legal, or if the cops didn't show up. I don't much agree with that. Even if legal or not shut down by the cops, it's standing up for an idea--albeit in a small tiny way--and that's the important part. It takes more courage to stand up for an idea when you know for a fact it's illegal, sure. But standing up for ideas at any time is still valuable, important, and necessary. So no, I'm not at all disappointed there wasn't a run-in with the cops.

The kids had an absolute blast planning, preparing, and running their business. I think they got a lot out of it (besides cookies and lemonade, I mean). I had lots of fun, too, because it's always fun when I get to explain Revenue - Cost = Profit. :D And it's always fun when I get to talk about Freedom.

Time Travel Tuesday: Tattling Tennis

Alliteration FTW!

What is Tattling Tennis?

Here is the basic way I handle tattling, when a child tries to involve me in a problem she ought to handle on her own--I think of it as a tennis match. Let's take an example, and I'll show you. 

Morgan: "MOM!!!! Ryan just threatened to cover me in snot balls!!!!!!" (the serve) 

Me: "Well, what did you say to Ryan about that?" (the return) 

Morgan: "Well I said 'I don't LIKE that, Ryan!' but he won't stop!" ('He won't stop' is a return to me, a request for me to do something rather than her. Fortunately this is an easy lob to hit as we're all in the car and I'm a direct witness to the events.) 

Me: "It doesn't sound to me like he is continuing with the threats. Sounds like you handled it." (right back at her) 

Morgan: "But MOM!" (her ball goes wild) 

Me: "It sounds like you're still mad and that's okay. But you told Ryan how you felt and he stopped, so you handled this problem all by yourself." (Game, set, match!)

Basic premise: keep the ball (their problem with someone else) in their court. Consider this kind of tattling as an opportunity to hone problem-solving skills. Otherwise they'll learn to look for you to solve their problems, and I don't know about you, but I'm already busy enough solving my own problems.

I am playing Tattling Tennis a bit with Sean lately, and it occurred to me that I do it a bit differently with him, because he is three and still learning the problem-solving game. Today, he tattled on Ryan in the car:

S: "MOM! Ryan said that blahblahmumbleuntelligible is PLOPPY!"

FYI: ploppy is considered a deadly insult at our house for reasons still unknown to me.

Now if something like this had come from Morgan, I'd have asked her what I did in the scenario above: "What did you say to Ryan about that?"

But Sean doesn't know the rules yet, so I said: "Did you tell Ryan that you don't like it when he calls things ploppy?"

And Sean said: "Ryan I don't LIKE it when you call things ploppy." He'd have been hard-pressed to come up with those words in the heat of the moment, so by offering specific words to him as well as redirecting him back to the person he had a problem with, I gave him two kinds of help at the same time.

And Ryan said: "Okay!" and prepared to go on his merry. I intervened here and said to him "Could you tell Sean that you are not going to call his things ploppy anymore?" Which he did.

I needed Sean to hear Ryan say that so that he felt understood, and I needed Ryan to say it so that we all knew that he understood what was expected. Because he's the kind of kid who might later claim he didn't understand all of the implications of what Sean was asking. (Definitely a "letter of the law" kind of guy, that one.)

Sean must be getting the hang of things though, because he seemed to understand that he was to repeat after me when I gave him those original words to say. And soon, all I'll have to do is say to him "What did you say to Ryan about that?" Woohoo!

Morgan's Things I Want to Do and Learn List

Yesterday, Morgan and I revisited her Things I Want to Know list from last year and created a new one, called the Things I Want to Do and Learn list.

My reasons for doing this are the same as they were last year: because I think the kids need to have a huge voice in what they are learning, and it gives them good experience in goal-setting and introspection. Also, this process helps me learn about their interests and goals, which helps me to know what resources and experiences I can provide, as well as suggestions I can make. I view the homeschooling mommy job as primarily providing resources and guidance (similar to management roles I've held), and knowing what they're thinking about helps me do my job.

