On Knitting, CrossFitting, and How I'm Growing as a Person Here

So, you may or may not be aware that I have taken up two new obsessions hobbies over the last year. I started CrossFit in September 2010 and started knitting in November 2010. I love them both, and I'm here to tell you why.

Now these two obsessions hobbies might seem like completely opposite types of activities. You've got CrossFit, which is super-intense-lifting-running-jumping-struggling-to-breathe-active-sweating-badassedness. And I love CrossFit for precisely all of those fun aspects.

Then you've got knitting, which is sitting-somewhat-calmly-hardly-ever-breaking-a-sweat-and-you-can-watch-tv-and-have-a-conversation-and-drink-coffee-while-you're-doing-it. And I love knitting for precisely all of those fun aspects.

However, and perhaps you've never noticed this before, knitting and CrossFit have much in common, and I think it's their commonalities that appeal to me and why they are my two new favorite obsessions hobbies.


There's counting. And patterns.

Yes, I realize this will not appeal to those of different personality types (though that doesn't mean you have to be just like me to enjoy either one!).

But I like the counting and the patterns. A row of knitting is not unlike a round of CrossFit. Let's take an example. In knitting you might knit 2/purl 2 seven times to finish a row. In CrossFit, you might, to use an example from just the other night, do 3 power snatches and then row 250 meters seven times.

See? It's a nice little pattern you follow and when you've reached the end of the row or finished all 7 rounds, you're done!


Goals: Both big and small.

I'm a goal-oriented kind of person. There is almost nothing more satisfying to me than checking a Something off of a list.

Both knitting and CrossFit let me check off big and little Somethings all the time. Even if it's only the smallest goal--a purl or a k2togtbl, or a single box jump or a quick 200m run--I'm checking checking checking my accomplishments off my mental list throughout the process.

And as each unit get mentally checked off, I get closer to the next bigger goal--for knitting, that's a row, and in CrossFit, that's a single set of reps, like 5 pull ups in "Cindy." And for each of those mentally checked off, I get closer to an even bigger goal--the completion of a group of knitted rows that make a larger pattern, or the completion of an CrossFit round.

Finally, I complete the knitted piece or the WOD. All of those discrete unit-sized goals--each knit, each purl, each lift, each wall ball--have all added up to this bigger, more comprehensive accomplishment!


For these two obsessions hobbies, there are tangible results (no, I'm not inviting you to touch me, you'll just have to admire my muscles from afar). Over time, I have a created nice collection of knitted things, and a stronger, healthier body. I'm way stronger and in better shape than I was this time last year, and I have ever so-many knitted things in use by people in my house. And I know that by this time next year, I'll have more of the same, and on into the future. I will always have more to accomplish, more to do (and once I get a bit quicker at knitting, more handmade gifts for friends!).


SATISFYING SIGH OF SATISFACTION



Developing patience, persistence, and killing the Perfectionism Monster.

I was really bad at both obsessions hobbies at first. Well, maybe not horrible, but let's just say I've made great improvements in the last year in both arenas. In fact, I was nervous about taking up both pursuits because I generally hate doing things I'm not terribly good at, and have historically lacked the patience and persistence to stick with such things until I can improve.

Oh yeah, and I have had this ugly Perfectionism Monster lurking in my head for my entire life, which whispers things to me like "There's no way you can do this well. You're not good enough. Why even try?" Helpful, huh?

But, and this is where I've grown and continue to grow as a person here, I am not so scared as I used to be of trying new things that I might suck at. Maybe this is part of the reason it took me until my FABULOUS FANTASTIC FUN 40s to even consider pursuing obsessions hobbies so difficult (to me) as CrossFit and knitting. I'm finally at a point in my development where I can say "Oh well, if it doesn't work out, at least I tried." before finding something else to do.

Of the two obsessions hobbies, knitting was the one I was scared of doing the most. It surprised me to realize this! I think part of the reason has to do with the fact that doing a craft like knitting is more optional than getting fitter and healthier and more badassier. I definitely wanted to pursue some kind of exercise regimen--that was non-optional itself. Even if CrossFit turned out to be not my thing, I'd have chosen something else.

But knitting. . . oh, well, I think a person can do just fine without crafting. In fact, I avoided any sort of crafty thing for years and was just fine and happy and it didn't have an ill-effect on my health.

So why would I be more scared of the optional value? I think that's Mr. Perfectionism Monster whispering "If you quit it, you'll be a failure." But, as you know, nothing horrible will befall a person for giving up knitting if they hate it.

The other reason I was more scared of knitting is because I knew I was setting myself up for frustration. Sure, CrossFit (as well as just generally trying to improve one's health) can be frustrating at times--you can't quite get the form correct on a lift, or those pounds aren't coming off as fast as you'd like.

But nothing NOTHING frustrates me quite like having to undo teeny tiny obscure mistakes because once you fix one, another inevitably turns up. It makes me feel like Sisyphus. This is why I'm not a computer person--the idea of having to hunt through tons of code to fix one semi-colon sounds like hell on Earth. Unraveling rows of knitting to correct a mistake is not just inconvenient, it actually physically hurts. No. Actually.

I'm happy to report that I have pushed through this frustration and have learned how to fix mistakes more quickly and without too many swear words or physical ailments. Go me! Such a feat would have been impossible for me even a decade ago, I think. In fact, it was a decade ago that I took up knitting for the first time and dropped it because it was made me feel like Sisyphus. So there you go.