So Morgan, all on her own, wanted to revisit last year's list and check off the things she accomplished. Here was her list from last year, with completed items marked through and my notes in italics:

• Learn German, French, Russian, and Greek we really didn't do much on this at all

• Chess Class (at co-op)

• ASL Class (at co-op)

• Read more Little House on the Prairie books (as read alouds)  but we didn't get through all of them

• More read alouds: Harry Potter and Narnia books we got through a book or two from each series

• Library Trips not as many as she'd have liked, mostly because I feel like we have a zillion books here we ought to look at occasionally

• Writing practice, specifically focusing on holding the pen/pencil properly (she still tends to grip it with her fist) a zillion times better!

• DreamBox Math though this is one of the things she doesn't find fun any more now that she's growing up, sigh 

• Play with math blocks (Cuisenaire rods)

• Dog Art Class (her term)

• Drawing Class (at co-op)

• Piano

• Arts and Crafts projects

• Dog training (we don't have a dog, but we thought we'd read some books maybe) we did read a couple of books, but we decided not to mark this off

• Go to the zoo and the park

• Go hiking on mountains

• Independent Reading: Junie B. Jones books, Nate the Great books, Ramona books she did some independent reading, but none of these books!

• Cooking

• Science Fair (at co-op)

So really, she accomplished quite a lot! She was so proud and excited to mark these off her list. She's list-y like me. :D

So we created her list for this year and it goes like this:

• Learn multiplication

• Study languages: French, German, Russian, Greek, and Spanish

• Read more Little House on the Prairie, Harry Potter, and Narnia books

• Read more of the Childhood of Famous Americans books

• Library Trips (home and the actual library)

• Piano and violin and saxophone

• Gymnastics

• Chess (at co-op)

• ASL (at co-op)

• Science Fair (at co-op)

• Travel, specifically to Nonnie's to give her aunt's dog a bone (this old man came rolling home?)

• Hiking

• Pan for gold in Dahlonega

• Learn drawing

• Learn to knit

• Learn about evolution

• Watch science and history shows (documentaries)

• Watch Star Trek and Rocky & Bullwinkle (this child is clearly related to my dad)

• Play baseball (we have homeschool baseball in the spring)

• Play the Wii (!!!)

• Join a Brownie Troop (though upon investigating, I learned she is old enough for a Daisy troop instead of Brownies)

Quite a decent list! Keep in mind that none of these were MY suggestions (not even multiplication!). I limited my involvement to writing the list and reminding her of some of the ideas we've been talking about recently (such as which classes she is taking at co-op). And in true brainstorm fashion, I put everything on the list, even playing the Wii and Rocky & Bullwinkle. :D

There are three things on this list that I've committed to doing something about right away. First is gymnastics. This afternoon, she is going to attend a free trial of a gymnastics class and if she likes it, I'll sign her up for regular classes.

The other two things are languages and music. All indications from this child are that she is a little sponge and picks up both languages and music very readily. I'm going to let her try some Rosetta Stone programs at Kelly's house soon, and if Morgan likes them, we'll choose a language to order. I'm pretty certain she'll do just fine with a program like that.

The other thing I'm going to do is find her a place to take violin. She's way too small for saxophone (and where did she come up with that, I wonder!), but violin is something she's talked about pretty consistently and I've just dropped the ball on that. No more. And we are making a regular date on the calendar for piano lessons (which I can give to her at home for free).

And of course, she's signed up for co-op classes and has been practicing multiplication for the last few weeks, mostly independently, but with a little help from me.

So that's her list! I thought the variety and volume was pretty impressive coming from a six year old kid. The list is hanging prominently in the music room of our house, for us to refer to as the weeks and months go by, just like we did with last year's list. Ryan and I are planning to work on his list very soon, and hopefully he'll let me post the results here.

Objectivist Round Up #213

Welcome to the August 11, 2011 edition of the Objectivist Round Up! We've got a great group of Objectivist bloggers who contribute to this weekly blog carnival. We write about all kinds of topics (check out this week's first post!), which makes for an interesting selection, I think.