A final reason I wasn't as scared of CrossFit as I was of knitting (though I was a-skeered of CrossFit plenty, I assure you) is that I at least had evidence that I could learn to handle CrossFit. The movements are, after all, functional--things you do in every day life. So you just get better at them and are stronger and can do more of the same. Also, I remembered enough from my years in gymnastics that though I'd never considered myself any kind of phenomenal athlete, I knew I had talent enough for that, and managed to do pretty well at it.


The other people who knit and CrossFit are pretty awesome.

I've learned that all you have to do is wear a CrossFit shirt (or Vibram Five Fingers) or carry your knitting in order to wind up in interesting conversations with people.

The people at my CrossFit gym are super nice and encouraging, share your excitement about accomplishing a new goal, are willing to answer questions from newbies, and are generally up for a good discussion about technique or equipment.

My knitting friends are super nice and encouraging, share your excitement about accomplishing a new goal, are willing to answer questions from newbies, and are generally up for a good discussion about technique or equipment.

While that wasn't the primary reason I got into either obsession hobby, it's certainly a welcome benefit. :D


So there you have it! Both knitting and CrossFit satisfy my goal-oriented, pattern-loving personality, and both have required a level of patience and persistence I'd generally found difficult to summon many times in the past. Obsessions Hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable diversions from your usual productive pursuits, and in my case, I've found two that fit me very well.

And since I'm not doing CrossFit until tomorrow, I'm off to knit!

Time Travel Tuesday: On Problem-Solving and Choosing Battles and the Virtue of Independence

Having more than one kid, I am constantly, constantly involved in helping them resolve conflicts. Constantly. In a way, this is an advantage of having more than one kid--they all get TONS of practice. And in a way, it's a disadvantage because it's exhausting. As in to-the-very-core-of-my-being exhausting.

Still, practicing can't help but improve skills (I think), so overall this is a good thing. And since I also need help practicing because I'm learning, too, this constant (constant!) problem-solving is a Good Thing. (I think.)

This post I wrote in the summer of 2009 (Morgan was 4 and Ryan was 7 at the time) has a nice, lengthy example of the process we use to resolve conflicts. Sometimes the process is quick, under a minute or two. But sometimes it is interminable. Here's but a snippet of what happened that day:

I broke into his word stream with: "I don't want to know about TKD right now. It doesn't matter what kind of hitting in the air you did near her. What matters is that your actions made her worry she'd get hurt. That's a threat [he understands that word] and that's not kind and it's not a way to solve a problem." 

Ryan: "But! But! But! I don't want her in the corner!!!!" 

Me: "Well, what's a better way to tell her that?" 

R: "Um, 'Morgan, don't go in the corner?' " 

Me: "That would be a way to tell her. What would you do next time if she didn't respond to that the way you want her to? What would you do then?" 

R: "Um, ask you for help?" 

Me: "Yes! Will you start hitting at her, making her worry she might get hit?" 

R: "No." 

Me: "Okay, good. I'm very glad to know that you will not be hitting at her any more."

Now that all happened when Sean was just a baby. These days, he is all up in the problems, if not the actual cause of the problems.

In case you didn't know--with each additional kid, many of the parenting challenges increase exponentially (or if not exponentially, it's definitely a "whole is greater than the sum of the parts" kind of thing). Let me 'splain. With one kid you get a whole lot of parenting challenge in one cute little kid package, yes?

Add a second kid, and now you have the individual challenges that come with each kid (health, personality, developmental, etc.) and then you ALSO get the new challenge of managing the interaction/dynamic/relationship between Kid #1 and Kid #2. And if there's a sibling jealousy/rivalry/potty regression/punish Mommy thing going on (at least in the first couple of years), well then that makes things a little livelier, doesn't it?

Add a third kid, and you have three individual challenges PLUS the interaction/dynamic/relationship between Kid #1 and Kid #2, PLUS the interaction/dynamic/relationship between Kid #2 and Kid #3, PLUS the interaction/dynamic/relationship between Kid #1 and Kid #3, PLUS the group dynamic (aka, when they all team up together to oppose the parental units).

Which might explain quite a bit about why we're stopping at three.

ANYWAY.

Today, I was helping manage a problem between the older two and Sean, who is at that ornery age of THREE. His favorite new pastime is arguing. Actually, he's majoring in Contradiction. He is NO to your YES, ~A to your A, DUCK SEASON to your RABBIT SEASON. Etc.

It is relatively easy for me, a grown up adult with other goals and priorities and a certain level of boredom with ridiculous arguments, to say to Sean "Oh, you say 'no?' Alrighty then." And move on with my life.

SOME PEOPLE who live in this house, however, have yet to cultivate such a devil-may-care attitude toward such pointless bickering, and are apparently willing to fight to the death (or the pain) to prove that  YES IS YES and A IS A and it really is, gosh darn it, Rabbit Season after all.

The incident that prompted this post happened only a few hours ago, and I've already forgotten what it was the older two were insisting on arguing with Sean about. An indication of how many you-know-whats I don't give as well as an indication of how often this occurs. So, for the purposes of this little demonstration, I'll use A and ~A as stand-ins for the Disagreement of the Moment.

R & M: "A!"

S: "NO! ~A!"