Things have been stressful for the last week, and I must confess to letting things get me down a bit. But I've rallied (unlike the markets, sadly). Because I can't not fight. I can't not live my life and make the best of it I possibly can. I can't not try to be happy. There is something inside me that will not surrender easily. I guess I've got a touch of the Benevolent Universe Premise (emphasis added):

There is a fundamental conviction which some people never acquire, some hold only in their youth, and a few hold to the end of their days—the conviction that ideas matter . . . . That ideas matter means that knowledge matters, that truth matters, that one’s mind matters . . . . 

Its consequence is the inability to believe in the power or the triumph of evil. No matter what corruption one observes in one’s immediate background, one is unable to accept it as normal, permanent or metaphysically right. One feels: “This injustice (or terror or falsehood or frustration or pain or agony) is the exception in life, not the rule.” One feels certain that somewhere on earth—even if not anywhere in one’s surroundings or within one’s reach—a proper, human way of life is possible to human beings, and justice matters.

Ayn Rand, “The Inexplicable Personal Alchemy,” Return of the Primitive: The Anti-Industrial Revolution, 122.

Yes, I truly believe this. That a proper, human way of life is possible, and as long as I believe that, I have to try to make it happen. Who's with me?


And now, on to the Round Up! Read. Think. Enjoy. (And tell your friends!)


Kate Yoak presents Domestic nudity posted at Parenting is..., saying, "Nudity is such a controversial issue. Is it ok? In the streets? At home? Between siblings? The simple answer is: mind your own business, be considerate and do what feels natural."



Benjamin Skipper presents Chocolate Review: Vosges' 62% Bacon posted at Musing Aloud, saying, "Yes, it's not intellectual writing, but I wanted to post it since it's my first review with homemade photography, which means another new years' resolution has been completed and my reviews are taken to the next level. I'm proud of where I'm going in my self-improvement."



Tony White presents Post 3: Repaying a Teacher: Peikoff’s Horizontal Additions to the Objectivist World View posted at Peripatetic Thoughts, saying, "A discussion of what I consider to be the four major new ideas, concepts, or perspectives that Leonard Peikoff added to Ayn Rand's world view."



C.W. presents Debt, Ceiling, and The Issue posted at Krazy Economy, saying, "My thoughts on the recent events on the debt, etc. Why all the fuss? What is the consequence of the downgrade. What good is this to us?"



C. August presents Christina Romer: Old Dog, Old Tricks posted at Titanic Deck Chairs, saying, "Christina Romer talks to Bill Maher about some regrets she has about her time in the administration. Think she's finally figured out Keynes wasn't all he's cracked up to be?"



David Masten presents What is the Essence of Being? posted at Blazing Truth, saying, "...exploring the experience of "spiritual feelings", and emotional convictions associated with mysticism. A brief analysis of Heidegger's Phenomenology, Pirsig's Metaphysics of Quality, and Wilber's Integral Theory."



Benjamin Skipper presents Don't Be So Depressing posted at Musing Aloud, saying, "Times are bad, but I view the worst thing to be how people are *unconstructively* negative about it. Resolve is important to keeping up the will to fight, and I view this kind of talk as very harmful.

Life is worth living and fighting for. Let's remember that, always."



Julia Campbell presents carnitas posted at the crankin' kitchen!, saying, "Crispy and moist chunks of pork. Drool."



John Drake presents Education bubble? I don't think so. posted at Try Reason!, saying, "Lately, a number of people have been claiming we are in an education bubble. While there is certainly a large expansion in college costs, this may not be indicative of a bubble. In this post, I explain why I think so."



Miranda Barzey presents Awesome Sauce Magazine posted at Building Atlantis, saying, "I'm starting a new project to help promote a youth culture in Objectivism and attract more young adults interested in rational ideas. Please check it out and spread the word. It's going to be amazing!"



Toby Selwyn presents The Beauty of Trade posted at One for One, saying, "Why "no man is an island" is not an argument against Objectivism."



Kelly Elmore presents When Effective Communication Fails posted at Reepicheep's Coracle, saying, "This post answers the question: What do I do when I try to use effective communication but the person I'm communicating with won't or can't? It's the first in a series of three posts that deal with the tool "Decide What You Will Do," which focuses on controlling yourself and knowing that you can't control others."