Some context: everyone in the whole world can see that A is true. It's so obvious that the older kids are absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would actually dare to contradict it.

Me: "I agree with you two, I think it's A."

R & M: [triumphant gloating]

S: "I said NO NO NO! ~A ~A ~A!!!!"


Now comes the point in the argument contradiction when one or both of the older kids becomes indignant and resentful of Sean's refusal to acknowledge reality.

R & M: "But! But! But Sean, you're WRONG! You're wrong wrong wrong. Mom said." Etc.


Sean is both furious and enjoying himself immensely, as he has been provided with yet another opportunity to practice his problem-solving contradiction skills:

S: "NOOOOO! AAAAGGGHHHH!!!" Etc.


And this is where a valuable (I hope) lesson about the virtue of independence is helpful.

Me: "We can all see that A is A. And we can all know that A will not change into ~A just because Sean wants it, right? And remember how he just loves to argue with everything these days?

R & M: [offer general agreement]

Me: "Are you enjoying this use of your time? [No.] So what you need to think about is whether this really worth giving your time and energy to. It's okay to let him be wrong and just know that you're right. You've got a couple of choices here: You can think about how you are right inside your head, or you can argue and argue with him without changing his mind, and you know what? Either choice you make will not change the facts. You will still be right and he will still be wrong. Maybe one day he'll change his mind on the matter--in fact, he probably will--but that's really not your concern and it's ultimately up to him. In the meantime, you can just make up your own mind and know what you know, and move on with your life."


I didn't deliver that whole thing in one big speech (Morgan would never have lasted through so many words). But those are all of the things I ended up saying to them. And that is a lesson in how to be independent in the virtuous sense, how to use your own mind to decide things and not let it bother you that others think differently (or wrongly).

Part of this, too, is letting go of some of the responsibility for getting others to come around to your line of thinking. Ultimately, what I think about things is what matters, even if every other dolt idiot person in the world disagrees with me. I have to think what I think, and then go on and live my life despite the fact that I've been unsuccessful in changing someone else's mind.

What, if anything, Sean got out of hearing me discuss this with the other kids, I have no clue. But I'm hoping that the others picked up something valuable from it.

Maybe if they learn this idea and as well as some coping skills while young, they won't waste tons of time later on trying to correct Wrong People on the Internet.

This is My Life

Aaaand, once again, Life gets in the way of Blogging!

This is my life (in no particular order):

• Reading stuff to kids

• Helping kids spell stuff 

• Trying to convince (certain) people that there is Value in Math

• Answering questions for kids

• Teaching rational problem-solving and conflict resolution skills to kids

• Arguing and arguing with kids (it's how we do)

• Going to CrossFit

• Going to ATLOS events

• Watching movies (Lord of the Rings!) and tv shows (Star Trek: TNG!) with the family

• Doing fun fall stuff like going to the pumpkin patch with friends

• Making a small attempt at keeping up with the house and laundry

• Making the kids make a small attempt at helping keep up with the house and laundry

• Helping a newly-minted as of three weeks ago potty user in all of his various needs (11--count 'em, 11!--visits to the restroom at a restaurant last night alone)

• Taking kids to field trips and co-op and gymnastics and Halloween parties (this Friday!)

• Knitting (legwarmers for Morgan on double-pointed needles)

• Occasionally remembering to go to the grocery store for food and snacks

• Tracking what I'm eating (I'm heading for a no-dairy experiment at some point here in the future)

• Planning for two different sets of relatives coming for a visit in the next few weeks

• Trying to figure out what I want to do for my birthday next month. I have so many ideas, and the current idea is to do ALL of the ideas! Because I'm worth it.

• Finishing up getting Halloween costumes in order

• Arguing (and providing proper supporting documentation) with the IRS and lawyers and similar for personal and business reasons

• Getting a stronger handle on our budget and expenses

• Thinking about future plans for ATLOS

• Trying to decide if I want to do another 5K in the next month or so, and if so, which one I want to do

• Figuring out what key essentials I need in my wardrobe (immediate needs are sports bras and a sweatshirt that fits) and getting rid of clothing that doesn't fit any more (I'm down many sizes since starting paleo full-on in January 2010)

• Figuring out what winter clothing I need to get for the kids

• Thinking about Thanksgiving--I have a pretty paleo menu planned already, but I don't know if it's just going to be us or if we'll make it a big thing and invite people

• Trying really really hard not to buy the next pair of VFFs that I really really want but is not quite in our budget . . . yet

• Thinking ahead about Christmas and what we're going to get the kids and how we're going to celebrate

• Trying not to stress out about the various writing and parenting projects I haven't quite found the time to work on

• Trying to enjoy the moments as they come, so they don't pass me by and I'm left feeling as if none of these things is fun. Because it's ALL fun, it really is. I'm working on  my goals, pursuing my values, spending time with the people I like the best. Things are really really good. :D But, being me, I need to remind myself to experience the good every once in a while.

Thinking thinking thinking, planning planning planning, doing doing doing.

Always. Always. Always.

What's up with you?

The One About the Shooting Range

So as I mentioned the other day, Brendan and I took a gun safety class with Ryan at a local shooting range. I've never ever done anything like that before and I've been thinking about the experience ever since.