Benjamin Skipper presents My Next Major Endeavor: The Galt's Gulch Project posted at Musing Aloud, saying, "I've been thinking about what I'm going to do to survive a worsening economy, and I've not only come up with a practical solution, I've come up with an endeavor that's relevant and productive towards my ultimate happiness, dreams, and purpose in life. I may live in poverty, but if successful I'll be wealthy in spirit.

I call it the Galt's Gulch project because I noticed there are a lot of parallels between this endeavor and the valley of producers seen in Atlas Shrugged, despite my not intending for it or even thinking about it, so I cannot see any more fitting name than this.

It's going to be a small-scale and very private pursuit, but hey: Hardworking and hungry shruggers welcome."



Diana Hsieh presents NoodleCast #90: Live Rationally Selfish Webcast posted at NoodleFood, saying, "In Sunday's Rationally Selfish Webcast, I answered questions on introspection, JK Rowling's welfare payments, ignoring current news and politics, meeting estranged former friends, and more. Go listen... and join us on Sunday morning for another episode!"



Paul Hsieh presents Don’t Shoot the Downgrade Messenger posted at We Stand FIRM, saying, "My latest PajamasMedia OpEd discusses the disturbing trend by the White House and its allies in Congress to "blame the messenger" for any politically awkward news."



Santiago and Kelly Valenzuela presents Farmers Rally to Fight Republican Immigration Bill posted at Mother of Exiles, saying, "Farmers rally together to fight a Republican immigration bill that is certain to push food costs even higher, if not leave produce rotting on the ground. And jobless native-born Americans don't want the job."



Santiago and Kelly Valenzuela presents Tanton-esque Cronies Come Out of the Woodwork posted at Mother of Exiles, saying, "Donald Arthur “D.A.” King is an activist and hateful racist making big moves in Georgia. Help us fight him!"



Jenn Casey and Kelly Elmore present Podcast #18: Living an Adult-Centered vs a Child-Centered Life at Cultivating the Virtues, saying "This is our latest podcast episode! Give it a listen, and please send us comments and questions!"



Gene Palmisano presents Misnomer of the Day posted at The Metaphysical Lunch, saying, "More insanity from the left. Visit me at The Anecdotal Objectivist"



Rob Abiera presents For the Tea Party posted at The Morality War, saying, "My statement regarding assertions that coverage of the Tea Party should be censored."



Jenn Casey presents Time Travel Tuesday: This will be Funny One Day, Right? RIGHT?!?!?!? at Rational Jenn, saying "Sometimes, it's laugh or cry, and it's much easier to laugh when I've handled a parenting situation according to my principles."



David C Lewis, RFA presents Money Market Accounts vs. Certificates of Deposit | Twin Tier Financial posted at A Revolution In Financial Planning, saying, "What's the difference between a bank CD and a money market account? I answer a question from cyberspace."



Atul Kapur presents Why I like Daphnis and Chloe posted at Wit Lab, saying, "Why Daphnis and Chloe by Louis Hersent is one of my favorite paintings: this was the topic of my recent guest-post at One Objectivist's Art Object of the Day."




That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up  using our carnival submission form. Parenting Is. . . will be next week's host.


Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Time Travel Tuesday: This will be Funny One Day, Right? RIGHT?!??!

Today I'm going to share one of my favorite parenting WINS, for no other reason than I happened to remember this incident earlier today.

Hmmm. . . it only occurs to me just now that the biggest wins must necessarily be borne out of complete and utter disaster. Good thing to keep in mind.

So one of the things we did while Brendan's family was in town was paint Morgan's room pink! She's been making do with the old green walls of the nursery, and the zoo animal wallpaper border, and a mish-mash of furniture new and old. (Sean's room will be our current guest room, so he's not in the old nursery.) 

Tuesday was wet and rainy, our family brought old clothes and so we got a nice shade of pink paint from Home Depot and went to work! It's very pretty and I plan to touch up tonight. 

So anyway, the kids were upstairs and quiet this afternoon--too quiet. I called up, "Whatcha doing?" Both of them, "Nothing!" 