Here are some relevant facts: I didn't grow up in a home with guns, and had never ever even touched one until last Sunday. I know my grandfathers kept firearms in their homes, but only ever saw one of the weapons one time. I've always been a little nervous about the idea of ever shooting one myself, and yet, also interested. Brendan's family had firearms around I think, and might have even let him shoot a hunting rifle or something. He certainly had a BB gun as a kid.

Probably if I'd never met Ryan, I would never have had a desire or need to go to a gun range and shoot a pistol.

This kid is obsessed, as those of you who have met him in real life already know. He isn't just obsessed with video games with shooting and explosions--he likes to know all about real firearms. He knows the names of the parts (I know where the trigger is) and what kind of ammunition different guns use and pros/cons of laser sights (he's pro, mostly because I think he thinks laser sights look pretty rocking awesome).

He's also interested in the military in general, and wars and battles and battlefields and strategies and tactics and Sun Tzu and Bad Guys and Good Guys and personal defense and home defense and national defense and snipers and assassins and bombs and missiles and rocket launchers. He's beginning to get interested in the Zombie Apocalypse. You know, pretty standard 9 year old boy stuff from what I understand.

We got him a BB gun last year and he and Brendan do target practice in the backyard, which he loves to do. He is super safety conscious and always wears eye protection, which, as a mother, and as a person who watches A Christmas Story about 20 times a year, I do appreciate.

But he's been hankering after the real stuff. Of course.

We decided it was time to fulfill some of Ryan's curiosity by giving him some real experience. While I'm sure many (if not most) mommies can relate to my apprehension about letting a kid handle a real-live gun, I'd rather he have some knowledge and experience to round out whatever dreams and fantasies he already has. We thought training all around in the basics would be beneficial to us all.

A friend of ours found a basic handgun training class at a shooting range he likes, and kids as young as 8 can take the class. Our friend, who is former military, liked the way the class was set up (it's affiliated somehow with the NRA I think), specifically that it trains beginners in a way that is similar to how he learned in the military. The approach is to help you create a safety routine for handling the weapon, to do the same actions and motions each time so that safety becomes a habit.

I like this--it's the same as our "always bring an Epi-pen when you leave the house" routine. We want this habit to be so ingrained in him that something feels off or wrong when he is missing his Epis. And over time, that is how things will feel if he learns and automatizes this firearm safety routine. And I want to do the same thing for myself.

We signed up for a private class with our two friends who are experienced shooters, Brendan, Ryan, and me. Ryan was so excited, and remarked to me as we were preparing to leave that morning that he felt like a grownup. :D

The guy who taught the class (also the owner of the shooting range) was really awesome with Ryan (and the rest of us). Apparently, he was a firearm-obsessed 9 year old boy once himself, because every so often he'd say something to Ryan about how he understood that Ryan was really eager to get shooting. The trainer peopleguy explained things pretty well, and gave us lots of time to practice and get comfortable handling empty guns before we went on the range.

When we got to the range, I was so focused on practicing myself that it was hard to keep an eye on what was going on with Ryan. My friend was there to help me out when I needed something (hooray for friends!). The trainer looked in on all of us once in a while and gave us advice. But his primary focus was Ryan, which I was glad about. Because once we'd all shot a few rounds on the shooting range and I'd got over the shock of having actually fired a gun myself, it began to dawn on me that my 9 year old was armed with a .22 and shooting at stuff.

I had a few moments of OMG my kid is shooting a gun, interspersed with several moments of OMG I'm shooting a gun. Mostly in the good, awe-filled sense. :D

Ryan did great--he was very focused on following all of the rules we'd learned in class, and he listened to the trainer's advice. The trainer listened to Ryan's questions and random bursts of firearm-related trivia in a kind and patient way. He was helpful and encouraging on the shooting range. Because of his kind attention to Ryan, I was able to focus on doing my best, too.

We all got official patches and certifications and stuff, of which Ryan is enormously proud. The trainer gave Ryan a zombie target as a souvenir (or maybe Ryan will use it the next time he goes shooting).

I was super proud of how Ryan did, and how I did, too (you can see pictures of our targets in this post). As it turns out, I'm married to a guy who is also a pretty good shot. :D We're a family of prodigies, what can I say?

It was a fun experience, and I'm so glad we included Ryan. He's still reading about guns and playing shoot-em-up video games, but now he has some firsthand experience with a gun, too. We'll definitely be taking him for target practice on a semi-regular basis, because we all want to get those good safety and shooting habits into our brains, too.

Images from the Weekend

We had a fun, busy weekend. Did you know that I routinely look forward to Monday mornings, because THAT'S WHEN I CAN SLEEP IN? That's the crazy life of a homeschooling mommy. :D

It started off with 10 sets of 2 front squats at CrossFit:

I have to say that I had excellent form all the way through, as evidenced by the fact that (what little) soreness I had in my legs the next day was in my hamstrings/glutes. None at all in my quads. (As an aside, I rarely have much DOMS these days. Is that a good or bad thing?)

Ryan, Brendan, and I took a gun safety class on Sunday morning with a couple of friends. This is something we've been meaning to do for a long, long while. It's great that the gun range will let kids (as young as 8, I think) take the classes and learn to shoot, too. Yes, this counts as homeschool. :D

Ryan was THRILLED, as you can no doubt imagine:

Before yesterday, I had never so much as touched a firearm. So I'm pretty pumped about how well I did:

Jenn kills paper targets: DEAD.

Yesterday afternoon, we took a family field trip to North Georgia where we met Brendan's mom and sister who are vacationing in North Carolina. We hung out at an outlet mall and then had a fun dinner. My sister-in-law took these pictures of the younger two kids:

She is quite a ham.

QUITE a ham.

There were tons of tents set up in the parking lot, and that was the most funnest thing EVER.

Who doesn't love the Toys R Us store at the outlet mall?

And something fun we did this weekend that we didn't get a picture of: we watched the first part of Fellowship of the Ring with Ryan. AWESOME!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled Monday--may this week be as fun for all of us as this past weekend!

Objectivist Round Up #222

Welcome to the 222nd edition of the Objectivist Round Up! 222--that's pretty awesome.

Part of the reason I blog about Objectivism and organize this blog carnival is so that I can practice keeping the principles of Objectivism at the forefront of my mind; to remember to live the virtues as well as talk and write about them; to celebrate my life on earth.

From Galt's Speech (via the online Ayn Rand Lexicon, emphasis added):

There is only one fundamental alternative in the universe: existence or non-existence—and it pertains to a single class of entities: to living organisms. The existence of inanimate matter is unconditional, the existence of life is not: it depends on a specific course of action. Matter is indestructible, it changes its forms, but it cannot cease to exist. It is only a living organism that faces a constant alternative: the issue of life or death. Life is a process of self-sustaining and self-generated action. If an organism fails in that action, it dies; its chemical elements remain, but its life goes out of existence. It is only the concept of “Life” that makes the concept of “Value” possible. It is only to a living entity that things can be good or evil.

Steve Jobs, one of my heroes, said something along these lines that I (and I imagine many others, too) have been thinking about ever since he died:

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."

Yup.

And on to the Round Up! Read. Think. Enjoy. And don't keep it a secret!


Burgess Laughlin presents The Most Important Books in My Life posted at Making Progress, saying, "From the Introduction: "At 67, I am beginning the last phase of my life. I am looking back, and one pattern I see is the role of books in my life. They awakened in me the possibility of a life worth living; they helped me solve personal problems that threatened my progress; and they provided the particular information I needed to achieve my four highest personal values: my work, my free-range lifestyle, my friendships, and my favorite leisure activity, reading fiction for happy endings.""



Kate Yoak presents Patience and kindness posted at Parenting is..., saying, "Respectful parenting is all about patience and kindness. I have set out to teach my five-year-old to apply the same to his little sister, thereby trying out my job for size."



Rational Jenn presents Journey Through the Week posted at Rational Jenn, saying, "Recently, my first grader and I created a weekly homeschool schedule for her, at her request and with my guidance. I describe the process we used and share the results in this post."



John Drake presents Crash Proof 2.0 review posted at Try Reason!, saying, "A review of the book Crash Proof 2.0, by Peter Schiff."



Santiago and Kelly Valenzuela presents Quotes About Alabama's New Immigration Law posted at Mother of Exiles, saying, "In this post I feature an article with quotes about Alabama's new immigration law. Most of the quotes link out to other interesting and related news sources. Not only is this Alabama law unjust and immoral, it's disastrous for our already troubled economy."



Scott Lee presents How Freedom, Free Will, and Liberty Tie Into Long Term Survival posted at Scott Free Thinking.



Sean Saulsbury presents The Letter Netflix Should Have Written posted at SeanCast.com, saying, "The letter Netflix SHOULD have written to its customers, and an argument that Netflix did NOT increase their prices."



Jason Stotts presents Dan Savage on STI’s posted at Erosophia, saying, "Are STI's a moral issue or a medical one?"



Diana Hsieh presents Two Paleo Cookbooks: Paleo Comfort Foods and Make it Paleo posted at NoodleFood, saying, "I review two new paleo cookbooks: "Paleo Comfort Foods" and "Make It Paleo.""



Gene Palmisano presents Misnomer of the Day posted at The Metaphysical Lunch, saying, "Lies, Damn Lies, andDangerous Lies"



Blazing Truth presents Top 9 Austrian Ways to Boost the Economy posted at Blazing Truth, saying, "I feel that Austrian Economics has the greatest potential for fixing our economy, what do Objectivists think about this?"


Ari Armstrong presents The Great Fair Tax Debate posted at Free Colorado.



That concludes this edition. Thanks for reading, and be sure to pass this link along to your friends! If you like the work we're doing, be sure to 'Like' us on Facebook, too.

Next week's edition will be at 3 Ring Binder! Submit your blog article to the next edition of the Objectivist Round Up using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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Time Travel Tuesday: A Lesson in Rational Self-Interest

Back in May, I wrote about an altercation between Morgan and Sean, and Morgan's tendency to give in to others for the sake of peace and quiet. I was thinking about this post today, because though things have improved, she still does this a little bit. And with a new twist.

First, from the post:

One thing about our sweetie girl is that she's really naturally very sweet. She hates conflict and loudness and feels sad when other people feel sad. She is one of those people who wants everyone else to be happy and have fun and generally acts as a harmonizing force in groups where there is conflict. 

This is a nice quality to have (especially given the temperaments of the other people in the family), and it seems to be a pretty consistent--possibly fundamental--part of her personality. This is one of the myriad ways in which she is exactly like Brendan, who is also one of those easy-going harmonizing types (let's just say that Brendan and I balance each other out nicely, heh). So I don't want her to change it. 