Suspicious, I headed upstairs with the baby. Ryan, obviously anticipating the next scene, tells me, "Morgan's painting her carpet." and skedaddled. 

W. T. F.

Read the whole sordid tale here.

This was a major win for me because I did NOT scream at them, though how I longed to. I managed to get my feelings (shock and horror) across in an appropriate way. Here's the thing: they still got the message even though I didn't shout! Imagine that!

Another aspect of the win was giving Ryan another chance to tell the truth. I may have used a bit of the Mommy Jedi Mind Trick, too. Have you used that? It's just "I don't think you're telling me the truth." and then sit back and quietly look at them for a very. long. time. I've got about an 85% success rate on that with Ryan. With M, it only works about half the time (she is a very good and remorseless liar). Haven't tried it on Sean just yet.

So hooray for parenting wins and finding the funny! And yes, it's funnier today than it was a couple of years ago. But I'm still never letting them around opened cans of latex paint ever ever again. :D

Podcast #18: Living an "Adult-Centered" vs a "Child-Centered" Life

Look at that! Three weeks, three podcasts, woohoo!

Situation of the Week (Jenn): "If I scream, he wins." (It'll make sense when you listen!)


Topic: Living an "Adult-Centered" vs a "Child-Centered" Life (begins 8:48)

Link: "Child Friendly without being Child Centered" at Reepicheep's Coracle (Kelly's blog)


Q & A: How do you handle a parenting mistake when you realize you were unfair, but your child communicated his displeasure in an unacceptable manner (such as hitting or yelling)? (begins 27:38)

Link: "Parenting Toolbox: 3 Rs of Recovery" at Reepicheep's Coracle

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Found On Morgan's Video Camera

I think Morgan was a little envious of the THRILLING SUCCESS of Ryan's interview with Sean, which I believe may become a regular feature he's entitled Sean Talk.

So, naturally, she made her own interview and was ever so happy when I told her I'd post it to my blog! She calls this Sean Talk: The Next Generation (and I am not making that up).






Yes, Sean is a kitty throughout most of the interview. I don't know why.

My favorite part is the astronaut interlude. And the big Pouty Lip at the end (one of Sean's trademarks). I'm so glad we have a nice video of that Pouty Lip, aren't you?

Thanks, Morgan for this interview!

Found On My Video Camera

So I knew that Ryan borrowed my Flip Cam yesterday (why he was using mine and not his, still not clear on that). And this morning I found this video:





Had no idea that was on there! (It's really shaky at first, but he chills out a bit after the first 10 seconds or so.)

You can tell that Sean is slightly obsessed with space and Mars and Neptune. And the best part is his answer to the question about how many people can fly on his space shuttle. The second best part is the sing-songy voice Ryan used to interview Sean.

Oh how I love it when they are getting along with each other!

Time Travel Tuesday: Discipline without Punishment

This week's Time Travel Tuesday post is an oldie, but a longie: Discipline without Punishment. It's one of the posts where I tried to lay out a case for non-punitive discipline which is based on my principles as an Objectivist. There are lots of examples, and includes the Ambassador Analogy (which is not something I made up). I get the most hits on this post from Google searches. By far.

The reason I wrote this post--and the other parenting posts I've done--and the reason I do the podcasts with Kelly and teach classes, too--is because I aim to challenge the premise that children must have something unpleasant done to them when they misbehave in order to help them "get" the lesson that they've done wrong.

From the original post:

I should define what I mean when I say "punishment." I'm talking about an arbitrary, adult-imposed sanction upon a child for a specific transgression. If you run out into the street, I'll smack your bottom. If you scream at me, I'll make you sit in the Time Out Chair. If you throw a toy, I'll smack your hand. If you hit me, I'll hit you. If you break something precious of mine, I'll send you to your room. If you speak rudely to me, I'll withhold love, affection, or television privileges. If you lie to me, I'll ground you. In other words, punishment is something negative I'll do TO you in order to let you know you did something wrong (or something I don't like).