However, one of the drawbacks of this quality is that she tends to give in to what others want, sometimes a bit too easily and quickly, in my opinion. I've seen her give in to her older brother over and over and over. I've had to help her stand up to him more times than I can count. Many times, I think she truly doesn't care what happens, and if that's true, then I suppose I don't mind if she gives in. But sometimes I do think she cares and gives in anyway. And not just to Ryan, but to her friends, too.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--it is so fascinating to discover and learn about a child's personality. Almost as much fun as learning about my own! Temperament isn't everything about a person, not by a long shot, but it seems to be a good set of starting points for conflict-resolution and problem-solving, doesn't it?

So, the new-ish twist. Morgan is still on a quest for peace and harmony, I think. She does still give in to the wishes and desires of others too easily, allowing her own desires to be quashed, which is not a good thing. But she's getting better at asserting herself and saying 'no.' So that's something.

The new thing is that she seems to want to avoid the LOUD and the confrontation (usually with The Brothers) by actually physically running away from it. Which, in all honesty, part of me can really identify with. :)

What seems to happen a couple of times a day is that she and Sean will get into it over a toy or something, and instead of giving up and giving in, and also instead of good communication and problem-solving, she just . . . RUNS. And runs and runs and runs . . . all the while Sean is screaming and chasing her throughout the house.

So of course I must put a stop to this because of my own quest for peace and quiet and harmony and sanity, and will stop her and say something to her like "Sounds like a problem but if you run away from it, it won't get solved. Can you think of something you'd like to say to Sean [or Ryan]?" That seems to usually be enough to get her going on some problem-solving.

Once, I asked her WHY she runs, and she told me that it was because she couldn't stand the screaming and wanted to get away from it. I believe her. When I pointed out that her solution doesn't really seem to help and that the screaming seems to follow her and get louder, too, she thought I had a good point. But she hasn't gotten over this . . . . what is it, impulse, I guess? . . . enough yet to jump into effective communication. Yet. She'll get there. (If we all don't go insane first!)

Helping her go directly into good communication and problem-solving on her own will be a rational self-interest WIN for her (and for me). Avoiding problems will not solve them, and unsolved problems are not really beneficial to one's life.

In the meantime, it's LOUD over here!

Journey Through the Week

Morgan and I sat down together and made up a weekly routine for her homeschool studies. It was a fun experience and, with her permission, I wanted to share what we came up with.

To start off, I should probably explain a bit about why this wasn't done before now. And not just with Morgan, I mean, but I have never done anything like this with Ryan (yet?) who is pushing 9.5.

There are many advantages to homeschooling, and among them are:

• flexibility (in terms of time, type of studies, method of studies, etc.)

• the ability for the child to shape his/her own learning (meaning, what they learn does not necessarily have to be driven from the top down)

• pacing (they can proceed at their own rates of speed, and proceed through different areas of learning at different rates of speed)

• efficiency (without the inefficiencies inherent in institutionalized schooling, the whole business takes less actual time than it would otherwise)

Combine those aspects with my general parenting philosophy which includes the principle set limits only if and when necessary, and you get a recipe for a very relaxed kind of homeschool. Basically, as long as they are making some kind of progress, I stay out of their learning to a great extent.

I want to take pains to clarify that "relaxed" does not mean there's nothing going on around here, or that I'm not paying attention to what's going on, or that I'm not offering guidance, resources, suggestions, and my opinion about various topics like The Value of Math, and Why Grammar Saves Lives.

I do keep an eye on who is learning what and assess how they are doing and what I think comes next in the logical progression. I have no real concerns about how anyone is doing in any subject. My main concerns with Ryan have more to do with a certain tendency of his to want to avoid putting effort into anything he is not automatically good at (that, he inherited from me) and his resistance to any direct suggestions (um, I have NO clue where he might have acquired that obstinacy from--probably he got a double dose of that from both parents). In fact, he and I had a long talk about just that this morning, which I might turn into another post if he agrees to it.

So anyway, because of all of these general reasons, I have never felt the need to sit down and plan out a homeschool schedule (daily, weekly, or monthly) for my children to follow. With Ryan, such efforts would be utterly wasted and have resulted in various explosions (mostly from me). And Morgan has always been super self-motivated and independent. And, Sean is only three (not to mention, super self-motivated and independent . . . but mostly, he's three).

However, I've noticed that Morgan has been at something of a loss in the last month or two. She has SO VERY MANY THINGS she wants to learn and do and, at 6.5, no sense of time in which to accomplish these VERY MANY THINGS. And she feels frustrated when she forgets to do something she'd like to do. And the fact is that, despite being Brendan's Mini-Me, she is actually a very listy planny person.

Self-motivated to accomplish lots of things + a To Do List a mile long + No sense of time + Frustration at lack of accomplishing things + Loves lists and plans = Time for a Weekly Homeschool Schedule

Yes? :D

As the provider of resources and holder of experience (not to mention, a fellow list- and plan-lover), I suggested this homeschool schedule to her and she latched onto it like . . . well, something really latchy. Leeches are the only latchy things I can think of just at the moment, so we'll go with it. I think I just called my daughter a leech.

So yesterday we had a meeting and created her weekly schedule. She calls it her "Journey Through the Week" list, after a class she took as a preschooler at our homeschool co-op called "Journey Through the Months." I really love the name because I love the idea that learning is a journey.

What we did first was list the subjects that she wanted to make time for during her week. These subjects are (in no particular order):

• Piano Practice

• Piano Lesson

• Multiplication practice (I haven't exactly figured out how we'll do that yet; I'm thinking flashcards)

• CrossFit Kids :D

• Reading for her Classical Book Club class next session at co-op

• Classical Book Club homework

• Crime Scene homework (she's taking that with Ryan next session at co-op)

• Life of Fred math (bonus group activity, as this seems to attract the brothers whenever we read these aloud and do the exercises.)

• Read-alouds with me (currently Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

• Spelling (I have a couple of websites/programs I'm going to check out for this, thanks to suggestions from other homeschooling moms, thank you!)

• Handwriting (she still needs some practice here, so I suggested this topic)

• Gymnastics classes

• Co-op classes

She is a very busy first grader!

Next, we figured out how many times a week she wanted to do each activity. Then I took a sheet of paper and wrote the days of the week on it. We filled in the gymnastics classes and co-op classes, since they are known and fixed, of course. We talked about how we like to keep our Fridays and weekends kind of light in terms of scheduled activities so we can see our friends and hang out with Daddy.

Here's the final schedule we worked out:

Sunday

• Piano Practice
• Multiplication
• CrossFit Kids

Monday

• Classical Book Club Reading
• Life of Fred
• Piano Practice
• Read-alouds
• Spelling
• CrossFit Kids

Tuesday

• Crime Scene Homework
• Classical Book Club Homework
• Life of Fred
• Piano Practice & Lesson
• Handwriting
• Multiplication
• CrossFit Kids
• 5:00 Gymnastics Profile Class

Wednesday

• 10:30 Roberts School (our homeschool co-op is informally known as "Roberts School")
• 3:30 Gymnastics G2 Class

Thursday

• Life of Fred
• Piano Practice & Lesson
• Multiplication
• Read-alouds
• CrossFit Kids

Friday

• Handwriting
• Spelling
• CrossFit Kids

Saturday

• Piano Practice
• Multiplication

Isn't that a great schedule? Each week, she'll print a new one and put it on the fridge. And each morning she will look at her list for the day and check off her accomplishments. I'm sure we'll tweak it a bit, because Tuesdays look especially difficult, but really, tweaking is part of the fun of planning.

I put the things I need to help her with (Life of Fred, read-alouds, piano lessons, etc) in MY planner, so now I won't forget either. Because that's something that happens--I get busy and I forget to get my part done. So now we both have accountability! And you KNOW I love to check my accomplishments off my list, too. 

She's already checked most things off of her Monday list, and now I need to go because I have to do MY Monday Journey Through the Week jobs, too.

If you have thoughts and experience about making homeschool plans collaboratively with your kids, I'd love to hear about them!

Parenting Thought of the Moment

We had an experience last week, out in public, in which I was the recipient of compliments about my parenting, specifically about my "obedient" children. The person who provided me with this praise (and not once either) was super-impressed with my well-behaved children and just couldn't tell me enough about how awesome of a mom I must be.

She even asked my daughter, who happened to be sort of sitting on her hands, "Are you sitting on top of your hands so that you will behave?" (Morgan just looked at the lady. Maybe she heard her; maybe not. No telling.) Apparently this lady missed the part of our visit where Morgan was hiking her dress up in the front for several minutes (no, she wasn't going commando--I think I've broken her of that habit finally).

Now I think it's nice when people think I'm an awesome mom and all, but I'd be misleading you if I said that my kids are always well-behaved in public (or, as noted above, even wearing underwear). I'd also be misleading you if I said that my kids are obedient, or that obedience as such was something that I expect from my children (which you'll know if you know me in person or follow my blog).

So this leads me to my Parenting Thought of the Moment: Lots of people--well-meaning, very nice people--seem to equate a well-behaved child with an obedient child.

And this is what I'd like to say about: it does not follow that a well-behaved child is an obedient child. Certainly, an obedient child will be well-behaved in public (else they'd be disobeying). But all well-behaved children are not necessarily obedient or are being raised by parent-by-authority parents.

And also, I think it's more than a little difficult to accurately judge someone's parenting skills or how well-behaved their kids are in five minutes. (Keep that in mind when you see someone with a screaming toddler at the grocery store.)

The reason I think most people link good behavior with obedience is because the premise Children Ought to Obey their Parents (and Most Other Adults, Too) is rarely questioned. It's a corollary of another premise that is rarely challenged: Children Who Are Not Punished Will Never Learn to Behave.

Maybe we'll disagree about this, and that's okay with me. But I hope anyone reading this will be spurred on to question these premises just a tiny bit.

I consider my kids pretty typically-behaved. Not perfectly behaved in every single situation, but they generally do fine.

Here's an example of a behavior thing we're working on with the little one: helping him learn to regulate the volume of his voice in public situations (well, we're honestly still working with the older one a bit on this, too).

I'm confident he'll improve, even if it continues to challenge him for years, as it continues to challenge the older one. And that improvement in his behavior will happen without punishments, rewards, or any expectation (explicit or implicit) of obedience. (Hooray, Positive Discipline!) In fact, he has already made improvements in this area, and his brother is light-years ahead of where he was when he was very small.

So, to sum up, a well-behaved child is not necessarily obedient (and if you know my kids, they are anything but obedient-for-the-sake-of-being-obedient). And, to quote Ayn Rand, "Check your premises."