Punishment is a "something else" done to the child when he misbehaves. Specifically, it's a negative "something else." (Reward systems, which I consider the flip-side of punishment, are positive "something elses." But that's another post.)

I think most of us assume that of course you must punish! How else will the kid understand? I wrote a bit about my own struggles with this notion in the original post. This wasn't immediately obvious to me when I was first reading about Positive Discipline. I could not understand it. Accepting this premise required a paradigm shift for me, and it was not immediately apparent that I should, you know, shift that paradigm.

If you do think punishment is necessary, then I challenge you to examine that premise. (And if you'd care to challenge ME in the comments, then by all means, please do! I definitely love discussing this issue, even with people who disagree with me. As long as we can all behave.)

Why is imposing a punishment on a child necessary when he has done wrong? Is it to make him feel remorse? Is it to make him learn a lesson? Is it because he's not actually rational yet and must be treated the way we treat the smarter of the dumb animals? Is it strictly a behaviorism negative reinforcement thing? Are you worried he won't learn how to behave unless he is punished? Why? What might happen if he must accept the consequences of his actions, but without the (negative) "something else?"

Another question I am asked is--well, if you don't punish, then what do you DO? They'll get away with murder! It'll be chaos! Nobody will respect the adult! [Answer: Positive Discipline!] This question exposes another underlying assumption--that not punishing means not setting any limits; that not punishing means protecting children from unpleasant consequences of their own making.

We do not punish, but limits are set around here. They are enforced. But that is where I stop. I do not add another layer of punishment on to what happens.

If you lie, you lose my trust. I will have a hard time believing anything you say for along while. You will experience what it feels like to have people doubt your word when you ARE telling the truth. But you are not hit, or sent to your room.

If you make a huge mess, you clean it up. But you do not sit in Time Out for 10 minutes to "think" about what you did.

If you smack somebody upside the head, you experience all kinds of consequences like losing the person's trust, getting to watch them cry about what you did to them, knowing Mom is upset with you, having to stay away from the person you hit so that their body will be protected, maybe having Mom's help in holding your arms down until you are back in control of your own body, needing to make amends and try to right your wrong. But you are not hit by me (the most ironic reason to spank ANYONE ever) in order to learn not to hit. You are not required to sit in your room for a Mom-determined amount of time. You do not lose your allowance for the week.

The original post long, but if you are interested in why we don't use punishment (EVER! Not even with very small toddler people!), I think this post is worth a read. I'll quote my conclusion here:

The best thing about positive discipline techniques is that they are very compatible with my principles. When I am guiding my children through a situation, I am focused on reality; I'm thinking about ideas that are important to me; I'm treating my children as individuals; I'm making sure they treat me and others as individuals with rights; I'm protecting them from catastrophic harm; I'm staying out of the way of them experiencing the consequences of their actions; I'm ensuring that they are thinking about things for themselves instead of accepting an argument from authority (me). 

PD tools reinforce the virtues which I try to exercise on a daily basis for my own happiness. When I slip back into JJ&E [Judge, Jury, & Executioner] mode (and I do), I'm not a happy mommy. I don't like thinking up punishments and enforcing them; I'd rather enforce the rational rule. I don't like implicitly asking my kids to do something merely because I want them to do it; I like them understanding that it's important to do something because it's right to do it (even if they don't like it in the moment). 

In the words of Aristotle: we are what we repeatedly do; excellence is not an act, but a habit. With rational, reality-based limits, kids will get experience making good and bad choices, and lots of practice in how to navigate the local customs. I think they'll enter adulthood with experience and skills in their own toolboxes to help them be happy, productive adults.

Read the whole post here. I'd love your comments!

CtV Podcast #17: Brainstorming a Parenting Problem

Yay! Another episode! Please forgive the buzzing in the background; we're trying to figure it out.

• Situation of the Week: Handling problems among children when some of the children are ignoring another

• Topic: Brainstorming Parenting Problems--Kelly and Jenn discuss a problem that Kelly is having and come up with some solutions together (begins 6:01)

• Q & A: What should you do when other people try to force their kids to share or give stuff to your kids? (begins 21:11)

We hope you enjoy this episode!

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