The One About The Standardized Test

So, last week, we finished up our first-ever state-mandated bout of homeschool standardized testing. It was an interesting experience all around.

Okay, so the law in Georgia is that homeschool kids have to take a standardized test at "the end of third grade" and every three years after that. There are NO reporting/oversight requirements, though I can think of a few situations in which you might be legally called upon to show proof of having met this requirement.

I hemmed and hawed all summer and didn't get around to ordering a test until mid-September. So for those of you reading this, be aware that Ryan wasn't officially "promoted" to fourth grade until, um, well, today.

A good thing about homeschooling is that designations like grade levels are fairly irrelevant and therefore, elastic, particularly when the kids progress in different areas at different rates of speed. And there's nothing in the law that says you must only promote to a new grade level at the end of a calendar school year, now that I think about it. Flexibility--one of the best things about homeschooling ever.

On the other hand, a bad thing about homeschooling is that none of the kids ever knows how to answer the question "What grade are you in?" 

When I talked to Ryan about this testing business, his first reaction was something like, and I'm only slightly paraphrasing, NO FREAKING WAY. Why? Mostly because that seems to be his usual reaction to anything I mention. It's his way.

Then I explained about Georgia. How it makes all of the laws regarding the education of all children in the state, and I showed him the home study laws. He was seriously affronted by this revelation that the state of Georgia had any interest in him at all. I felt pride and sympathy for him all at the same time.

So we talked about times we have chosen to disregard the law (as in, non-homeschooling laws) and times we have chosen to follow it even when we hate it and view it as a violation of our rights. We talked about good reasons for disobeying a law and good reasons for choosing to follow it. We talked about the risks taken when you choose not to follow a law, and the specific risks we would take by not following this particular law. We talked about the chances we might be caught if we skipped over this testing business. We talked about our feelings about all of this bothersome nuisance from the state and why it ought to just leave us alone instead.

We talked and talked and talked and talked. It's our way. And yes, I consider those discussions part of our homeschooling.

And then he agreed to take a test. I ordered the PASS test, which I chose for the following reasons: it could be parent-administered; it was untimed; it was cheap.

When it arrived, he balked again, but I reminded him of our interminable previous discussions and his agreement to submit to testing. And really, that's all he needed to acquiesce, just a reminder or two that this was not my idea and that we were all doing this because we were compelled to do so by law.

As I mentioned in a postscript in my long kid update post of the other week, I'm not really opposed to testing per se. Though I have many problems with bubble-in-the-multiple-choice-answer-scantron-tests, I know that they are common and a part of life. I think learning to take such tests is a skill that can be developed.

What I object to is not the testing itself as such, but to the reality that the decision of when to test has been wrested from my control (where it belongs) by the state of Georgia, the self-appointed babysitter decision maker of when and how such things get done. 

I object to this strenuously and on principle. Even as I recognize that the home study requirements in Georgia are fairly loose compared with other states, my rights and my child's rights are being infringed upon.


Even a little bit of rights-violation chafes a lot. Because it's the principle of the thing. I do not enjoy being parented by the state, and I especially do not enjoy being parented by the state over how I parent my child.

Personally, I think any smallish infringement of individual rights ought to hurt people to a great degree. And I find it distressing that it doesn't seem to affect most other people in the same way it affects me.

But I digress.

Back to the test. It was a fairly smooth process, considering who all was involved. :D

There were three sections: Reading Comprehension, Math, and Language (Grammar). He took the placement tests which gave us the correct section to use during the real test. And then he took one test per day until he was all finished.

Reading was the smoothest, partly because it was first and partly because it was shortest section of the test. And also because it was the easiest subject for him. Ryan laughed and laughed over the silly, contrived sentences ("A rooster named JOHN! Come on, that's ridiculous!"). He also enjoyed how the pattern of answers emerged, and began to root for his favorite letters: "Oh look! Three Bs in a row! Come on, B!"

Math was a bit more challenging as I expected, given his complete and utter apathy toward the subject. But we made it through. I, uh, may have explained to him at some point that if he thought this test was bad, those poor kids who are in school have to do this EVERY SINGLE YEAR instead of every three years like the homeschooled kids. Perspective is a good thing to have sometimes. Language went a bit better than Math, only because he remembered some of the rules from Grammar Rock and because he really got into rooting for the Bs again.

I was with him through the testing process and while we don't have the scores yet, I know what to expect. What I saw of his performance was in keeping of my own assessment of how he's doing, so no surprises really.

The testing company requires that all test materials be destroyed after the test has been administered, so we all had great fun in putting all of the pages into the giant shredder. Ryan had the honor of shredding the first pages.

Ryan's forgotten all about it by now I'm sure and has moved on with his life. I'll look over the results when I receive them and share them with him if he wants to see. I'm sure I'll learn something from the results, which I'll note and use to improve things if I can, and then I'll file the results away in my 2011-2012 Homeschool Folder. Just so I can say I complied with the law.

Overall, the testing experience was a good one and we both learned a lot. But most of what Ryan learned had nothing to do with what was on the test, one of those pesky "unintended consequences" that plague our lawmakers from time to time.

Ah well . . . they can't help it if I turn every discussion about state-required homeschool paperwork into a Civics, Government, and Ethics lesson here at our happy homeschool. :D